# I need bad Christmas songs. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 21, 2006, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327 "2006-11-21T19:26:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2006, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/81 "2006-11-25T20:46:04Z")
There’s always Wild Man Fischer’s short “song”, “I’m a Christmas Tree”: > [@](#): > > I’m a Christmas tree, I’m a Christmas tree, > People hang their ornaments on me. > I’m a Christmas tree, I’m a Christmas tree… > people throw me out on New Year’s Eve… ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2006, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/82 "2006-11-25T20:53:24Z")
Bob & Tom have entire page of Christmas songs: [http://www.bobandtom.com/gen3/featured\_audio\_pages/xmas\_audio.htm](http://www.bobandtom.com/gen3/featured_audio_pages/xmas_audio.htm) Also, South Park’s “It’s hard to be a Jew on Christmas”. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2006, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/83 "2006-11-25T20:58:53Z")
[QUOTE=Chefguy] I gotta tell ya that [Wing](http://www.wingtunes.com/public/samples.aspx) is one of the worst singers out there. The link goes to a site where you can listen to samples of her music. The bad news is that she has a Christmas album. [/QUOTE] “She”? Never heard of Wing before, but that’s gotta be a guy in a drag wig doing a bad falsetto. Jeez. ---
**Author:** ![Meeko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Meeko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meeko)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2006, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/84 "2006-11-25T21:12:06Z")
[QUOTE=gotpasswords] THEY’RE NOT BLINKING! [/QUOTE] **I WANT A TRANSFORMER…FOR CHRISTMAS!!!** But the Pokemon seems to be more current. The kids all want a pikachu its called I do believe… they think you can magically pull one right out your sleeve… The kids all want a charmander, they want a squirtle too! Gotta love Twisted Christmas by Bob Rivers. And then again, XM radio has its “Special X-mas” station up already, XM 107. ---
**Author:** ![JacksonRoykirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e79b87/32.png) [@JacksonRoykirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JacksonRoykirk)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2006, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/85 "2006-11-25T21:28:48Z")
[QUOTE=Musicat] \ Also, South Park’s “It’s hard to be a Jew on Christmas”. [/QUOTE] I love the Neil Diamond soundalike on the album version of this song. I’m assuming that’s Matt Stone, also. (All celebrity voices are imitated…badly.) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2006, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/86 "2006-11-25T22:25:17Z")
[QUOTE=Musicat] “She”? Never heard of Wing before, but that’s gotta be a guy in a drag wig doing a bad falsetto. Jeez. [/QUOTE] Nope. Go to [her home page](http://www.wingtunes.com/public/default.aspx). She has an album of AC/DC songs also. ---
**Author:** ![spazurek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@spazurek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spazurek)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2006, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/87 "2006-11-26T02:02:05Z")
[QUOTE=Batsinma Belfry] This horrible rendition of “O Holy Night” (if you haven’t already heard it, you must!) [http://www.ourmedia.org/node/123369](http://www.ourmedia.org/node/123369) [/QUOTE] OK, I’m prepared to come to the defense of this rather clever parody. See, I LOVE Christmas music, ‘O Holy Night’ especially. But it has a sad history of getting butchered by second-rate crooners in a manner nearly as bad as the rendition here. I see this as a rallying cry for preserving the lovely tradition of Christmas music. A horrible, painful, excruciating rallying cry. I would also submit [‘the Cat Carol’](http://www.catcarol.com/), which has THE MOST depressing lyrics of any Christmas song EVER. I think some consider this a great song, and the music’s not bad, but I mean come on, do I want to be hearing about a cat freezing to death in a Christmas song? No, I do not. Now that I think about it the music’s not that great either. Plus the words don’t rhyme. Oh, why did the cat have to die?? Why?? ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2006, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/88 "2006-11-26T04:19:20Z")
[QUOTE=Chefguy] I gotta tell ya that [Wing](http://www.wingtunes.com/public/samples.aspx) is one of the worst singers out there. The link goes to a site where you can listen to samples of her music. The bad news is that she has a Christmas album. You can’t listen to any of the Christmas music unless you become a member, and I’m frightened to try. But by all means, give the freebies a try. [/QUOTE] Wow, once again we get to mention South Park. I got my fill of Wing thanks to the eponymous episode from Season 9. ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2006, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/89 "2006-11-26T06:12:34Z")
It really begins and ends with Johnny “Bowtie” Barstow’s [“A Bowtie Christmas And More”](http://cdbaby.com/cd/bowtiebarstow). A perennial favorite on The Annoying Music Show. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2006, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/90 "2006-11-26T12:38:52Z")
[QUOTE=Askance] Is there any other kind? Oh, all right. “I Believe in Father Christmas” by ELP (Greg Lake really), which he released as a single _every year_ for about a decade. [/QUOTE] I love that song! They used to play it on CFNY every year. I’ve been looking for it for a while, but didn’t know what it was called. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2006, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/91 "2006-11-26T12:56:07Z")
[QUOTE=Peter Morris] No hate for Chris de Burgh? \* A Spaceman Came Travelling \* is oficially the worst Christmas song ever made. [/QUOTE] I like that song too. :: glances around :: Should I be admitting this? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2006, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/92 "2006-11-26T15:55:17Z")
[QUOTE=asterion] Wow, once again we get to mention South Park. I got my fill of Wing thanks to the eponymous episode from Season 9. [/QUOTE] I’ve never watched the show. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2006, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/93 "2006-11-26T22:59:03Z")
One of my faves is **Me and Mrs. Claus** from Kevin and Bean’s Kroq Christmas. Sung to the tune of _Me and Mrs. Jones_ [http://www.whiskeyclone.net/disco/releaseinfo.php?discoID=270](http://www.whiskeyclone.net/disco/releaseinfo.php?discoID=270) ---
**Author:** ![toadbriar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@toadbriar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toadbriar)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2006, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/94 "2006-11-27T00:53:27Z")
[QUOTE=astorian] I’ve got them all beat. This song is so godawful, so utterly wrong-headed, you won’t know whether to laugh or just stare at the stereo in horror. Tiny Tim’s “Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year.” I don’t think it was meant as a joke… or if it is, it’s a joke by a guy who has no idea what AIDS entails (the lyrics make it sound like AIDS is just a bad cold- so don’t worry kiddies, Sanat will be good as new next year). [/QUOTE] Hah - I came into this thread just to mention this song. Apparently he recorded it early in the 80s before the severity of AIDS was much understood. Ooops. As for more suggestions for the OP, there are three Ultralounge Christmas compilations. We’ve got the first two. At least some (most?) of the content probably falls under the heading of ‘bad’, but since we listen to them every year, I am befuddled by familiarity and affection, I can’t pick out specific tracks as particularly absurd, so YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2006, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/95 "2006-11-27T02:02:48Z")
The Platinum Strings Orchestra version of “Jingle Bell Rock”. That song sounds absolutely _horrible_ in a proper English accent. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2006, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/96 "2006-11-27T11:42:28Z")
Chaston & Groditski [We Burned the Christmas Tree](http://www.amazon.com/We-Burned-the-Christmas-Tree/dp/B000063VL0/sr=1-1/qid=1164627695/ref=sr_1_1/002-2981497-6825635?ie=UTF8&s=digital-music) Midget Handjob [Black Christmas Tree](http://www.amazon.com/Black-Christmas-Tree/dp/B00005738S/sr=1-1/qid=1164627558/ref=sr_1_1/002-2981497-6825635?ie=UTF8&s=digital-music)😃 ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2006, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/97 "2006-11-27T19:52:10Z")
I just remembered “Good King Wenceslas” from Spike Milligan’s “Good King Eccleslas”. This is, for me, the ultimate bad rendition of a Christmas carol. The sketch is actually one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard in my life. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2006, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/98 "2006-11-27T20:06:21Z")
My least favorite happens to be on a compilation we listen to a lot, this time of year…Steve Lawrence & Eydie Gorme’s, _We’ve Got That Holiday Feeling_. It came out of the 60s ring-a-ding, let’s-make-Christmas-hip zeitgeist. It’s a conversation between Steve and Eydie, where she extols the wonders of the holiday, but Steve has more earthly subjects in mind. Boiled down to its essence, it goes: Eydie: I love Christmas. Steve: let’s fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2006, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/99 "2006-11-27T20:58:57Z")
[QUOTE=Askance] Oh, all right. “I Believe in Father Christmas” by ELP (Greg Lake really) [/QUOTE] Both, really. The heavily orchestrated original 1975 single version was by Lake solo, but when it came out a couple of years later on ELP’s _Works Vol. 2_ album, it was remixed with Keith Emerson’s keyboards replacing the orchestra (and I assume that’s Carl Palmer adding sleighbells). The ELP version also loses the big doomy echo effect on the line “Be it Heaven or **Hell-ell-ell-ell** …” ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2006, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327/100 "2006-11-27T22:22:35Z")
[QUOTE=jsc1953] My least favorite happens to be on a compilation we listen to a lot, this time of year…Steve Lawrence & Eydie Gorme’s, _We’ve Got That Holiday Feeling_. It came out of the 60s ring-a-ding, let’s-make-Christmas-hip zeitgeist. It’s a conversation between Steve and Eydie, where she extols the wonders of the holiday, but Steve has more earthly subjects in mind. Boiled down to its essence, it goes: Eydie: I love Christmas. Steve: let’s fuck. [/QUOTE] Both those sentiments work for me. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-bad-christmas-songs/381327.md?page=6)