# I need corporate cliches **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2010, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511 "2010-10-27T13:08:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/21 "2010-10-27T19:38:15Z")
And of course, mix & match. “To enhance shareholder value and redefine our brand, we are right-sizing the Lean TQM Black Belts associates on the Six Sigma Tiger Team.” ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/22 "2010-10-27T20:55:47Z")
> [@robert\_andrews](#): > > “Our employees are our most valuable asset.” Followed by, “We need to liquidate assets.” ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/23 "2010-10-27T21:00:24Z")
I also hear (and say) “bandwidth” a lot in reference to workload. In the same vein, a side conversation is now “taking it offline”. ---
**Author:** ![Gestalt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/90ced4/32.png) [@Gestalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gestalt)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/24 "2010-10-27T21:08:34Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > “Relentless innovation for human progress.” Yours are all gems but this is my favorite. “Relentless” is almost always negative. Like, “relentless charity” or “relentless generosity.” Why on earth did they pick that work? It sounds all creepy Nazi dystopia to me. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/25 "2010-10-27T21:16:17Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > When a corporate guy didn’t like what I was saying: > > “I don’t mean to demotivate DQ’s comment, but…” > > I couldn’t believe what I’d heard. . . So, have you sent him a [Demotivator?](http://despair.com/lithographs.html) Some of those are hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/26 "2010-10-27T21:36:15Z")
I heard a good one in real life today: “we have launched the ship of core values”. ---
**Author:** ![Funky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dfb087/32.png) [@Funky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Funky)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/27 "2010-10-27T22:41:24Z")
exceeding expectations value adding refocus on our core values ---
**Author:** ![rolandgunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@rolandgunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rolandgunslinger)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/28 "2010-10-27T22:44:13Z")
One team one direction. A place for everything and everything in its place. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/29 "2010-10-27T23:48:48Z")
These are all good. I think the OP should proactively synergize them so as to provide maximum stakeholder benefit on a going-forward basis. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/30 "2010-10-27T23:55:00Z")
It occurred to me that ‘confabbing to maximize our common synergies’ was just adult-speak for ‘Can I copy off your test?’ ---
**Author:** ![SantaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@SantaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SantaMan)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/31 "2010-10-28T00:47:45Z")
utilize just in time paradigm to recontextualize the effective total quality management by right-sizing human resources throught innovative actions within a matrix organizational structure to effect maximal results with available expertise :: runs off to take a shower:: ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/32 "2010-10-28T01:18:50Z")
Corridor Conference–Not official enough to be a “meeting”, a corridor conference is where you say the things that you don’t want to be on record as saying. Also used when _all_ the conference rooms are either booked, or have managers squatting in them because their assigned desks are in their oh-so-wonderful… Open Environment–Translation: No \*\*\*\*ing cover whatsoever. Both seem like terms that could be put to good use in a high-fantasy setting. I’ve played plenty of tabletop RPGs where we had corridor conferences…in the corridor outside the BBG’s room (or the GWHY’s room). And “open environment” describes way too many places where I’ve fought fantasy RPG battles. Oh, and the acronyms above (for Big Bad Guy and Guy Who Hires You) reminds me: TLA–Three-Letter Acronym ETLA–_Extended_ Three-Letter Acronym ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/33 "2010-10-28T01:30:47Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > These are all good. I think the OP should proactively synergize them so as to provide maximum stakeholder benefit on a going-forward basis. :: shudder :: You will have to incentivize the assets of your war-band to maximize the returns from acquisition activities while keeping your overhead costs to a minimum. (Sorry. I can’t do this well. I have too much of a history of writing clearly. 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/34 "2010-10-29T00:19:35Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I heard a good one in real life today: “we have launched the ship of core values”. This is so great that I’m going to have to work it into the novel somehow. Not sure how, though. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/35 "2010-10-29T00:50:00Z")
“leveraging synergy.” “Let’s circle (or circle our wagons) on that” “rightsizing” or “brightsizing.” ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/36 "2010-10-29T01:42:47Z")
“A sense of urgency” “Eat, drink and puke Program X” ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/37 "2010-10-29T01:58:42Z")
At the end of the day > [@fluiddruid](#): > > Low-hanging fruit I was once in a teleconference where somebody used this expression four times. If I had been there in person, I would have kicked him in his low-hanging fruit. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/38 "2010-10-29T01:59:05Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > I couldn’t believe what I’d heard. You mean he hadn’t first gained your permission to believe? (Not to be confused with permission to fail.) Another mistake like that and he’s in line for a departmental restructuring. I’d say more, but I don’t want to take the whole thread offline. Let’s have a sidebar. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/39 "2010-10-29T02:39:14Z")
“We eat our own dog food.” ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2010, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511/40 "2010-10-29T10:57:47Z")
“around” in place of “about”, as in “a conversation around utilizing our capabilities” “core competency” “ISO 9xxx” “Kaizen event” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-corporate-cliches/558511.md?page=3)