# I need help with gay dating **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 25, 2005, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616 "2005-01-25T17:40:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/21 "2005-01-26T19:34:29Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > My shoes look like the [one on the bottom](http://bbb.brunswickbowling.com/consumer/products/prod_detail.cfm?prod_id=250), except they don’t have the silver stripe. And, of course, you added gold tassels and red sequins. Did you ask the guy in the bowling shoe store if they made your ankles look fat? 😛 Ok, enough being mean. I should talk about bowling. I bowl like I live, mostly in the gutter. And, to get back on topic, **Priceguy** the advice is to get out there and meet some people. As **DMark** (congrats on the 24 years!) so delicately put it, audition a few. **SolGrundy** and **Miller** huh? AWWWWWWW… gay doper love. I’m really glad for you guys. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/22 "2005-01-26T19:37:27Z")
Oh, and congratulations to **Miller** and **SolGrundy** 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/23 "2005-01-26T19:57:06Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Sorry, folks. It was actually last March, but I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything on the Dope until now. It ended up not being possible, I’m afraid. ☹ I’d rather not go into too many details, except to say that, although we were both deeply grieved to find it wouldn’t work, the breakup wasn’t acrimonious. Thanks for your support. **matt\_mcl** I’m sorry things didn’t work out for **Potter** and you. Course some smart savvy gay guy will snatch you up real soon I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/24 "2005-01-26T20:21:53Z")
Oh, **matt** , I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you guys. Was just kidding about the details, of course. I hope you both find happiness. How nice for both of you, **Sol** and **Miller**. Many wishes for continued success. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/25 "2005-01-26T21:22:28Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > I’d rather not go into too many details, except to say that, although we were both deeply grieved to find it wouldn’t work, the breakup wasn’t acrimonious. Thanks for your support. Since it’s almost a year, I reckon you don’t need a hug now, but if so {[sub]{[/sub]{ **matt** }}} ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/26 "2005-01-26T22:01:05Z")
Whew. I was convinced that I’d not only hijacked the thread but blown it by “outing” **Miller** without his consent. (Not “outed” for dating dudes, but “outed” for having poor taste). So yeah, there it is, and **Miller** ’s version of events is a lot closer to the truth, minus of course the self-deprecating stuff which is all lies. My version was carefully constructed to make myself sound better and less absolutely clueless. So yeah, the thread: > [@Priceguy](#): > > On a re-read, that came out completely wrong. It was meant as a half-serious joke. Good, because I want to make it clear that I’m definitely _not_ the poster child for healthy and natural sexual development and a graceful, low-key coming out process. I’m still trying to figure the whole business out. And I know that if I had been bisexual, I would’ve gladly suppressed the homo part entirely and just pursued women. Or at least, that’s what I always imagined; I have no idea what it’s like to be bi any more than a straight guy knows what it’s like to be gay. Anyway, if the hijack has any purpose it’s to say that in some cases, “it” happens when you’re least expecting it. I shudder at the whole mindset I was in when I was “dating” and it seems like I was a completely different person. It was as if I were convinced that if I didn’t find somebody within a year of coming out, it wouldn’t take and I’d have to go back in the closet or something. But when I just gave up that mindset and went back to just working on being happy being single, I started meeting people as people instead of as “potentials,” and it’s ended up working better than I could’ve hoped. Or, as **gobear** put it: relax. Don’t go into anything with the “he’s not long term relationship material” or “he’ll do because I don’t want to be picky” mentality. Stop thinking of it in terms of building relationships or working towards a goal, but just what you feel like doing (or, importantly, not doing). And **matt\_mcl** : sorry to hear about the break-up, but it really does sound like the best and most mature way that could’ve played out. And seeing how you conduct yourself, I’m convinced that you’ll have no problem getting whatever you want in a relationship, so no worries. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/27 "2005-01-27T00:01:44Z")
Well, I live in a Southern city with \<10k people. I’m beginning to think that I’m the only gay person in town. (I did subscribe to a couple of personals sites, though, and I’ve been talking to this guy in Waco. _sigh_) ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/28 "2005-01-27T00:12:53Z")
Just pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and SMIIILE, SMIIILE, SMIIILE! I have no idea what compelled me to write that. matt, I’m sorry about you and Potter. miller and Sol, woot! ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/29 "2005-01-27T00:43:30Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > I’m beginning to think that I’m the only gay person in town. Which is why there are places like San Francisco, West Hollywood, Provincetown, Key West, and many parts of large urban cities…you are not the only one who feels/felt like that. Usually, if you do some searching on the net, there is at least one or two Gay bars within a few hours drive of almost anywhere in the US. You might want to try that for a start, if you arent’ able to pack up your kit and smile, smile, smile on your way to a Gay hub. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/30 "2005-01-27T02:12:27Z")
I’m _betting_ that Little Rock would be my closest shot. But I just moved into a different place and I’m tired, so I’ll look later. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/31 "2005-01-27T15:17:25Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > I’m _betting_ that Little Rock would be my closest shot. But I just moved into a different place and I’m tired, so I’ll look later. Where abouts are you? If you’re talking to someone in Waco and think Little Rock is the closest gay bar I’m guessing somewhere near the Ark-La-Tex. There are gay bars in Shreveport, Longview, Hot Springs and sometimes Texarkana. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/32 "2005-01-27T17:05:07Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Where abouts are you? If you’re talking to someone in Waco and think Little Rock is the closest gay bar I’m guessing somewhere near the Ark-La-Tex. There are gay bars in Shreveport, Longview, Hot Springs and sometimes Texarkana. Oh, Arkadelphia, actually. It’s about an hour SW of Little Rock. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616/33 "2005-01-27T17:16:36Z")
Disclaimer: I’ve not been to clubs in either Hot Springs nor Little Rock, so I’m going on what I’ve been told by friends who have. Since it’s about equidistant to Little Rock and Hot Springs those are you two best choices. I’ve been told that _Our House_ (IIRC it might be _Our Place_) in Hot Springs is friendlier, meaning more accepting of anyone not a hot young twink, than the clubs in Little Rock. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-with-gay-dating/286616.md?page=1)