# I need help wrt my mom's passing and what happens with wills and such? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 5, 2016, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-wrt-my-moms-passing-and-what-happens-with-wills-and-such/767740 "2016-10-05T23:40:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2016, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-wrt-my-moms-passing-and-what-happens-with-wills-and-such/767740/21 "2016-10-06T19:43:15Z")
**Kaiwik** , I’m so sorry for your pain. I agree with \*\*ThelmaLou \*\*that there isn’t a timetable for grief. It takes as long as it takes. You’re already seeing a therapist so you’re doing all you can. You said you wanted the roses you and your mom planted together in the last year of her life. What about getting the same variety and planting them yourself? They’d still be her roses since you planted them in her honor. I have two plants from an arrangement someone sent when my boyfriend’s mom died ten years ago. Even though she didn’t physically touch them, I think of them as hers. Maybe doing this won’t help you but I have nice memories because of these plants. Hugs. ---
**Author:** ![kaiwik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaiwik/32/3978_2.png) [@kaiwik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaiwik)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-wrt-my-moms-passing-and-what-happens-with-wills-and-such/767740/22 "2016-10-08T19:57:59Z")
Thank you again, this has actually helped, I don’t feel so desolate somehow. **ThelmaLou** thank you. I have had enough losses to know that there is no limit to the grief one feels. For me, the loss of my mom is like the tide. Sometimes it’s placid and there isn’t much difference between low and high tide, but then the moon grows round and the tides get big, and when the big tide is running it’s best to be sure one’s vessel is sound. The thing is, no matter what the tide remains. I will never stop missing her, and wishing I could share something I know would have delighted her. **Helena330** mom introduced me to David Austin’s roses, and while I still have my floribundas and hybrid teas I have a bed of Austin’s roses. It is my intention to replace the roses we planted with new plants of the same varieties. One of the things he said to my aunt wrt the flowers before he stopped talking to her was “Kaiwik has too many flowers”. Well, bite me. I will turn this place into a flipping botanical showplace before my ride on the big blue ball is over. And I will do it to please myself. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-wrt-my-moms-passing-and-what-happens-with-wills-and-such/767740/23 "2016-10-08T22:12:38Z")
There is no such thing as too many flowers. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2016, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-wrt-my-moms-passing-and-what-happens-with-wills-and-such/767740/24 "2016-10-08T22:31:17Z")
Ditto that! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2016, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-wrt-my-moms-passing-and-what-happens-with-wills-and-such/767740/25 "2016-10-09T15:25:09Z")
> [@kaiwik](#): > > I did a lot of writing on this today, the majority I pasted into a document because, well, 35 years is hard to cover without tl/dr, and today was about ripping off a festering scab. I think it would be good for me to get it out of my head, and get some different perspective on it all, Dopers are nothing if not brutally honest. A lot of it is really messed up, and there is certainly snark fodder, but what the hell. It’s a good time of the year for a horror story. **I will start a separate thread** , as there is some good information in this one that I don’t want to get lost. When you do start it, please post a link to it here. > [@kaiwik](#): > > Thank you again, all who responded. You helped me put an end to the vacillating between pursuing the issue or letting it go. Just call me Elsa. I presume (and hope) that you landed on “letting it go.” Best wishes to you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-help-wrt-my-moms-passing-and-what-happens-with-wills-and-such/767740.md?page=1)