# I need off color jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 16, 2009, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-off-color-jokes/510277 "2009-09-16T04:15:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-off-color-jokes/510277/61 "2009-09-18T20:29:48Z")
> [@bathsheba](#): > > A man is telling his friend about the great night he had. > > “I found a woman tied to the railway tracks! I untied her and took her home and we sex all night long! We did it every way you can imagine, even up the bum!” > > “Mate, that’s amazing,” says the friend. “Did you get a blow job?” > > “No,” he replies, “I didn’t find the head” You win. . . or lose depending on how you see these things. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-off-color-jokes/510277/62 "2009-09-18T20:42:24Z")
I once knew a fellow named Dave Who fucked a dead whore in a cave He said “I admit I’m a bit of a shit But think of the money I save” ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-off-color-jokes/510277/63 "2009-09-18T20:55:35Z")
The new nun goes to confession and says she has a terrible secret. The priest urges her to reveal it, saying he would never violate the sanctity of the confessional. She says, “Father, I don’t wear panties under my habit.” The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious, Sister. Just say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels.” ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-off-color-jokes/510277/64 "2009-09-18T21:05:34Z")
Not hilarious, but timely: \*\*Pastor: “So we lay our dear friend Patrick Swayze to rest today and—” (Kanye West grabs the microphone) “—but Michael Jackson’s funeral was one of the best of ALL time!”\*\* ---
**Author:** ![bathsheba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@bathsheba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bathsheba)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-off-color-jokes/510277/65 "2009-09-18T23:10:07Z")
> [@SandyHook](#): > > You win. . . or lose depending on how you see these things. I won a thread, hooray! And that was only my second-worst joke… ---
**Author:** ![TommyTutone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@TommyTutone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TommyTutone)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-off-color-jokes/510277/66 "2009-09-19T01:00:00Z")
A guy forlorn enters a bar, orders a shot and drinks it immediately. Still forlorn, he orders another and then a third. The bartender looks concerned and says, ‘Hey buddy, what’s going on.’ With a heavy sigh, the man replies, ‘I just got home from work and saw my son blowing bubbles.’ The bartender confused says, ‘Yeah, there’s nothing wrong with that.’ The man cries, ‘You don’t understand, Bubbles is our dog.’ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-off-color-jokes/510277.md?page=3)