# I need pirate jokes! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 18, 2008, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083 "2008-09-18T01:39:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/21 "2008-09-18T17:26:51Z")
And my daughters favorite joke from TLAP day a few years ago: Where do pirates like to eat? Arrrr…bees. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/22 "2008-09-18T17:37:06Z")
Obligatory link to the lyrics of [The Last Saskatchewan Pirate](http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/lastsask.htm). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![justrob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9adbd/32.png) [@justrob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justrob)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/23 "2008-09-18T17:41:36Z")
Why do pirates say Arrrrrr? Because Kkkkkkk doesn’t sound very menacing. ---
**Author:** ![rucciface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ba9def/32.png) [@rucciface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rucciface)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/24 "2008-09-18T17:53:04Z")
How much did the pirate’s peg-leg and hook cost? An arm and a leg. Why was the pirate movie rated R? Because of all the booty. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/25 "2008-09-18T18:41:51Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Obligatory link to the lyrics of [The Last Saskatchewan Pirate](http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/lastsask.htm). 😃 Thank you so much for posting this classic! I’d never heard of this gem before and needed a good laugh! :D:D ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/26 "2008-09-18T18:46:57Z")
> [@justrob](#): > > Why do pirates say Arrrrrr? > Because Kkkkkkk doesn’t sound very menacing. Unless you’re in the Bay of Japan or playing Starcraft. ---
**Author:** ![Caveat\_lector\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@Caveat\_lector\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caveat_lector_1)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/27 "2008-09-18T19:40:06Z")
What kind of socks do pirates wear? Arrrrgyle. ---
**Author:** ![SpecialAgentJem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@SpecialAgentJem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpecialAgentJem)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/28 "2008-09-18T20:01:10Z")
Why are pirates called pirates? Cuz they yarrrr! wheres the little pirate smiley face icon when you need it?! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ivan\_astikov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/29 "2008-09-18T20:11:48Z")
What did Black Beard say to his men before they got on the ship? Let’s get on the ship, men! ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2008, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/30 "2008-09-18T21:08:14Z")
From [International Talk Like A Pirate Day – Sept. 19, every year since 2002](http://www.talklikeapirate.com/links.html#translators) [Fabricating here a bit…you work out the details] How do you know if a pirate is high tech? He has an aye-phone. From: [http://www.piratetreasure.org/pirate-jokes.htm](http://www.piratetreasure.org/pirate-jokes.htm) Where do pirates find their birds? Parrots Without Partners. Where do pirates get chocolate? Carob bean What kind of look does a pirate give right before walking off the ship? Plank stare. There are name generators out there of course. One I found last year also allowed you to name your “ship,” i.e., car. Mine came out “Fearful strumpet of the Caribbean.” ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2008, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/31 "2008-09-19T01:46:16Z")
> [@Mtgman](#): > > They have some good ones there. Here are a couple of my favorites from there(also highly rated on their site). > A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some dirty rum. > > The bartender asks, “Why are you wearing a paper towel?” > > “Arrr…” says the pirate. “I’ve got a bounty on me head!” This one, sir, was a major groaner. I’ll have to try it tomorrow! ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2008, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/32 "2008-09-19T02:21:48Z")
What kind of car does a pirate drive? A Toyota Yarrrrris. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2008, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/33 "2008-09-19T02:32:47Z")
Why do pirates store lumber at the south pole? Because it shivers their timbers, matey! ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2008, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/34 "2008-09-19T05:12:58Z")
Not a joke, really, but how about this call of a race at Saratoga, won by [Arrrrr](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eI2ZZXv_5Kc)? ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2008, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/35 "2008-09-19T05:45:20Z")
> [@Mtgman](#): > > What does a pirate say when he has a heart attack? > Arrr! Me heartie! I always liked this one as “Arrrg, me arteries!” > [@Autolycus](#): > > Unless you’re in the Bay of Japan or playing Starcraft. I don’t get it. Do the Japanese say kkkkkkk? Maybe it’s only in advanced Japanese that I haven’t yet studied where nihonjin start to sound like the Zerg. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2008, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/36 "2008-09-19T06:09:20Z")
Say, Cap’n, why d’ye have that cat on yer shoulder? Arrrr, it ate the parrrrrot! The ultimate pirate song is Roger McGuinn’s [Jolly Roger](http://www.lyricstime.com/roger-mcguinn-jolly-roger-lyrics.html) ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2008, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/37 "2008-09-19T06:16:21Z")
> [@ShermanAter](#): > > I had a little boy stop by the house last Halloween. I opened the door and was greeted with “arrrrr trick’er treat you scurvy dawg” > > I was taken aback as this little feller couldn’t have been over six years old and was dressed all in black. He had a double ender hat with the scull and crossbones, a drawn on mustache, hook on one hand, earring and a real looking sword. > > So, I asked him “What are you supposed to be?” > “I’m a Birate” he replies. > “A Birate?” I ask. > He rolled his eyes and answered “Yes, I’m a Birate, trick’er treat ya scurvy dawg?” > Trying hard to keep a straight face I asked " If you’re a Birate, just where are your Buccaneers?" > And he said… > > wait for it > > He said '‘They’re under me Buckin’ hat!“” I’ve always loved that one, but the punchline I learned was: “Thar on the side’a me head, where’s yer buckin’ eyes?!” ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2008, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/38 "2008-09-19T06:49:30Z")
> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#): > > I don’t get it. Do the Japanese say kkkkkkk? Maybe it’s only in advanced Japanese that I haven’t yet studied where nihonjin start to sound like the Zerg. It was a bad joke really. Koreans play lots of Starcraft and their online laugh is ‘kekekekeke’ which sorta sounds like ‘kkkkk.’ ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2008, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083/39 "2008-09-19T07:09:22Z")
Where do pirates go to school? HARRvard [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-pirate-jokes/464083.md?page=1)