# I need some terrible fake idioms/sayings **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 22, 2015, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105 "2015-12-22T16:00:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/41 "2015-12-22T18:50:41Z")
I’m tired, and immediately thought of, “That’ll put marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo!” But that could just completely break the mood if anyone recognized it (and someone will). ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/42 "2015-12-22T18:57:06Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > 😕 A lich is a powerful undead creature, often a wizard with unnaturally prolonged life who cannot be destroyed unless you can find and destroy their phylactery. The term is never used in Harry Potter, but that’s basically what Voldemort was. Only he had seven phylacteries called horcruxes. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/43 "2015-12-22T18:57:08Z")
Sport, Sport, masculine sport. Equips a young man for society. Yes, sport turns out a jolly good sort. It’s an odd boy who doesn’t like sport. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/44 "2015-12-22T18:59:28Z")
“Never send a fish to do a woman’s job.” “Never send a fish to ride a woman’s velocipede.” “Never send a fish C.O.D. to Denmark.” “Never send a fish a love letter meant for a bird.” “Never send a fish to the desert when an ass will do.” “Never send a fish a you mean to catch a ten for twenty.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/45 "2015-12-22T19:00:47Z")
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bisexual. ---
**Author:** ![Jumpbass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jumpbass/32/147_2.png) [@Jumpbass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jumpbass)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/46 "2015-12-22T19:17:43Z")
> [@](#): > > It was Laurel and Hardy, too. “Below Zero,” I think. Huh. Now that I think of it, it does ring a bell. Good excuse to watch Below Zero again! ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/47 "2015-12-22T19:24:32Z")
You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make it think- attributed to Dorothy Parker. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/48 "2015-12-22T19:28:57Z")
Looks like the web’s on the other foot. Like a cat toying with a mouse in its web. ---
**Author:** ![Evin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/59ef9b/32.png) [@Evin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evin)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/49 "2015-12-22T19:39:25Z")
“We ought to make the pie higher.” Take a guess ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/50 "2015-12-22T19:42:13Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > She was only a baker’s daughter, but she made my banana cream! And the classic - She was only a stableman’s daughter, but all the horsem’n knew 'er. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/51 "2015-12-22T19:49:03Z")
> [@Johnny\_Angel](#): > > A lich is a powerful undead creature, often a wizard with unnaturally prolonged life who cannot be destroyed unless you can find and destroy their phylactery. The term is never used in Harry Potter, but that’s basically what Voldemort was. Only he had seven phylacteries called horcruxes. Aha! Ignorance fought! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Unpronounceable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9de0a6/32.png) [@Unpronounceable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unpronounceable)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/52 "2015-12-22T19:58:11Z")
For all intensive porpoises… ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/53 "2015-12-22T20:03:08Z")
Its better to have lusted and lost than to have lusted alone ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/54 "2015-12-22T20:09:09Z")
That was the sheriff. He wants us to round up a little pussy. Hang on while I call my secretary, Miss Lingus. Hello, Connie? I’m going home and don my gay apparel. I am not racist! Some of my best Negroes are friends! Ah, yes. _ **The Bald German** _, by Herr Less. A classic! What’s black with three legs? [_Awkward silence_] Why, a piano, of course! Hmmm. Sounds like a mighty risqué venture to me. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/55 "2015-12-22T20:09:19Z")
These were said by a co-worker: Don’t make a molehill out of nothing. It’s more than the eye meets. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/56 "2015-12-22T20:21:57Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Adios, muchacho, via con carne! I used to say, “Vaya con queso.” (“Go with cheese.”) ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/57 "2015-12-22T20:24:44Z")
If your biscuits look pink, maybe you’re cruller blind. When you’re running away from something, never ever look back. Whatever it is, it’s catching up! How _do_ they get eight great tomatoes in that little bitty can?\* :dubious: 😕 \*Granted, you have to be of a certain age cohort to get this one. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/58 "2015-12-22T20:25:52Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > I used to say, “Vaya con queso.” (“Go with cheese.”) Carne con queso, mmmmmmmm! :o ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/59 "2015-12-22T20:28:14Z")
I once knew a nearsighted seamstress. She couldn’t mend straight. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2015, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-some-terrible-fake-idioms-sayings/741105/60 "2015-12-22T20:36:43Z")
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