# I need the toilet. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335 "2004-11-17T21:08:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/1 "2004-11-17T21:08:05Z")
But I am fucking fed up of the stupid one-tiny-sheet-at-a-time-fucking-nannying-stingy-bastard-tissue dispenser so I am holding it in. I am a big man with a big arse. I need a thick was of paper. One sheet won’t do. 6 sheets won’t do. 10 sheets is a minimum. Why oh fucking why did you replace the normal roll dispensers with this stingy piece of crap? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/2 "2004-11-17T21:09:31Z")
Erm. I should add that I’m at work and it’s the dispenser at work I’m talking about. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/3 "2004-11-17T21:21:04Z")
Lobby, I think this is one of those times where you should have closed the window without hitting submit. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/4 "2004-11-17T21:22:53Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > I am a big man with a big arse… e-Mail your boss (or janitorial supply supervisor) [this link](http://www.easleys.com/browseproducts/T.P.---EXTRA-WIDE.HTML). If that doesn’t get you anywhere, don’t get yourself all flushed with anger, call my worker’s rights attorney, John Shitz. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/5 "2004-11-17T21:38:24Z")
> [@Waverly](#): > > Lobby, I think this is one of those times where you should have closed the window without hitting submit. I don’t know…I thought it was kinda funny. The inventor of the one-scrap-at-a-time dispenser should spend an unpleasant eternity swimming upstream in heavy menstrual flow. ---
**Author:** ![VenusProbe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/e495f1/32.png) [@VenusProbe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VenusProbe)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/6 "2004-11-17T21:52:13Z")
> [@The Devil's Grandmother](#): > > I don’t know…I thought it was kinda funny. The inventor of the one-scrap-at-a-time dispenser should spend an unpleasant eternity swimming upstream in heavy menstrual flow. OK it wasn’t TMI for me… till this post! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/7 "2004-11-17T23:01:18Z")
Sorry VP! :o I just really, really, really hate those things! I hate them so much I find it amazing the Hero in Demolition Man used the little tickets instead of … using the Bad Guy’s shirt of something. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/8 "2004-11-17T23:19:22Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > I am a big man with a big arse. Then you obviously need a [Great John](http://www.greatjohn.com/greatjohn/ourproducts.html) ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/9 "2004-11-17T23:35:09Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > But I am fucking fed up of the stupid one-tiny-sheet-at-a-time-fucking-nannying-stingy-bastard-tissue dispenser so I am holding it in. > > I am a big man with a big arse. I need a thick was of paper. One sheet won’t do. 6 sheets won’t do. 10 sheets is a minimum. > > Why oh fucking why did you replace the normal roll dispensers with this stingy piece of crap? I use hand towels. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/10 "2004-11-17T23:38:25Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > I use hand towels. :dubious:\* Update: Still haven’t been. [sub]\*Is that like a flannel, but for wiping the arse?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/11 "2004-11-18T00:49:04Z")
> [@Padeye](#): > > Then you obviously need a [Great John](http://www.greatjohn.com/greatjohn/ourproducts.html) I have never, in my entire life, ever laughed so hard at an animated .gif file than I did at [this one](http://www.greatjohn.com/greatjohn/seedifference.html) ---
**Author:** ![NotMrKnowItAll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/6bbea6/32.png) [@NotMrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotMrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/12 "2004-11-18T01:52:34Z")
Well, I have a solution if you’re willing to listen. Not only will you be able to peel off 50-plys at once, you’ll have a great prop for the occasion potty joke. Get a pen-knife. Slice the roll and pull off as thick a slab as you desire. If someone sees your knife you can confide to them that it’s you “toilet-knife.” When pressed, explain it’s for “trimming the `noids,” or “clearing the urethera.” ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/13 "2004-11-18T01:54:10Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > I have never, in my entire life, ever laughed so hard at an animated .gif file than I did at [this one](http://www.greatjohn.com/greatjohn/seedifference.html) I sat here, frozen, frozen in horror, and convinced that some sort of animated projectile was going to be expelled in my direction. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/14 "2004-11-18T02:10:25Z")
> [@NotMrKnowItAll](#): > > When pressed, explain it’s for “trimming the `noids,” or “clearing the urethera.” Thank you for _that_ nightmare. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/15 "2004-11-18T02:11:39Z")
Switch to a high-fibre diet. Easy cleanup. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/16 "2004-11-18T02:34:15Z")
> [@Padeye](#): > > Then you obviously need a [Great John](http://www.greatjohn.com/greatjohn/ourproducts.html) _blink, blink_ … :eek: um, the ‘see the dofference’ illo is making me flash back to goatse MAKE IT STOP ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/17 "2004-11-18T03:43:44Z")
There must be a way to hack it so that you can get an appreciable wad. Without seeing a picture, I’m guessing that you could sneak a few tools in there during a particularly lengthy session to remove any pull-limiters or what not… Is there a chance you could find a picture of your particular dispenser? ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/18 "2004-11-18T04:12:28Z")
This dispenser you are talking about really just dispenses one little square of American style TP?? Screw that. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/19 "2004-11-18T04:22:06Z")
Upon a little googling, I see that the phenomenon **Lobsang** refers to is known in the business as “controlled delivery”. While prohibited in the U.S. in handicapped-accessible facilities, these dispensers with such a feature exist to decrease the “waste” of toilet paper stemming from excessive use or vandalism. However, to us practical folk, it’s a crock. Anyway, there’s bound to be some way to loosen the tension with an allen key or Torx bit. Not that I advocate this… ---
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/20 "2004-11-18T07:19:29Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > I have never, in my entire life, ever laughed so hard at an animated .gif file than I did at [this one](http://www.greatjohn.com/greatjohn/seedifference.html) Laughing…wheezing…need oxygen…help! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335.md?page=2)