# I need the toilet. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335 "2004-11-17T21:08:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/21 "2004-11-18T07:20:58Z")
Ok, for the first time in my life I laughed so hard I 'bout peed on myself. Jebus! ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/22 "2004-11-18T07:28:07Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > I have never, in my entire life, ever laughed so hard at an animated .gif file than I did at [this one](http://www.greatjohn.com/greatjohn/seedifference.html) > [@Waverly](#): > > I sat here, frozen, frozen in horror, and convinced that some sort of animated projectile was going to be expelled in my direction. > [@aruvqan](#): > > um, the ‘see the dofference’ illo is making me flash back to goatse > > MAKE IT STOP > [@LorieSmurf](#): > > ``` > Laughing....wheezing...need oxygen.....help! > > ``` Ah, I’m not the only one then…good. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/23 "2004-11-18T14:28:58Z")
> [@Reeder](#): > > This dispenser you are talking about really just dispenses one little square of American style TP?? > > Screw that. You want to have sex with a TP dispenser? 😕 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/24 "2004-11-18T14:45:50Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > But I am fucking fed up of the stupid one-tiny-sheet-at-a-time-fucking-nannying-stingy-bastard-tissue dispenser so I am holding it in. Holy…er, crap. Are you talking about one of those nefarious double-fold sheet dispensers? Those suck – you can’t use any of these helpful suggestions because the paper is in sheets, not on a roll. I’ve only seen those in ancient shopping centers, and they just installed one? Fie, I say, fie! Yeah, it looks like you’re stuck bringing your own roll. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/25 "2004-11-18T14:50:07Z")
I’m worried about **Lobsang**. Where is he? Did he hold it so hard that his entire body was sucked through his sphincter into some kind of strange (and messy) alternate universe? Or did he simply explode, leaving an unholy (and messy) disaster area for a co-worker to clean up? Or did he go to Sears and go in the dressing room? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/26 "2004-11-18T15:00:04Z")
Maybe he found one of those [black & red shoe buffers](http://shoeshineexpress.com/beck.asp). They’d be a mighty compelling temptation if paper’s scarce. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/27 "2004-11-18T15:01:02Z")
Adjust it–with a swift, hard kick. All the TP you need, after that. ---
**Author:** ![pasunejen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/58956e/32.png) [@pasunejen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pasunejen)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2004, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/28 "2004-11-18T16:25:17Z")
Of course, you could just start bringing a goose to work with you. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/29 "2004-11-19T07:14:45Z")
I’ve seen worse bathrooms, actually. The worst had an enclosed roll dispenser, with only the bottom open to access the roll, mounted below the level of the damn toilet. Plus the spindle was really stiff, so you had to expend a hellacious amount of effort just to scrape off a single square of paper. ---
**Author:** ![START](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@START](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/START)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/30 "2004-11-19T10:07:18Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > But I am fucking fed up of the stupid one-tiny-sheet-at-a-time-fucking-nannying-stingy-bastard-tissue dispenser so I am holding it in. > > I am a big man with a big arse. I need a thick was of paper. One sheet won’t do. 6 sheets won’t do. 10 sheets is a minimum. > > Why oh fucking why did you replace the normal roll dispensers with this stingy piece of crap? First I want to say, ewww Mental Picture and Second I want to say I know what you mean, I hate those too. Lastly goodnight. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/31 "2004-11-19T10:43:56Z")
If I may take a moment to speak witht the designers of toilet stalls…_doors should always open OUT_!!! I am sick and tired of having to stradlle the toilet to get the door closed! ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/32 "2004-11-19T21:05:26Z")
> [@pasunejen](#): > > Of course, you could just start bringing a goose to work with you. Or a bunny rabbit… ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/33 "2004-11-19T21:07:14Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Or a bunny rabbit… My left eybrow hurts. ---
**Author:** ![Shrinking\_Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Shrinking\_Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shrinking_Violet)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/34 "2004-11-19T21:22:05Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > 10 sheets is a minimum. **Lobsang** … a word in yer ear … 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=10 You’re welcome. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/35 "2004-11-19T21:34:50Z")
> [@Shrinking Violet](#): > > 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=10 > > You’re welcome. You’ve inadvertantly hit the nail on the head. The point is it takes to friggin long to gather enough sheets for one wipe. ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/36 "2004-11-19T22:18:01Z")
> [@manduck](#): > > Switch to a high-fibre diet. Easy cleanup. > [@pasunejen](#): > > Of course, you could just start bringing a goose to work with you. > [@Clothahump](#): > > Or a bunny rabbit… Start eating corn-on-the-cob for lunch and kill two birds with one stone. High-fiber intake + TP substitute = Problem solved 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2004, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335/37 "2004-11-19T23:14:54Z")
Eek! What a thread… but I know what you mean! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-the-toilet/275335.md?page=1)