# I need to have my neighbor thrown out and/or murdered. How do I do this? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 21, 2013, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541 "2013-06-21T05:55:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/21 "2013-06-21T12:13:02Z")
Does the verbal screaming match sound to you like domestic violence is occurring? If so, call the cops, and they will probably arrive quickly. A visit by the cops at 4:00 am is pretty good evidence to present to your landlord. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/22 "2013-06-21T12:41:18Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > You live in Chicago, and you want someone murdered? So what’s the problem here? Do you need me to get in touch with my cousin Vinnie? He specializes in removing problems. PM sent. > [@chappachula](#): > > Does the verbal screaming match sound to you like domestic violence is occurring? If so, call the cops, and they will probably arrive quickly. > A visit by the cops at 4:00 am is pretty good evidence to present to your landlord. Screaming match, I suppose, isn’t the right term considering I’d never even heard the sound of the dude’s voice until I went out and told them to shut it. It doesn’t sound like violence. It sounds like some crazy woman with a drinking and anger management problem with zero decency or respect for those around her. I don’t cry to management about anything, so I’m guessing I don’t have shot credibility in that department. So document and complain? I feel like I should rally the neighbors? Should I? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/23 "2013-06-21T12:48:54Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I feel like I should rally the neighbors? Should I? Apartment dwellers are unlikely to own pitchforks.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/24 "2013-06-21T13:03:45Z")
Totally sucks, but the only realistic response for you at this point is to call both the cops AND landlord each and every time it happens. They are interfering with your reasonable peaceful enjoyment of your apartment. Prolonged screaming after midnight definitely warrants a call to the cops. Keep a detailed log of when it occurs. No one will consider once to be a big deal. But once a week… I’m not an expert in the law, but I’m not sure how it would be illegal to simply have a normal recording device running in your own apartment. It isn’t as tho you are putting a bug up to the wall or in the air vents. What if you just happened to fire up your computer for a little journalling - with a time and date stamp, and just happened to record some ambient noise… Of course, don’t get your hopes up that anyone - cops/landlord/neighbor - will do what they ought to do. Wouldn’t be shocked if the end result were to find you either moving or at least buying some ear plugs. Sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/25 "2013-06-21T13:10:17Z")
Dear neighbour, You’ve been screaming at your daughters boyfriend for X nights in Y weeks now. I can hear it loud and clear in my apartment. While I feel for your trouble, what you are doing now obviously does not help your situation. Please do something instead that _does_ help you. Please ask yourself what _you_ could do that _would_ help you. Change the doorlock for the both of them? Find another family through your church for them to stay while you open your home for those kids, in a teenager swap? Call the cops on him? Get her on permanent birth control so the relationship at least won’‘t have permanent consequences? Send her to live with your cousin in Florida and hope he won’'t follow? Enlist her in the Army? Call the cops to get the boyfriend removed from your apartment? If you keep on screaming like before, I will have to conclude that you actually _like_ screaming at the boyfriend and are not interested in finding a real solution to everyones problems. That would make _you_ an abuser. I also have to warn you that if the screaming goes on pas next week, I will rally the neighbours, warn management and the police and that I will do everything in our combined power to get you evicted. Your screaming makes it impossible for me to get enough sleep and I don’t want to risk losing my job over being sleep-deprivated. Please help your daughter, yourself and your neighbours. Regards, MOL, your neighbour. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/26 "2013-06-21T13:12:59Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > Does the verbal screaming match sound to you like domestic violence is occurring? If so, call the cops, and they will probably arrive quickly. > A visit by the cops at 4:00 am is pretty good evidence to present to your landlord. They may, but probably not quickly, and if they get there and it’s silent, they’ll shrug and walk away. We’re talking about a city with multiple digit shootings nearly every weekend (I think last weekend it was 45, but that might have been two weeks ago). Domestic disputes where you don’t actually witness bleeding right this moment are not responded to terribly quickly, especially as I believe MeanOldLady lives on the south side. Even this north side girl has trouble getting them out in under half an hour, by which point things have generally simmered down (more like taken a pause) and “there’s nothing we can do.” I’m not saying you shouldn’t call the cops, and if actual violence occurs, absolutely call the cops…but just be prepared to be underwhelmed. You might consider making up a simple letter to slide under doors with a “Just to let remind everyone, the landlord’s number is \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ if you need to report any lease violations like late night noise disturbing you.” You don’t need pitchforks, but to be honest, it would take me prob’ly 10 minutes of hunting to find my landlord’s number, and I’m lazy. If I had it handy, with social permission to use it, I’d be more likely to call it. Hell, I’d put one under her door, too. Just to show the bitch that she’s NOT keeping her business private. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/27 "2013-06-21T13:16:03Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Totally sucks, but the only realistic response for you at this point is to call both the cops AND landlord each and every time it happens. They are interfering with your reasonable peaceful enjoyment of your apartment. Prolonged screaming after midnight definitely warrants a call to the cops. > > Keep a detailed log of when it occurs. No one will consider once to be a big deal. But once a week… This seems to be the only rational and effective thing to do, but I have so lost my patience with this crap that I wish there were some magical solution that would rain down the hammer of vengeance on them. I hate that I’m going to have to live with this for a while, but so it goes. I’m actually mad at how mad I am. I love to grip my rage boner as much as the next guy, but nearly all of the outrage I experience in my life is purely recreational. And the rare instances of actual anger typically come and go fairly quickly. I’m usually like “Well that was dumb,” and then go back to drinking. But I am actually legitimately pissed and am still angry after having slept on it. Less so than before, and am no longer hotter than fish grease, but still pretty pissed. I do not like this “anger” emotion you humans experience. It’s not pleasant. ☹ Edit: > [@WhyNot](#): > > Domestic disputes where you don’t actually witness bleeding right this moment are not responded to terribly quickly, especially as I believe MeanOldLady lives on the south side. I live in Poland. I mean, far NW side. But yeah, it’s still Chicago, and having lived in cities my entire life, I already know cops don’t rush to your door when you call to complain that you heard some noise. Shit, I’ve actually called cops after seeing a live assault in action back in LA, and those shits didn’t show up for like 45 min. So if I do call the cops, it’ll be to have a record of this crap only, and not because I think they’ll actually do anything. Might slip flyers under the door? Don’t know if that’ll be effective or annoying. Who’s gone through this before? ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/28 "2013-06-21T13:26:15Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I’m actually mad at how mad I am. … It’s not pleasant. ☹ I - and I’m sure others - understand completely. You have our sympathies. There is NO good/guaranteed/quick way to deal with this. One weird way to twist this in your head, is that it makes clear to you what is the most important to you. It is easy to undervalue something as simple as undisturbed sleep - until you are not allowed it. So maybe this unpleasantness could foster some beneficial self-reflection. Another facet, you get to see how you can best handle this unpleasant situation. Sure, you weren’t looking for an opportunity for personal growth, but once it is forced on you, you can examine and implement your values and character. If you do not already journal, it might be a way to derive SOME personal benefit from these disturbances. Not in any way trying to paint this as a desirable situation - just trying to suggest some shards of positives you might try to wrest from this ugliness. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/29 "2013-06-21T13:31:43Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Edit:I live in Poland. I mean, far NW side. But…but…you’re BLACK?! :smack: Sorry 'bout that. Let me readjust my mental map…ahhh…that’s better. Yeah, we’re going through the same thing in my building, only it’s a 3 flat, leaving only one neighbor who isn’t the problem. We’ve had quiet talks with the Good Neighbors, and we’re both continuing to call police and landlord for every event. It’s been almost a year now, and we’ve gotten absolutely nowhere productive. Sorry, wish I had better wisdom to share. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/30 "2013-06-21T13:42:25Z")
I would rally the neighbors. Everyone should call both the cops and the landlord/management company at every instance. The cops may not do much, but the management company won’t like having to deal with multiple complaints at a time. Evicting someone is a huge bother - not renewing their lease a smaller bother - you need to make sure that its less bother to AT LEAST not renew the lease than to deal with you and the neighbors’ complaints. In the meantime, earplugs and good luck. I spent a number of years in an apartment in Minneapolis and there is a reason I put up with yard work :). ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/31 "2013-06-21T13:45:31Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Edit:I live in Poland. I mean, far NW side. Whereabouts? (Asks the kid born and raised near Belmont/Central.) ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/32 "2013-06-21T14:41:53Z")
Document relentlessly. Notify management every time. Do they have a voicemail on at night? Maybe you should call during the event, letting the recording run for as long as it will. Perhaps repeatedly, if things go on for more than a few minutes. I would flyer the neighbors once. Keep it simple and neutral. A statement that the management has been notified of the late-night noise and disturbance problems caused by apt X, but that additional reports to management will help. Include all possible forms of contact with management - phone, address, email, website, etc. If you were here, I’d say call the cops. Our cops will issue noise citations, if nothing else. and cost them a few bucks. In Chicago, not likely. And I’d be concerned that if you keep calling to report a noise complaint, then the PD might ignore you if you had to call them at some point because she tips over into violence. Can you perhaps call the non-emergency number and ask them the best way to report these problems? I know when I called to report a theft once, well after the fact (because I needed documentation), the PD just took a report over the phone rather than send someone out. If they’ll do that, then you’ll have that documentation for management. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/33 "2013-06-21T14:54:06Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > Just remembered: State law, depending on where you live, might prohibit any recording without her knowledge/permission. Also, state law, depending on where you live, might prohibit murder. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/34 "2013-06-21T15:06:13Z")
Not my business? EXACTLY. Which is why I don’t want to hear about it at 4AM. Whatever I hear being screamed through the walls at 4AM _is my business_. If you don’t want it to be my business, then … stfu. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/35 "2013-06-21T15:16:32Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > Just remembered: State law, depending on where you live, might prohibit any recording without her knowledge/permission. I doubt it’s illegal for me to record what I hear in my living room. The problem with a recording is it doesn’t give much of a clue how loud something is. For that, you need an SPL meter, which you can get for $40 at Radio Shack. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/36 "2013-06-21T15:20:00Z")
**MOL** - I think the neutral flyer with the management contact information is best, unless you want to meet all your neighbors by baking cookies, taking them around to the neighbors and then plotting murder with them. I don’t know how much you enjoy baking, but those ready-to-bake cookies are easy. Cookies bring people together. Or cupcakes. Cupcakes are trendy, but tasty. StG ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/37 "2013-06-21T15:22:32Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Whereabouts? (Asks the kid born and raised near Belmont/Central.) Somewhere near Irving Blue. > [@redtail23](#): > > I would flyer the neighbors once. Keep it simple and neutral. This neutrality thing is harder than I thought. Every draft of the flyer I write has terms like “sonsabitches” and “idiot jerks.” Trying to use terms like “noise disturbances” to describe the events instead of “irritating pissing matches.” This is why I’m not a journalist. > [@TriPolar](#): > > Also, state law, depending on where you live, might prohibit murder. Totally legal in N.J., Ill and Fla. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/38 "2013-06-21T15:29:17Z")
And always wear pants. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/39 "2013-06-21T15:34:25Z")
I know a guy. Someday in the future I may come to you with a request. Remember this. For now, take a walk or something around seven. Be gone for two hours. You saw nothing. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541/40 "2013-06-21T15:40:17Z")
Can I suggest imbibing a LOT more liquor/beer than you presently do? Won’t shut up the neighbor… but hey! Alcohol! ☹ You have my deepest sympathy in this issue. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-have-my-neighbor-thrown-out-and-or-murdered-how-do-i-do-this/661541.md?page=3)