# I need to lear how to argue **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 20, 2002, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098 "2002-06-20T17:26:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2002, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/1 "2002-06-20T17:26:18Z")
So last night as Stuffy and wife are getting into bed Stuffys wife says: SW: I’d like to rent a minivan for Sunday for the company picnic. Me: Well is seems a little uneccesary, but sure… SW: I just want to be comfortable, with DJ (my stepson who now lives with us) even the Bimer will be cramped. Me: Sure whatever SW: I know you hate spending money on stuff like that, but I just think it would be more comfortable. Me: I alfready said alright (note: yes I was irritable by this point) SW: Why are you getting upset. Me: Because were still talking about somthing I’ve already agreed to. SW: Well I was just trying to tell you everything. Me: And I already said yes, can we drop it. SW: See now you’re mad. ARGGHHH!!! I just can’t win. ---
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2002, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/2 "2002-06-20T17:28:39Z")
I know how you feel **Stuffy**. That’s one of the things that gets on my nerves as well; people continuing to belabor the point once I’ve conceded. In your case, that might have been a “yes, dear” moment. Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2002, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/3 "2002-06-20T17:29:17Z")
Well, _somebody_ has to be the first to recommend the relevant Monty Python sketch, so why not me? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2002, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/4 "2002-06-20T18:18:17Z")
Celyn, maybe I got woosed but I don’t get it. On review I see I also need to learn to preview my post. ---
**Author:** ![lionel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@lionel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lionel)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2002, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/5 "2002-06-20T20:05:19Z")
> [@](#): > > I need to learn how to argue No you don’t 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/6 "2002-06-20T20:32:30Z")
“I’m mad because you wouldn’t take yes for an answer, you silly buffoon of a woman!” with laughter and comedy eye rolling. Humour will be your way to deal with these annoying situations. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2002, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/7 "2002-06-20T23:01:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lionel \* > \*\* > > No you don’t 😃 \*\* Yes I do ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/8 "2002-06-21T00:21:16Z")
Oh, boy. My mom says that being able to say, “mm-hmm.” in a thoroughly noncommital way is an important marriage skill. I do think that women (well me, at least) like to explain all the details to make sure you know what you’re agreeing to. Just nod, and think about other things. ---
**Author:** ![lionel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@lionel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lionel)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/9 "2002-06-21T13:15:10Z")
> [@](#): > > Yes I do No you don’t ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/10 "2002-06-21T13:29:39Z")
Usually half way through the conversation just go “HEY LOOK!” and point. When they turn around, dive through the closest window. Works everytime. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/11 "2002-06-21T13:31:27Z")
Be sure to fill us in when you are getting ready to shoot out and pick up the van, and she informs you that she has changed her mind - and wants to discuss the reasons behind THAT at length. Kinda thing that will make you want to file a complaint. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/12 "2002-06-21T15:10:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lionel \* > \*\* > > No you don’t \*\* Oh, yes I don’t ---
**Author:** ![lionel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@lionel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lionel)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/13 "2002-06-21T17:29:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Oh, yes I don’t No you do! So when’s somebody going to come in to teach us how to be hit on the head? ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/14 "2002-06-21T17:40:40Z")
Well, you could throw in a couple phrases like “Excellent idea, sweetie!” in there, just tune out the rest, and go seethe and watch Sportscenter until she falls asleep. A woman will not stop arguing until SHE’S done arguing, and it doesn’t matter what the hell you fellas do. ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/15 "2002-06-21T18:00:53Z")
I know just how you feel. You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher’s mitt, but my dad wouldn’t get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. :::cheerily::: The doctor thought I might have brain damage. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/16 "2002-06-21T18:13:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lionel \* > \*\* > > No you do! > So when’s somebody going to come in to teach us how to be hit on the head? \*\* It’s RABBIT season! ---
**Author:** ![lionel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@lionel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lionel)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/17 "2002-06-21T18:17:45Z")
DUCK season! ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/18 "2002-06-21T18:22:56Z")
Hmmm. Stuffy. I wonder if our wives are related, or attended the same prep school in torturing men or something. This is what I have learned from such discussions. What is required from you is not merely an acquiesence. You can’t simply give in and let her have the minivan. That is wrong of you. What you are required do is state the following (you can put it in your own words) > [@](#): > > Yes, Honey. We both know that my arbitrary and unreasonable desire not to waste money on such trivialities is one of my great character failings. As you say, comfort is well worth the cost and inconvenience of renting a minivan specifically for a trip that our current fine German luxury automobile would more than suffice. > > I recognize this flaw, and appreciate your pointing it out to me in general and also as it relates to this specific instance. > > Not only have you made me aware of my own failings, you have helped me to work on becoming a better person in the future by the way you’ve handled this. > > Of course we will follow your reasonable suggestion exactly as you’ve put it. How could I possibly even think of doing otherwise? ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/19 "2002-06-21T18:33:53Z")
This phenomenon is not limited to spousal discussions. This puts the whole “bad guy telling the good guy all the crucial details of his diabolical plan” in a whole new light, doesn’t it? In general, the argument goes thus: A: [general expression of intention] B: [quibble, but agree] A But [here’s what I figure] B: whatever A: [but here’s what else I figure] B: OK! A: What’s your problem? Grrr… **Scylla** has it. you can’t just _agree_, you must realize they are _right_. Never agree on your own terms. This is the law of laws. Aum. Ha. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2002, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-lear-how-to-argue/115098/20 "2002-06-21T18:54:53Z")
**Scylla** I think they learn this one right after they learn that trick where they cut 1 micron off their hair and expect you to notice.