# "I need to shave the lawn" and other misspeakings **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 18, 2010, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604 "2010-08-18T05:10:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/1 "2010-08-18T05:10:41Z")
I accidentally said that I needed to shave my lawn once when I was tired and not thinking. Now, even though I know perfectly well that the correct word is “mow”, I just can’t seem to say that anymore, I always want to say “shave” instead of mow. I even think “shave”. If I don’t want to look silly in front of other people I have to stop and think of the right word before I say it. Anyone else have some interesting, amusing, silly, disturbing or just plain stupid misspeaks that have become part of your language? ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/2 "2010-08-18T14:21:28Z")
Is it something about lawns? I’ve more than once said that it was getting to be time to vacuum the lawn. Usually I catch it before the words actually hit the air. So there’s just this pause. I have never come close to saying that we need to mow the floor, however. So the mistake has no parity. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/3 "2010-08-18T14:30:06Z")
I always say I’m going to water the fish and feed the plants. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/4 "2010-08-18T14:32:03Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > Is it something about lawns? I’ve more than once said that it was getting to be time to vacuum the lawn. Usually I catch it before the words actually hit the air. So there’s just this pause. > > I have never come close to saying that we need to mow the floor, however. So the mistake has no parity. There are [lawn vacuums.](http://www.snapper.com/products/lawn-garden-products/lawn-vacuum/) ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/5 "2010-08-18T14:35:08Z")
I often use “noon” and “twelve” interchangeably, when referring to the time. So yes, this means I will say things like “It’s noon thirty.” I know that sounds stupid, but that’s the way I think it, and one of my many bad habits is speaking _exactly_ the way I think. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/6 "2010-08-18T14:44:14Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > I accidentally said that I needed to shave my lawn once when I was tired and not thinking. Now, even though I know perfectly well that the correct word is “mow”, I just can’t seem to say that anymore, I always want to say “shave” instead of mow. I even think “shave”. You’ve got to see [this commercial](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM). Either you’ll never make that mistake again, or you always will. [sub]And, yes, for those of you who’ve seen it…“tulips on my mound,” indeed.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/7 "2010-08-18T14:56:18Z")
I have a bunch of these, although the only one that comes to mind right now is interchanging “mirror/window” in either direction. **MOL** , I also say “noon thirty”. I try to think of it as “charming”, rather than “stupid”. But I know. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/8 "2010-08-18T15:21:10Z")
I once said the air needs tires, when the tires were making noise going around corners. It because a running joke. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/9 "2010-08-18T15:44:06Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > > [@Wile\_E](#): > > > > I accidentally said that I needed to shave my lawn once when I was tired and not thinking. Now, even though I know perfectly well that the correct word is “mow”, I just can’t seem to say that anymore, I always want to say “shave” instead of mow. I even think “shave”. > > You’ve got to see [this commercial](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM). Either you’ll never make that mistake again, or you always will. > > [sub]And, yes, for those of you who’ve seen it…“tulips on my mound,” indeed.[/sub] I have not seen that commercial, apparently we’re too uptight in the U.S. for that, but that was hilarious. I like how she’s holding a bald cat (shaved pussy) just in case you didn’t get all the other innuendo. You did hit on why I think I keep saying “shave the lawn”. There was some discussion, probably here, about shaving the pubic area and I’m sure someone referred to it as “mowing the lawn”. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/10 "2010-08-18T16:12:15Z")
I’ve mis-typed darn as “dran” so often that I’ve started saying it that way. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/11 "2010-08-18T17:21:46Z")
I sometimes say noon thirty, but more often for me is midnight thirty. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/12 "2010-08-18T17:33:18Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > I have a bunch of these, although the only one that comes to mind right now is interchanging “mirror/window” in either direction. **MOL** , I also say “noon thirty”. I try to think of it as “charming”, rather than “stupid”. But I know. > [@raventhief](#): > > I sometimes say noon thirty, but more often for me is midnight thirty. Yay, join my club of awful! If you want to be part of my truly awful club, answer me these: Would you say it’s noon ten? Or noon o’clock? ---
**Author:** ![RalfCoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@RalfCoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RalfCoder)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/13 "2010-08-18T17:44:54Z")
I’ve said that I need to run the washdisher more than once… > [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > I once said the air needs tires, when the tires were making noise going around corners. It _ **because** _ a running joke. Was that typo above intestinal - er, intentional? ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/14 "2010-08-18T19:39:40Z")
Huh, rather like “penis ensues,” hey? I do like the idea of shaving the lawn. I might borrow that. Because of my old grade-school teacher’s daughter, I now call all marshmallows “marshpies” instead. Whenever I say marshpies around someone who doesn’t know this about me, they look at me funny and then I realize that they’re not party to my internal monologues. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/15 "2010-08-18T19:52:00Z")
I was once trying to explain something to my husband and, instead of saying, “It’s that way because,” I said, “What it is is…” So that’s become kind of a running joke. Also, when I let my nickname slip, I often introduce myself as [overly] for short and [overlyverbose] for long. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/16 "2010-08-18T20:20:59Z")
I kinda got stuck between June and July once and referred to the month as “Juloo.” My days are numbered. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/17 "2010-08-18T20:46:55Z")
I sometimes call the dishwasher the washing machine. But isn’t that what it does? It washes, just dishes not clothes. I think it should be perfectly fine to call them both “washing machines.” ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/18 "2010-08-19T01:14:59Z")
> [@RalfCoder](#): > > > [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > > > I once said the air needs tires, when the tires were making noise going around corners. It _ **because** _ a running joke. > > Was that typo above intestinal - er, intentional? Wow how did I do that? ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/19 "2010-08-19T01:18:07Z")
On Christmas morning you answer your presents. I have no fucking idea why I think that’s true. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604/20 "2010-08-19T16:18:32Z")
I once ordered a slice of iced tea at a restaurant when I wanted both a beverage and dessert. The server looked blank, I was confused… then we both busted out laughing. So I asked him to bring me a glass of cheesecake. On that same weekend, I referred to **Typo Knig** ’s relatives as “Aunt John and Uncle Jane”. Some years later, my mother-in-law, who had come to help out for a week after \*\*Dweezil \*\*was born, told my father-in-law that we had taken the baby to the vet that day. Naturally the doctor was known as the vet in our household for years after that one. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-shave-the-lawn-and-other-misspeakings/550604.md?page=2)