# I need to stop being a slut
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [May 12, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701 "2003-05-12T14:38:55Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/21 "2003-05-12T18:48:26Z")
\<---- is even more amused.
Qazzz: Thank you for one of the BEST laughs I’ve had at the expense of overly horney dopers 😃
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### Author:  [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/22 "2003-05-12T18:49:27Z")
Don’t worry about it **Qazz**. You aren’t the first Gay dude to feel that way - especially at your age. And you are right, Spring doesn’t help cure the desire either.
Most straight guys would be just as slutty if they could get away with it…(as the posts above have aptly proven).
But if you ever really think it is getting to be too much, there are some Sexual Compulsive self-help groups in larger cities.
In the meantime, enjoy the candy store. As far as love - you can’t find it if you aren’t out there looking.
Just **play safe** and be safe…
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### Author:  [@Qazzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qazzz)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/23 "2003-05-12T19:01:00Z")
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm thanks for your support, DMarky.
It’s funny what you say about love, though. So many other people seem to spout “When you stop looking, love will find YOU.” But I don’t see how I could ever stop looking because the longer I go without, the more I long for it, right?
I don’t know, so it’s nice to hear what you have to say. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2003, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/24 "2003-05-12T19:38:30Z")
paraphernalia for weekend jaunt: $7.50.
cost of 2 night hotel stay: $110.00.
knowing that there will be at least one “So, how YOU doin”" reply: priceless.
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### Author:  [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/25 "2003-05-12T19:46:39Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Qazzz \*
> \*\*
> It’s funny what you say about love, though. So many other people seem to spout “When you stop looking, love will find YOU.” But I don’t see how I could ever stop looking because the longer I go without, the more I long for it, right?
> \*\*
There is some truth in that. Sometimes people are a bit too needy and good Gaydar can pick that up 30 miles away. Just cause you’re looking for eternal love, the other guy is looking for somethin’ to love for the next 20 minutes.
There is an old joke:
What does a lesbian take on her first date with another lesbian?
A U-Haul.
That is partly from the reputation some lesbians have of meeting and moving in together within the span of 24 hours. Gay men are almost the opposite…I have known guys who have dated for years and still don’t live together.
At one point, I was dating three guys simultaneously and suddenly realized none of them were right for me. I remember standing at a bar and thinking, “That’s it. I quit. I don’t want to be even near another guy for at least a month.”
That was the night I met my current lover of 23 years.
Seriously!
Maybe it was the fact that I stopped trying so hard, or maybe it was the fact that I was no longer looking for the same thing.
I like to think I finally turned off the “Desperate Needy Dude” neon sign above my head.
But if had not been out at the bar that night when I came to my realization, I would never had met him. So I still say, if you aren’t out there looking, you ain’t gonna find squat.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/26 "2003-05-12T20:05:54Z")
So stop being a slut already. Der.
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### Author:  [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2003, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/27 "2003-05-12T20:34:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I am, by god, amused.
I’m quite amused by god as well. Funny little bugger.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2003, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/28 "2003-05-12T20:38:35Z")
Stage 1: Hope. Hope that this girl might live near me, that she might have given her email address, that we might hit it off…and so on and so forth.
Stage 2: Recognition. Having read Quazz’s smoking thread, and posted to it, I was pretty sure he was male.
Stage 3: Denial. No, I was mistaken in the smoking thread - Quazz must be female. Guys gloat about sexual adventures, they don’t bemoan them. Therefor, Quazz is female. There’s still hope!
Stage 4: Acceptance. Damnit, he really isn’t a woman. Oh well. There’s always hope for tomorrow. Always hope…
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### Author:  [@Berkut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Berkut)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/29 "2003-05-12T20:46:57Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Mr. Excellent \*
> \*\* Damnit, he really isn’t a woman. Oh well. There’s always hope for tomorrow. Always hope… \*\*
Sorry dude, but he will probably still be male tomorrow.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)
#### Post date: [May 12, 2003, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/30 "2003-05-12T21:19:02Z")
LOL. allow me to elaborate - there’s always hope that tomorrow, I will find a person who is already female. Quazz becoming female would be a remarkable bonus, but I admit that that is not in the realm of possibility. 😃
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### Author:  [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/31 "2003-05-13T01:12:03Z")
Actually, it _is_ possible, **Mr. Excellent** , but I doubt it’s what you’re looking for.
On topic:
From what I understand about gay men, there’s a tendency to get physical before there are emotional bonds. This isn’t a big surprise – they’re guys, after all. But, in my experience with het folks, a lot of people think that getting physical too fast can stunt the emotional development of a relationship. If you start by gettin’ it on, that’ll become the focus of the relationship, and love and commitment and such will be doomed to play second fiddle. Not all the gay men I know have been sex-first types, but it does seem to be common. And I don’t know if they worry about the sex-first problem, or if it actually causes problems or not.
So there’s my useless 2 cents.
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### Author:  [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2003, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/32 "2003-05-13T02:12:39Z")
**Qazz** , the initial replies to your OP gave me a good chuckle. I’m sure that **LolaCocaCola** is feeling justifiably smug as well, having had the pleasure of pricking their balloon, as it were (pun intentional 🙂 )
But to address the OP, as **DMark** so sagely pointed out, you have to be out there looking to find it. The problem is, it’s tough to find love when what you are looking for is sex. That’s why ‘giving up’ so often seems to work. What we have usually ‘given up’ on is looking for sex as a (hot, sweaty, meaningless) substitute for love. I think our intended targets sense the change, or perhaps we are unable to recognize them until our blood has cooled a bit. Either way, you have to really feel it (the urge to give up, that is) before it can work. But it’s such a common experience that it must be real. Good Luck!
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### Author:  [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/33 "2003-05-13T04:31:44Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Mr. Excellent \*
> \*\*Stage 1: Hope. Hope that this girl might live near me, that she might have given her email address, that we might hit it off…and so on and so forth.
> \*\*
that’s always a sure sign to me that I wont get laid. I’ve never had any expectations filled in relationships with women. Ever. Whatever success I’ve had comes when I’m not looking for it. I must be giving off “desperate” vibes.
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### Author:  [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)
#### Post date: [May 13, 2003, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/34 "2003-05-13T20:48:20Z")
What if, upon meeting someone you find quite cute and ascertaining that it’s kinda mutual, you two form a pact to make each other horny as hell and _not_ do anything about it for the first six dates? 😉
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### Author:  [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/35 "2003-05-15T01:40:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Coldfire \*
> \*\*How straight of me to assume the OP was a woman. In my defense, I offered **Davebear** ’s services, not my own.
>
> Not that there’s anything _wrong_ with that. 😉 \*\*
Thanks, but I don’t need a pimp. I do just fine as an independent. 😃
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### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2003, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/36 "2003-05-15T11:34:24Z")
I don’t think anybody even _noticed_ my link. 😛
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### Author:  [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/37 "2003-05-15T13:47:25Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Coldfire \*
> \*\*Do a search for “Davebear”. 😉 \*\*
Coldie, a winner, definitely a winner. Thanks for the laugh. You made my day. Now I can sleep in peace tonight.
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### Author:  [@kyoten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kyoten)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/38 "2003-05-15T13:58:40Z")
I’m sure you can find a decent sized cork to plug your various orifices from your local hardware store.
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### Author:  [@beerchick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beerchick)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/39 "2003-05-15T15:04:28Z")
\*\*Qazzz \*\* sorry you do sound like a woman:eek: . I read your post and as an over 30 something woman I feel the same way. I’ve been single and slutting around for the last 5 years. This was sort of okay, but in the last year realize I want companionship more than I want a quick roll in the hay.
My problem is I don’t know where to find reasonably mentally stable decent people other than in a bar. I’m also a little shy at first. I live in NYC so If anyone has any ideas on how to meet nice guys over 35 please share with me via the boards or a friendly e-mail. Yes this is a thinly disguised attempt at promoting mysef.😃
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### Author:  [@Tiram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiram)
#### Post date: [May 15, 2003, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-stop-being-a-slut/174701/40 "2003-05-15T15:51:20Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Sengkelat \*
> If you start by gettin’ it on, that’ll become the focus of the relationship, and love and commitment and such will be doomed to play second fiddle.
Only if you let it happen, I think. We tend to take sex very seriously – too seriously, often.
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