# I need to vent about my proselytizing FIL **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 14, 2021, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625 "2021-09-14T00:16:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/61 "2021-09-28T09:32:30Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Calling out hypocrisy is a viciously effective move. Use my link with scripture about lying and use it hard. It won’t change your FIL but it will give him sufficient cognitive dissonance that he may well give you a wide berth. Or just the entirety of [Matthew 7](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7&version=NKJV). It’s got the whole “Judge not” thing, the “By their fruits you will know them” thing, and the repudiation of people who practice lawlessness in Jesus’ name. But reminding him that he is driving you away - from him and from “Jesus” - because of his lies is not a bad thing. Tell him that you have given him every opportunity to be open and honest, and he has betrayed your trust more than once. To repeat what I wrote above: > [@Gyrate](#): > > The irony is that this approach will drive more people away from Christ than it attracts, as it shows Christians as being fundamentally dishonest as well as smug and bullying. Why would anyone want to join a religion that turns you into an annoying jerk? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/62 "2021-09-28T09:47:47Z")
> [@digs](#): > > What?!? Imagine saying “I’d like you to give it another chance” to someone who said “I’m a scientist” or “I believe in equality for everyone.” or “Well, you know I’m a heterosexual…” I wrote a longer answer to **Oldolds** about this earlier but deleted it on the basis it was pointless. The simple fact is that **Oldolds** ’s FIL is quite certain his worldview is right. _Nothing_ will convince him to the contrary. That is why pointing out hypocrisy is potentially effective where nothing else will work. _Nothing_ will convince him that his worldview is wrong as such. But pointing out he is behaving badly _even by his own worldview_ has IME some potential to shut him down. It won’t change his views IME. But it may make him go the fuck away. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/63 "2021-09-28T12:07:51Z")
Your FIL doesn’t want a discussion. He wants one thing: to convert you. If you know you will not be converted, it’s best to end the charade and decline any invitations to these discussions. Just humor him from here on out, and try to change the subject when brings up the Jesus stuff. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/64 "2021-09-28T13:21:40Z")
Here’s what you do, listen to it all, very politely, as you’ve been doing. If he doesn’t offer; any questions? You raise your hand and politely enquire if you might ask one. Preface it by asking him to be completely honest in his response, like VERY honest! Then ask him if there is anything you could say, and scholar you could quote, reference you could cite or artifact you could produce that would ever sway him from his faith? Of course he’s going to say, ‘Absolutely not! No how, no way, not ever!’ After a pregnant pause then ask, if that’s so, why on earth would he think he could sway you? Why is it ok for him to be intractable, but not an non believer? Should he say, the one true God etc, point out that your free will and enquiring mind were the greatest gifts you were given, you intend to use them. And, if all else fails ask if he’s certain this isn’t this really just about his ego wanting a convert? Good Luck! ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/65 "2021-09-28T13:21:58Z")
> [@OldOlds](#): > > In the end, I agreed to attend one more. Thank you sir! May I have another! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/66 "2021-09-28T13:26:31Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > After a pregnant pause then ask, if that’s so, why on earth would he think he could sway you? Why is it ok for him to be intractable, but not an non believer? His reply would inevitably be some variation of “Because I’m right and you’re not.” ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/67 "2021-09-28T13:32:59Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > ask, if that’s so, why on earth would he think he could sway you? Why is it ok for him to be intractable, but not an non believer? No wise one has the power to reason away what a fool believes. –Doobie Brothers ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/68 "2021-09-28T13:33:08Z")
‘I’m right, you’re wrong!’ Is blatantly his ego and has nothing to do with Jesus! ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/69 "2021-09-28T14:26:59Z")
Find an original Gameboy (if you don’t have one already) and conspicuously play Tetris during the meeting. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/70 "2021-09-28T17:03:01Z")
Or research a few obscure past and present religions and bring them up asking “What about …?” ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2021, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/71 "2021-09-28T17:16:05Z")
If you really wanted to have fun, you could look up something about the actual situation you’re in, like “effective proselytization techniques and when to back off.” ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2021, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/72 "2021-09-29T03:57:54Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > After a pregnant pause then ask, if that’s so, why on earth would he think he could sway you? Why is it ok for him to be intractable, but not an non believer? As a matter of principle I would never do this because by doing so one is playing into an argument that one’s lack of belief is intractable and consequently a matter of faith. ---
**Author:** ![OldOlds](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a3d4f5/32.png) [@OldOlds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldOlds)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2021, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/73 "2021-09-29T10:33:43Z")
I don’t generally engage. My wife’s relationship with her parents is strained, in no small part because of religion. And I think they blame me (as in, I ruined their good Catholic girl). So I avoid conflict because it stresses her out. FWIW, I am by no means conflict averse in general. When pressed, I just say “I don’t think about it, I really don’t care. I don’t find these questions mystifying and I have better things to do with my time.” That seems to do the trick. Love all the ideas here. I’ll speak to him this week and tell him to lay off. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2021, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/74 "2021-09-29T19:26:50Z")
> [@OldOlds](#): > > When pressed, I just say “I don’t think about it, I really don’t care. I don’t find these questions mystifying and I have better things to do with my time.” You could always throw a couple of’ "Hail Satan"s in there for effect. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2021, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/75 "2021-09-30T16:11:58Z")
If they really want to convert you, ask them to explain all of the schisms in Christianity in order to convince you. Make the bastards work for it. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2021, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/76 "2021-09-30T17:52:36Z")
They have a script. If you try to divert them from the script that is just Satan confusing you. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2021, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/77 "2021-09-30T19:45:47Z")
I’m an atheist, but if I were a fundalentalist Christian who believed that being an atheist would condemn one to an eternity to the fires of hell, I would never stop proselytizing. How would any other response be moral? ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2021, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/78 "2021-09-30T21:04:19Z")
I like to think that I would proselytize too, but in a smarter way, doing it the way they do is counterproductive. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2021, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/79 "2021-10-01T03:25:23Z")
I believe that Christian stuff, but I’ve also figured out that if someone doesn’t share those beliefs, it’d be arrogant to think I’m right and they’re wrong… … and besides, what other people believe is really none of my business. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2021, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625/80 "2021-10-01T09:42:47Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > If they really want to convert you, ask them to explain all of the schisms in Christianity in order to convince you. Make the bastards work for it. [![](https://wp-media.patheos.com/blogs/sites/26/2015/02/11007614_628927553920047_152492327_n.jpg) ](https://wp-media.patheos.com/blogs/sites/26/2015/02/11007614_628927553920047_152492327_n.jpg) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-need-to-vent-about-my-proselytizing-fil/950625.md?page=5)