# I never realized how Women viewed themselves before reading this. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 19, 2012, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287 "2012-02-19T00:38:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/1 "2012-02-19T00:38:42Z")
_Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus_ is a great book and is correct that men will never fully understand women. I certainly don’t understand the females species. I’m still trying my best. 😛 I am amazed at this ladies comments about herself. Her issues about body image is hard for me to understand. I think she’s looks fantastic for a lady in her forties. Its a very interesting peek into the complexities of the female mind. 😉 I’ve seen these same insecurities sometimes in my wife when she changes outfits three times for an evening out. I think my wife has very good taste in what she wears, but the process of getting dressed sometimes takes her awhile. The final results are always stunning and worth the wait. This gorgeous lady has always had serious issues with her appearance. > [@](#): > > Shannon Bradley-Colleary was 25-years-old when she first posed nude for a photographic gallery show, but like so many women, saw only what she hated about her 125lb frame in the pictures. > \ > Digging out the original black and white images of the first shoot, taken by the late Helmut Lipschitz, Mrs Bradley-Colleary recognised that she had quite clearly suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. > > At 25, she had believed her thighs needed liposuction, her breasts were too small and her bottom had cellulite. I’m not sure if she resolved them yet. Her reaction to hr current photos makes me sad. She really can’t see her own beauty? 😕 > [@](#): > > ‘I see on the bright computer screen before me what appears to be the craven image of a 60-year old, cornfed woman who might’ve been an extra in "The Night Of The Living Dead. WTF!!!’ > > The author admitted it took her three days to recover from the trauma of seeing the new photographs despite the her friends’ assurance that they were in fact beautiful. Semi-nude B&W artsy photo. Use your own judgement in opening. > **['Who is that fat, dimpled, wrinkly, broad-flanked person?' Woman who posed...](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2102667/Who-fat-dimpled-wrinkly-broad-flanked-person-Woman-posed-nude-25-recreates-photos-decades-on.html)** > > Shannon Bradley-Colleary was 25-years-old when she first posed nude for a photographic gallery show, but like so many women, saw only what she hated about her 125lb frame in the pictures. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/2 "2012-02-19T01:02:43Z")
Huffington Post article written by this lady. Is she kidding herself? She claims acceptance for her “fat body”. But she’s not fat. She’s a great looking lady in her forties. Yet she’s obsessed by her appearance? I’ve never given my own appearance this much thought. I keep my weight down, but I’m aware I’m not in the same shape as college. I don’t really care either. I’m healthy and still do things I love like backpacking, cycling, and water skiing. I’m planning a two and half week backpacking trip for this summer and will hike over a hundred miles. I have no plans to pose nekkid anytime soon. I’ll spare the world that joy. 😉 > **[Am I Really Fat?](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/am-i-fat_b_1240083)** > > I've been nit-picking myself about those ten pounds for five years. I've been wanting to get back to my pre-child, pre-40s size. Well I'm done with it and this is why. ---
**Author:** ![spankthecrumpet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@spankthecrumpet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spankthecrumpet)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/3 "2012-02-19T01:13:24Z")
A few thoughts. Firstly, she did indeed look far better when she was twenty five than when she was forty six. I can say that cause I don’t have to care about her feelings as she isn’t reading this. Secondly, she still looks very nice at forty six. Thirdly, it would be entirely wrong if she looked better at forty six. I know that evolutionary psychology (is that the right term?) is thought of as a bit daft, but it has underlying truth. The human race would be in a lot of trouble if men preferred forty six year olds to twenty five year olds. Forthly, and much more importantly than the other points: men are from mars, women are from venus is a pile o crap. Men and women are both perfectly capable of emphasising with one another and thinking like one another. If you ask me, it’s all about preferences. Men and women prefer to think in certain ways. Basically the male way of thinking is at once more logical, and yet more psychopathic. But we can still think in the same way if we really try to. And my fifth, or perhaps forth and a half point, to illustrate that - cause I prefer to think in the male way, I’m not going to bother reading the blahdeblah she has to say about this - cause on a very brief skim read it’s tldr feelings-oriented boring crap - and if I’m wrong I don’t really care cause, and in all honesty I don’t even realistically entertain the possibility that I am wrong. Cause that’s how I prefer to think:) ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/4 "2012-02-19T02:27:04Z")
I think she looks very good in both pictures, very sad that she can’t see that yet. Body dismorphic disorder occurs in both men and women. It occurs more in women because they are objectified by the male gaze of the media. Women are taught from a very young age that their worth lies in how sexually attractive they are judged to be by men. This is for most people probably not an overt message they get from their parents, family and peers, but rather a sneaky but general message they get from television and advertising. This has very little to do with _Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus_. The book is absolute nonsense and contributes dangerously to the destructive ideas of huge inherent differences between the male and female brain. It widens the gap of the false gender binary that divides our society sharply in two. Watch [this](http://fora.tv/2010/10/02/Cordelia_Fine_Delusions_of_Gender) for an excellent introduction by Cordelia Fine on all that is wrong with John Gray’s terrible book. If you want to find out more, look up her books and also the research by Dr. Rebecca Jordan-Young. They both discuss the vast flaws in the research into the differences in the male and female brain. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/5 "2012-02-19T02:37:44Z")
Years ago I read this about some art gallery: one of the exhibits was of a woman sitting at a dressing table in front of a mirror. All she did was meticulously put on her makeup, then take it off. Over and over again. She was surrounded by a crowd of women, crying. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/6 "2012-02-19T03:23:12Z")
I try to be accepting of other - thinner and healthier - women’s need to discuss how their bodies aren’t perfect, that they need to lose weight, that they’re unhappy with how they look. But for the love of little green apples, what a fucking drama queen! Shut _up_, bitch. You have a healthy weight. You have a physical trainer. You are wealthy enough to hire a professional photographer to take pictures of you. You are self-aware enough to say “in twenty years, I’ll probably recognize how good I look.” The only person telling you that you’re ugly is yourself, and you’re doing it so people will take pity on you and tell you how pretty you are. Fuck off. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/7 "2012-02-19T03:30:58Z")
I know it’s kind of becoming a cliche, but all I could think of was the phrase “First World problems”. She looks fine. There is something to be said for people who know how to age gracefully rather than freaking out that they don’t look 25 forever. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/8 "2012-02-19T03:33:52Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > This has very little to do with _Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus_. The book is absolute nonsense and contributes dangerously to the destructive ideas of huge inherent differences between the male and female brain. Regardless of the accuracy of the book, we _do_ have huge inherent differences in how our brains work. We are actually more different than we appear, not less; even when males and females do equally well on a test (like a spelling bee, for example) brain scans show their brains are accomplishing the task in very different ways. Tens of millions of years of divergent evolution leave their mark. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/9 "2012-02-19T03:34:06Z")
I take it you’re young, male, and single then OP? I would never have believed some of the body image insanity that goes through my wife’s head, and she was not open about a lot of it until we were together a long time. Its not just a self destructive way to think, it is literally impossible to satisfy, as it even takes into account fashion so a woman who was agonizing and crying over her full curvy ass a decade ago is not crying because its not as full and curvy as is currently in fashion :smack::rolleyes::smack: It also has NOTHING to do with what straight men want, not really. It has to do with what other catty women claim men want, which is often gross(visible vertebra) and doesn’t take a real male view into mind. Her “ideal” body sounds disgusting to me, basically she wants to be non-female. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/10 "2012-02-19T03:37:22Z")
It’s true, men aren’t under the same pressure to be as physically attractive as women. But if we were, it would be phrased like this: "Be more attractive, _you little faggot!"_ ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/11 "2012-02-19T03:52:30Z")
Thank you for explaining this. I should have said something similar in the OP. I’ve been with my wife for almost twenty-five years. We don’t always speak the same language. She has strengths and abilities I don’t have. She’s really good at seeing through phonies for example. Men & Woman think differently, but neither is smarter or better than the other. I only brought this up because self-image and appearance are usually very different between the sexes. It would be extremely unusual for a guy to make the comments the writer did in her article. Guys obsess over different things like cars, electronics, and loss of hair. > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Regardless of the accuracy of the book, we _do_ have huge inherent differences in how our brains work. We are actually more different than we appear, not less; even when males and females do equally well on a test (like a spelling bee, for example) brain scans show their brains are accomplishing the task in very different ways. Tens of millions of years of divergent evolution leave their mark. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/12 "2012-02-19T04:01:33Z")
> [@spankthecrumpet](#): > > A few thoughts. > > Firstly, she did indeed look far better when she was twenty five than when she was forty six. I can say that cause I don’t have to care about her feelings as she isn’t reading this. > > Secondly, she still looks very nice at forty six. > > Thirdly, it would be entirely wrong if she looked better at forty six. I know that evolutionary psychology (is that the right term?) is thought of as a bit daft, but it has underlying truth. The human race would be in a lot of trouble if men preferred forty six year olds to twenty five year olds. > > Forthly, and much more importantly than the other points: men are from mars, women are from venus is a pile o crap. Men and women are both perfectly capable of emphasising with one another and thinking like one another. If you ask me, it’s all about preferences. Men and women prefer to think in certain ways. Basically the male way of thinking is at once more logical, and yet more psychopathic. But we can still think in the same way if we really try to. > > And my fifth, or perhaps forth and a half point, to illustrate that - cause I prefer to think in the male way, I’m not going to bother reading the blahdeblah she has to say about this - cause on a very brief skim read it’s tldr feelings-oriented boring crap - and if I’m wrong I don’t really care cause, and in all honesty I don’t even realistically entertain the possibility that I am wrong. Cause that’s how I prefer to think:) Thanks for saying everything I would have said, so I don’t have to. (except I wouldn’t have written “emphasizing” when I meant “empathizing”) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/13 "2012-02-19T04:04:35Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > It would be extremely unusual for a guy to make the comments the writer did in her article. Guys obsess over different things like cars, electronics, and loss of hair. Guys also obsess over the physical attractiveness of women. Sometimes that’s all they talk about. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/14 "2012-02-19T04:19:18Z")
She does look much better in the 25 year old photos. In another 25 years she will be mourning her 50 year old body when she sees her 75 year old photos. That’s just how things go. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/15 "2012-02-19T04:30:54Z")
Humans age as time goes by. Pretending otherwise is idiotic. I happen to be in better shape than I was in my 30s but not as buff as my 20s. For the record, I am in my 50s and I try to keep in shape. Not just because I am suddenly single, but because I would prefer to die later than earlier. Women apparently like my silver hair. Weird how that works. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/16 "2012-02-19T04:31:01Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > It’s true, men aren’t under the same pressure to be as physically attractive as women. > > But if we were, it would be phrased like this: > > "Be more attractive, _you little faggot!"_ I agree that men aren’t under the _same_ pressure to be as physically attractive as women. But I think that a far greater portion of the pressure than is generally attributed actually comes from other women, directly or indirectly. And I think men are under far greater pressure to be physically ‘beautiful’ than is generally accepted. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/17 "2012-02-19T05:40:11Z")
I find the OP ironic, considering he’s the one that decides what kind of [titties](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=642074) a woman should have. Oh, thank god I have the right kind!:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/18 "2012-02-19T05:47:39Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > Thanks for saying everything I would have said, so I don’t have to. (except I wouldn’t have written “emphasizing” when I meant “empathizing”) 😉 Well, yeah, you’re Voltaire. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/19 "2012-02-19T08:52:54Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Well, yeah, you’re Voltaire. How come you’ve never posted “_Peccavi_”, anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287/20 "2012-02-19T13:21:39Z")
I’m thinking it’s a little absurd to post a story about a woman who suspects she has body dysmorphic disorder (and if she’s “horrified” at how “fat” she is in any of those photos, that might be a fair assessment) and say “This is how women view themselves.” This ain’t how this woman views herself and I suspect there are a lot of others like me. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-never-realized-how-women-viewed-themselves-before-reading-this/613287.md?page=2)