# I pit a Starbucks barista **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 20, 2017, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780 "2017-09-20T02:45:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Ispolkom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47774/32.png) [@Ispolkom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ispolkom)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/61 "2017-09-21T02:35:12Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I buy used short-sleeve work-shirts from a company that supplies/launders shirts for various businesses. I pay .90 a piece in bundles of a dozen, so they are kind of disposable. Yesterday I was Tony from Exxon, the day before I was Luis from Midas. > > When I walk into a Starbucks or similar and am asked my name, I give whatever random name I’m using that day, avoiding my IRL name. > > I do this purely for shits/giggles, but maybe the OP should consider a similar approach to life. Wow! I wish I had such a source for cheap shirts. The closest I’ve gotten was catalog returns from Lands End, where you got an extra 20% off if the item was personalized. These ranged from a canvas bag personalized “Kaley” (I’m a guy), to shirts that ranged from “Goose” to “Afredo” (the cowardly waiter). But those cost $5 or so each. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/62 "2017-09-21T03:28:43Z")
> [@Pippers](#): > > I love places that ask for my name. I tell them one that’s long and hard to spell on a cup. Charlotta Maria, Susaranalee, Meredithanor, etc. Our local greasy spoon asks for a name, and when your order’s up, the cook calls it out from behind the chest-high counter, quite loudly with a Jersey accent. I give them a different name every time. Best one? “I’m not wearing any pants back here!” ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/63 "2017-09-21T03:34:27Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I buy used short-sleeve work-shirts from a company that supplies/launders shirts for various businesses. I pay .90 a piece in bundles of a dozen, so they are kind of disposable. Yesterday I was Tony from Exxon, the day before I was Luis from Midas. > . I’m giggling madly here. I want to be Luis from Midas for a day, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![Pippers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b5a626/32.png) [@Pippers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pippers)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/64 "2017-09-21T05:48:01Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Our local greasy spoon asks for a name, and when your order’s up, the cook calls it out from behind the chest-high counter, quite loudly with a Jersey accent. > > I give them a different name every time. Best one? “I’m not wearing any pants back here!” Freaking brilliant! And outrageously funny. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/65 "2017-09-21T13:07:55Z")
Yeah, but not good for anonymity – every once in a while one of the cooks will say “Hey, it’s pants guy! How ya doin?” ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/66 "2017-09-21T13:23:44Z")
> [@digs](#): > > With the perky barista (who’d start crying if I said that), I whispered “Shhh, I’m here to write anonymously. If you call out my name, competing writers will want to steal my notebook. Or I’ll be deluged with fans. I need to keep it on the down low…” > > So of course she treats this like a game now, and whispers “hi” to me when I get to the front of the line. But that’s preferable. This might be a viable solution or just ask her to be more discrete with your name because you are trying to stay anonymous because bill collectors, process servers, etc. are looking for you. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/67 "2017-09-21T14:57:07Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > This might be a viable solution or just ask her to be more discrete with your name because you are trying to stay anonymous because bill collectors, process servers, etc. are looking for you. Or “the police” and “the FBI.” When you fib, go for the gusto! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/68 "2017-09-21T23:05:29Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > There isn’t another Starbucks across the street? Not everyone lives in Seattle. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/69 "2017-09-21T23:16:09Z")
> [@cuauhtemoc](#): > > I’ve read this like five times and I still have no idea what you’re trying to say. I’m saying that instructing the employees that they needn’t bother being nice to their customers might have adverse effects on business which might then come back around and effect the employee’s status as an employee. Also, murder. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/70 "2017-09-21T23:24:46Z")
I gather no one else took the OP as a stealth brag that the barista liked him? ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/71 "2017-09-21T23:27:57Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I gather no one else took the OP as a stealth brag that the barista liked him? Nope. I guess I’m not jaded enough. That, and the, er, pizzaristas at Dominos know \*my \*name. And there’s _no way in hell_ they like me. I mean seriously, this is \*me \*here. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/72 "2017-09-21T23:38:42Z")
Well, I’m not slamming him for it or anything. I thought it was kinda cute. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/73 "2017-09-22T01:09:06Z")
_All_ the coffee shop baristas in Brooklyn would want a piece of my ass. Unfortunately for them, I roast and grind my own at home; it’s far better and cheaper! ---
**Author:** ![Evan\_Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@Evan\_Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evan_Drake)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/74 "2017-09-22T01:31:56Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > _All_ the coffee shop baristas in Brooklyn would want a piece of my ass. Unfortunately for them, I roast and grind my own at home; it’s far better and cheaper! A lot of people couldn’t sit down for a week afterwards. Respect ! ---
**Author:** ![Anxious\_Squirrel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anxious_squirrel/32/1083_2.png) [@Anxious\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anxious_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/75 "2017-09-22T03:11:52Z")
Try getting Miss Barista to pre-order your book. People always disappear when I try and sell 'em my books. Or sell her a time share or bring an Avon catalog with you. Either, she starts avoiding you or you can get rich and quit your day job forever. Win, win. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/76 "2017-09-22T04:34:26Z")
When asked your name at any establishment that requires a name, simply provide a long, preferably rude sounding, last name and no full first name. Barista: “Name?” You: “Mr. I.M. Dinglebarryschittzenpantzer III.” Barista: “…uh…first name?” You: “First name’s a little embarrassing sounding, please just use my last.” Barista: “Can I write ‘Mr. D’ on your cup?” You: “Certainly.” Barista: “Ok, Mr. D, what would you like with…” You: “But, please use my non-abbreviated name in conversation. It’s a sign of respect.” Barista: “Yes…uh…sir.” You: “Glad we cleared that up, toots.” ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2017, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/77 "2017-09-23T04:14:20Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > You _bought_ the stone? Pathetic. > > . . . Nope. I paid the Iron Price. > [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > _All_ the coffee shop baristas in Brooklyn would want a piece of my ass. . . . I roast and grind my own at home; . . . Is THAT what the kids are calling it these days? 😛 To the OP: Whoever recommended the Renfield approach is on to something. [His is pretty good,](https://youtu.be/L7C7pX17aDs?t=204) but there’s one that I think would work better. [Easier to do at a Starbucks, too.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKbr8arXVJM) ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2017, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/78 "2017-09-23T08:07:18Z")
Try being the other side of the counter; at the cafe I worked in last one of the customers bought in a freakin’ free form poem with all the staffs’ names worked in. It was awful. ---
**Author:** ![Athabasca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Athabasca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athabasca)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2017, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/79 "2017-09-24T16:23:23Z")
Starbucks. Why not go to Dunkin Donuts? Anonymity ensured. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2017, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780/80 "2017-10-01T16:05:08Z")
I decided to put this Starbucks rant here instead of starting a new thread. Preamble: I walk at my local mall early every morning, and Starbucks in the mall is the only thing open. So suggestions that I should go somewhere besides Starbucks can be shelved. I walk in this morning and NO MENU UP ON THE WALL. I asked the counter person about it, and she said things like: _There’s a menu online. People usually know what they want. If they don’t, the person with them will be able to help them decide._ To which I replied: _I’m not online, I’m standing here. What if it’s their first time at Starbucks? Surely there are a few left. I always come alone._ For good measure, I threw in, “When I go to a Mexican restaurant, even though I’ve been there a million times, and all Mexican restaurant menus are basically the same anyway, I still want to see a menu.” Then she came clean with the real answer, which speaks to the first post: “Starbucks wants us to interact more with the customers and develop relationships. We can offer suggestions-- if you like this then you’ll probably like that.” IOW, _upsell_. Geez Louise, let’s take something that works and :smack: improve it! I said, “That must be hard when there’s a line out the door.” She said wistfully, “Yeah, it was really busy yesterday…” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-a-starbucks-barista/796780.md?page=5)