# I Pit Allen Keys and Build-It-Yourself Furniture **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 9, 2006, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734 "2006-03-09T20:20:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2006, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/61 "2006-03-11T09:57:25Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Clearly, we were all separated at birth, or at least share a common father. Any of you L.A. County Dopers need your IKEA furniture put together, I’m there, with hex drivers and rubber mallet in hand. Same here. I’ll grunt and sweat and swear all the way through the assembly, sure, but it’s the only thing in the universe that can actually make me feel butch. (Yes, that’s how femme I am: the only butch thing I do involves IKEA.) ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2006, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/62 "2006-03-11T14:36:02Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Maus Magill** > Quick question: How may of us who don’t mind or even enjoy building assemble-yourself furniture or appliances built models as kids? _::: raises hand :::_ I didn’t build models, but I had a pretty impressive Lego collection. [Geezer Mode]And this was back in the day when you just got a bunch of basic shapes and had to build your own stuff from your imagination. Not like now, where you get really specific shapes and technical directions to build Space Shuttles and Star Fighters. [/Geezer Mode] I love putting together furniture. It’s fun! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/63 "2006-03-13T00:35:46Z")
> [@ZebraShaSha](#): > > I had tons of construction sets as a kid I had an Erector Set when I was a kid that I used to play with all the time. 😃 Well, _someone_ had to say it! ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/64 "2006-03-13T18:48:00Z")
I had a startling realization on Saturday. There is someone selling RTA office furniture with instructions that are worse than IKEA’s. Tiny pictures that combine the actions of Steps 2 through 4 into one picture but don’t indicate the order of things. Text that’s less than helpful. That someone is HON. Who? You probably don’t know them, but HON is a biggie in the “big boys” world of commercial office furniture along with Herman Miller and Steelcase. Great stuff, once it’s assembled. During assembly? Good luck! At least they justify the eye-popping price by giving you a pile of leftover parts once the thing is built. At least I think they’re supposed to be leftovers…eh, just put a book under that wobbly desk… Compared to IKEA, HON’s instructions are complete crap. Apparently, they’re written as a courtesy to office furniture assemblers that do this all day long and already speak fluent Credenza. ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/65 "2006-03-13T20:12:12Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Common as dirt up here in Canada though. Two sizes (the red and the green), and very easy to use. I know of at least 4 sizes, one larger than the red and one smaller than the green. I haven’t seen screwdrivers for them, but driver bits for drills do exist. Come to think of it, there may be two smaller than the green, but I am not sure. ---
**Author:** ![slaphead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@slaphead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slaphead)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/66 "2006-03-13T21:16:49Z")
I have two things I wanted to share… Last time I shopped at Ikea (I need a discount card or something) when I handed all the stuff over to the home delivery dude, he gave me a receipt and copy of the delivery order, and a business card. Great, thinks I, a card so I can call if they buggers are late. But no. It was a card from a separate company that are “Certified Ikea Assemblers”. Mwah? There are people who buy Ikea furniture, pay to have it delivered, and then pay to have it assembled? Where are these people, who would clearly benefit from buying a bridge or two from me. Also, if you think putting together Ikea furniture is bad, may I suggest you try disassembling a 1950’s Utility Furniture wardrobe, carrying its component parts up three flights of stairs, and then putting it back together? Three separate sizes of screws, two separate sizes of nails, the whole thing fitted together like a jigsaw, and everything rusted and aged into place for half a century. And my mother springs this on 45 mins before I need to leave to catch my train back to safety. Thanks mum :mad: Fortunately I am wise to her ways, and had just given her a complete set of Sealey screwdrivers as on of her christmas presents. Thank Og! Otherwise I would have had the pleasure of working on Grandpa’s old wardrobe with Grandpa’s old tools. :smack: Yeah, mum, I’ll just trim the end of this christmas tree square with a rusty old tenon saw from WW2. It’s as good as new? Really? I never knew they made these things with rust flecks and blunt teeth but anyhow that’s irrelevant because it’s THE WRONG TOOL. Go buy a £4.99 bow saw, you daft bint. Oh, but everywhere is closed for Christmas. AAAARGH! ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/67 "2006-03-13T21:18:27Z")
I like furniture. I like tools. I like building things. I didn’t much care for models or erector sets as a kid, but I was a complete nutter for lego. Hell, for the last three years I’ve been working in an industry that deals extensively with power tools, pneumatics, combustion engines, and the people and industries that use them. [_insert Tim Allen grunt here_] I, however, fucking _hate_ KD/RTA furniture. And I’ll tell you why, because I’m sure you’re dying to know. 1. The contentious allen keys made of butter. They must either be employed outside during winter or they will melt at room temperature. Fortunately these are mostly being replaced by… 2. Locking cams. Now, these are a pretty good idea. Or they would be if the cams weren’t made of croutons. 3. Aluminum dowels. Look, if you’re going to use something that costs more to make than wooden dowels or joiner biscuits to lock two pieces together, the obvious logic is to _ **make it stronger than the wood it’s replacing!** _ Instead, you might as well be fastening two pieces of heavy MDF together with breadsticks. 4. Pre-drilled holes. You know, I do appreciate that you guys drilled the holes for me so I don’t have to yank out my drill, but it would sure be nice if they _ **lined up with anything** _. As it is I have to manipulate and shove and nudge like a fucking tangram puzzle, and even then your cheap fucking hinges still manage to make the doors hang so perfectly askew that they neither line up properly with the magnetic door clasp nor the base, along which they scrape and will inevitably leave a nice arc-shaped swath of worn-through MDF in their paths. 5. Helpful instructions. If by “instructions” you assume that verbiage like “thingy” and “doohickey with the bit sticking out of it” are common parlance, and by “helpful” you mean that none of these words, nor in fact any others are actually employed on paper. Yes, I mean those six pages that contain lots of images, arrows, and numbers and individual letters. At least, one can only presume they are numbers and individual letters, but they could actually be heiroglyphics because this eighth-generation photocopy is barely legible, and all of the parts depicted in the various images are so fucking miniscule that it is impossible to tell which way those runners are oriented – or if in fact those are runners in the first place. Okay, wait, which one has the sticker with the “lambda” symbol on it? 6. Tiny philips hinge screws. This is really an addendum to 5, but since your hinges don’t line up it makes driving those tiny little philips screws a real chore even with a cordless drill. Not because the drill isn’t powerful enough, but because the screw ends up trying to go in at an angle, the bit ends up camming out and the screw head ends up chewing the unholy crap out of my bits. And do you have any fucking idea how hard it is to find #0 philips bits by themselves, or even in a pack of two or five? _ **Do you?!** _ No, not even an overgrown hardware store like Canadian Tire has them. I had to buy a $6 variety pack of bits just for that one little #0 bit. And even then, once I got a fresh bit, I had to apply about four thousand pounds of force against the bit so it would go into the wood without camming out. Okay. I feel a little better now. Having built two storage cabinets and a rather large computer desk with hutch over the last few months, I’m still aching from the effort. ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/68 "2006-03-13T21:51:40Z")
> [@FordPrefect](#): > > I know of at least 4 sizes, one larger than the red and one smaller than the green. I haven’t seen screwdrivers for them, but driver bits for drills do exist. Come to think of it, there may be two smaller than the green, but I am not sure. There are 4 sizes that I know of. Black, red, green, and yellow, from largest to smallest. I’ve seen screwdrivers in all those sizes, but regular screwdriver sets generally only include red and green. And really, how often does a person use #4 wood screws with Robertson heads? I hate Philips wood screws with a passion. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/69 "2006-03-13T22:26:12Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > We saw a floor model. With legs. This was an expensive set, bought based on a showroom model. So when you went back to Leons (which is where it sounds like you purchased this set from), did your head spin around, and did steam pour out of your ears, and did you shove your crappy cheese-made allen keys up somebodys butt, 'cus that would be cool. 🙂 But seriously, you spend $$ and get some dissasembled piece of crap with no legs - I’m assuming you at least phoned, them, right? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/70 "2006-03-13T22:26:22Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > We saw a floor model. With legs. This was an expensive set, bought based on a showroom model. So when you went back to Leons (which is where it sounds like you purchased this set from), did your head spin around, and did steam pour out of your ears, and did you shove your crappy cheese-made allen keys up somebodys butt, 'cus that would be cool. 🙂 But seriously, you spend $$ and get some dissasembled piece of crap with no legs - I’m assuming you at least phoned them, right? ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/71 "2006-03-13T22:27:29Z")
I laugh at you. Have you ever put together one of the those pre-fab sheet metal storage sheds with about 15 million nuts and bolts and screws? Until you do that, you don’t know frustration and tedium. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/72 "2006-03-14T09:45:39Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > I laugh at you. Have you ever put together one of the those pre-fab sheet metal storage sheds with about 15 million nuts and bolts and screws? Until you do that, you don’t know frustration and tedium. …and _you’re_ laughing at _us?!_😃 ---
**Author:** ![LucyInDisguise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucyindisguise/32/18064_2.png) [@LucyInDisguise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LucyInDisguise)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/73 "2006-03-14T15:35:17Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > I laugh at you. Have you ever put together one of the those pre-fab sheet metal storage sheds with about 15 million nuts and bolts and screws? Until you do that, you don’t know frustration and tedium. Just lost the coffee … You want tedium? Frustration? Try this one on for size: Metal storage shed that served as a well house insulated with 1x2’s, 3" long Grabber screws, and fiberglass insulation about 15 sexvigintillion\* years ago. Blown down by the wind years ago. All those 15 million nuts and bolts rusted and and the heads (I think they used to be Phillips) are all stripped out. Your assignment, Mr. Phelps, should you decide to accept it, is to disassemble this wreckage and remove it from the concrete foundation in less than 1 weekend so the masons can erect a proper concrete block well house on said foundation. Foundation must remain intact, so dynamite is not a good option. Neither is a cutting torch because of the 4’ high growth of weeds and sagebrush surrounding this little project. Oh, yeah, no power yet - so power tools are not an option. (Before you bring up the use of cordless tools, note that there is **no** power. No way to recharge the battery … ) Lucy - I was surprised to learn that [this is an actual number](http://www.kokogiak.com/megapenny/nineteen.asp). ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/74 "2006-03-14T16:59:28Z")
No power? No problem! I’ll bring my Sawzall with metal cutting blades and my portable generator. You bring the gas and beer. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/75 "2006-03-14T17:07:33Z")
I’m a university student. Needless to say, I love IKEA and other cheap DIY furniture. ---
**Author:** ![LucyInDisguise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucyindisguise/32/18064_2.png) [@LucyInDisguise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LucyInDisguise)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/76 "2006-03-14T17:27:45Z")
> [@gotpasswords](#): > > No power? No problem! I’ll bring my Sawzall with metal cutting blades and my portable generator. > > You bring the gas and beer. 😃 And just where were you when I _needed_ you … 😛 Oh, and I forgot to raise my hand - 'nuther model builder and puzzle solver here … Lucy ---
**Author:** ![fushj00mang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d26b3c/32.png) [@fushj00mang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fushj00mang)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/77 "2006-03-14T17:56:21Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Alan Keyes, on the other hand, is a fucking douchbag. I thought the same thing when I saw the thread title. “Dr. Keyes and Wal-Mart furnature? WTF?” ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/78 "2006-03-15T16:40:18Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > I laugh at you. Have you ever put together one of the those pre-fab sheet metal storage sheds with about 15 million nuts and bolts and screws? Until you do that, you don’t know frustration and tedium. What is funny is watching a father and son put a prefab grain storage bin together, the sone on the inside with the bolts and Dad on the outside with the nuts. Dad, “Stick a bolt through this hole” Son, “Which hole?” Dad, “This one!” Bangs on the outside with the wrench. Son, “Where?!?” Dad, “Here!” Bang. Bang. It was like watching the Three Stooges live. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2006, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734/79 "2006-03-15T18:35:22Z")
> [@FordPrefect](#): > > What is funny is watching a father and son put a prefab grain storage bin together, the sone on the inside with the bolts and Dad on the outside with the nuts. > > Dad, “Stick a bolt through this hole” > Son, “Which hole?” > Dad, “This one!” Bangs on the outside with the wrench. > Son, “Where?!?” > Dad, “Here!” Bang. Bang. > > It was like watching the Three Stooges live. The best ending would be finding out the door was too small for the son to get out of. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-allen-keys-and-build-it-yourself-furniture/347734.md?page=3)