Let me know when someone admits to their kid getting the Best Nose Picker award.
While these specific awards are insane, I think they are a symptom of a sea-change that I approve of, overall–that it’s a good idea for adults in positions of influence over kids to make a point of noticing and encouraging all of them. Facile awards are pointless, but I’ve seen other things like that that really are effective–so many kids that are totally competent but that are neither the best of the best nor inherently charismatic end up falling through the cracks for most of life, and that represents a lot of waste, because those kids sometimes could have been more–more skilled, more happy, more productive–if they’d been encouraged more.
When people set out to encourage all kids, they sometimes miss the mark and descend into silliness. But the goal’s a worthwhile one, and I think it’s worth a little silliness.
They wouldn’t reveal WHICH president the school was named after. Grade level = junior high. I understand your preference toward “those who grow up to write beautifully out-lined reports in completely incoherent syntax”, but this is THE FREAKING SCHOOL NAME! Kids like this deserve to be disqualified and laughed at.
That is a MUCH better lesson than a fake award for a “good effort” when there really was none.
Shit, I would’ve gotten a detention if I couldn’t spell the school name. Probably a note for my mom to sign too.
It’s on the side of the school when the bus drops them off!
This is what I thought of when I read the OP. There were pointless awards for every school kid in the 70s too, just less creatively named. What was the “Good Citizenship” award about back then?
I was amused the other day at a bumper sticker I saw on a minivan the other day: My Child Won a Good Attendance Award at <local> Elementary School. Not perfect attendance, just good attendance. And in elementary school, where the child doesn’t really get to choose whether to attend or not, it’s more a function of the parent. It was an award for the parent, really, and a really mediocre one at that.
An example on this topic - then-Sen. Obama came out against 8th grade/5th grade/kindergarten graduations in an interview with NPR’s “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me”. He said - with a lot of humor but also seriously - that when you’ve “graduated” from 8th grade, what you should be doing is getting ready for high school and studying, not wearing a cap and gown, getting pictures taken, flowers, etc. He says that shouldn’t be seen as a serious achievement but a logical, expected step on the way towards a high school diploma.
He did admit to favoritism regarding preschool graduations because his little constituent at home was extra-good at the preschool achievement of “lining up.” 
And there’s part II of the problem, the dumb-ass parents supporting a “Good Attendance” award and advertising it. I have rolled down my window on that one and asked, “Do you need a better alarm clock?” For the adult, that is, not the elementary kid.
Maybe not, but she’s have a spiffy plaque for her wall.
HIGHEST ACHIEVEMENT
for a student laughed at by the admissions staff of
HARVARD UNIVERSITY
The sillier part is when parents expect the award to make the parents special too. The bumper sticker is a good example. They would have a bumper sticker that said I won this award and let the kid drive the vehicle if it was about the kid and not them.
Relevant news article:
“The growing expectation placed on schools and parents to boost pupils’ self-esteem is breeding a generation of narcissists, an expert has warned.”
It was 26, but yeah, we had this. Everyone who had above a 4.0 GPA was co-valedictorian.
Elementary school teacher checking in.
I can think of some awards I’d like to give to kids who might not otherwise receive recognition:
~Boy best able to surreptitiously jiggle his balls through his pants pocket
~Best liar when confronted with misbehavior
~Worst mother (helicopter category)
~Worst mother (negligence category)
~Best cafeteria vegetable flinger
~Best stomach-ache faker
~Most imaginative lost homework excuse
~Most liable to make teachers cry over your sad, sad home situation
~Least likely to ever conquer adding fractions
I could make sure every child got an award. If only they were honest awards.
And how does one achieve said GPA? 
Honors and AP classes.
Wait, what? They have full on ceremonies for those too? I’m floored.
As a teacher, I try to give every pupil encouragement.
I think awards should be kept rare and thus valued.
However something like a certificate of full attendance or a team sweater for every member of a sports team sounds fine to me. It gently rewards good behaviour and encourages supporting others.
Parents should balance pride in their children with calm behaviour in public.
Yes they do Iggins. Now I don’t mind some kind of ceremony, but I’ve seen middle school ones not all that different from high school ones. However, I do know that in some cases they implemented gowns just so they didn’t have to deal with dress code drama.
Yeah, you’re right…I graduated 13th in my class of 600 and graduated college in three years with a 3.5 GPA. Boy, getting that C really destroyed my academic abilities, didn’t it? It didn’t instill in me ANY desire whatsoever to do well in school.
glee, I don’t have a problem with awards for perfect attendance. What I have a problem with are made up categories just so every kid can get an “award.”
I hereby award you the “Best post in this thread by a poster with a gender specific flora derived name” award. Congratulations!!
In my era, that was the point of Dodge Ball.
On the one hand, I agree that awards should be given for actual achievements.
On the other hand, in the early grades, kids–especially kids for whom academics does not come easy–need to learn that school is a good place to be and that their teachers care about them. So academic achievement shouldn’t be the only thing for which kids receive positive reinforcement at school. I have absolutely no problem with a teacher praising a kid for his efforts or for giving a kid a gold star for being helpful or considerate.