# I pit certain types of people on dating websites **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 18, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542 "2009-04-18T16:48:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/21 "2009-04-20T14:34:24Z")
As for the miracle of online dating, results may vary. I’ve been seriously on OKCupid, as a poly guy, for just about two years now. I had my first date as a result…yesterday. Now granted, she’s just about as close to ideal as I could ask for, in terms of what we’re both looking for, but what I’m saying is that online dating is a journey and anyone who tells you different is probably trying to sell you a dating site membership. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/22 "2009-04-20T14:50:25Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > Hmm, doesn’t anyone else get the feeling that some people just like to complain? I get the feeling that you should go bugger yourself. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/23 "2009-04-20T15:17:14Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > Not checking the profile: They may have forgotten about posting it. Or maybe they weren’t getting the response they wanted and gave up. Or they may even have died (sounds far fetched but I really do know someone who had set up a profile on [match.com](http://match.com) just a few months before dying unexpectedly ☹ ). Actually, it is very hard to get rid of a profile on [match.com](http://match.com). I don’t know if they still do this, but in the past even if you requested that your profile be taken down they wouldn’t do it until you had failed to log in for at least a year. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/24 "2009-04-20T15:28:05Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > I’ve tried to overlook the poor grammar and punctuation when going though womens’ profiles and e-mail responses but at some point it just becomes painful to try to parse the l33tspeak into something intelligible, and frankly, I have a hard time imaging how I could deal with that on a regular basis without developing an ugly and irritating desire to ‘fix’ such language. The next time you run into someone like this, try getting them to talk to you on the phone early on. You might be surprised to find that some people who are poor typers/spellers are in fact intelligent people when you speak to them. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/25 "2009-04-20T16:03:26Z")
> [@Long\_Time\_First\_Time](#): > > What is so amazing to me when I read threads like this started by men is that I know about a dozen women who say exactly the same thing. Why can’t all these nice unattached men and women find each other? Life is not fair, and it’s particularly unfair when it comes to meeting that special person. Human attraction, sadly, tends to weed out the people who need it most. Social people have to take the risks, of course, but shyer people have to take even bigger risks, and overcome more resistance - from themselves as well as others. It’s also something you do better when you pursue it coolly, without really wanting or needing anyone. Lonely people need not bother unless they really have good self-mastery. There is also all this fog about sex roles and “what wo/men want,” which should not mean as much as people make it mean. But discourse shapes reality, so it might as well mean the world. Either way, I’m convinced the fog will never clear up. ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/26 "2009-04-20T16:16:10Z")
> [@Mongo\_Ponton](#): > > I’ve had one for years and have no interest in communicating or dating or any of that. > > I use it to see who’s out there in my community. > > If the lady at the Post Office is suddenly single it’s a good bet she’ll have a profile up soon. I’m not looking for dirt necessarily but just some insight as to what the people around me are all about. > > Not harmless per se but not terribly malevolent. > > I suspect a lot of people do the same. That’s quite creepy, and I don’t suspect a lot of people do the same. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/27 "2009-04-20T16:24:08Z")
I agree. “Insight” about people obtained on the sly might be very useful to a private detective, but as far as really _knowing_ people, it’s worse than no insight at all. Nothing can replace getting to know people, even a little. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/28 "2009-04-20T16:25:17Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > I get the feeling that you should go bugger yourself. > > Stranger I get the feeling that you are incredibly self-absorbed since you thought I was speaking of you. I was going to offer you a bit of hopefully helpful advice once I got my thoughts together since you seemed as if a little push in the right direction would benefit you, but since you have insulted me, I no longer feel like putting forth the effort. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/29 "2009-04-20T17:30:49Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > I get the feeling that you should go bugger yourself. > > Stranger All that wit & charm, going to waste… ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/30 "2009-04-20T18:15:53Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > Human attraction, sadly, tends to weed out the people who need it most. Social people have to take the risks, of course, but shyer people have to take even bigger risks, and overcome more resistance - from themselves as well as others. It’s also something you do better when you pursue it coolly, without really wanting or needing anyone. Lonely people need not bother unless they really have good self-mastery. You make it sound like nobody could possibly be attracted to shy, awkward, lonely people. What about other shy, awkward, lonely people? 🙂 It’s not like you’re the only shy person in a world full of beautiful, arrogant prom queens. I’m sure there are some introverted ladies who would welcome meeting an introverted guy who understands where they come from (I used to be one of them until I finally got together with my current boyfriend). Of course, the problem with being shy is that if you aren’t putting yourself out there at all, people don’t know how to find you even if they would be crazy about you if they got to know you. It’s certainly not realistic for anyone to expect to have adoring fans throwing themselves at you (unless you are very rich or famous of course - something that awkward nerds can achieve but that I wouldn’t count on). I think it is more helpful to look at how you can find the courage to make the effort to put yourself out there - and accept rejection is part of the game - than to look at it as if you’re doomed to never find anyone. ---
**Author:** ![pricciar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@pricciar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pricciar)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/31 "2009-04-20T18:26:52Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > I get the feeling that you are incredibly self-absorbed since you thought I was speaking of you. I was going to offer you a bit of hopefully helpful advice once I got my thoughts together since you seemed as if a little push in the right direction would benefit you, but since you have insulted me, I no longer feel like putting forth the effort. Your original reply was annoying. People are making legitimate complaints about their problems with the dating sites. Complaints that tons of people have had over the years. And, your response is to minimize their complaints and just say they like to complain. If I were to take your original response as a reflection on the amount of thought that goes into a post I would say Stranger is better off that he insulted you. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/32 "2009-04-20T18:41:21Z")
back to the op on _why_, some dating sites won’t let you delete your profile, as every one they have increases how much they can charge for ads. I eventually had to remove all the text from my profiles and set all questions to null-answer to keep from being spammed by Indian engineers. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/33 "2009-04-20T18:43:51Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > I agree. “Insight” about people obtained on the sly might be very useful to a private detective, but as far as really _knowing_ people, it’s worse than no insight at all. Nothing can replace getting to know people, even a little. Unless its kiddie porn found in a secret folder 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/34 "2009-04-20T21:14:05Z")
> [@Telperien](#): > > I get the feeling that you are incredibly self-absorbed since you thought I was speaking of you. I was going to offer you a bit of hopefully helpful advice once I got my thoughts together since you seemed as if a little push in the right direction would benefit you, but since you have insulted me, I no longer feel like putting forth the effort. Bullshit. If you had “hopefully helpful advice,” you would have written it. Instead, you posted a snarky, pointed comment (whether directed at me or not), and then waved hands and played victim when called out on it. Passive-aggressive much? Stranger ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/35 "2009-04-20T21:18:45Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > I’ve never used one of those websites, but I understand that a lot of women use them mainly for the ego-boost of getting lots of messages from guys who are interested in them. I agree that’s pretty lame. What kind of loser does this? If incessant flattery is the kind of thing that boosts your ego, sit at a bar alone for 10 minutes. You’ll get the compliments you so richly deserve \*and \*free whiskey. I guess this is more like an ego boost for women who aren’t thirsty and do not wish to leave the house? Now they’re just lazy. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/36 "2009-04-21T08:31:46Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > What kind of loser does this? If incessant flattery is the kind of thing that boosts your ego, sit at a bar alone for 10 minutes. You’ll get the compliments you so richly deserve \*and \*free whiskey. I guess this is more like an ego boost for women who aren’t thirsty and do not wish to leave the house? Now they’re just lazy. I know one of these. She is also a raging alcoholic who is very unhappily married, she posts a 15 year old pic, with her age posted as the age when pic was taken (26 iirc). She is terrified of the rejection that her current condition and and addictions would elicit. She won’t leave the house because she is to ripped to drive, and wouldn’t invite anyone over because she is married…so she just tends to drag things out online. Sadly, she is still really pretty, but has numerous health problems secondary to long term drug and alcohol abuse. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/37 "2009-04-21T08:56:09Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Unfortunately, your goals and those of the seemingly vast majority of women are not in concert. I, too, have had this problem (see [thread=511147]this recent thread[/thread]) and despite being described as being “a catch” (i.e. gainfully employed, reasonably civil, lacking any major emotional or substance abuse problems, and essentially unencumbered) by friends and coworkers have had essentially no worthwhile responses in several months of trying on a variety of boards. It is very frustrating, and exacerbated by a genuine interest and need to be dating at this point. > > Stranger Try expanding your comfort zone a bit couple years younger/older. If you are opting out of women with children or multiple children, give it a look. Many people on the fringes of your search criteria may be perfectly viable candidates. I post an ad and get 3-4 meets easily, I am 5’10" and 400 pounds. I had a friend of a friend who asked how anyone meets anyone via personal ads because he only gets 3-5 matches. Single female thin caucasian over 5’8" within 5 miles of his zip code. He seemed offended that he might consider something other than thin or athletic. He also did not wish to consider non white matches. The woman I have been seeing is quite beautiful by any standard, chubby, yup, has 4 kids, yup. She seems to genuinely like me, I like her, the rest doesen’t matter so far. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Poster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Happy\_Poster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Poster)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/38 "2009-04-21T17:44:55Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > The woman I have been seeing is quite beautiful by any standard > [@drachillix](#): > > chubby > [@drachillix](#): > > 4 kids I am genuinely pleased for you both, but please be aware that for many folk the above statements are internally inconsistent - your argument basically condenses into “Lower your standards” - I think we **all** know that this leads to getting laid more often… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/39 "2009-04-21T20:08:31Z")
> [@Angry Lurker](#): > > I am genuinely pleased for you both, but please be aware that for many folk the above statements are internally inconsistent - your argument basically condenses into “Lower your standards” - I think we **all** know that this leads to getting laid more often… Or another way to take it would be to use different standards. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Poster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Happy\_Poster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Poster)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2009, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542/40 "2009-04-21T20:43:54Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Or another way to take it would be to use different standards. Yup, but the nature of standards is that there’s an ordering to them… I suppose you’re saying change the ordering\*. Fine, but for most folk elephants with wizard’s sleeves will never be near the top. \*Would you disagree with that? I don’t think you can. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-certain-types-of-people-on-dating-websites/493542.md?page=3)