# I pit chopsticks **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 11, 2012, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195 "2012-08-11T15:21:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/1 "2012-08-11T15:21:11Z")
[Fuck chopsticks](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=661574). Anyone with any firing synapses at all can clearly see the obvious superiority of the Almighty Fork, and anyone who would DARE to see any utility whatsoever to chopsticks is clearly either a primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte, or a primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte lover. Those people need to all be taken away in their oxcarts and publicly burned at the stake for even passing the thought that any utensil could possibly compare at all to the perfection that is the Almighty Fork. Reasons why the Almighty Fork is superior in every way: [ul] [li]It requires no skill whatsoever to use. Small children, the mentally challenged, even a primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte (and their lovers) can perfect its use in seconds![/li][li]You can stab stuff with it. Like primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodytes (and their lovers)![/li][li]It’s made of metal, thus obviously a technological feat epically superior in every way to the lowly chopstick. Ever try making an [Almighty Fork out of bamboo](http://www.restaurantware.com/product_images/w/064/RWB0180__55354_zoom.jpg), or whatever other primitive materials the primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodytes (and their lovers) have?[/li][li]You cannot eat a slab of meat with chopsticks. Obviously large slabs of meat are superior to that thoughtless, inconvenient, primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte way of cutting food up before serving. They even [gasp!] serve vegetables with their food, I hear. There may not even be any meat at all![/li][li]Umm… primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte food gives me the shits (but I eat it anyway). So fuck them.[/li][/ul] I don’t recognize at all that there is such a thing as differences in culture. If it ain’t how I do it, it’s obviously inferior primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte bullshit. Oh, and please don’t attempt to infer anything about my character from this, I’m just telling you what and how I think. All hail the Almighty Fork! ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/2 "2012-08-11T15:32:23Z")
The elders of the Almighty Church of the Spork would like to have “a word” with you. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Antibob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Great\_Antibob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Antibob)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/3 "2012-08-11T15:34:29Z")
The Fork! Because 1 billion round-eyed devils can’t all be wrong! ---
**Author:** ![antonio107](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ea924/32.png) [@antonio107](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antonio107)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/4 "2012-08-11T15:35:42Z")
Hail Caesar! Er, sorry. Hail Fork! ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/5 "2012-08-11T15:39:18Z")
What went to the moon? The Fork or the Chopstick? Just sayin. And, do Asian families have giant wooden chopsticks hanging on dinning room wall like Americans do with the fork and spoon? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/6 "2012-08-11T15:49:16Z")
Fork you. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/7 "2012-08-11T15:56:29Z")
I can think of something useful the OP can do with chopsticks. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/8 "2012-08-11T16:00:54Z")
Something with 2 moving parts is a complex machine? ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/9 "2012-08-11T16:03:48Z")
Chopsticks are the absolute best utensil for eating cheetos. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Hockey\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a183cd/32.png) [@Hockey\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hockey_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/10 "2012-08-11T16:04:51Z")
One moving part. The bottom stick stays stationary. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/11 "2012-08-11T16:12:59Z")
[“they’re hangin’ in there with the chopsticks…”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEjMxd8BkTo) ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/12 "2012-08-11T16:43:51Z")
Let’s see, with a fork you can: Pick small things up Stab something With chopsticks you can: Pick small things up Stab something Stab two things Do a walrus imitation Form the sign of a cross to ward off vampires Play a snare drum or emulate doing so with any reasonably resonant surface Castrate a fly Clean the spider webs from a gas grill venturi Stir things With a rubber band or some string form a makeshift clamp Form the structure for a small kite (Many more) Chopsticks win. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/13 "2012-08-11T16:48:56Z")
This ranting about eating utensils is just silly and is overdone. Stick a chopstick in it. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/14 "2012-08-11T16:51:16Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Castrate a fly YouTube vid or it didn’t happen. That being said, I would agree. Chopsticks rule for anything chunk-formed. Or noodles - it’s kind of amazing how much better a pair of sticks is better than your NASA engineered, two thousand years of continuous technological improvement fork is at eating fucking spaghetti. Eating rice with chopsticks however is pretty much open licence to pour rice down your shirt, and that’s no good unless you know your dinner partner \*very \*well. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/15 "2012-08-11T16:52:06Z")
it is useful practice for a beginner. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/16 "2012-08-11T16:52:52Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Something with 2 moving parts is a complex machine? Thats at least one more moving part than I can deal with. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/17 "2012-08-11T16:54:44Z")
Slanty-eyed? ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@Mister\_Owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Owl)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/18 "2012-08-11T17:01:24Z")
I can make a set of chopsticks while out in the wilderness with just a knife (stone flake if pressed) in about 30 seconds. While I can carve out a fork it’s going to take me a bit. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/19 "2012-08-11T17:07:53Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > YouTube vid or it didn’t happen. It’s joke based on the ‘catching flies with a chopstick scene’ from the original Karate Kid. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195/20 "2012-08-11T17:08:49Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Slanty-eyed? Yeah, [these folks](http://engrishfunny.failblog.org/2011/01/14/engrish-funny-your-camera-just-insulted-my-family/). Even dispassionate technology insults them. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-chopsticks/631195.md?page=2)