# I pit guys who ask you to move 1500 miles for them and then dump you
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [December 11, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743 "2010-12-11T02:05:13Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/1 "2010-12-11T02:05:13Z")
Moved to NYC for a douchebag with my child only to have him, after a month, tell me he didn’t want to be a dad. Nice. Then comes back home for a visit and has the nerve to ask me to be his FWB while he’s in town. Grrrr.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/2 "2010-12-11T02:07:12Z")
Well,
I gotta say thats a hard one to top…my condolences…
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### Author:  [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/3 "2010-12-11T02:11:33Z")
…and then when you agree to the FWB he comes in your mouth after explicitly agreeing not to…double grrrrr…
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### Author:  [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/4 "2010-12-11T02:13:25Z")
seriously, that does suck.
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### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/5 "2010-12-11T02:14:40Z")
Why on Earth would you move 1500 miles to be with someone?
Perhaps I’m making a bad assumption, but was this someone you met over the Internet? Was it a long distance relationship the whole time? Because I’d have to assume up front that such a proposition would be very risky.
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### Author:  [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/6 "2010-12-11T02:16:43Z")
You have to learn to say no.
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### Author:  [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/7 "2010-12-11T02:19:41Z")
Well, I said “no” to the FWB suggestion, obviously. We knew each other in school and met up at a reunion, did the long distance thing for about 5 months then I moved. Very upsetting to say the least.
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### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/8 "2010-12-11T03:04:51Z")
Say no to him.
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### Author:  [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/9 "2010-12-11T03:08:43Z")
I did say no. I’m just trying to understand something that’s not understandable I guess.
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### Author:  [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/10 "2010-12-11T03:20:59Z")
You really want to understand this? It’s not hard–it’s not logical but it’s not hard. He made a commitment and then realized after a few weeks that, despite what he thought or what he’d intended , there was no way on earth he’d be able to keep his promises and told you sooner rather than later, though it was plenty late by Earth standards.
I’m not justifying it (it’s what was done to me last year, genders reversed and no kids involved and no moving) and it’s painful but making sense out of it doesn’t come easy.
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### Author:  [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/11 "2010-12-11T03:27:04Z")
What happened was he was thinking with his dick and then eventually the brain started jumping up and down and making itself heard. “The sex is great but this girl comes with children, this is serious shit and I’m not ready!” Then he gets back home and his brain has been bound and gagged and stuffed into a closet for the duration of his visit.
It does suck.
Edit: He probably hadn’t fully considered what having a child really means in terms of life style sacrifices.
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/12 "2010-12-11T03:30:42Z")
> [@thegirlwholived](#):
>
> Moved to NYC for a douchebag with my child only to have him, after a month, tell me he didn’t want to be a dad.
I was thinking what a dickhead thing to do - nobody’s going to be able to come up with anything worse…
> [@](#):
>
> Then comes back home for a visit and has the nerve to ask me to be his FWB while he’s in town. Grrrr.
…and just like that you prove me wrong.
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### Author:  [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/13 "2010-12-11T03:33:23Z")
I’m sure you guys are right. I’ve been doing the whole “I’m strong and my son needs me, so I won’t be upset” thing and now I guess it’s catching up with me. Thanks for the comments though, it helps.
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### Author:  [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/14 "2010-12-11T03:35:01Z")
And I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks it’s pretty crappy to ask me to hook up with him. I mean SERIOUSLY?
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/15 "2010-12-11T04:06:46Z")
> [@thegirlwholived](#):
>
> And I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks it’s pretty crappy to ask me to hook up with him. I mean SERIOUSLY?
“Not ready to be a father [figure]” leads to a whole new set of infuriating behaviors in a young man. Often they’ll run hot and cold as they think with each head in turn. I spent more than 2 years on this rollercoaster with one man. Elated when we’d “hook up” and devastated when he remembered he couldn’t do this. Rinse and repeat. And repeat. And repeat.
Truth is, he probably really is attracted to you, but the kid thing is a dealbreaker. And, in all honesty, best you know that and focus on that. It’s unlikely to change in the short term, and if it does (that is, if he decides to go against his own best interest and be with you despite your kid) it’s likely to lead to resentment in the end. And if you wait for the long term, letting your head be messed with for years before he’s ready to commit to a family, you’re going to miss other better opportunities AND your kid is going to get a really fucked up relationship model to learn from. Remember that you don’t want your son doing that to some other woman in 20 years, and he’s very likely to have relationships like what he sees you having as he grows up.
Be strong, remember you deserve to find a man who wants all of you, which includes your kid, and remember that there \*are \*those men out there. I promise. And then calmly and quietly thank your lucky stars that at least he had the integrity to tell you honestly now that’s he can’t be in a relationship with you and remember that next time he calls you for a booty call.
WhyNot,
former single mom
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### Author:  [@sleeping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeping)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/16 "2010-12-11T04:15:43Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#):
>
> ..and then when you agree to the FWB he comes in your mouth after explicitly agreeing not to…double grrrrr…
## That’d be rather hard to swallow.
**thegirlwholived** –That’s pretty terrible and douchy. But, also, it’s always hard to know exactly what people want…and sometimes that includes ourselves.
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### Author:  [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/17 "2010-12-11T04:19:50Z")
> [@Richard\_Pearse](#):
>
> this girl comes with children
That would be a deal-breaker for me, too. :eek: 😃
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/18 "2010-12-11T04:45:24Z")
> [@](#):
>
> You really want to understand this? It’s not hard–it’s not logical but it’s not hard. He made a commitment and then realized after a few weeks that, despite what he thought or what he’d intended , there was no way on earth he’d be able to keep his promises and told you sooner rather than later, though it was plenty late by Earth standards.
> [@](#):
>
> What happened was he was thinking with his dick and then eventually the brain started jumping up and down and making itself heard. “The sex is great but this girl comes with children, this is serious shit and I’m not ready!” Then he gets back home and his brain has been bound and gagged and stuffed into a closet for the duration of his visit.
> [@](#):
>
> “Not ready to be a father [figure]” leads to a whole new set of infuriating behaviors in a young man. Often they’ll run hot and cold as they think with each head in turn. I spent more than 2 years on this rollercoaster with one man. Elated when we’d “hook up” and devastated when he remembered he couldn’t do this. Rinse and repeat. And repeat. And repeat.
The thing is you really need to settle these issues in your mind before you ask somebody to move across country to live with you. If you’re not sure you can make that kind of committment to her, you shouldn’t ask her to make that kind of committment to you.
And then, after trashing her life, you ask her if you can still keep having sex? There’s no excuse for that.
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### Author:  [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/19 "2010-12-11T05:15:46Z")
Did I read correctly that you had a _long distance_ relationship for five _months_ and then you moved 1500 miles to be with him? I’m sorry this happened to you, but SERIOUSLY? That was a bad, bad move on your part as well, especially with a kid.
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### Author:  [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/20 "2010-12-11T05:29:26Z")
If anything, I feel sorry most for the kid. Yeesh.
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