# I pit guys who ask you to move 1500 miles for them and then dump you
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [December 11, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743 "2010-12-11T02:05:13Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/21 "2010-12-11T05:39:28Z")
> [@EmAnJ](#):
>
> Did I read correctly that you had a _long distance_ relationship for five _months_ and then you moved 1500 miles to be with him? I’m sorry this happened to you, but SERIOUSLY? That was a bad, bad move on your part as well, especially with a kid.
> [@nikonikosuru](#):
>
> If anything, I feel sorry most for the kid. Yeesh.
I agree with these posts. I hope you don’t do this sort of thing often. Five months isn’t much time with somebody when it’s in person. You’re talking about the person who is going to be your partner and your child’s parent figure. What on earth were you drinking when you decided this was a good bet?
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/22 "2010-12-11T05:45:49Z")
I have to agree that moving 1500 miles to be with some guy you knew for 5 months on the internet was pretty rash to begin with, and pretty irresponsible to do with a kid. Did you really think he was going to be your kid’s dad? You can’t jerk your kid around like that.
Having said all that, you’re entitled to learn life lessons. Take this one to heart. This guy was a douchebag, but it should have crossed your mind that might be the case before you uprooted your kid and moved 1500 miles to be with a guy you didn’t really know. Don’t be so quick to do whatever a guy wants. You have to put your kid first.
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### Author:  [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/23 "2010-12-11T06:30:32Z")
I moved further than that to marry. To a woman I met on the internet. Who I spent maybe 3 months with in person.
It seems to be working out and I know others it has worked out for. It’s unusual but not freakish.
You know what’s a good sign you’re an asshole? You can’t imagine what it’s like to live a little differently than you do. Oh yeah, and passing judgement on somebody who just got dicked over and wanted to vent.
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/24 "2010-12-11T06:47:43Z")
Sure, by all means, everybody should uproot their kids and move across the country to move in with some stranger from the internet. It’s so judgemental for anyone to think that might be rash.
Anyone who marries somebody they’ve known for 3 months is fucking retard, by the way.
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### Author:  [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/25 "2010-12-11T06:56:54Z")
Yo diog, she knew him in high school.
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/26 "2010-12-11T07:05:25Z")
I knew a lot of people in high school. That doesn’t mean I know them.
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### Author:  [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/27 "2010-12-11T07:25:36Z")
Shrug. Maybe she did.
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### Author:  [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/28 "2010-12-11T07:35:56Z")
I’m sorry for your troubles. It happened to me as well (minus the kid). I moved 1000 miles to be with “the one”, and she dumped me in two months. It was horrible for a long time, but it does get better.
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/29 "2010-12-11T07:36:12Z")
> [@Cisco](#):
>
> Shrug. Maybe she did.
Doesn’t sound like it.
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### Author:  [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/30 "2010-12-11T07:37:08Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#):
>
> Sure, by all means, everybody should uproot their kids and move across the country to move in with some stranger from the internet. It’s so judgemental for anyone to think that might be rash.
>
> Anyone who marries somebody they’ve known for 3 months is fucking retard, by the way.
Rash, maybe. What makes you an asshole is that nobody asked for your worthless opinion. The OP was just blowing off steam and was appreciative when people said, “yeah, what a dick.”
Anyway, you fucked it up. She said she knew the guy. He wasn’t a stranger off the internet.
Then you fucked up again. I said I’d been with my wife about three months in person. I knew her for a couple years.
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### Author:  [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/31 "2010-12-11T07:38:15Z")
The problem here is with you. You made a commitment to move yourself and your child 1500 miles to be with someone who had made no commitment to you and your child. Frankly you should know better. Please don’t do this again. Do not move yourself and your child across the country because some guy in high school would like you to come to New York to fuck him. Next time you want to get laid remember that there are some very nice local boys who would be happy to meet your physical needs.
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### Author:  [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/32 "2010-12-11T07:41:47Z")
And another one.
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/33 "2010-12-11T07:42:05Z")
> [@Dave\_Hartwick](#):
>
> Rash, maybe. What makes you an asshole is that nobody asked for your worthless opinion.
No one asked for yours either, son.
> [@](#):
>
> I said I’d been with my wife about three months in person. I knew her for a couple years.
If you don’t know them in person, you don’t know them.
ETA you seem to really be missing the point that _bringing the kid_ into it is the major issue. Do whatever you want if you’re childless, but you have to use some common sense if you have a kid.
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### Author:  [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/34 "2010-12-11T07:48:08Z")
Oh boy, this is going to end well.
Sorry for both your losses, **thegirlwholived**. The loss of your ex and now the loss of your thread as it goes onto be a 5 page debate.
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### Author:  [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/35 "2010-12-11T07:54:44Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#):
>
> No one asked for yours either, son.
You’re right. For once. I figured it must be jump in and flap your gums day.
> [@](#):
>
> If you don’t know them in person, you don’t know them.
I really must disagree. I know you’re an asshole, for instance.
> [@](#):
>
> ETA you seem to really be missing the point that _bringing the kid_ into it is the major issue. Do whatever you want if you’re childless, but you have to use some common sense if you have a kid.
Won’t someone please think of the children?
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/36 "2010-12-11T08:06:01Z")
If it’s _your_ kid, you goddamn well do have to think about them. Maybe someday, when you grow up, you’ll learn some notion of what that particular responsibility really means. A dependent child is not something to sneer at and play second fiddle to your arbitrary whims.
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### Author:  [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/37 "2010-12-11T08:13:10Z")
I have two, thanks. With my wife that I met on the internet. They seem to be doing OK last I checked.
You’re easy to wind up, aren’t you. If I keep responding will you go on indefinitely?
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### Author:  [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/38 "2010-12-11T08:42:49Z")
> [@Dave\_Hartwick](#):
>
> You’re easy to wind up, aren’t you. If I keep responding will you go on indefinitely?
Based on prior experience, this has the potential to become the longest thread on the SDMB. 😃
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### Author:  [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/39 "2010-12-11T08:43:33Z")
Not to derail all the sniping, but maybe some reassurance is in order:
First off, **thegirlwholived** , I agree that **theboywhoyoucanlivewithout** is a dick. Presumably, he knew you had a child, and that this move signaled a major commitment on your part, but he assured you that he was prepared for this major change in lifestyle. In the long run, you’ll realize that you’ve learned a difficult lesson, and that it was better to learn this now rather than later. Sure, it would have been nice to learn before you moved halfway across the continent with your son… and booty calls are right out.
Like previous poster **WhyNot** , though, I’m a formerly single mom. My husband left (to marry the woman he knocked up, and they sure do deserve one another, ptui, ptui!) when our kids were ages 3 and 6. I’d like to say that my subsequent actions were due to my wisdom, but… Thanks to a lack of confidence, I didn’t date at all for about a year after the split. Afterwards, for about another year, I dated casually: maybe dinner and dancing, maybe even a little action - I’m a grown woman, for pity’s sake! - but the “no commitments” thing was right out front. After those first couple of years, I did date more seriously, and two of those three “serious dates” are still friends of mine. No one was introduced to my kids within the first six months of dating. They knew that I had kids, and that my schedule was often dictated by the short people in my life, but they weren’t part of the kids’ lives. When I met my current husband, though, I never had to remind him that I had to check the kids’ schedules before making a commitment to spend time with him. The first time we spoke of marriage, his first concern was that he wouldn’t live up to the standard that his own (awesome) stepfather had set. Today, we are a happy blended family, with an 8-month-old of our own, and a 10-year-old girl and 13-year-old boy who love and respect their stepfather, to the point that they often absent-mindedly refer to him as “Daddy.” (That’s a Southern US thing, but around here, there’s a big difference between “Father,” “Dad,” and “Daddy.” “Daddy” is a good thing.) Don’t give up hope, because there are good men out there; but don’t be too quick to trust. The ones who are worth trusting will wait until you are comfortable introducing him to your child.
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### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/40 "2010-12-11T08:47:11Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#):
>
> You made a commitment to move yourself and your child 1500 miles to be with someone who had made no commitment to you and your child.
How do you know he didn’t make a commitment? Plenty of people say shit they think they mean, then change their minds, and those of us who are trusting believe them. I’ve had two women in the past three years say that they loved me and wanted to be with me into the future, then fuck me over. Not quite as serious as the OP’s situation, but problematic nonetheless.
Anyway, he sounds like a total douchelord (great word learned yesterday from another “man acts like a prick” thread). He knew your kid would be involved; he shouldn’t have tried that life on like a new hat, then discarded it, with all the disastrous consequences his behaviour is having on you. That’s not what a decent man would do.
I’m sure you don’t feel this way right now, but it sounds like you got away lightly.
(Apologies by proxy for the judgemental assholes in this thread now, and the ones that will arrive later.)
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