# I pit guys who ask you to move 1500 miles for them and then dump you
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [December 11, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743 "2010-12-11T02:05:13Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 4
### Author:  [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/61 "2010-12-11T21:07:28Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#):
>
> You do that. I’d like to see people not do this sort of thing, so I’m not going to pretend it was all hearts and flowers. The little boy was hurt and his development stifled. If it doesn’t happen again, then it is water under the bridge except for the damage done. What this woman did to her son should not have happened. She was young and naive and this kind of thing happens all the time, but that is no reason to let her boyfriend walk all over her and her son emotionally and financially. Without some kind of security (a ring, a bond, etc.) this was just foolishness.
>
> When a man cannot find a girlfriend in NYC, there is something wrong with him when he starts something with a woman 1,500 miles away. Duh. It is no different than a mail order bride.
>
> Yes, I understand that people in love are not exactly thinking things through, but perhaps they should.
1. A “ring” is no more a kind of security than a verbal promise.
2. They knew each other in high school and met at a reunion. This is not unusual. This is not necessarily a guy who “cannot find a girlfriend in NYC”
3. Good thing that she found out sooner rather than later that he was getting cold feet, and not ready for a commitment of a relationship with child.
4. He IS an immature ass for asking for FWB Status.
5. Welcome to the “my opinions are facts, and you are wrong because it’s obvious that I am right” show.
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/62 "2010-12-11T22:01:12Z")
The “she knew him in high school” argument is lame. That means nothing.
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### Author:  [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/63 "2010-12-11T22:13:12Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#):
>
> The “she knew him in high school” argument is lame. That means nothing.
Obviously, everyone’s mileage may vary, but…
I first met my husband in high school. We weren’t close then, but I knew him well enough then to know that I could trust him now, because people’s characters don’t change all that drastically between ages 16-18 and 40. The argument means something, but varies according to how well one knew the person back in the day…
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### Author:  [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/64 "2010-12-11T23:24:25Z")
If anyone remembers radio talk jock Tom Leykis, he had a “lesson” in his Leykis 101 for Women: once a man’s had sex with a woman, no matter what happens or how much time passes, he always thinks he can get back in. I don’t think I can disagree with that, it just seems to be human nature.
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### Author:  [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/65 "2010-12-11T23:29:33Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#):
>
> The “she knew him in high school” argument is lame. That means nothing.
That’s your fucking OPINION.
Now shut the fuck up.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/66 "2010-12-11T23:33:52Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#):
>
> The “she knew him in high school” argument is lame. That means nothing.
Got that right!
I once knew a guy in high school/college. A real pothead. Then, he moved outa the south into the great white north and became an internet “expert”!
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### Author:  [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/67 "2010-12-11T23:35:56Z")
Funny, the first time Dio is actually right he meets a bigger asshole than even himself.
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### Author:  [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)
#### Post date: [December 11, 2010, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/68 "2010-12-11T23:49:24Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#):
>
> The “she knew him in high school” argument is lame. That means nothing.
Perhaps not, but it sure shut down your “committing to an internet date is stupid” argument. I’m sure not surprised that it didn’t slow down the asshole show though.
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### Author:  [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/69 "2010-12-12T00:00:29Z")
> [@DigitalC](#):
>
> Funny, the first time Dio is actually right he meets a bigger asshole than even himself.
They are pretty much doing the same thing to him that he does to everyone else, aren’t they? Not that he’s really doing it so bad here.
What’s funny is that there are obvious rebuttals: the one that sympathy threads go in MPSIMS. It’s not like anyone has directly insulted the OP–just given (unasked for) advice. It’s not like someone like **Shot from Guns** has come in and insulted the OP “because it’s the Pit.”
And of course what **Dio** says is his opinion. While the style of his posts is often annoying, he’s made it quite clear that he does not like putting hedging words (like “I believe that…” or whatever) in his posts because he views them as redundant. And, yet, he’s already done it in a couple posts–posts designed to make people feel better. I applaud him for it.
Though I do wonder if the asshole posts are what inspired him to notice what he was doing…
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/70 "2010-12-12T00:27:01Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#):
>
> Perhaps not, but it sure shut down your “committing to an internet date is stupid” argument.
No it didn’t. That argument stands. She clearly did not know this dude well enough to move her kid 1500 miles to live with him. I don’t know why anybody would try to argue that it’s a good idea.
I was like the 5th person to say that, though, so why am I the only one people got pissy with?
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### Author:  [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/71 "2010-12-12T00:30:37Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#):
>
> No it didn’t. That argument stands. She clearly did not know this dude well enough to move her kid 1500 miles to live with him. I don’t know why anybody would try to argue that it’s a good idea.
>
> I was like the 5th person to say that, though, so why am I the only one people got pissy with?
You’re not.
And even if you were, you’re a repeat offender.
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### Author:  [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/72 "2010-12-12T00:33:46Z")
> [@thegirlwholived](#):
>
> Moved to NYC for a douchebag with my child only to have him, after a month, tell me he didn’t want to be a dad. Nice. Then comes back home for a visit and has the nerve to ask me to be his FWB while he’s in town. Grrrr.
> [@thegirlwholived](#):
>
> After I came back, he flew here about 3 weeks later to “win me back”. We got back together deciding to do the long distance thing again for a much longer time. I went to visit him for a week, at which he time, he again reassured me that things were going to work out and I should let my guard down and not worry. Three days after I returned from that trip, he broke it off. I told him that was it for me and that I wasn’t going to keep going back and forth with him.
I’m confused. The first quote makes it sound like you moved out there, moved in with him, and then after a month he dumped you.
The second quote makes it sound like you never actually moved; you just went out there for some visits, and he broke it off with you after one of the visits.
Edit: Or wait, did the entire situation in the second quote happen after the breakup and subsequent move back home? This guy does sound like a total douchelord, though.
Well, chalk it up to a learning experience and for the love of crap don’t put your kid through this again until you’re surer than sure that the guy isn’t going to douche out on you.
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### Author:  [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/73 "2010-12-12T01:00:52Z")
Ha, ha Dio, I’m a bigger asshole than you are!
A ring does not prevent a guy from being an asshole, but a lack of a ring (or any risk on the boyfriend’s part) expands the risk that he is an asshole exponentially. And yes, my opinion is fact, as usual.
I’m not happy this happened, but it could not have happened to a woman who was not thinking with her ovaries. There is a reason he wants a relationship with a woman 1500 miles away and not down the street. It is because he does not want any commitment.
I would like to see this sort of thing never happen. But it does because people ignore the warning signs. The warning signs were he lived 1500 miles away and made no gesture of commitment.
This would not be a big deal if it was just the girl, but it was her son too. Women, don’t do this, please. Sex is like produce: shop locally.
Do not stand on the train tracks and then complain about the evil train that ran you over. The train isn’t an asshole, it’s a train. And a man who moves in New York and wants a young woman and a child to uproot themselves and join him without really damn good reasons and commitments is a young man who wants sex with no strings.
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### Author:  [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/74 "2010-12-12T01:03:41Z")
For the record I’m not young and stupid, maybe too trusting…
I won’t be dating for awhile, trust me. And yes, Ms. Whatsit the second quote was after I moved back…
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### Author:  [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/75 "2010-12-12T01:15:29Z")
Stupid is as stupid does.
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### Author:  [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/76 "2010-12-12T01:17:30Z")
**TGWL** : Don’t pay any attention to **Dio**. He does this all the time, and routinely has Pit threads opened about him for doing what he’s doing here. None of us really knows all the details of your personal life, and we probably won’t ever know. It’s clear that you’re looking for a place to vent, and that you’ve probably learned your lesson already. So, vent away.
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/77 "2010-12-12T01:21:39Z")
what exactly am I “doing,” **Mace**?
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### Author:  [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/78 "2010-12-12T01:26:08Z")
\
Putting forth your opinion on someone’s personal life as unvarnished, gold plated FACT, even though it’s impossible for you to know enough details from their posts on the subject?
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/79 "2010-12-12T01:28:40Z")
It isn’t necessary to know anything about her personal life to know that it’s not a good idea to move a child across the country to chase an internet crush. That’s just basic common sense, and several others said so before I did, so why am I the only one that people want to hijack the thread for?
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### Author:  [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)
#### Post date: [December 12, 2010, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/80 "2010-12-12T01:53:07Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#):
>
> what exactly am I “doing,” **Mace**?
Playing internet psychologist/moralist. Jumping to conclusions without knowing all the facts, and making assumptions and statements that are not supported by the facts we do know. “Internet crush” being a perfect example.
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