# I pit guys who ask you to move 1500 miles for them and then dump you **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 11, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743 "2010-12-11T02:05:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![thegirlwholived](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/81 "2010-12-12T02:10:14Z")
Yes, I just wanted to vent. I’m not bothered by people’s opinions, I know you all don’t know the whole story. I have not once said I didn’t do something rash and I DO regret it. I just think the way this man acted was hurtful and childish. Why do everything you can to convince someone you’re “the one” and that you love her when deep down you’re unsure? Why not just say, “Hey, I like you but I don’t know what I want?” But the part that really gets me is that he KNEW how devastated I was by the whole situation but still chose to make his FWB request. I’m sorry, but who does that? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/82 "2010-12-12T02:17:13Z")
Who does that? Guys that are jerks. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/83 "2010-12-12T02:31:29Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Playing internet psychologist/moralist. Jumping to conclusions without knowing all the facts, and making assumptions and statements that are not supported by the facts we do know. “Internet crush” being a perfect example. I didn’t do any of that. I made a general statement about the wisdom of dragging a child across the country to be with someone you barely know. No one with any sense would say that’s a good idea. That’s not a moralistic statement nor does it contain any attempt at psychology. It’s basic common sense. I’m just stating the obvious. There are also several other people in this thread who said that before I did, so why am I being singled out for it? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/84 "2010-12-12T02:32:38Z")
> [@thegirlwholived](#): > > Yes, I just wanted to vent. I’m not bothered by people’s opinions, I know you all don’t know the whole story. I have not once said I didn’t do something rash and I DO regret it. I just think the way this man acted was hurtful and childish. Why do everything you can to convince someone you’re “the one” and that you love her when deep down you’re unsure? Why not just say, “Hey, I like you but I don’t know what I want?” But the part that really gets me is that he KNEW how devastated I was by the whole situation but still chose to make his FWB request. I’m sorry, but who does that? The guy IS a jerk. I’m not disputing that. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/85 "2010-12-12T02:39:03Z")
> [@John Mace](#): > > Playing internet psychologist/moralist. Jumping to conclusions without knowing all the facts, and making assumptions and statements that are not supported by the facts we do know. “Internet crush” being a perfect example. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I didn’t do any of that… > [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > It isn’t necessary to know anything about her personal life to know that it’s not a good idea to move a child across the country to chase an internet crush. You said exactly that, just a few posts above. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/86 "2010-12-12T02:41:31Z")
I said exactly what? ---
**Author:** ![thegirlwholived](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/87 "2010-12-12T02:49:36Z")
For the record, my son was only in NYC for about a week. He spent the summer with his father, to him it was just a trip to see the Statue of Liberty and ride on the subway. And his development hasn’t been stifled by any of this. Not sure why anyone would think that… I happen to be a great mother and everyone who has ever seen me with my child has said that. He is my first priority, but I will not revolve my entire life around being just his mother. I deserve more than that. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/88 "2010-12-12T02:55:18Z")
I’m going to ignore the ongoing slap-fight and just offer you a piece of advice, **thegirlwholived** , as the child of a single mother who dated a lot before eventually remarrying. And that is, please wait until the relationship is _really_ advanced and preferably in the serious commitment stage, before introducing the guy to your kid. It kind of sucked when I was little, forming these attachments with a string of guys who never seemed to last for long. I don’t think it was deeply traumatizing or whatever, but it would have been nicer to avoid that. I definitely would never say that you shouldn’t date, or meet guys. Just be very particular about choosing when to let them meet your kid. And good luck avoiding future douchetards. ---
**Author:** ![thegirlwholived](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/89 "2010-12-12T03:02:03Z")
MsWhatsit, I’ve learned my lesson. This was the first man that I dated that I allowed to meet my child and will be the last until I know FOR SURE that the guy is committed. To be fair, no matter how short the relationship may have seemed to some, I thought he was committed. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/90 "2010-12-12T03:22:51Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > She clearly did not know this dude well enough to move her kid 1500 miles to live with him. I don’t know why anybody would try to argue that it’s a good idea. Who suggested that it was a good idea? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/91 "2010-12-12T03:32:25Z")
Evidently everybody who’s upset with me for saying it’s not a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![thegirlwholived](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/92 "2010-12-12T03:37:54Z")
I was mostly annoyed that you made assumptions about the situation like I’m young (I’m in my 30’s) and that it was an “internet crush” when I clearly stated that wasn’t what it was. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/93 "2010-12-12T03:44:29Z")
I never said anything about your age (though 30’s is young to me anyway), and you’re the one who said you only knew the guy for 5 months on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![thegirlwholived](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/94 "2010-12-12T03:47:20Z")
Actually, I said we knew each other in high school and reconnected at a reunion. I then said we talked for a few months before starting to date (long distance) for 5 months then I moved there. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/95 "2010-12-12T03:52:41Z")
Same difference. Still a rash thing to do with a kid, as you’ve acknowledged yourself. That’s not a moral judgement, just a statement of common sense. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/96 "2010-12-12T03:58:31Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I never said anything about your age (though 30’s is young to me anyway), and you’re the one who said you only knew the guy for 5 months on the internet. She did not say she only knew the guy for 5 months on the internet. You made up the whole “internet crush” bullshit to fit your premature psychological analysis. Do we need to open another 10 page Pit thread for your to admit a mistake? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/97 "2010-12-12T04:01:39Z")
She said she knew the guy for 5 months “long distance.” What the fuck is the difference? Does that make her decision any less rash? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/98 "2010-12-12T04:07:30Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I was like the 5th person to say that, though, so why am I the only one people got pissy with? Seniority? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/99 "2010-12-12T04:11:27Z")
Dio, this is one of those times when you need to just let it go. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2010, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/100 "2010-12-12T04:13:59Z")
I’m happy to. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743.md?page=6)