# I pit guys who ask you to move 1500 miles for them and then dump you **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 11, 2010, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743 "2010-12-11T02:05:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/161 "2010-12-17T03:25:15Z")
Oh, shut it. I built something serious online, lots of people build something serious online. You’re doing a good impersonation of my mom circa 1996, though. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/162 "2010-12-17T06:04:47Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > There’s no such thing as building anything “serious” online. Even in real space, five months is not long enough to commit to moving a child accross the country. Five months is nothing. Would five years of a long-distance relationship have been better? At some point you’ve got to move the relationship forward or it’s going nowhere. You’ve learned everything about each other you’re going to find out while living seperately - another year or two of emailing each other isn’t going to change anything. So take it to the next level and see if living together works. If it does, great. If not, at least you know and you didn’t waste all those extra years in a dead end. Would the OP be better off right now if she was still in a long distance relationship with this guy and they didn’t find out he couldn’t handle children until some time in 2015? ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/163 "2010-12-17T14:31:53Z")
I agree with the others. One of my closest friends (10+ years and going strong) is only online and I can’t imagine life without him. As a matter of fact, I’ve known more stuff about him than I’ve known about “real life” friends in decades. ---
**Author:** ![elninost0rm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ed655f/32.png) [@elninost0rm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elninost0rm)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/164 "2010-12-17T14:57:23Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > There’s **no such thing as building anything “serious” online**. Even in real space, five months is not long enough to commit to moving a child accross the country. Five months is nothing. Why MUST you do that? You’d nick many less nerves if you just left that bullshit out of your post. I’ve been seeing someone LD for a little over a year now, and I’ve known her (online) for roughly 5-6 months longer than that. I visit her probably once a month. I live in Pittsburgh and she lives in Toronto. It’s a ~5 hour trip. We make it work. There are no immediate plans for immigration, but it’s not that far off. Have I stepped over the threshold of “something serious,” or not yet? Where do you draw the line? 2 years? 5 years? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/165 "2010-12-17T16:15:40Z")
> [@thegirlwholived](#): > > I have a Master’s degree in Education. Ugh, good luck finding a job (absolutely no snark intended). A friend of mine has the same degree and works as a substitute, and she’s pretty much perpetually unemployable because she’s _over_qualified. Because god forbid children be taught by someone who’s had an education. > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I try not to judge other people’s relationships but five months seems like a reasonable amount of time to take things to the next level. Have you ever had an LDR? Have you ever known anyone who’s had an LDR? Speaking as someone who has decent experience with both these things, I am saying: five months of seeing someone in person once a month or once every couple of weeks is not enough time to be able to make a rational decision to move yourself and your child 1,500 miles. > [@faithfool](#): > > I agree with the others. One of my closest friends (10+ years and going strong) is only online and I can’t imagine life without him. As a matter of fact, I’ve known more stuff about him than I’ve known about “real life” friends in decades. There is a \*huge difference _between being friends with someone you’ve never met or see rarely and being in a romantic relationship with someone you’ve never met or see rarely. It’s possible to be a very good friend from a permanent distance; it’s almost impossible_ to be a very good spouse from a permanent distance. \*I would say “impossible,” but I suppose there could be people out there who don’t actually want to be around their SO and just want a sort of upgraded best friend but with no physical contact. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/166 "2010-12-17T17:10:06Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Have you ever had an LDR? Have you ever known anyone who’s had an LDR? Speaking as someone who has decent experience with both these things, I am saying: five months of seeing someone in person once a month or once every couple of weeks is not enough time to be able to make a rational decision to move yourself and your child 1,500 miles. It can be. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/167 "2010-12-17T17:37:22Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Have you ever had an LDR? Have you ever known anyone who’s had an LDR? Ooh, ooh, me! I have! In addition to me, I also know my husband of nine years with whom I have had three children, who has also had a LDR. With me. > [@](#): > > Speaking as someone who has decent experience with both these things, I am saying: five months of seeing someone in person once a month or once every couple of weeks is not enough time to be able to make a rational decision to move yourself and your child 1,500 miles. Pff. Speak for yourself. My opinion on this whole thing has changed, btw, since finding out that the OP’s kid is only 3. Moving a 3-year-old is really not the big hairy deal that people are making it out to be. ---
**Author:** ![Any\_Other\_Name](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f17d59/32.png) [@Any\_Other\_Name](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Any_Other_Name)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/168 "2010-12-17T18:04:51Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > There’s no such thing as building anything “serious” online. Even in real space, five months is not long enough to commit to moving a child accross the country. Five months is nothing. Do you have a special filter over your screen so you only see the content that agrees with your worldview and opinions, or do you do it all in your head? ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/169 "2010-12-17T18:49:21Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Ooh, ooh, me! I have! In addition to me, I also know my husband of nine years with whom I have had three children, who has also had a LDR. With me. > > Pff. Speak for yourself. My opinion on this whole thing has changed, btw, since finding out that the OP’s kid is only 3. Moving a 3-year-old is really not the big hairy deal that people are making it out to be. Giving him a new daddy \*is \*a big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/170 "2010-12-17T20:34:33Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > It can be. No. It cannot be a \*rational _decision. It can only_ be an \*irrational \*decision, based on the emotions of the moment, that \*may \*end up working out \*despite \*the fact that the decision was irrational. \*Exceptions obviously in a case such as “I’m currently living on the street and working as a prostitute to support my drug habit, and moving in with this guy I’ve only been involved with for a short period of time is obviously a huge step up.” ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/171 "2010-12-17T20:47:12Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > \*I would say “impossible,” but I suppose there could be people out there who don’t actually want to be around their SO and just want a sort of upgraded best friend but with no physical contact. Man, let me tell you… I got MicroSluts upgraded Friends with Benifits 2.0. It sucked donkey balls. It was NOT long range wireless like they said…and the virus problems? Oy Vey! ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/172 "2010-12-17T20:51:22Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > No. It cannot be a \*rational _decision. It can only_ be an \*irrational \*decision, based on the emotions of the moment, that \*may \*end up working out \*despite \*the fact that the decision was irrational. It appears very important to you to believe that, so you go right ahead. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/173 "2010-12-17T20:53:39Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > No. It cannot be a \*rational _decision. It can only_ be an \*irrational \*decision, based on the emotions of the moment, that \*may \*end up working out \*despite \*the fact that the decision was irrational. I think this describes every relationship in the history of ever. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/174 "2010-12-17T21:18:06Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > It appears very important to you to believe that, so you go right ahead. Please, enlighten me as to under what circumstances it is a good idea to sell your vehicle and uproot yourself and your child in order to move 1,500 miles to a city where you know one person and have no solid job prospects after having spent a handful of weekends with that one person over a period of less than half a year. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/175 "2010-12-17T21:31:13Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > It appears very important to you to believe that, so you go right ahead. Wow. That’s a great response to a “I will now bestow you with the Truth from on high”-type post. I may have to steal it. ---
**Author:** ![thegirlwholived](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/176 "2010-12-17T23:38:12Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Please, enlighten me as to under what circumstances it is a good idea to sell your vehicle and uproot yourself and your child in order to move 1,500 miles to a city where you know one person and have no solid job prospects after having spent a handful of weekends with that one person over a period of less than half a year. We spent more than “a handful of weekends” together. In fact of those 5 months, I was in NYC at least a month without my son and he spent 2 months here. While he was here, neither of us worked so we spent almost everyday together. So technically it was only long distance for about 2 months and at no time would I have labeled the relationship an “online” one. And I actually know more than one person who lives in NYC. Question: How in the hell are you supposed to get a job somewhere if you don’t live there? I’m in the education field and they simply do not interview for those jobs over the phone. I made good money tutoring and would have been able to support both my son and I doing that full time. The biggest problem was that I was so upset about what he did that I couldn’t even bring myself to stay with him while I was looking for our own apartment. Maybe it was cowardly, but I just wanted to get the heck out of there. Look, I get that many of you think it was a mistake on my part to do this, and obviously I was devastated by the outcome. That being said, I maintain that my son was not hurt by this. He doesn’t even get that anything bad happened. I will say it again, regardless of whether or not it was a bad idea on my part, he turned out to be a real douche, especially when he asked me to be his FWB while he’s here. I haven’t spoken to him once since he asked that of me and I don’t plan on communicating with him at all, EVER. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/177 "2010-12-17T23:41:58Z")
> [@thegirlwholived](#): > > We spent more than “a handful of weekends” together. In fact of those 5 months, I was in NYC at least a month without my son and he spent 2 months here. While he was here, neither of us worked so we spent almost everyday together. So technically it was only long distance for about 2 months and at no time would I have labeled the relationship an “online” one. More and more details get added every time you post. Details that completely change what your OP was giving off. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![thegirlwholived](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee59a6/32.png) [@thegirlwholived](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thegirlwholived)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/178 "2010-12-17T23:45:37Z")
So sorry…I was venting in my first post and I honestly didn’t expect this thread to go on so long! ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/179 "2010-12-18T03:31:06Z")
> [@EmAnJ](#): > > If there wasn’t a child involved in this situation, it wouldn’t be such a big bad deal. People move to new continents to live with someone they met on the internet every day. I know a few couples who are successful with this. BUT, they don’t have kids yet. That is a huge life event for a child. Kids generally don’t like change, and moving 1500 miles to a new house, new father figure, new school, new friends, etc., and then having to move AGAIN after a short while because mom and the father figure didn’t both really think this through is a bad bad thing for a little kid. Yeah what the fuck, is your kid an accessory piece? Did you check him in with your luggage? (YES ASSHOLIC HYPERBOLE BUT THIS IS THE FUCKING PIT NOT FUCKING MPSIMS, so quit fucking whining you fucking whining whiners) I don’t give a fraction of a fuck what you do when you’re a free single person. But if a parenting license existed, I would revoke it from the OP. Unless you are absolutely rolling in money, you wasted a shitload of what you could have spent on your son’s future education hauling him across the country and back. For a ducking fumb reason. Next time, make your mancandy come play house with your kid, instead of the other goddamn way around. Never thought I’d be on the same side of an argument as Dio, heh. I pity you, OP, in the way I pity abuse victims who should leave their partners but don’t. Except that any pity I feel is actually nullified by the harm you caused your child in the pursuit of hot cock. Because you will never realize how terrible of a parent you are for doing what you did. Oh wow, you’ve a masters in Education? Physician, heal thyself. ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2010, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743/180 "2010-12-18T05:54:51Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > More and more details get added every time you post. Details that completely change what your OP was giving off. Go figure. Yes, this. I’m not sure why I’m so enthralled, but there’s one part I still don’t get. Maybe I’m taking this too literally. [QUOTE=thegirlwholived] I didn’t tell [my 3YO son] we were moving to NYC, I just told him we were going there to see _Douchebag_ (of course at the time, this wasn’t his name and I never call him that to my son now, we don’t really talk about him anymore). [/QUOTE] If I’m following this correctly **thegirlwholived** , for the months leading up to the move up to and including the week that he was in New York, your son had _no idea_ that his trip was one-way or that Douchebag, a man he loved, was on track to be his live-in caregiver/father figure? I don’t understand why (or how!) you two kept your planned living arrangements a secret from him. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-guys-who-ask-you-to-move-1500-miles-for-them-and-then-dump-you/563743.md?page=10)