# I pit helicopter parents
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [July 18, 2014, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434 "2014-07-18T08:16:49Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@adaher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adaher)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/1 "2014-07-18T08:16:49Z")
> **[Are we protecting kids or ruining families?](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2014/07/17/are-we-protecting-kids-or-ruining-families/)**
>
> The 9-year-old asked to play at the park while her mom worked. Now the mom is in jail and the girl is in foster care.
Two mothers arrested this week. One for leaving an 11-year old in the car, another for leaving her 9-year old to play at a park. I criticize helicopter parents a lot, but in the end parents should raise their kids as they see fit, within legal limits. Helicopter parents, however, don’t seem to have much tolerance for parents who do things differently(even though it was very likely their OWN parents who let them play outside unsupervised from a young age). So if pretty much any kid who hasn’t passed algebra yet is found unaccompanied, some idiot calls the police. And since helicopter parents have managed to make their style the new normal, police will often arrest the parent.
The writer of the linked article asks some good questions, but it’s really not all that complicated. Many kids have solid survival skills from a pretty young age, especially if they have become used to being outside unsupervised. Just because your 15-year old still runs into traffic the second you let go of his hand(mainly because you never let go of his hand until that day), doesn’t mean that everyone’s kid is stunted. It’s up to a parent whether their 9-year old can play in the park, or take the subway home(in what insane world is such an “incident” headline news across the country?), or for God’s sake, stay in a car for a few minutes while their mom goes to pick something up. An 11-year old isn’t in danger of dying in a hot car because he can do something called “open a window” or “open the door”. Even helicopter parents’ kids can pull mental gymnastics like that off. For a kid with normal parents, it’s common sense. We shouldn’t be debating whether 9 is too young to be alone in a park, because the only reasonable answer is that it depends on the 9 year old, and that judgment can only be made by the parent.
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### Author:  [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/2 "2014-07-18T09:47:33Z")
In 1997 a Danish mother was arrested in New York and her baby put into temporary state custody for letting her baby sleep outside in the baby carriage while she was inside a cafe in full view of the baby through a window. They’re still talking about it in Denmark as a example of Crazy Americans.
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### Author:  [@adaher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/adaher)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/3 "2014-07-18T10:10:14Z")
It’s the Stranger Danger. Whenever I mention this to people, they say, “Oh, it’s so much more dangerous now than when we were kids.” Which of course is completely wrong.
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### Author:  [@Cyros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyros)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/4 "2014-07-18T10:22:06Z")
The 9 yo’s mistake was not running and yelling that someone was trying to kidnap her when the woman asked where her mommy was.
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### Author:  [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/5 "2014-07-18T10:46:16Z")
> [@adaher](#):
>
> […](http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2014/07/17/are-we-protecting-kids-or-ruining-families/) Many kids have solid survival skills from a pretty young age, especially if they have become used to being outside unsupervised… .
Thanks for that, first thing in the morning. At least I’ll have this song in my head today…
https://www.youtube.com/embed/GTcKQf0RN2A?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque
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### Author:  [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/6 "2014-07-18T13:42:17Z")
> [@Rune](#):
>
> In 1997 a Danish mother was arrested in New York and her baby put into temporary state custody for letting her baby sleep outside in the baby carriage while she was inside a cafe in full view of the baby through a window. They’re still talking about it in Denmark as a example of Crazy Americans.
Just so you know, it was winter, and a cold day. She testified she went into the cafe because she was too cold. And left the baby outside. In the cold that was too cold for her. It’s not crazy to be concerned about a baby all alone on a cold winter day. Passerby didn’t know the mom was in sight but even if she was, it was cold, that was the issue.
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/7 "2014-07-18T13:48:26Z")
I hate this BS about the Village being gone. The village is gone because parents won’t take any criticism towards their children! If you expect me to look after your child in public then I need to be able to tell her what she is doing is wrong. That being said, she was crazy to call the cops, too.
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### Author:  [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/8 "2014-07-18T13:49:47Z")
Also, both parents were drinking, it was not a case of stopping in for a coffee-- they had a margarita & a shot if tequila each while their baby was outside on a day too cold for them.
I guess if Danes think it’s cool to park their kids outside in the winter for an hour or two while they get drunk… Okay.
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/9 "2014-07-18T13:53:06Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#):
>
> Just so you know, it was winter, and a cold day. She testified she went into the cafe because she was too cold. And left the baby outside. In the cold that was too cold for her. It’s not crazy to be concerned about a baby all alone on a cold winter day. Passerby didn’t know the mom was in sight but even if she was, it was cold, that was the issue.
I have to admit, I wasn’t too bothered by her arrest. Because we are not talking about am9 YO child we are talking about a tiny baby. It does seem super weird to leave your baby outside. I don’t even leave my purse that far away from me, and everything in my purse can be replaced!
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### Author:  [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/10 "2014-07-18T13:54:47Z")
I don’t understand that shit at all. When my brother and I were as young as 4 and 5, respectively, we were simply let loose on the neighborhood, along with all the other kids on our street. Of course we were given boundaries of how far we could go from the house, but it’s not like anyone was really watching. Somehow we survived without 24/7 adult supervision.
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### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/11 "2014-07-18T13:58:31Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#):
>
> Also, both parents were drinking, it was not a case of stopping in for a coffee-- they had a margarita & a shot if tequila each while their baby was outside on a day too cold for them.
>
> I guess if Danes think it’s cool to park their kids outside in the winter for an hour or two while they get drunk… Okay.
It’s pretty common in some northern European/Scandinavian countries to leave kids bundled up in strollers outside in the cold (article [here](http://www.treehugger.com/culture/let-sleeping-babies-lie-chilly-temps-build-tough-nordic-tots.html)). It’s considered healthy, in fact.
Also, is there evidence they were actually drunk? One drink != drunk.
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### Author:  [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/12 "2014-07-18T14:15:00Z")
I was left at home alone for a few hours pretty routinely from the age of 7 or so. My mother was a trauma physician and didn’t have anyone else to look after me sometimes. Wasn’t a big deal.
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/13 "2014-07-18T14:18:06Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#):
>
> I was left at home alone for a few hours pretty routinely from the age of 7 or so. My mother was a trauma physician and didn’t have anyone else to look after me sometimes. Wasn’t a big deal.
Latch key kid here. Anyone even remember those? And you know the really funny thing was,I wasn’t that responsible. I lost my key on more than one occasion. But they had no choice, and eventually I learned responsibility, mainly by dint of having to wait outside whenever I lost my key.
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### Author:  [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/14 "2014-07-18T14:26:08Z")
OP is confused: [Helicopter parent - Wikipedia](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent)
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### Author:  [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/15 "2014-07-18T14:28:29Z")
> [@Athena](#):
>
> It’s pretty common in some northern European/Scandinavian countries to leave kids bundled up in strollers outside in the cold (article [here](http://www.treehugger.com/culture/let-sleeping-babies-lie-chilly-temps-build-tough-nordic-tots.html)). It’s considered healthy, in fact.
>
> Also, is there evidence they were actually drunk? One drink != drunk.
Yeah, but when you travel, you are expected to conform to the norms of the place you are visiting, not the other way around. When an American goes to another country he is called an ugly American if he expects everyone to change to meet his behaviors.
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### Author:  [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/16 "2014-07-18T14:37:24Z")
> [@madmonk28](#):
>
> Yeah, but when you travel, you are expected to conform to the norms of the place you are visiting, not the other way around. When an American goes to another country he is called an ugly American if he expects everyone to change to meet his behaviors.
Unless you don’t know the cultural norms of the place you are visiting. As mentioned, it’s common practice to leave children outside in Europe, whereas it can be perfectly normal to take your dog into a restaurant. I remember getting frowns from local Germans when I took my kids into a coffee shop. I had no idea about the local customs at that point.
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### Author:  [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/17 "2014-07-18T14:45:30Z")
> [@Ruken](#):
>
> OP is confused: [Helicopter parent - Wikipedia](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent)
Nah, he’s blaming heliparenting (or rather, the social environment that engenders it) for these arrests, which are in his opinion unnecessary and extreme.
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### Author:  [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/18 "2014-07-18T14:50:13Z")
> [@Cyros](#):
>
> The 9 yo’s mistake was not running and yelling that someone was trying to kidnap her when the woman asked where her mommy was.
Yeah really. And then going with the police and social workers. I would have flipped my shit if someone - anyone - tried to remove me from where my parents expected me to be.
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### Author:  [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/19 "2014-07-18T14:55:10Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#):
>
> Just so you know, it was winter, and a cold day. She testified she went into the cafe because she was too cold. And left the baby outside. In the cold that was too cold for her. It’s not crazy to be concerned about a baby all alone on a cold winter day. Passerby didn’t know the mom was in sight but even if she was, it was cold, that was the issue.
Parents in Scandinavia let their children sleep outside through winter, snow and hailstorms and whatnot. That’s like minus twenty degrees Celsius or something. We did the same for our children. It’s considered healthy for them. Perhaps the police were confused about different customs, but once the matter had been talked over that should have cleared up any misconceptions – the absolute worst solution to the incident was throwing the mother in jail, and the baby in an institution. Maybe it was a case of Scandinavian provinsialism. I just can’t think involving authorities is the best solution in 99 out of 100 cases.
It weren’t passerbys that called the police. It was the manager of the cafe, who had already talked with mother two times, and knew that the baby was being watched.
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [July 18, 2014, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-helicopter-parents/693434/20 "2014-07-18T14:59:20Z")
> [@Rune](#):
>
> In 1997 a Danish mother was arrested in New York and her baby put into temporary state custody for letting her baby sleep outside in the baby carriage while she was inside a cafe in full view of the baby through a window. They’re still talking about it in Denmark as a example of Crazy Americans.
And in Sweden, too… came up in conversation last week.
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