# I pit Jon "War Machine" Koppenhaver **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 14, 2014, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496 "2014-08-14T07:04:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2014, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/81 "2014-10-17T23:59:16Z")
I wonder if we could match him up with Jodi Arias somehow? Now THAT would make a great reality show! ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2014, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/82 "2014-10-18T03:51:59Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > "MMA fighter War Machine attempts suicide in jail, report says While the reports I’ve seen say the suicide note hasn’t been released, I’ll take bets that it’s all about how it’s not his fault, wah, wah, wah. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/83 "2014-10-23T17:07:19Z")
[Nailed it](http://www.tmz.com/2014/10/20/war-machine-suicide-note-christy-mack-jail-letter/) PDF link to note from site. It’s Chisty’s fault. It’s her agent’s fault. It’s society’s fault. [QUOTE=Note, page 2] I forgive you, please forgive me [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/84 "2014-10-23T17:19:58Z")
It’s actually Obama’s fault., he just wasn’t paying attention. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/85 "2014-10-23T17:22:57Z")
Hopefully he’ll be found innocent so he can search for the _real_ wife-beater. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/86 "2014-10-23T17:37:39Z")
Such a true gentleman, to forgive her and all. I mean, imagine the damage his hands must have taken to beat her so badly. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/87 "2014-10-23T18:39:02Z")
Not to resurrect a five-year-old meme word lightly, but that note, as commentary on an unsuccessful suicide attempt, is a veritable carnival of FAIL. Using Nietzsche quotes as bookends is an especially phaily touch. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/88 "2014-10-23T21:33:34Z")
I have my doubts as to the sincerity of his attempt. But that’s for another discussion. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/89 "2014-10-23T22:06:50Z")
> [@Ike\_Witt](#): > > Such a true gentleman, to forgive her and all. I mean, imagine the damage his hands must have taken to beat her so badly. [Aye, seems like a generous guy.](http://vimeo.com/27023954) ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/90 "2014-10-23T22:30:34Z")
Should change his name to Whine Machine. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Joker\_and\_the\_Thief](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e79b87/32.png) [@The\_Joker\_and\_the\_Thief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Joker_and_the_Thief)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/91 "2014-10-24T06:16:40Z")
He has remarkably good handwriting for a an MMA fighter. I was expecting an illegible scrawl. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/92 "2014-10-24T06:56:09Z")
“In hard times know that I am there to lean on.” Putting aside the fact that this guy was the hard times she experienced, who makes a promise like this in a suicide note? Wouldn’t it have been more honest to have written “In hard times that occur in this cell in the next ten minutes know that I am there to lean on.” ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/93 "2014-10-24T11:14:56Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > “In hard times know that I am there to lean on.” > > Putting aside the fact that this guy was the hard times she experienced, who makes a promise like this in a suicide note? Wouldn’t it have been more honest to have written “In hard times that occur in this cell in the next ten minutes know that I am there to lean on.” It makes more sense if you know that on the back of the suicide note was his last will and testament, in which he specified his desire to be taxidermied and sent to Ms. Mack as a set of couch cushions. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/94 "2015-07-09T20:05:47Z")
I’ll occasionally throw “Koppenhaver” into Google to see if anything anything amusing has happened. [The finding of the Jesus](http://www.mmamania.com/2015/1/10/7517863/war-machine-claims-to-have-found-jesus-in-jail-beating-christy-mack-mma) was all too predictable so I skipped it. Apparently I checked a few days too early last time and missed [‘War Machine’ Jon Koppenhaver reaches out to Mike Tyson to commiserate over ‘vindictive women’](http://zap2it.com/2015/04/war-machine-jon-koppenhaver-reaches-out-to-mike-tyson-to-commiserate-over-vindictive-women/). So still Christy’s fault it seems… ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2015, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/95 "2015-07-10T13:04:59Z")
What a vile piece of shit. I hope he gets what’s coming to him fast. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2015, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/96 "2015-07-10T14:24:35Z")
I wonder how Christy is doing. I googled for for health updates and only got hits from 2014. Being at work, I’m hesitant to to google her more. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2015, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/97 "2015-07-11T10:11:12Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > I wonder how Christy is doing. I googled for for health updates and only got hits from 2014. > > Being at work, I’m hesitant to to google her more. ESPN wrote a recent update about her. NSFW due to promo pics of naked athletes. [She seems to be recovering](http://espn.go.com/espnw/news-commentary/article/12627754/the-tragic-love-story-christy-mack-mma-fighter-war-machine). ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2015, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/98 "2015-07-11T16:35:57Z")
From her feed, it seems she’s making appearances at adult-entertainment events and is back to stage dancing this summer. No explicit nudity but just in case, multi click rule in effect: [https://twitter.com/ChristyMack/status/617188098024169472](https://twitter.com/ChristyMack/status/617188098024169472) ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2017, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/99 "2017-05-06T04:26:00Z")
This time Google kicked back this worthy news. [Ex-MMA fighter War Machine guilty of 29 felonies in kidnap, beating case](http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/03/21/ex-mma-fighter-war-machine-guilty-29-felonies-in-kidnap-beating-case.html) > [@](#): > > Koppenhaver shook his head a little as he heard “guilty” to the two most serious counts — kidnapping and sexual assault with a weapon. Each could get him up to life in prison without the possibility of parole. > > Sentencing was scheduled for June 5. Defense attorney Jay Leiderman said he’ll appeal the convictions. Life sounds appropriate. I suppose I’ll update one last time in June and then this can sink into the endless night. ---
**Author:** ![steatopygia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steatopygia/32/3132_2.png) [@steatopygia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steatopygia)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2017, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496/100 "2017-05-06T07:01:53Z")
I was pretty sure this thread got bumped to say he had killed himself in prison. I await further developments. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-jon-war-machine-koppenhaver/695496.md?page=6)