# I Pit Men Who Think Working Women Are There to Service Their Sex Drive **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 30, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441 "2012-04-30T19:50:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/181 "2012-05-01T21:49:47Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > 1. You are overreacting > 2. Anyway, you should just suck it up. This is what you get for doing your job/dressing like that/being female in public > 3. It’s not women who have the problem, it’s men who have the problem Yes, she was overreacting. Yes, she will have people talk to her when she’s doing her job in public, sometimes more than once, and there’s a perfectly good way to get rid of someone who’s being inappropriate - that is to tell them to leave, or get someone with the authority to do that, and the police if they refuse. Not continuing to be nice to them, then going home and feeling “unclean”. Also, don’t mischaracterise my post with that last one. Plenty of women have had problems with rape and sexual abuse. Fortunately for her, **Broomstick** is not one of them, at least in this instance, and for her to compare herself to them is fucking offensive. For that matter, for her to compare a man hitting on her to a potential rapist is also fucking offensive. ---
**Author:** ![Dave\_Hartwick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7feea3/32.png) [@Dave\_Hartwick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dave_Hartwick)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/182 "2012-05-01T21:54:37Z")
I’ll just add “hysterical”, “formatting abuser”, and “blind” to the list of reasons why I think Broomstick is a weirdo. But I’m still of the opinion that sexual harassment is bad. Maybe I could save time by making that my signature. Sexual harassment is bad, Dave ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/183 "2012-05-01T21:56:37Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Yes, she will have people talk to her when she’s doing her job in public, sometimes more than once You still feel comfortable characterizing the situation this way? ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/184 "2012-05-01T22:03:32Z")
So, Broomstick - are you going to apologise to sandra\_nz for being an absolute raging bitch-cow to her, or are you going to continue to cherry-pick the “mean” responses and completely ignore people who have been giving you sympathy like you asked for? ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/185 "2012-05-01T22:10:01Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > You still feel comfortable characterizing the situation this way? Yes, and in the part of the post you cut I stated exactly what should be done if the talking became inappropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/186 "2012-05-01T22:11:36Z")
> [@RedFury](#): > > Man flirts, woman rejects, man persists. > > Ooooh! World’s coming to an end. Ok, NOW you’re justified, **even sven**. Now that’s a legitimate “You’re overreacting.” The other stuff you quoted is…mischaracterized. Separately, can someone tell me why every time someone says “Here’s how you can deal with that situation,” someone else has to come in and go “Ahhh, blaming the victim, I see. Dick!” Since when is advice on how to cope with adverse situations blaming anybody, much less victims? When I pitted the thief who has my GPS, and someone said something like “You shouldn’t ever leave it in your car,” did I come back with “Oh, so this is all my fault?” No. You know why? Because that would be stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Library\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cab0a1/32.png) [@Library\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Library_Boy)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/187 "2012-05-01T22:21:09Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Hahaha. It’s funny, you see, because lechers never attack. Rape and stalking never happen. So women have no reason to fear for their personal safety when people are acting unpredictably towards them. > > The thing about horrible people is that they’ve had their whole lives to be horrible, and they get good at it with practice. People who commit horrible acts for psychological gratification (as opposed to for money or whatever) generally don’t run out of the shadows and grab people. They test their victims. They see how far they can push things, getting a handle on what kind of victim you’ll be. Then, when they feel like it’s a good setup, they do what they are there to do. > > And there are all kinds of psychological tricks that work on pretty much anyone. For example, murderers and rapists will often solicit a small favor from a target. This creates some cognitive dissonance, so that the victim feels invested in this interaction and is more willing to go on to the next step. Often times the baddie will set a tone of mild disapproval, which subtly encourages the victim to win his favor by “performing well.” These are all real things that work in other situations- for example, pick up artists use the “neg” to pick up women, and soliciting small favors at work is actually a really good way to cement relationships with coworkers. > > Baddies are pretty good at getting you halfway down a bad road before you know you are there. They start with an innocuous line of conversation, and they try to get you deeper and deeper into it before they start turning on the weird. Then they see how you react to the weird, and use that to judge if you’d be a good target. But they are really good at all of this, and it’s not reasonable to expect to see it coming. So…we have much to learn from them? ---
**Author:** ![secretsmile36](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@secretsmile36](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/secretsmile36)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/188 "2012-05-01T22:28:03Z")
Just admit you were flattered. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/189 "2012-05-01T22:31:22Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Yes, she was overreacting. Yes, she will have people talk to her when she’s doing her job in public, sometimes more than once, and there’s a perfectly good way to get rid of someone who’s being inappropriate - that is to tell them to leave, or get someone with the authority to do that, and the police if they refuse. Not continuing to be nice to them, then going home and feeling “unclean”. Excuse me? How the fuck did you get the idea I “continued to be nice to him”? First day, when it became apparent he was serious about demanding I fuck him I told him to “leave. NOW.” When he came back the next day I _also_ told him to leave. Why don’t you just come out and accuse me directly of leading him on? Which I didn’t, by the way. I stopped being nice to him and he _still_ came back the next day. > [@](#): > > Also, don’t mischaracterise my post with that last one. Plenty of women have had problems with rape and sexual abuse. Fortunately for her, **Broomstick** is not one of them, at least in this instance, and for her to compare herself to them is fucking offensive. And just how do you know whether or not I’ve suffered sexual abuse and/or rape in the past? Anyone who has experience past sexual abuse and/or rape (woman or man) who found my posts offensive is welcome to state so directly - they don’t need you to make that call for them. Unless you are among their number. Are you? > [@](#): > > For that matter, for her to compare a man hitting on her to a potential rapist is also fucking offensive. On the other hand, the man who many years ago grabbed me around the neck, hauled me into the bushes, and started ripping my clothes off did, in fact, start with “hitting on me” and when I continued to say no escalated up to force. Upon reflection, maybe that past incident is part of why this upset me so much, and why I felt so unclean. To clarify - no, that didn’t end in rape. It ended with my attacker curled up on the ground with a broken leg. That doesn’t mean it didn’t scare the shit out of me. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/190 "2012-05-01T23:05:49Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Two points: > > 1. I’m skeptical that this is a well-known signal for gay men (or, hilariously, Masons–I love the idea of the Secret Leaders of the Free World molesting one another’s palms). If you already know someone is gay/Masonic, then you may not need a signal to check in with them. If you don’t, then doing this signal to the wrong person is going to get you clocked. It might work if you’re certain they’re a gay Mason but they don’t know you are, but otherwise it’s a risky move. > 2. The reason I’m suggesting you try it on someone else is because I have. Only on friends, mind you, and only as part of this story; when I get to the part about the handshake, I’ll ask them to shake my hand. **Invariably** the person who shakes my hand leaps back as if I’d put a wasp in my hand and gives me this look of “Ima kill you!” before they start to laugh in disgusted outrage. Sometimes people will wipe their hand frantically against their pants as if trying to clean filth off of it. > > This is not a gesture that’s prone to misinterpretation. It’s molestation-by-lie: when you reach out to shake someone’s hand, unless you’re ZPG (who I imagine is throwing up in the bushes after reading this post), you’re expecting a handshake to be a friendly, nonsexual gesture. When the person takes advantage of your expectation to turn it into an intimate caress of a sensitive area of skin–go ahead, caress your own palm now, see how it feels–it’s really oogy and awful. > > But if you haven’t experienced it, you may not understand just how nasty it is. Same thing if you haven’t experienced other examples of people larger than you, in positions of mild power over you (e..g, customer treating employee), treating you sexually under inappropriate circumstances. Alright, I’m gonna try it on some friends. It just so happens a bunch of us are going out to see the Avengers next week. It’ll be hard to get them to shake my hand, since we don’t usually do that, but if I’m successful, I’ll report it here ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/191 "2012-05-01T23:11:47Z")
Really, guys? I’m far from one of those “garsh, I’m sorry for having a penis” men, and I’m as socially awkward as they come, but that guy was skeevy as hell and I wouldn’t blame anyone for being afraid, for their life or otherwise. That’s the kind of person who is **so** out of touch, and so **beyond** inadequately socialized that you don’t know **what** they’re going to do or where they’re going with anything. I know nobody is excusing his behavior, whatever his reasons for doing it, but the OP is pretty much in the right for being afraid. Hell, there’s no guarantee calling the police is even the right thing to do, he hadn’t done much other than skeeve her out, the chances of him getting off without being arrested are relatively high. They could remove him from the shop, but he knows where she works, there’s a non-trivial chance that will just tip him to the breaking point of “full on stalking, rape her because she deserved it.” Okay, maybe “take three showers” thing is a **little** bit overreacting, but then, I’ve never understood the “taking a shower because I feel unclean” thing and always thought it was meant to be a joke. Either way, the emotional distress is in no way unwarranted. I’m sorry, Broomstick, nobody deserves that, it’s especially bad when you’re alone and a captive audience like that. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/192 "2012-05-01T23:14:53Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Excuse me? How the fuck did you get the idea I “continued to be nice to him”? First day, when it became apparent he was serious about demanding I fuck him I told him to “leave. NOW.” When he came back the next day I _also_ told him to leave. At which point he either left, or you called security, I hope. > [@](#): > > Why don’t you just come out and accuse me directly of leading him on? Which I didn’t, by the way. I stopped being nice to him and he _still_ came back the next day. Stop with the strawman arguments. You took his number, he took that as a sign you wanted further contact. Which is reasonable on his part. > [@](#): > > And just how do you know whether or not I’ve suffered sexual abuse and/or rape in the past? I didn’t, and nor did I claim to. > [@](#): > > Anyone who has experience past sexual abuse and/or rape (woman or man) who found my posts offensive is welcome to state so directly - they don’t need you to make that call for them. Unless you are among their number. Are you? I’ve seen the devastating effect it’s had on friends and loved ones. That’s close enough to me for me to state how offensive I find you claiming what happened to you here is equivalent to rape. If you don’t like that, tough, frankly. > [@](#): > > On the other hand, the man who many years ago grabbed me around the neck, hauled me into the bushes, and started ripping my clothes off did, in fact, start with “hitting on me” and when I continued to say no escalated up to force. Upon reflection, maybe that past incident is part of why this upset me so much, and why I felt so unclean. > > To clarify - no, that didn’t end in rape. It ended with my attacker curled up on the ground with a broken leg. That doesn’t mean it didn’t scare the shit out of me. I’m sorry to hear that, genuinely. I can see why that would be terrifying. I can also see why what happened to you the other day would remind you of it. That doesn’t mean that there was any actual threat from him, or that you didn’t overreact. That the overreaction may be justified doesn’t change my opinion of his behaviour - which is that he was an arsehole, not a potential rapist. ---
**Author:** ![Catfood\_Purrito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Catfood\_Purrito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catfood_Purrito)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/193 "2012-05-01T23:28:14Z")
> [@secretsmile36](#): > > Just admit you were flattered. Really? This stanky bowel movement of a thought plopped out from between the asscheeks behind where you store your brain, and you took a good, long look at it and thought, “yes! I am going to type that up, click the “preview post” button, bask in its glory some more, and then I’m going to go ahead and post that on the internet in reply to someone who just had a rather upsetting experience. What a jolly good plan!” Regardless of whether or not **Broomstick** overreacted, this is vile, and you are a vapid twit. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/194 "2012-05-01T23:29:12Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > I’m sorry to hear that, genuinely. I can see why that would be terrifying. > > I can also see why what happened to you the other day would remind you of it. That doesn’t mean that there was any actual threat from him, or that you didn’t overreact. That the overreaction may be justified doesn’t change my opinion of his behaviour - which is that he was an arsehole, not a potential rapist. So, we’re only allowed to be scared by someone if they actually follow through with raping us? At what point then? Let’s run through some events: 1.Guy hits on her. Guy gets rejected. 2.Guy hits on her. Guy gets rejected. 3. Guy hits on her again. More rejection. 4. Guy more aggressively hits on her- being more overt that his intentions are sexual. More rejection. 5. Guy grabs her around the neck. She fights-- sort of a physical rejection. 6. Guy starts ripping off her clothes. She fights back and screams for help. More rejection. 7. Guy sticks his dick in her. She screams and tries to get away. At what point in that paradigm is a woman allowed to be reasonably scared of the guy or see him as a threat/potential threat? Genuine question. I’m curious how we’re supposed to know exactly when it’s fair to judge Mr. Creeper. Because as a 26 year old woman, I’ve had steps one through four happen to me countless times in my life. I’ve had step 5 happen no less than 5 or 6 times since puberty (alright, if we’re counting grabbing my neck/jack and trying to violently pull me in for a kiss). I’ve had step 6 start to happen no less than 3 times. Fortunately, I’ve never actually been raped, but I’m still hyper aware of overly aggressive men who don’t understand the word no. ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/195 "2012-05-01T23:30:54Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > Separately, can someone tell me why every time someone says “Here’s how you can deal with that situation,” someone else has to come in and go “Ahhh, blaming the victim, I see. Dick!” Since when is advice on how to cope with adverse situations blaming anybody, much less victims? In these hypothetical situations, did the person relaying the incident ask for advice on “how to deal with the situation”? If not, then it’s not, “hey, since you need a suggestion, here’s what you could do”. It’s, “why didn’t you do this? I would have done that.” If your “advice” falls into the latter category, than heyo guess what, you _are_ a dick and that _is_ victim blaming. Also, for future reference - most women don’t need advice from most men on how do deal with creepy dudes, seeing as how we are unfortunately in the position of having more experience with this issue. And Monday morning quaterbacking is even more infuriating when it’s coming from someone who’s never held a football. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/196 "2012-05-01T23:34:59Z")
> [@Myrnalene](#): > > Also, for future reference - most women don’t need advice from most men on how do deal with creepy dudes, seeing as how we are unfortunately in the position of having more experience with this issue. And Monday morning quaterbacking is even more infuriating when it’s coming from someone who’s never held a football. Beautifully said. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/197 "2012-05-01T23:53:09Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Yes, she was overreacting. Yes, she will have people talk to her when she’s doing her job in public, sometimes more than once, and there’s a perfectly good way to get rid of someone who’s being inappropriate - that is to tell them to leave, or get someone with the authority to do that, and the police if they refuse. Not continuing to be nice to them, then going home and feeling “unclean”. > > Also, don’t mischaracterise my post with that last one. Plenty of women have had problems with rape and sexual abuse. Fortunately for her, **Broomstick** is not one of them, at least in this instance, and for her to compare herself to them is fucking offensive. > > For that matter, for her to compare a man hitting on her to a potential rapist is also fucking offensive. Yes, she is one of those women, and that guy IS a potential rapist. This guy won’t accept that no means no, and isn’t that pretty much what a rapist _is_? Yeah, odds are good he would back down before things got to the point of holding her down and fucking her while she screams and cries and begs for him to stop…but then again, the odds that he wouldn’t back down before that are also pretty decent. The more times a guy ignores your no, the more likely it is things would play out the second way, and this guy has ignored her no at least three times. Once when she generally told him she wasn’t interested, again when she told him she was married, again when she told him to leave her shop NOW. This guy is scary as shit, and the fact that you don’t see how scary he is frankly makes you just as scary. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/198 "2012-05-02T00:08:18Z")
Jesus, what a trainwreck! ---
**Author:** ![hamwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/0ea827/32.png) [@hamwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hamwater)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/199 "2012-05-02T00:12:04Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Why are you being such a stuck up bitch? You aren’t that good looking anyway, you ugly bitch. Fat ass, lesbian bitch. :rolleyes: > > Oh, sorry. Thought you wanted the stereotypical responses you get after turning down a guy who has been hounding you. Heh. A guy asked me to dance at a bar one night and when I said “No thank you”, he said “Why are you being so picky? I’m not!” ---
**Author:** ![secretsmile36](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@secretsmile36](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/secretsmile36)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/200 "2012-05-02T00:16:27Z")
> [@Catfood\_Purrito](#): > > Really? This stanky bowel movement of a thought plopped out from between the asscheeks behind where you store your brain, and you took a good, long look at it and thought, “yes! I am going to type that up, click the “preview post” button, bask in its glory some more, and then I’m going to go ahead and post that on the internet in reply to someone who just had a rather upsetting experience. What a jolly good plan!” Regardless of whether or not **Broomstick** overreacted, this is vile, and you are a vapid twit. Oh shut the hell up dumb ass. Give me a fucking break. So a sleazy man hit on her. It’s not the end of the damn world and frankly she’s overreacting. That’s if the incident even happended in the first place. You stupid waste of space. She probably should have posted this in another subforum where people could tell her everything she wants to hear. She posted it in the pit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441.md?page=11)