# I Pit Men Who Think Working Women Are There to Service Their Sex Drive **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 30, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441 "2012-04-30T19:50:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/201 "2012-05-02T00:20:19Z")
Sometimes leftists in general get criticized because when one leftist says something reprehensible, other leftists are too slow to repudiate the reprehensible thing said. I don’t necessarily buy that reasoning, but I certainly get why it’s nice for folks arguing with leftists to see us police our own. Along those lines, and assuming that secretsmile is male (which, I recognize, given the username, is a pretty safe assumption), I’d just like to say: secretsmile, shut your fucking piehole. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/202 "2012-05-02T00:22:28Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I’m going to blame the Nice Guy syndrome. I think what we are seeing is guys who are resentful that women have preferences in their sexual partners, and may want to be with attractive, charming, outgoing men more than a weird socially awkward guy. I mostly agreed with your post, including your interpretations of others’posts, but I disagree with this. I don’t blame it on guys being resentful of anything. I do think it might have to do with social awkwardness though, i.e, they lack empathy, miss social cues, etc. You’re bagging on the social awkward guy is getting old though. It’s almost as bad as their supposed misogyny. Do you realize that now that you’re over thirty, you’re the female equivalent of the socially awkward guy? Men, in general, are going to prefer the younger, hotter chick over you. > [@Bosstone](#): > > Yep, mine as well. > > I wasn’t saying **Broomstick** was overreacting. I was saying the other posters who were assuming the worst from an ambiguous retelling might have been overreacting, especially when yelling at those of us who were assuming a more mild confrontation. I didn’t find the OP ambiguous. You and others simply failed at reading comprehension. Given **Broomstick** ’s reaction, I don’t see how you could assume a mild confrontation unless you thought she was overreacting. ---
**Author:** ![secretsmile36](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@secretsmile36](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/secretsmile36)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/203 "2012-05-02T00:22:55Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Sometimes leftists in general get criticized because when one leftist says something reprehensible, other leftists are too slow to repudiate the reprehensible thing said. I don’t necessarily buy that reasoning, but I certainly get why it’s nice for folks arguing with leftists to see us police our own. > > Along those lines, and assuming that secretsmile is male (which, I recognize, given the username, is a pretty safe assumption), I’d just like to say: secretsmile, shut your fucking piehole. Same to you lefthand of idiot. You know you can’t tell someone’s sex by their username. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/204 "2012-05-02T00:27:36Z")
Sometimes you kind of can. ---
**Author:** ![Library\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cab0a1/32.png) [@Library\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Library_Boy)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/205 "2012-05-02T00:33:11Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Sometimes you kind of can. It’s ridiculous to think that you can guess gender by user name, that’s just… Oh. Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/206 "2012-05-02T00:34:02Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > You’re bagging on the social awkward guy is getting old though. It’s almost as bad as their supposed misogyny. Do you realize that now that you’re over thirty, you’re the female equivalent of the socially awkward guy? Men, in general, are going to prefer the younger, hotter chick over you. heh. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/207 "2012-05-02T00:34:19Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Sometimes you kind of can. Funny, coming from someone whose username is a take off of a novel about gender-bending aliens. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/208 "2012-05-02T00:37:12Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > It wouldn’t be such a big deal if this was a one-off rection to a one-off story. But it’s part of a pattern that happens whenever any female doper posts a similar story. It’s also, coincidentally, the exact same bullshit that people give to rape victims and other women who have had been threatened or hurt in a sexual way. People will jump hoops trying to twist the scenario to find some possible way to interpret the guy as not being creepy. > > I’m going to blame the Nice Guy syndrome. I think what we are seeing is guys who are resentful that women have preferences in their sexual partners, and may want to be with attractive, charming, outgoing men more than a weird socially awkward guy. You know what. As a socially awkward guy many would find “weird”, I find this rather offensive. Just because I don’t fit in with the local culture. I’ve never did anything like the OP. Yet here you are calling me a loser and linking me with the creeper in the OP and jackasses who blame rape victims. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/209 "2012-05-02T00:38:16Z")
> [@RedFury](#): > > Or does persistence – from either sex – have anything to do with it? For much of recorded human history the answer is no, men and women lived separate lives and mating was arranged. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/210 "2012-05-02T00:43:53Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > This guy is scary as shit, and the fact that you don’t see how scary he is frankly makes you just as scary. No, it makes me not fucking crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Library\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cab0a1/32.png) [@Library\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Library_Boy)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/211 "2012-05-02T00:44:10Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > For much of recorded human history the answer is no, men and women lived separate lives and mating was arranged. And thus men invented shaking hands as an shameful, degrading outlet for their pent-up LUSTFUL URGES! Why yes, I am bored & trapped at work (after my shift) by the “Occupy” movement ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/212 "2012-05-02T00:49:47Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Stop with the strawman arguments. You took his number, he took that as a sign you wanted further contact. Which is reasonable on his part. I didn’t take the paper while he was there, I ordered him out of the shop. Granted, he didn’t see me tear it up and throw it in the garbage but no, I did NOT “take his number”. > [@](#): > > That doesn’t mean that there was any actual threat from him, or that you didn’t overreact. Oddly enough, a substantial number of people disagree with you on that point. Yes, I think there is an actual threat from men who don’t take “no” for an answer. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/213 "2012-05-02T01:01:21Z")
> [@Myrnalene](#): > > In these hypothetical situations, did the person relaying the incident ask for advice on “how to deal with the situation”? If not, then it’s not, “hey, since you need a suggestion, here’s what you could do”. It’s, “why didn’t you do this? I would have done that.” If your “advice” falls into the latter category, than heyo guess what, you _are_ a dick and that _is_ victim blaming. > > Also, for future reference - most women don’t need advice from most men on how do deal with creepy dudes, seeing as how we are unfortunately in the position of having more experience with this issue. And Monday morning quaterbacking is even more infuriating when it’s coming from someone who’s never held a football. I asked a very specific question that you didn’t answer. I didn’t ask why it’s infuriating or why it’s a dick move. I asked why it’s _victim blaming_. It’s not even blaming the criminal, let alone the victim. It’s not blaming of any type. Saying “shoulda” in no way references blame to any degree. > [@hamwater](#): > > Heh. A guy asked me to dance at a bar one night and when I said “No thank you”, he said “Why are you being so picky? I’m not!” That’s…actually pretty funny. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/214 "2012-05-02T01:06:18Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > For much of recorded human history the answer is no, men and women lived separate lives and mating was arranged. Marriages were arranged. Fucking wasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/215 "2012-05-02T01:09:28Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I mostly agreed with your post, including your interpretations of others’posts, but I disagree with this. I don’t blame it on guys being resentful of anything. I do think it might have to do with social awkwardness though, i.e, they lack empathy, miss social cues, etc. > > You’re bagging on the social awkward guy is getting old though. It’s almost as bad as their supposed misogyny. Do you realize that now that you’re over thirty, you’re the female equivalent of the socially awkward guy? Men, in general, are going to prefer the younger, hotter chick over you. Yeah, some of us are awkward and timid, not awkward and creepy! But I think what some of my fellow men are trying to say, if inelegantly, is that just as women are more aware than men about this creep factor, men are more aware than women about the harm in tarring an innocent flirt. Some guys, even me sometimes, would be overly aggressive in defending what we see as just harmless flirting In this case though, I think we would all be better off if we deferred to **Broomstick’s** instincts. If only because of that pimple thread 😃 ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/216 "2012-05-02T01:11:43Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Marriages were arranged. Fucking wasn’t. Yeah, but that second one really didn’t catch on till Quicky Mart dumpsters and the back seats of Edsels were invented. ---
**Author:** ![hamwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/0ea827/32.png) [@hamwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hamwater)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/217 "2012-05-02T01:16:04Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > That’s…actually pretty funny. I know, it’s still my favorite reverse pick-up line. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/218 "2012-05-02T01:21:27Z")
> [@blindboyard](#): > > /snip/ > > Don’t worry so much about your safety. Women are victims of only a minority of violent crime, no matter how tiny they might perceive themselves to be. I knew this was ludicrous at a glance, since at my ripe old age of 42 I know as many women who’ve been victims of violence than not but I Googled that bullshit anyway. [Hunh](http://saynotoviolence.org/issue/facts-and-figures). The perception of tiny here is yours. Why not ask the women around you if they’ve been a victim of actual, attempted or threatened violence? I have. While you’re at it, ask if they’ve been offered or asked for sex while at their jobs, compensated sex or otherwise. I have. Women who are a captive audience are just irresistible to some men, more than you apparently realize; they feel they might have a chance to get away w/ something and they’re going to take it. I read this whole miserable thread and I’m convinced some people cannot or will not empathize w/ others. Most men I’ve known would be furious if the woman in the OP was their sister, mom, daughter or SO. Some of you clever pieces of shit enjoy being fuckers merely for the sake of being clever fucking piece of shit fuckers. ---
**Author:** ![Library\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cab0a1/32.png) [@Library\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Library_Boy)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/219 "2012-05-02T01:37:52Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > \ > > I read this whole miserable thread and I’m convinced some people cannot or will not empathize w/ others. Most men I’ve known would be furious if the woman in the OP was their sister, mom, daughter or SO. Some of you clever pieces of shit enjoy being fuckers merely for the sake of being clever fucking piece of shit fuckers. I think your second use of “piece of shit” needs to be plural, like the first (pieces of shit), but with that sentence I would not bet the house on it. Clever? Shucks, thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2012, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441/220 "2012-05-02T01:54:53Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > I asked a very specific question that you didn’t answer. I didn’t ask why it’s infuriating or why it’s a dick move. I asked why it’s _victim blaming_. It’s not even blaming the criminal, let alone the victim. It’s not blaming of any type. Saying “shoulda” in no way references blame to any degree. “Oh, it sucks that this happened to you, but…why were you there / doing that / wearing that?” “You should have done this, then he wouldn’t have done that!” “_I_ would have kicked him in the balls / got my manager / filed a complaint (and you didn’t ergo, you handled it wrong).” “It wasn’t even that bad, why are you getting so upset? Other women have had it worse / he was just flirting / you’re irrational.” It’s victim blaming because it implies that the person making the complaint is either partially (or totally) responsible for their situation, or that they are mishandling their reaction to it. It takes the focus right off the person who actually did the fucked up thing and puts in on the victim, on what they could or should do differently. > [@YogSogoth](#): > > But I think what some of my fellow men are trying to say, if inelegantly, is that just as women are more aware than men about this creep factor, men are more aware than women about the harm in tarring an innocent flirt. **Some guys, even me sometimes, would be overly aggressive in defending what we see as just harmless flirting.** K well…don’t do this. Because being made to feel dirty or dehumanized or afraid is actually a lot worse than having your pick-up lines shot down. And someone who already feels dirty or dehumanized or afraid _really_ doesn’t need to hear about how the poor creeper was just misunderstood and _she’s_ the one with the problem. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-men-who-think-working-women-are-there-to-service-their-sex-drive/620441.md?page=12)