# I Pit Minor Dating
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [November 12, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782 "2012-11-12T15:36:11Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/21 "2012-11-12T16:53:50Z")
> [@elbows](#):
>
> Demonstrating why it’s not a good idea to look to India for the ideal. Lots of adults beat their wives and children. Weakest argument yet. I have no problem believing your in 9th grade!
>
> Look, no one is saying you shouldn’t do what you feel works for you. But maybe consider that you don’t know what’s right for everyone, based solely on what you feel is right for you. At the very least, wait until you’ve actually dated, married successfully etc before holding forth on what ‘ought to be’ for the rest. You speak from a position of zero experience at present. Watching from the outside, as you’ll discover when you mature, is decidedly different entirely, from participating.
>
> I wish you nothing but Good Luck!
Well, thank you for wishing me good luck!
Maybe the India argument was weak.
But I was referring to the cities. In the cities, a lot of those things that you’re talking about doesn’t happen there anymore. They have love marriages just like us. They don’t beat their kids/wives either. The only difference is that they don’t date until adulthood. At least that’s how it is in the cities (I’m not talking about the villages). Now keep in mind, that the cities are only 30% of India.
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/22 "2012-11-12T16:55:54Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Why?
Because they recognize this is the 21st century? Because they’d like to catch up to the rest of the world? Because as Western culture seeps in, more and more people are examining such taboos and finding them outdated and unnecessarily harsh.
What works fine for one, needn’t be the only way. Everyone is not the same, as you may have noticed. There is no longer the need for such harsh social direction in the 21st century. Those who wish to observe it are certainly free to. There is no need to harshly judge others for feeling otherwise, or practicing otherwise. It’s a raising of consciousness, not a lowing of social mores, I think.
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/23 "2012-11-12T16:57:24Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#):
>
> Well, thank you for wishing me good luck!
>
> Maybe the India argument was weak.
>
> But I was referring to the cities. In the cities, a lot of those things that you’re talking about doesn’t happen there anymore. They have love marriages just like us. They don’t beat their kids/wives either. The only difference is that they don’t date until adulthood. At least that’s how it is in the cities (I’m not talking about the villages). Now keep in mind, that the cities are only 30% of India.
I don’t understand how you think that JUST not dating until adulthood will fix all of the problems we have.
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### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/24 "2012-11-12T17:21:19Z")
> [@Anaamika](#):
>
> Because we don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. I wasn’t allowed to date as a teen but certainly all my friends were allowed to. This is the 80s and 90s we’re talking about. Maybe 13 or 14 is too young, but 15 through 18 certainly isn’t.
Ditto. I don’t know what this “two years ago” business is. I turned 13 in 1988, and kids were certainly pairing up on dates in 8th grade already, often with parental knowledge. By high school, dating was absolutely the norm, and I can’t think of a single person, male or female, who was prohibited to date. I’m not saying there weren’t such people, but none that I personally knew.
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### Author:  [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/25 "2012-11-12T17:32:54Z")
> [@pulykamell](#):
>
> Ditto. I don’t know what this “two years ago” business is. I turned 13 in 1988, and kids were certainly pairing up on dates in 8th grade already, often with parental knowledge. By high school, dating was absolutely the norm, and I can’t think of a single person, male or female, who was prohibited to date. I’m not saying there weren’t such people, but none that I personally knew.
Is it just me, or is this how western culture is?
Anyways, maybe it is the “norm”, but I certainly disagree with it. You see, two years ago when I was immature and thought I was old enough to date (Oh, I almost fell into this trap too), so many adults were getting mad at me and saying, “You’re too young to date,” etc. Yet, now I don’t see as many adults objecting to it, and it seems as if middle school dating is not looked down upon as much anymore by adults.
Maybe I’m wrong because I don’t actually have facts/statistics to prove this. But, that’s how it looks to me.
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### Author:  [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/26 "2012-11-12T17:33:31Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#):
>
> Trust me, I want love to, but it’s way too early if you’re under 18.
Trust _me_, 18 year olds are fucking morons. Why you think this is some magical age for “love” is bizarre. Then again, nobody but extreme Christian fundamentalists and kids whose brains aren’t fully formed yet think you should wait until marriage to have sex, so I guess you’re consistent in your thinking.
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### Author:  [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/27 "2012-11-12T17:44:03Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#):
>
> Trust _me_, 18 year olds are fucking morons. Why you think this is some magical age for “love” is bizarre. Then again, nobody but extreme Christian fundamentalists and kids whose brains aren’t fully formed yet think you should wait until marriage to have sex, so I guess you’re consistent in your thinking.
18 is only the minimum. But like they say, if you’re not mature enough, you aren’t! Those who aren’t mature enough to date at 18 should wait longer. But, like I said, 18 is only the minimum I think that people should wait until; if it takes longer for them to mature, and aren’t quite there at 18, then they aren’t ready to date.
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/28 "2012-11-12T18:03:15Z")
But if you’re not dating, you’ll never learn the lessons you learn from experience! It’s just like going into a marriage as a virgin; I don’t know, maybe it works for some people, but you never learn what you like sexually at all! And then you end up in a marriage where your sex drives are woefully incompatible.
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### Author:  [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/29 "2012-11-12T18:04:26Z")
First of all, AU, why do you care? I ask that sincerely. In other threads, you’d expressed an interest in becoming rich and successful. Let me tell you that both are in limited supply and both require finite resources. You can’t be rich if everyone’s rich. You can’t be successful if everyone’s equally successful. I’m not saying it’s a zero sum game, but what I’m saying is that when others fail, your chances increase.
So if your belief is that minors dating each other interferes with their studies and their success at life, why do you care? If anything you should be glad, right? Not just one, but two people are getting out of your way and your path to success. You should be encouraging this!
But, on the other hand, you know exactly shit about shit. Less than that even. You’re seriously comparing what life was like when you were 13, all of two years ago, and saying that there’s been some great shift in society in that time and their views on minors dating? No, there hasn’t. The only shift in perception has been your shift and it’s going to continue to change (or has the potential to change) if you allow yourself to be open to new ideas and new experiences.
The plural of anecdote is not data. Remember that. It will serve you well.
I’ll leave you with a scene from this really really old movie which helps summarize my thoughts:
[ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qM-gZintWDc)
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### Author:  [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/30 "2012-11-12T18:24:03Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#):
>
> two years ago when I was immature
Yes… you are clearly much more mature now.
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### Author:  [@fumster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fumster)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/31 "2012-11-12T18:24:43Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#):
>
> Notice how in India, we don’t date until adulthood and we have much higher performance in academics especially mathematics, and a much lower divorce rate.
You also have a caste system, violent political unrest among different religious groups, a suspiciously large number of women being “accidentally” burned, and leprosy. I’m not sure I want to take advice from you.
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### Author:  [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/32 "2012-11-12T18:25:58Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#):
>
> None of those. I just against minor dating.
>
> Don’t make assumptions such as, “You aren’t over (this),” etc. because it’s simply not true.
>
> What I’ve typed up is actually what I believe and not because of some assumptions that most people make.
So you have no excuse, but are just a prudish, narrow minded, sanctimonious. immature idiot. Got it.
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/33 "2012-11-12T18:28:01Z")
Just because you weren’t mature enough to handle it, at that age, does not mean that is so, for everyone. You are not the measure. All that your evidence/testimony confirms is that _you_ were not ready at that age. Deciding everyone is the same as you, and what’s right for you, is right for everyone else, is simple and obvious childish arrogance.
Which you will grow out of when you _actually_ mature.
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### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/34 "2012-11-12T18:36:28Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#):
>
> You see, two years ago when I was immature
And now at fifteen, you are still immature. Use this to your advantage.
You have years ahead of you before you have to make tremendously serious decisions as to whether you will marry, and if so, to whom. Such decisions will decide your future.
You need to be prepared to make such decisions. That’s where dating as a teenager comes in, for it lets you learn about relationships as you mature, without making every mistake a lifetime committment.
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### Author:  [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/35 "2012-11-12T18:38:40Z")
> [@Anaamika](#):
>
> But if you’re not dating, you’ll never learn the lessons you learn from experience! It’s just like going into a marriage as a virgin; I don’t know, maybe it works for some people, but you never learn what you like sexually at all! And then you end up in a marriage where your sex drives are woefully incompatible.
Refer to this:
> [@](#):
>
> God damn you’re 13; you’re way to young to date!!! What will you do to pleasure her, give her animal crackers?" - Yahoo! Answers (I fixed the bad grammar)
>
> I completely agree with this quote. What can minors really do? Most of them can’t even drive, they can’t even (I should be saying “we” because I’m a minor too) have s e x (and shouldn’t as it’s something that should be waited out until marriage). And dating is supposed to mean “no supervision”, not parents can come along too, but when you’re a minor, this rule is pretty hard to follow.
>
> How can you really even date? I don’t really consider minor dating to be “dating”.
Minor dating is not really even dating, but a stupid copy of dating. “It’s our 3 month anniversary!” Give me a break! Minors don’t know what real dating or what real love is! They just do it either to look cool, more socially acceptable, or popularity. They don’t know \*\*\*\* about dating or love. Now that’s not to say that I’m not naive either. I’m probably just as naive to not know what real love is to say the least. But, when people are older, they are more likely to make better choices (with the exception of freshman year of college; now that year you may see lots of immaturity but still). And it’s something that should be waited out. If you want to enjoy dating/love, wait for it and you’ll want and love it even more. However, if you’re a player teenager that dates non-stop, I’m not sure you’re going to love the experience that much.
It comes with many advantages to not date until adulthood such as more mature dating, better academics, and better use of time. Look at Asia (not just Asia). Many Asian parents (or I should say "most) would strongly agree with me, and look at them. Look at how much more academically successful they are.
“He does so well because he’s Asian.” No, it’s because you give a \*\*\*\* about your “girlfriend” more than you do to your grades!
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/36 "2012-11-12T19:04:38Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#):
>
> Minors don’t know what real dating or what real love is! They just do it either to look cool, more socially acceptable, or popularity. They don’t know \*\*\*\* about dating or love.
It looks like you don’t know much about it.
There are other reasons to date other than what you listed. Like, you know, really liking the person.
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/37 "2012-11-12T19:19:23Z")
I watched a documentary the other day that talked about how young people really do fall in love, and they really do hurt very badly when they lose that love. People don’t just magically become able to feel real love the day they turn 18.
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/38 "2012-11-12T19:23:49Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#):
>
> Refer to this:
>
> Minor dating is not really even dating, but a stupid copy of dating.
This is true. And children playing house isn’t really playing house, and children playing Superheros isn’t really even being heroic and children playing cops-n-robbers isn’t really even fighting crime.
Children learn by playing. By engaging in simplified versions of the adult activity, preferably with adult supervision and safety guidelines in place. By learning how to do one or several parts of an activity before having to juggle all the elements that adults do.
Most of recorded history has involved people trying to squash boys and girls getting to know one another from the moment puberty threatens until the moment they meet at the altar. While this may lead to long marriages in repressive societies, it’s also lead to horrific human(women’s, but I’d argue men’s, too) rights abuses. This notion of allowing young people to mingle is a new experiment. Let’s see how it goes. Some of the common fears like increased teen pregnancy don’t seem to happen. Let’s see what does. Maybe in the end, you’ll be found to be right, and my great-grandchildren will be back to arranged marriages. Maybe not. Only time will tell, and you and I probably won’t be around to find out.
But in the meantime, have you considered that maybe adults told you you were too young to date because you were? Not by chronology, but by maturity, or because you showed great promise at your studies or were poised to be a great athlete if you didn’t let dating distract you? That maybe they were talking about YOU, specifically, not kids in general? And that maybe that’s why you don’t hear them saying it to other kids?
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/39 "2012-11-12T19:24:53Z")
How about you don’t use your ninth grade life experience and zero dating experience to stand in judgment of what others do?
You want to forgo normal human development, in favor of whorshipping at the altar of good grades, no one is stopping you, have at it.
Real humans have emotions and learn to rule them by practicing as youngsters, gradually becoming competent young adults. There’s a lot to be said for going through those fumbling, error filled times, in step with your peers.
Women, in their late teens and twenties, are less impressed with good grades than adequate social skills, I think you’ll find.
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### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2012, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-minor-dating/640782/40 "2012-11-12T19:48:42Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#):
>
> Minor dating is not really even dating, but a stupid copy of dating. “It’s our 3 month anniversary!” Give me a break! Minors don’t know what real dating or what real love is! They just do it either to look cool, more socially acceptable, or popularity. They don’t know \*\*\*\* about dating or love.
As others have mentioned, I don’t understand how you have any position of authority or maturity to judge why people are dating as minors. I certainly didn’t do it for any of the reasons you listed. My brother and his girlfriend started dating when he was 15 and she was 13. They’ve been together, uninterrupted, since and got married last year.
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