# I pit my ass \[Warning: TMI\] **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 21, 2006, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528 "2006-09-21T04:58:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/1 "2006-09-21T04:58:04Z")
I can’t get off the goddam toilet. My ass is blowing up every friggin 15 minutes. These are horrible, green and chunky creatures that must continue to erupt in a powerful explosion into my toilet, flicking little bits back up at me. I have been having bad shits all week and I just want them to go away. I just wiped up just now and my hand brushing up against my cheek (you know which one) returned to me with a thin mucously yellow layer you know what. And I’m not even mad about that, I work in a lab and I’m used to touching all sorts of different gross things. I’m just most upset that I haven’t had a normal bowel movement in a week. Let me explain: I love to shit. Shitting is one of my favorite things in the world. Nothing is better than a good one and I look forward to taking them on a regular basis when I get home from work, or after a big meal. My girlfriend can’t even understand it and makes fun of me. Why does it take you so long? Because it’s a calm process for me! A good shit with a good book is my personal therapy time. Here is a normal conversation I’ll have with her. Her: Hey where’d you go? Me: Oh I was just in the bathroom. Her: You left 30 minutes ago, is everything all right?!? Me: I feel great! It’s gotten to the point where she will come to the door and tease me, flicking the lights on and off to get me to freak out and come out. “Are you pooping?” she’ll ask while wiggling her fingers under the door, and I’d shout “Go away you’re ruining my time!” In fact, I’d dare say I feel constipation more than death. If I go a day without shitting I begin to go crazy, and can’t leave the house. I will eat pure ruffage and watch documentarys all day without answering the phone while shouting at the pink elephants charging through my room. But alas, my regular joy in life has become the oh-shit-i-gotta-get-to-the-toilet-right-now events that are erking my personality. I think everyone can tell by the look in my eyes and they just mostly try to avoid me I guess. ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/2 "2006-09-21T05:00:07Z")
[QUOTE=bigbabysweets2000] say I feel constipation more QUOTE] Should have been fear\*… I hit return by accident before I was done ranting… I could go on, but I’m sure no one wants to hear anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/3 "2006-09-21T05:18:19Z")
With your screen name, I was expecting a rant about recent weight gain. Now I’m confused, and sick to my stomach ☹ ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/4 "2006-09-21T05:25:13Z")
Good Og, I wish your post count was still at 89. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/5 "2006-09-21T05:26:20Z")
er, 88 ---
**Author:** ![oy\_vay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/258eb7/32.png) [@oy\_vay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oy_vay)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/6 "2006-09-21T08:35:16Z")
to paraphrase south park when they watched cartmen in jail hide a toss across game in his butt… “wow I wish I hadn’t set here and read that” ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/7 "2006-09-21T16:36:44Z")
Er, due to user requests I am modifying the thread title. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/8 "2006-09-21T17:08:41Z")
\*Probiotics, \* dude. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/9 "2006-09-21T17:24:28Z")
Seriously seconding the probiotics. Also eating a handful of blackberries sprinkled with cinnamon, iffen you’re interested in stopping the badness. And if anyone tries to claim that eating normal food quantities of fruit and tree bark is “medical advice”, I will take a shovel to your skull. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/10 "2006-09-21T17:28:53Z")
You haven’t eaten any raw spinach from the Salinas Valley lately, have you? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/11 "2006-09-21T17:37:27Z")
[QUOTE=teela brown] You haven’t eaten any raw spinach from the Salinas Valley lately, have you? [/QUOTE] Ooh, good point. 🆒 Could be E. Coli if so. If you have eaten said spinach, contact your MD. If your diarrhea goes on, also- contact your MD. Note I really like a good shit myself. Soft BM, but not _too_ soft; a good book, and ten/15 minutes of relaxation. Dudes- do relax while taking a shit, it’s Ok to take your time and relax. OTOH, don’t spend too long, don’t “camp out” in there. Go in and take what time is needed to have a nice relaxing BM without straining _or_ sitting too long. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/12 "2006-09-21T17:38:47Z")
One of the Google ads from this thread: \*" 6 Figure Income From Home Gererate $50K-$150K First Year In Business. Free info. Not mlm. " \* “Earn $100K while sitting on the shitter!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MrSquishy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9e5f3/32.png) [@MrSquishy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrSquishy)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/13 "2006-09-21T18:36:55Z")
[QUOTE=fluiddruid] Er, due to user requests I am modifying the thread title. [/QUOTE] Now I have to know what it was before! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/14 "2006-09-21T18:50:53Z")
[QUOTE=DrDeth] Soft BM, but not _too_ soft; [/QUOTE] A few years ago, I had surgery. They put a foley catheter in me. I almost slugged the nurse when she took it out of me. Good thing I was too drugged up to make a fist. I mean, that sucker HURT! And I told her that childbirth was probably much less painful than foley removal. She said no way, childbirth was far worse. A few days later, her claim was proven to me. You see, after the surgery I was on percosets. Those cause constipation. After about a week, my surgeon called me and told me I had to take a dump. “Give it the old college try”, he said. So I did. Now, you’d think that a rock-hard 9 pound turd that’s 5 inches in diameter wouldn’t fit through such a small opening, but by golly it did. By the time I was dilated 5 centimeters, I was ready to kill the guy that did this to me. I was perusing The Big Book of Baby Names to decide what to call the little shit. I had an urge to start a college fund for it. “You’ll have shits of your own someday” entered my lexicon. I still have stretch marks. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/15 "2006-09-21T19:28:03Z")
**bigbabysweets2000** , what part of Boston are you in, so that I may avoid that area for the next several days? Also, what’s up with the bathroom light being _outside_ the bathroom in Boston houses? Ours is like that, too; it’s so weird. Everytime someone from out of town comes to visit, I make a point of showing them where the light is. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/16 "2006-09-21T19:49:18Z")
[QUOTE=bigbabysweets2000] Shitting is one of my favorite things in the world. [/QUOTE] Every weigh yourself before and after? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/17 "2006-09-21T19:50:31Z")
Aw, shit. That would be, of course, “ **ever** weigh yourself.” ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/18 "2006-09-21T19:51:24Z")
**bbs2000** , years ago when my kids would end up with residual diarrhea after a virus that killed their good intestinal bugs, a pediatrician taught me the single most useful thing I’ve encountered in my life: the BRAT diet. B - bananas (slightly green) R - rice A - applesauce T - tea It’s amazing how quickly one’s innards can return to normal on this diet. Never needed more than 24 hours with either of the kids or me. But I agree, first see your doctor to rule out anything more virulent. And congrats on some thorough TMI! ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Mercury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@Sweet\_Mercury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Mercury)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/19 "2006-09-21T20:56:10Z")
What on earth have you been eating? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528/20 "2006-09-21T21:01:30Z")
[QUOTE=MrSquishy] Now I have to know what it was before! [/QUOTE] 2nd user request to know the old thread title. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ass-warning-tmi/373528.md?page=2)