# I pit my asshole of a 'Friend' **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 10, 2013, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596 "2013-11-10T20:44:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2013, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/61 "2013-11-13T14:39:09Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > This does not compute. So you were “right behind him” and yet somehow you were far enough behind him that when you were about to cross the street to work, the cab was already driving away. > > Answer the following questions please: > > 1. When you say you were right behind your friend, were you following closely as he walked from the petrol station to work? IE, was your friend always in your sight? > > 2. Did you see your friend enter the cab? > > 3. Did the cab drive away leaving you in the dust while you were just a few feet away? > > If the answer is no to the above questions, then you are a jerk who expected this guy to wait for you after you glommed onto his cab ride. On top of that, it sounds like he never even told you yes, and that you planned on just crashing his cab ride anyway. > > It sounds a LOT like your friend walked out of the store and crossed the street back to work, got in the cab, you were nowhere in sight, and so told the cabbie to take him home. And on top of that he never even agreed to share the cab with you in the first place. I think it’s going to take 3 more days to get an accurate account of what actually happened. Like I said before, you have to coax the story out of this guy. It could be a big clue as to why he was left in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/62 "2013-11-13T18:10:05Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > I texted him when they drove off and said it was out of order, Who said what was out of order? And what do you mean by “out of order”? The cab? The vending machine you were using? You were in a courtroom and the judge said “it” was out of order? Who is the “it”? > [@](#): > > and that he said no. He said no to what? If you explained yourself better in the first place you wouldn’t have to keep coming back to explain yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2013, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/63 "2013-11-13T22:16:57Z")
> [@](#): > > **BubbaDog** > I think it’s going to take 3 more days to get an accurate account of what actually happened. > > Like I said before, you have to coax the story out of this guy. It could be a big clue as to why he was left in the first place. I don’t see how hard it is to follow. I ask best friend if we should share a cab so we can go home, he says yes. After we finish work me and friend go to petrol station which has store attached to it. we both wait in line together after buying a few things (we’re next to each other) the taxi calls him and he walks out back to the direction of our workplace, I say ‘thanks for the ride’ Thinking he’ll wait a minute and then we’ll head off, like any normal person would do. The taxi cab drives right past me with him in it. I texted him saying what he did was out of order and that he is a wanker. This all happened within the space of 5 minutes. He had no pressing engagements, no meetings, nothing. Work is a 30 second walk away from the store. So from the time I got out of the store and was proceeding back to get in the cab, which was parked outside work, he decided that it was more convenient to ditch his friend, so he could be home 5 minutes earlier, _even though he agreed to share a cab_. His rationale the next day was that ‘he couldn’t be bothered’ and that he said ‘No’ but he didn’t, he said yes. So now I don’t talk to him or hang around him until I get an apology, otherwise fuck him. > [@](#): > > **drewtwo99** > It sounds a LOT like your friend walked out of the store and crossed the street back to work, got in the cab, you were nowhere in sight, and so told the cabbie to take him home. And on top of that he never even agreed to share the cab with you in the first place. But he did agree to share it, that’s the reason why I am mad at one of my close friends. If he wanted to get a taxi on his own fine, no big deal, there’s no need to lie and pretend that he was going to give me a lift in the first place, and then renege on the arrangement. He wasn’t waiting a long time before, as I said, this all happened in the space of 5 minutes. He’s just a passive aggressive asshole whose actions say alot about his attitude towards me than his words. However, I’m of the persuasion that you won’t be convinced of this account, or any for that matter(considering by your own words, you don’t like me) judging by your other, confrontational hissy fits which are nothing more than that, hissy fits. ---
**Author:** ![Grapefruit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@Grapefruit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grapefruit)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2013, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/64 "2013-11-13T23:44:36Z")
OP, consider this a lesson on what “friendship” means. It seems unlikely, from your description of his selfishness and in my experience of being around humans, that this is the first indication of passive aggressive behaviour. When people show you who they are, it’s your job to see it. When I was younger, I had trouble reading people based on cues rather than take their words as they were. Even though your “best friend” said sure/yes/okay/whatever-in-agreement, there is a difference between an enthusiastic “Sure!” and a hesitated “Ummm… I guess… sure.” If it’s the latter, it’s in your best interest to find another solution because it usually means they’ll resent you or bail on you. Train yourself to read other people’s cues as well as their words. I like people who do what they say but I’ve learned over the years that not everyone plays by that rule. Learning who to trust and not to trust takes away a lot of mental anguish. Is sharing a cab usually how you leave work? If so, you probably want to find an alternative that relies less on other people’s schedules. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2013, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/65 "2013-11-13T23:58:49Z")
He’s not your friend. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/66 "2013-11-14T00:29:17Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > I don’t see how hard it is to follow. If you don’t understand why people are confused by your slowly evolving account, then to me this suggests that you may well have misinterpreted the situation yourself. I really don’t mean to be rude, but reading your posts has been like watching a figure slowly emerge from a thick fog in a dense forrest. (Is it just old man Brodey from the mill, or is it a bear!?) From the start you’ve assumed people would understand the circumstances (eg, why you would go to a petrol station after calling a taxi, why you would assume your friend would wait for you back at work), because in _your own mind_ it’s so obvious. As an exercise, go back and re-read your own posts, and try to understand how others might have been confused by your narration. Then apply the same kind of analysis to the (possible) misunderstanding between you and your friend. [ul] [li]Did he really agree to share a taxi ride, or was his response something vague or easily misheared (“sure”[nah], “yep”[nope],“'mkay”[no way])?[/li][li]Did you make it clear you were suggesting sharing both the ride _and_ the fare, or did you say something that could have been misinterpreted as an attempt to bum a ride? (“Hey, if you’re getting a taxi, do you mind if I ride along with you?”)[/li][li]Which of you initiated the move to the store and which of you was just tagging along? (If you were tagging along, your friend might have been wondering “why is he following me?”)[/li][li]If your friend hadn’t actually agreed to share a taxi, how might he interpret your “thanks for the ride” remark? (“Thanks for nothing!”)[/li] [li]Lastly, in light of all possible misunderstandings, how should your friend feel about you calling him a wanker? (After all, he didn’t flip you the bird as he drove by, did he?)[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/67 "2013-11-14T07:42:18Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > I > So now I don’t talk to him or hang around him Sounds like he won. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/68 "2013-11-14T16:00:27Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > we both wait in line together **after** buying a few things (Bolding mine) Call me stupid, but I don’t understand this. Why would you wait in line (presumably at the store attached to the petrol station) AFTER making purchases? ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/69 "2013-11-14T16:26:51Z")
I’m sorry the guy you thought was your friend turned out to be a dick, OP. I thought your account was clear from the start. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/70 "2013-11-14T18:20:09Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > I’m sorry the guy you thought was your friend turned out to be a dick, OP. > I thought your account was clear from the start. Thank you! > [@](#): > > **Not Carlson** > From the start you’ve assumed people would understand the circumstances (eg, why you would go to a petrol station after calling a taxi, why you would assume your friend would wait for you back at work), because in your own mind it’s so obvious. This isn’t people in general, where I come from usually it’s common courtesy for one of your close friends to wait a minute or two for you to get to the cab. > [@](#): > > ``` > Did he really agree to share a taxi ride, or was his response something vague or easily misheared ("sure"[nah], "yep"[nope],"'mkay"[no way])? > > ``` Did you even read the OP? He said it was ok. > [@](#): > > ``` > Did you make it clear you were suggesting sharing both the ride and the fare, or did you say something that could have been misinterpreted as an attempt to bum a ride? ("Hey, if you're getting a taxi, do you mind if I ride along with you?") > > ``` Yes I made it clear to him and I didn’t even anticipate him paying for my ride, I didn’t care paying full price. > [@](#): > > ``` > Which of you initiated the move to the store and which of you was just tagging along? (If you were tagging along, your friend might have been wondering "why is he following me?") > > ``` We’d finished work and we both getting things for dinner. We walked together to the store. > [@](#): > > ``` > If your friend hadn't actually agreed to share a taxi, how might he interpret your "thanks for the ride" remark? ("Thanks for nothing!") > Lastly, in light of all possible misunderstandings, how should your friend feel about you calling him a wanker? (After all, he didn't flip you the bird as he drove by, did he?) > > ``` No, he just ditched a mate of his so he could get home 5 minutes earlier, and lied to him. Yeah, class act. If it was a genuine misunderstanding, he’d of told me the next day, he didn’t which insinuates he didn’t want to share a ride in the first place in spite of agreeing to do so, so me calling him a wanker is valid. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/71 "2013-11-14T19:05:39Z")
I didn’t know what the hell you were talking about in the OP, but now we’re clear and your friend sounds like a jackass. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/72 "2013-11-14T19:13:04Z")
I don’t understand why when the taxi called you didn’t just walk with him to it? What were you doing at the store that you needed him to wait at all? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/73 "2013-11-14T19:20:44Z")
One question, this friend of yours, do you engage in any social activities with him outside of work? ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/74 "2013-11-14T19:24:28Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > we both wait in line together after buying a few things (we’re next to each other) the taxi calls him and he walks out back to the direction of our workplace, I say ‘thanks for the ride’ Thinking he’ll wait a minute and then we’ll head off, like any normal person would do. > > The taxi cab drives right past me with him in it. I texted him saying what he did was out of order and that he is a wanker. Like someone else said. If you had already bought your items why did you have to wait? Why didn’t you go out there when he did? Your story still isn’t clear. Also you saying, “thanks for the ride” makes it sound like were expecting him to pay for both of you instead of splitting the fair. If you said that to me that’s what I would think and I might take off with out you too. And then if you texted me and called me a “wanker” for not paying for your fair share then I’d be done with you too. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/75 "2013-11-14T19:37:36Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > One question, this friend of yours, do you engage in any social activities with him outside of work? Yup, me and him and another friend all hang out regularly. He’s not just a work acquaintance. > [@](#): > > **Drunky Smurf** > Like someone else said. If you had already bought your items why did you have to wait? Why didn’t you go out there when he did? My bad, it’s a typo, it should of read we we’re waiting in line after _getting_ a few things. :smack: > [@](#): > > **Drunky Smurf** > Also you saying, “thanks for the ride” makes it sound like were expecting him to pay for both of you instead of splitting the fair. If you said that to me that’s what I would think and I might take off with out you too. And then if you texted me and called me a “wanker” for not paying for your fair share then I’d be done with you too. As I said numerous times before, I didn’t care about paying full price for the ride, and I know my friend enough to know that he wouldn’t pay my half, and I didn’t expect him too, and he didn’t expect to do that either. > [@](#): > > **SmellMyWort** > I don’t understand why when the taxi called you didn’t just walk with him to it? What were you doing at the store that you needed him to wait at all? Paying for my goods I just got? Like I said before, the taxi was a 30 second walk away. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/76 "2013-11-14T19:39:50Z")
I’m assuming that when he says he bought his items and then stood in line, he means that he selected his items and then stood in line at the cashier to pay for them. It sounds like his friend paid for his items and left the store to go back across the street to their office where the friend then got in the cab and left without waiting for him to catch up. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/77 "2013-11-14T19:43:32Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > Yup, me and him and another friend all hang out regularly. He’s not just a work acquaintance. OK then, I guess he’s an actual friend. I just wanted to check. I want to remind you that I can recall at least two other occasions in the past where you’ve posted problems you’ve had with workplace friendships where the consensus has been “work is for working, not for friendship/drama.” But ok, he’s a friend. I guess the question that remains is, is _this_ the hill you wish your friendship to die upon? ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/78 "2013-11-14T20:14:15Z")
Why were you buying “petrol” if you don’t have a car? A gift for the cabbie? ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/79 "2013-11-14T23:17:49Z")
> [@TBG](#): > > Why were you buying “petrol” if you don’t have a car? A gift for the cabbie? I believe the two of them went to a convenience store, which was attached to a petrol station. And the guy is not your friend, Ryan. He’s an acquaintance from work that you have sometimes done stuff with outside of work. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596/80 "2013-11-14T23:51:03Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > Did you even read the OP? He said it was ok. Yes, I read it, more than once, and like many other posters, I was confused by it. No doubt if you’d told the same story to one of your coworkers they would have understood it straight away, having the same familiarity with your environment. They might even have agreed that your “friend” was a wanker for ditching you. (Or, like me, they might have asked you to clarify that you actually heard your friend agree to share a taxi.) OK, maybe your “friend” is a jerk, but I suggest that before you write him off, you first try to objectively re-analyze events without an assumption of tacit knowledge. Maybe it was all just a big misunderstanding. You know? Like those wacky high jinks that happen on sitcoms. > [@TBG](#): > > Why were you buying “petrol” if you don’t have a car? A gift for the cabbie? Yeah, at first I thought maybe they went there to wait for the taxi. In my area, petrol stations don’t have stores attached. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-asshole-of-a-friend/673596.md?page=5)