# I Pit my birthday – and my friends’ lack of interest (long-winded – Sorry!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 3, 2009, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681 "2009-01-03T06:25:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2009, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681/21 "2009-01-03T16:22:46Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > I think the real issue is more that this woman throws parties for everyone else in the group of friends **but** him, or that’s how I interpreted it. More the feeling of being snubbed instead of “no one wants to throw me a birthday party, wah!” That was my take, and my attitude is; Then stop making yourself so useful in making everyone else’s parties happen. If asked why, I’d say that I’d spent 11 years making other people’s parties happen and no one bothers to reciprocate. That I’m tired of putting out all the effort and getting nothing in return. ---
**Author:** ![Casserole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b77776/32.png) [@Casserole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casserole)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681/22 "2009-01-03T16:30:24Z")
> [@](#): > > If asked why, I’d say that I’d spent 11 years making other people’s parties happen and no one bothers to reciprocate. That I’m tired of putting out all the effort and getting nothing in return. That could easily backfire… although sometimes it’s better to get the truth out there. As a young’in still in university, most of my friends would have to travel 100+ kilometers to join me on my actual birthday. This year, I’ve decided to celebrate my half birthday in March instead. We’ll see how it works out 🙂 Perhaps you could do the same? Happy Birthday **Uncle Brother Walker**!! ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2009, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681/23 "2009-01-03T18:29:31Z")
> [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](#): > > Although I sometimes (infrequently) hint about my bday a few months ahead of time, I do not try to get attention by reminding everybody of the actual date and get all needy for attention as it nears. This was your mistake. I too have a holiday birthday, and when I want someone to remember it, I am shameless about mentioning it. Sure, you can be “noble” and sit home pouting because everyone forgot you and boycott everyone else’s party hoping they get the message (which is kind of like cutting your nose off to spite your face). I think it’s easier and more fun if you just speak up for yourself, though. I learned early on that “hinting” or dancing around the topic leads to disappointment, because I’m not the center of everyone else’s world…sad though that may be. If I were you, I’d tell the Birthday Lady, “I know you’ve been busy with the holidays, but I’d really love to get everyone together in honor of my belated birthday around [some arbitrary date in the near future] when everything else has settled down. What do you think about that?”. Sure, then you have to admit that it matters to you, but it’s more fun that pouting over it. ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2009, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681/24 "2009-01-03T18:42:01Z")
Sort of a side question, but does ANYONE throw a party for the 'Birthday Lady"? My sister filled that role at her work place for years and years, and NOBODY ever remembered to give her so much as a group birthday card on her birthday. Finally she just said fuck it and stopped organizing the parties. Which brought all sorts of moaning and complaints from the former beneficiaries, but none of them volunteered to take over the organizing job. ---
**Author:** ![bufftabby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@bufftabby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bufftabby)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2009, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681/25 "2009-01-03T18:46:29Z")
Oh, I feel your pain, **Uncle Brother**. In '07, I threw myself a party for my birthday. I made lots of food, put up some decorations, and bought a ton of booze. I was expecting 20-30 people. 6 people showed up. 6. Grr. I haven’t had a “best friend” in about 10 years, but the person closest to fitting that description didn’t even show. We all still had a great time, but it irked me that I worked so hard on my birthday for a bunch of motherfuckers that didn’t even show up. Maybe I’d have had better attendance if I didn’t call all my friends motherfuckers all the time, eh? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681/26 "2009-01-03T19:06:04Z")
Heh. I have a birthday five days after one of the most popular people in the office. Jr. High has nothing on office politics. I help organize her birthday thing every year… I know how you feel. But honestly, I think that’s just how it goes and to the extent that it’s nice to be fussed over, sometimes we just have to take responsibility for treating ourselves really well and enjoy that. Which reminds me, OH CRAP, Tuesday is another friend’s birthday and I’ve got nothing planned… Dagnabbit. ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f08c70/32.png) [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Brother_Walker)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2009, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681/27 "2009-01-04T19:26:38Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > That’s kinda weird. Is there any chance they think, for some reason, that you don’t want a big deal made over your birthday? I don’t think I’ve ever given this message. I tend to be an attention whore most of the time (to the point of making an ass of myself), so I don’t think this is true. > [@](#): > > If you guys are going to be doing this for years, maybe you ought to to take over some other event and make it “yours.” Start hosting a solstice party or something. I tried this one summer. I started planning twice-a-month Friday Happy Hour events. (on paydays, so folks couldn’t cry ‘I’m broke’) Trips to Dave And Busters, nice sit-down dinners w/ friends, bowl-a-ramas at the local bowling alley, and even a Washington Capitals cheap seats game. Everybody seemed to have a good time at these gatherings. That went quite well for the one summer I did it, but somehow once September came along people just lost interest. > [@](#): > > Maybe you should throw yourself a party next year. While serving with 3/77 Armor, I worked with a Captain who did this. He basically ordered all his platoon leaders and me to attend his birthday dinner, because none of his friends were going to do anything for his birthday. He was quite a nice guy, but we all thought it was kinda sad. > [@](#): > > Or since everyone’s so partied out on Jan 2, you could throw youself an Un-Birthday Party. The opposite side of the year to your real birthday. That’d be, what, July 2nd - nice and sunny, no other conflicting celebr…oh bugger. My mom actually did this when I was a kid. She got tired of hearing all the other parents saying ‘sorry, we don’t have money for a bday party so soon after Xmas’, so she started having my parties in June. It was nice to have friends showing up for parties, but after a few years I realized what was going on, I found that to be sad as well. > [@](#): > > Is there another person in the “core” that has a Dec. or Jan. birthday? Actually, the Queen’s hubby has his bday on 12/18. We usually sync this in with the annual Xmas fete, so there is no problem with getting people to show up. > [@](#): > > I think the real issue is more that this woman throws parties for everyone else in the group of friends but him, or that’s how I interpreted it. More the feeling of being snubbed instead of “no one wants to throw me a birthday party, wah!” **Ferret Herder** , I think you hit the nail on the head. > [@](#): > > Sort of a side question, but does ANYONE throw a party for the 'Birthday Lady"? Yes, hers is in June, and it is a usually a good summertime fest. Complete with BBQ. Like I said, I was just being grumpy. But I’m all better now. Thanks to all for the birthday wishes! ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2009, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681/28 "2009-01-04T19:37:53Z")
I second the un-birthday or half-birthday. With one of my closest friends, the only two times that we regularly see each other is sometime in the summer (usually between our b-days and before his little girl’s) and early November. The summer one ‘counts’ as our birthday, observed, and November is “Pre-Thanksgiving”, which counts for all winter holidays. (His kid thinks it’s a “real” holiday, bless her!) But, then again, I’ve seldom celebrated my real b-day. For about 10 years, I was away at some camp or another, so it’s just another day for me. I now know to use it as an excuse to get people together for drinking, eating, and fun. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2009, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681/29 "2009-01-04T23:31:55Z")
I celebrate both my birthday and my half-birthday. (I say, “this will be the only time I turn 50 1/2, so pay attention!” I think I must have whined enough since a few people remembered to wish me a Happy Half-Birthday. Anyway, **Happy Birthday**! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-birthday-and-my-friends-lack-of-interest-long-winded-sorry/479681.md?page=1)