# I Pit my dad for unironically pointing out that he retired at 50, and that at 36, I've never worked **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 3, 2014, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738 "2014-03-03T06:03:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/41 "2014-03-04T00:07:42Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Yeah, there could definitely be some missing information here. Which implies fault on both sides. The big question I have is why the hell that matters. There is always missing information. All we can do is react to the information we do have. I don’t get the need to hold out on treating the OP like a grown-up and not a baby kitten to be coddled because you might not have all the information. It’s not like you are going to be hurt if you accidentally give out too much. But you sure are going to hurt the other person if you don’t offer enough–treating people like cripples and retards as opposed to human beings is rephrehensible. In most other pit threads I have seen people say that they think the other party has to come in and give their side before they can believe what the OP said, especially when the OP’s main gimmick is blaming every! single! failing! he has on someone else. I have no problem believing that what the OP said is an accurate portrayal of his warped believes. Even if the son is actually _doing_ something with his life beyond bitching on a message board about how evil his dad is for not paying for stuff for him, , I can’t see how it’s any of his business how his dad spends or spent his own money…even if it’s on \< gasp \> having a wife. (I’m still a bit confused why this outrages the OP so very much) I have a hard time coming up with any reason why anyone wouldn’t make a comparison between a father and son unless they want to infantalize the son to cover up their own inadequacies…like living in mommy’s basement, berating mommy for not getting JUST the exact right type of fake cheese and being scared to interact with humans face-to-face…which might explain why Big Tard here feels the need to insist than any handicapped person be treated as a helpless cripple rather than an adult. Could there be more to the story? Sure. But it sure sounds like dad did do something wrong. And I can definitely understand why this particular thing would upset any disabled person. Any implication that you are just lazy instead of sick is upsetting, even if it’s unintentional. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/42 "2014-03-04T00:09:13Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > As I said, my spouse has the same problem **etv78** does, but in a milder form. When he applied for disability benefits his prior work experience WAS held against him and he was denied. And denied on appeal. And denied on appeal again. And that was it, the official final ruling was that he wasn’t disabled. Even though he’s got problems you can spot from across the room as soon as he tries to walk. Right, but you don’t get benefits for being disabled. Disability benefits are for not being able to work because you’re disabled. So, your prior work experience SHOULD be held against you, right? Because you’ve shown that your disability doesn’t stop you from working. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/43 "2014-03-04T01:38:09Z")
> [@wheresmymind](#): > > Yeah, I’m going to need to know what your dad did to prevent you from graduating from college, and how exactly going to college/grad school would have prevented you from developing a disability that evidently prevents you from working. I’m also curious as to what the “bladder incident” is all about… It was something that involved a fight between ETV and his roommate or his brother who was also his roommate and ETV holding his urine out of spite until his bladder burst (or was otherwise seriously damaged) and ETV ended up more disabled that he originally was because he handled the issue like a toddler. I think he locked himself in his room or something. I’m sure someone remembers the incident more clearly than I do. What I remember most is all the WTF’s I thought while I read the original story. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/44 "2014-03-04T02:06:35Z")
> [@Captain\_Amazing](#): > > Right, but you don’t get benefits for being disabled. Disability benefits are for not being able to work because you’re disabled. So, your prior work experience SHOULD be held against you, right? Because you’ve shown that your disability doesn’t stop you from working. Right, which is why disabled people have to be _very careful_ about a “trial work period” because the fact they went to work for even a short period of time most certainly can be used against them. In fact, because my spouse is aging his condition is getting worse, not better, and he is less and less able to do things. Is that normal aging or a sign of deterioration related to his disability? Nobody knows, because there aren’t a heck of a lot of people with his problem at his age. Back when he was a kid most people with it never made it to adulthood so there is _no information_ on how aging affects this problem. There was an analogous problem with [post polio syndrome](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post_polio_syndrome) where, after an apparent recovery, people became either more disabled or disabled again - but wait! You got over the polio! You were able to work! Now you’re claiming you can’t? You slacker! Now, though, it’s a recognized problem, that someone who apparently fully recovered can develop impairments a few decades down the line. So… is what my spouse is experiencing the result of living decades with his problem, or is it due to something else? Nobody knows, there’s not enough basis for comparison. But because there wasn’t a discreet new injury or illness his prior work ability is held against him even though he really can’t function as well as he could before. Not that I want to dig up his issues here, just that the system isn’t set up to be kind. There is a certain incentive on the part of people making decisions to deny people if they possibly can. I’m all for the disabled finding useful work and being independent but they above all they need to act in their own best self-interest. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/45 "2014-03-04T02:50:26Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Yeah, there could definitely be some missing information here. Which implies fault on both sides. No way is that true. One side is _always_ 100% right while the other side is _always_ 100% wrong. Don’t you ever watch Oprah? And where the hell did the OP run off to, anyway? I still want to hear more of his story. ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/46 "2014-03-04T16:03:57Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > There is a certain incentive on the part of people making decisions to deny people if they possibly can. I’m sorry about your husband, but this is in no way true. If he is truly too disabled to work anymore, file a new disability claim. It will take a long time, but they DO take deterioration into account. What he was capable of five years ago has no bearing on what he’s capable of today. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/47 "2014-03-04T19:35:45Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > The big question I have is why the hell that matters. There is always missing information. All we can do is react to the information we do have. I don’t get the need to hold out on treating the OP like a grown-up and not a baby kitten to be coddled because you might not have all the information. It’s not like you are going to be hurt if you accidentally give out too much. But you sure are going to hurt the other person if you don’t offer enough–treating people like cripples and retards as opposed to human beings is rephrehensible. > > In most other pit threads I have seen people say that they think the other party has to come in and give their side before they can believe what the OP said, especially when the OP’s main gimmick is blaming every! single! failing! he has on someone else. > > I have no problem believing that what the OP said is an accurate portrayal of his warped believes. Even if the son is actually _doing_ something with his life beyond bitching on a message board about how evil his dad is for not paying for stuff for him, , I can’t see how it’s any of his business how his dad spends or spent his own money…even if it’s on \< gasp \> having a wife. (I’m still a bit confused why this outrages the OP so very much) > > I have a hard time coming up with any reason why anyone wouldn’t make a comparison between a father and son unless they want to infantalize the son to cover up their own inadequacies…like living in mommy’s basement, berating mommy for not getting JUST the exact right type of fake cheese and being scared to interact with humans face-to-face…which might explain why Big Tard here feels the need to insist than any handicapped person be treated as a helpless cripple rather than an adult. > > Could there be more to the story? Sure. But it sure sounds like dad did do something wrong. And I can definitely understand why this particular thing would upset any disabled person. Any implication that you are just lazy instead of sick is upsetting, even if it’s unintentional. Shut up, **FenTard**! ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/48 "2014-03-05T00:47:47Z")
OP is a self-centered cry baby who never grew up. The father who wouldn’t give his disabled son everything the kid wanted just _might_ be trying to get the moron to grow up while Dad is still around, because he isn’t going to be around forever to give him furniture, deliver it. Now, he owes the brat not only 4 years of college (which he wouldn’t use, because he likes being on the dole too much to try to have a life), but a post-grad degree as well. I am on SS disability - and am permitted to make up to $900/mo without losing my benefits. If he is on SSI, I don’t know the rules for that program. But these, oh poor me - I’m crippled, and strangers raised me as their own son, but now expect me to be a grown-up posts are getting old. Grow a pair or shut up. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/49 "2014-03-05T04:49:41Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I’m guessing that some people reading this thread aren’t familiar with how difficult job-hunting can be when the applicant needs to use a wheelchair to get around. Not impossible, of course, but considerably more difficult with than without. I can’t believe I’m de-lurking to post in this stupid thread, but the OPs principle complaint seems to be not finishing college or grad school, as opposed to facing prejudice while job hunting. He’s lamenting his inability to gain the qualifications, moreso than his inability to use them. In that regard, I must say that academia is incredibly more forgiving in this regard than the job market is. People go to school or return to school from all walks of life, at all ages, under all kinds of circumstances. I was in university for 12 years, and had numerous classmates with all kinds of illnesses and disabilities and unusual backgrounds - way more than I’ve ever had as coworkers in any job. There were very specific guidelines about accessibility and accommodations to allow disabled students to participate in class, write exams, etc. The university took it seriously. Also, every scholarship or bursary or any other kind of funding I ever applied for was done pretty much entirely in writing or online. There was no way they would have known if I was disabled or anything else personal about me (Hell, you can do entire degrees online know and the university would _never_ know anything about you). If it was _ever_ true that financial aid were routinely being denied to disabled people, I can’t believe it is now. Point is, you can claim hardship in the job market all you want, but as far as I can see there’s no really good reason the OP couldn’t have gone to college by the age of 36 if it was really his goal in life (and it seems to be). Certainly ‘my daddy was being mean to me’ does not pass muster as a good reason. It seems clear to me that his real problem is that he lacks either the intellect or the work ethic (or both) to finish college. God only knows what will happen if he ever finds out what grad school is like. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/50 "2014-03-05T10:59:23Z")
His _father_ was lamenting his son has never worked. I have met far too many people in that age range who don’t understand that these days you can’t simply go out a get a job as easily as you could 20 or 30 years ago. The only way the OP is ever going to be able to get work is to be wildly overqualified, and the only way to do that is to get a college education. You’re right, there’s no bar to him getting one now, other than money (which, if he’s destitute, might be fixable) and ambition. But apparently dad wasn’t bitching about the lack of a degree, he was bitching about the lack of a job. That’s what I was responding to. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/51 "2014-03-05T12:06:03Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > If he weren’t such a selfish jackass, with a wife who needed him, I would’ve finished college, and maybe even grad school, 10 years ago! But you got what you wanted, so there’s that. Life is about going after, and getting, what you want. You should give it a whirl. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/52 "2014-03-05T14:00:58Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > No way is that true. One side is _always_ 100% right while the other side is _always_ 100% wrong. Don’t you ever watch Oprah? > > And where the hell did the OP run off to, anyway? I still want to hear more of his story. He didn’t\* run\* anywhere… ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/53 "2014-03-05T15:37:29Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > That’s not necessarily true, as you said. And just for the record, living in a wheelchair doesn’t always condemn you to living off the government’s tit for the rest of your life. My school counselor was practically quadriplegic, he had full use of just his left arm and could barely use his right, but that didn’t stop him from having a career – just one of many examples. The problem is the transition. I bet he was able-bodied when he started his career. It’s very hard to do the transition. Once you’re out there working, you may lose some or all of your benefits. If you don’t keep going with a decent, consistent salary, you could get stuck. It’s harder to get hired with a disability too, and you typically have more expenses than the average person - perhaps more than even a full-time job can cover. Most people with disabilities want to work, but it’s not always that easy. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/54 "2014-03-05T15:38:32Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Life is about going after, and getting, what you want. You should give it a whirl. You should find someone in a wheelchair to tell them that in person. See how they respond. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/55 "2014-03-05T15:45:24Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > His _father_ was lamenting his son has never worked. I have met far too many people in that age range who don’t understand that these days you can’t simply go out a get a job as easily as you could 20 or 30 years ago. > > The only way the OP is ever going to be able to get work is to be wildly overqualified, and the only way to do that is to get a college education. You’re right, there’s no bar to him getting one now, other than money (which, if he’s destitute, might be fixable) and ambition. > > But apparently dad wasn’t bitching about the lack of a degree, he was bitching about the lack of a job. That’s what I was responding to. His father doesn’t post here. He’s not reading this thread. The OP is directly bitching about how daddy prevented him from going to university, not from getting a job per se. I was just pointing out that your immediate reaction of leaping to the defence of the poor helpless disabled people of the world has very little relevance to etvs chief complaint. And your continued rambling about unemployment and government benefits have even less relevance. Etv didn’t pit society for their attitude towards the disabled. He didn’t pit the US government for its SSDI policies. He pitted his dad for being too selfish and caring too much about someone else (his own mom?) to hold his hand through university _and_ _also_ grad school! ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/56 "2014-03-05T15:47:33Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > You should find someone in a wheelchair to tell them that in person. See how they respond. Disabled people shouldn’t be expected to have ambition? ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/57 "2014-03-05T15:49:58Z")
> [@Sitnam](#): > > Disabled people shouldn’t be expected to have ambition? Of course. But that’s not exactly what was said. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/58 "2014-03-05T16:13:03Z")
Maybe this thread would have some value if the OP had ever gotten back to us with more than a contextless whine. I don’t see either where some undefined “disability” is holding him back at 36, nor why what his father says or does has any impact at this time and age. No, the many speculations and assumptions that follow don’t count. If I’m expected to have any interest in etv78’s problems, much less sympathy or suggestions, I think we’re entitled to more than a pouty-lip “My dad is soooooo mean cuz I’m 36 and disabled and he’s remarried.” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/59 "2014-03-05T16:18:12Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > I don’t see either where some undefined “disability” is holding him back at 36 Spina bifida, for the record. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/60 "2014-03-05T16:23:18Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Spina bifida, for the record. I sympathize from related experience (not my own), but I don’t think this thread should have to progress based on data-mining from other posts. Okay, it’s a life-limiting and uncurable disability. What does Dad, Stepmom, the World or the Doper Collective owe the OP, at 36, that he isn’t getting? A vague group handwaving about the plight of the disabled and secondary education and family support isn’t very useful. Seems like the OP could have come back with some steering and answers if he wanted to do more than toss out a pointless, possibly baseless whine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738.md?page=4)