# I Pit my dad for unironically pointing out that he retired at 50, and that at 36, I've never worked **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 3, 2014, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738 "2014-03-03T06:03:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/61 "2014-03-05T16:24:35Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > Seems like the OP could have come back with some steering and answers if he wanted to do more than toss out a pointless, possibly baseless whine. Yep, but it’s The Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/62 "2014-03-05T16:29:19Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > A vague group handwaving about the plight of the disabled and secondary education and family support isn’t very useful. I’m not sure that a lot of people posting their whines in the Pit are looking for _useful_, at least not in the normal sense of the word. Sometimes, it’s OK just to acknowledge that yeah, someone got dealt a shitty hand in life and it sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/63 "2014-03-05T16:34:33Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > I sympathize from related experience (not my own), but I don’t think this thread should have to progress based on data-mining from other posts. Then you probably shouldn’t say stuff that casts doubt on the OP’s disability or its seriousness. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/64 "2014-03-05T16:42:59Z")
Threads like this are fun. It’s like a verbal Rorschach test. While we learn nothing about the cryptic OP, we do learn so much about everyone else. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/65 "2014-03-05T17:55:34Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > Threads like this are fun. It’s like a verbal Rorschach test. While we learn nothing about the cryptic OP, we do learn so much about everyone else. 🙂 I seem to be learning a lot about the **etv78**. What’s weird is that it’s all coming from other people. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/66 "2014-03-05T18:16:21Z")
This thread is par for the course for the the OP. Hes not coming back to answer any questions or provide any more context. He **never** does. If he _does_ manage to come back to the thread, his subsequent posts will not be clafifying or illuminating in the least. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/67 "2014-03-05T18:23:21Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > I sympathize from related experience (not my own), but I don’t think this thread should have to progress based on data-mining from other posts. Okay, it’s a life-limiting and uncurable disability. What does Dad, Stepmom, the World or the Doper Collective owe the OP, at 36, that he isn’t getting? A vague group handwaving about the plight of the disabled and secondary education and family support isn’t very useful. > > Seems like the OP could have come back with some steering and answers if he wanted to do more than toss out a pointless, possibly baseless whine. > [@Marley23](#): > > Then you probably shouldn’t say stuff that casts doubt on the OP’s disability or its seriousness. I’m thinking I misunderstood you here, **Amateur Barbarian**. No, it shouldn’t _have_ to go that way. And yeah, sometimes people just want to vent and that’s fine. But when it’s an ongoing thing and posters get the sense someone is being evasive, or that they complain and ask for sympathy a lot but never try to change things, they start to ask questions. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/68 "2014-03-05T18:28:06Z")
You’re correct in your followup: I in no way meant to question the claim, only that all but the bare claim of it came from other input. **Bozuit** nailed it above. I’ll reduce all my comments, input and interest to this one question, addressed to **etv78** : Just how does your father’s early retirement and remarriage constitute some kind of pit-worthy assault on you and your life at 36? ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/69 "2014-03-05T19:44:53Z")
Upon reflection, if **etv78** wants to just whine and get some sympathy then MPSIMS might be a better forum than the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/70 "2014-03-05T20:02:38Z")
Some people will always be victims. Getting rid of that victim mentality is very hard to do…especially when you’ve been one for 36 years. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/71 "2014-03-05T21:05:14Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > This thread is par for the course for the the OP. Hes not coming back to answer any questions or provide any more context. He **never** does. If he _does_ manage to come back to the thread, his subsequent posts will not be clarifying or illuminating in the least. Yeah, he’s been posting yesterday and today, he’s just studiously ignoring this thread. Maybe he thought it would go better and he’d get lots of sympathy and huggles and he’d feel better about his failures? To be honest, he’s gotten a lot more sympathy than I ever would have expected, but I’m still guessing that this isn’t going the way he would have hoped. I’d like more clarification. I’d like to know why it’s his dads fault that he didn’t go to school. I’d like to know how his dad ‘got what he wanted’ - did he want his son to be unemployed for the rest of his life? But we’ll never find out. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/72 "2014-03-05T21:13:51Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > You should find someone in a wheelchair to tell them that in person. See how they respond. You’re right, of course. Nobody in a wheelchair is capable of going out and getting a Master’s Degree. Hell, he’d could have taken one class PER YEAR and gotten his degree by now. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/73 "2014-03-05T23:09:10Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > While we learn nothing about the cryptic OP, we do learn so much about everyone else. 🙂 Which sadly, doesn’t answer what this thread’s about. I have no quarrel with the OP’s clear-cut disability and his struggle to overcome it. All I’m asking is…what’s holding him back? His family? Seriously?? ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2014, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/74 "2014-03-05T23:48:13Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > He didn’t\* run\* anywhere… That is some cold shit. Some awesome, hilarious, cold shit. Unless the OP’s dad locked him in the house, I’m not really clear on how it’s his fault the OP didn’t finish school. There’s scholarships (probably a fair few solely for disabled students) and need-based financial aid (the OP ought to be eligible for Pell grants, I should think) and online classes if he can’t physically make it to campus. It seems like this could be made to happen if the OP wanted it badly enough. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/75 "2014-03-06T00:40:23Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > You’re right, of course. Nobody in a wheelchair is capable of going out and getting a Master’s Degree. > > Hell, he’d could have taken one class PER YEAR and gotten his degree by now. You don’t know whether his disability is a barrier to that either. None of us really know anything about his situation one way or the other. You really ought to find out first before you assume he’s just lazy. > [@buddha\_david](#): > > Which sadly, doesn’t answer what this thread’s about. I have no quarrel with the OP’s clear-cut disability and his struggle to overcome it. All I’m asking is…what’s holding him back? His family? Seriously?? Yes, ASKING is appropriate. Assuming is a bad idea. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/76 "2014-03-06T00:59:22Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > You don’t know whether his disability is a barrier to that either. In all fairness, we know the OP claims he could have finished college and probably grad school 10 years ago if only his father weren’t “selfish” and didn’t “have a wife who needed him.” So the OP himself would seem to think his father is a far greater barrier than his disability. I don’t get it, myself–barring a Baby Jane scenario, I honestly don’t see how his father could keep him from going to college. ---
**Author:** ![lance\_strongarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@lance\_strongarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lance_strongarm)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/77 "2014-03-06T01:01:35Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > In all fairness, we know the OP claims he could have finished college and probably grad school 10 years ago if only his father weren’t “selfish” and didn’t “have a wife who needed him.” So the OP himself would seem to think his father is a far greater barrier than his disability. I don’t get it, myself–barring a Baby Jane scenario, I honestly don’t see how his father could keep him from going to college. But that’s very very little information to go on. Not enough to judge. I agree that he hasn’t made a case for himself. Pretty weak sauce. I don’t think he cares much what we think though. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/78 "2014-03-06T01:36:24Z")
> [@lance\_strongarm](#): > > You don’t know whether his disability is a barrier to that either. None of us really know anything about his situation one way or the other. You really ought to find out first before you assume he’s just lazy. Well, for one thing, when etv wrote a thread about his recent return to college, he seemed to admit that it was his own actions that got him kicked out of university in the past: > [@ask the guy trying to drop BACK into college](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-guy-trying-to-drop-back-into-college/611104/8): > > I also need to write a letter saying I’ve changed as a person. (abused my e-mail account, led to suspension). How in the hell that could be his dads fault, I just don’t know. That aside, I find it weird that even though he himself only seems to blame his terrible parents for his failings - he has never said anything about his disability stopping him from finishing college sometime in the 18 years he has had available - the white knights of the boards immediately want to come in and pat him on the head and yell at everyone else that it’s not fair to expect the disabled to have any ambitions at all, don’t you know everyone is prejudiced against them? Would this be the reaction to any other 36 year old who complained that their dad wasn’t personally planning and funding their university education? I don’t think so. It seems pretty condescending to me that he gets a special response, like a slightly whiny child would, but maybe that’s how he wants it. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/79 "2014-03-06T02:00:17Z")
Oh, please, more extremist crap, all that either-or stuff - acknowledging that it _really is harder_ for someone disabled is NOT the same as saying he shouldn’t have ambition. Does that absolve him of all responsibility? Certainly not. But all the talk about “I know person X with Y disability and they did great!” is like going up to your average kid and asking why he doesn’t repeat the success of Mark Zuckerberg. And, to be frank, anyone adopting a kid with spina bifida should be told in no uncertain terms that there is a real possibility that that kid will need parental support well into adulthood. If **etv78’s** parents weren’t told that I do feel sorry for them, but like I’ve said several times, the Hallmark movie ending is the exception, not the rule. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2014, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738/80 "2014-03-06T02:41:52Z")
Etv has admitted to enjoying trolling message boards, sometimes pretending to be a woman pregnant with twins on mommy boards. I’m not saying that he’s not who he says he is here, I know he is, but I do think he enjoys getting negative reactions from people by starting an OP like this and then vanishing. So I guess I’m saying disability or not, he’s trolling us - just as himself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-dad-for-unironically-pointing-out-that-he-retired-at-50-and-that-at-36-ive-never-worked/682738.md?page=5)