# I Pit My Ex-Wife, the Unhygenic Redneck! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 27, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481 "2013-05-27T19:12:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/21 "2013-05-28T00:17:29Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#): > > Maybe lecture your kids, or even scare them by saying they will get cavities and have to go through painful teeth removal if they don’t brush their teeth. Also tell them that they will stink and no one will want to talk to them if they don’t shower. > > Also, you could try to win back total child custody, though you would probably need a really good lawyer… **AU** , you are young enough to remember…how did you react scoldings when you were 11? What the OP really needs to do is set up a “strangers on a train” thing with someone on the internet. While I don’t need anyone killed, I would be very happy to fly somewhere random and bitch slap a well deserving asshole. Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t really need the internet stranger to come an bitch slap anyone in my life ATM, so I’d do it for the cost of the tickets. ---
**Author:** ![Septima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Septima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Septima)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/22 "2013-05-28T00:31:19Z")
[QUOTE=flatlined] From what I know about kids, they don’t really care about how their teeth look until they stop thinking that the opposite sex has cooties. The oldest kid is only 11, personal hygiene doesn’t matter much to kids that age. [/QUOTE] Bovine manure. A seven year old is perfectly capable of understanding the link between not brushing ones teeth, and **having metal drills slowly boring into them**. At 7, he may not be old enough to actually be responsible for brushing his own teeth, but he is well and truly old enough to be scared to death of the consequences of not brushing. The 11 year old is plenty old enough to be responsible for both his, and his brothers teeth. Are the kids seeing the dentist regularly, as in twice a year minimum? And having the ever-loving shit scared out of them in the process? If not, the ex is not the one who needs pitting here. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/23 "2013-05-28T00:58:17Z")
y’know, despite my occasional grouching about being perpetually single, every now and then I read something like this and think maybe I’m not doing so bad after all. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/24 "2013-05-28T03:06:46Z")
You know, if her game plan is to establish herself as the “cool” parent and you as the strict no-fun one, you’re only aiding her plan. Three days without bathing or brushing their teeth is not that big a deal. I use to do that all the time as a kid on camping trips. They may smell bad, but they weren’t in any real danger. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/25 "2013-05-28T03:07:35Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > y’know, despite my occasional grouching about being perpetually single, every now and then I read something like this and think maybe I’m not doing so bad after all. 😛 Yup. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/26 "2013-05-28T03:11:43Z")
> [@Septima](#): > > Bovine manure. A seven year old is perfectly capable of understanding the link between not brushing ones teeth, and **having metal drills slowly boring into them**. At 7, he may not be old enough to actually be responsible for brushing his own teeth, but he is well and truly old enough to be scared to death of the consequences of not brushing. The 11 year old is plenty old enough to be responsible for both his, and his brothers teeth. Backs up, hands out in surrender. I’ve already said that I don’t have kids and I can’t really remember being that age. Any child rearing advice I give is worth what I get paid for it. As in, nothing. Don’t listen to me about kids, I’m really ignorant about them. ---
**Author:** ![Septima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Septima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Septima)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/27 "2013-05-28T03:18:41Z")
Oh, God, that cam out the wrong way. I don’t have kids either - but I do remember being one, and the **sheer terror** of not brushing that has served me so well until adulthood. That wasn’t meant as parenting advice. Like all people with no kids, I’m probably a lousy parent. That was meant as human being advice. I’m sorry **Flatlined** , I did so not mean to yell at you 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/28 "2013-05-28T04:19:48Z")
> [@Septima](#): > > Oh, God, that cam out the wrong way. I don’t have kids either - but I do remember being one, and the **sheer terror** of not brushing that has served me so well until adulthood. > > That wasn’t meant as parenting advice. Like all people with no kids, I’m probably a lousy parent. That was meant as human being advice. > > I’m sorry **Flatlined** , I did so not mean to yell at you 🙂 I deserved to get my hands slapped. I have no idea how to raise kids. When I’m watching them, I tend to treat them like dogs. “Oh, you put your dishes in the washer? _Good boy_, here’s a treat!!!” If I was watching an 11 year old, I’d use threats…“hey, its time for you to get into the shower. Be sure to wash your hair and brush your teeth so you don’t funk up the helmet. I don’t ride with people who smell funky” This works great for me, the overnight aunty. Co-parenting is so much different and I’m sure its much more stressful. Gives you a friendly fist bump, then looks at the forum. We are in the pit, shouldn’t we now be having a screaming chick fight for the entertainment of all? _looks you over_ Girlfriend, those shoes make your butt look flat. How’s that for hitting below the belt? ---
**Author:** ![StaudtCJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StaudtCJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StaudtCJ)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/29 "2013-05-28T05:01:06Z")
Girlfight? Can I play? “When you get back to your kennel, your mother should bite you.” Let 'er rip! And brush your damn teeth. They’re funky. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/30 "2013-05-28T05:55:26Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > y’know, despite my occasional grouching about being perpetually single, every now and then I read something like this and think maybe I’m not doing so bad after all. You’re not, and you are in an enviable position. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/31 "2013-05-28T07:58:50Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > Hey, you picked her to procreate with. . That was my first thought as well. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/32 "2013-05-28T08:18:57Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > That was my first thought as well. And so she’s forever above criticism. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![GreasyJack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df705f/32.png) [@GreasyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreasyJack)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/33 "2013-05-28T13:13:10Z")
> [@Septima](#): > > Bovine manure. A seven year old is perfectly capable of understanding the link between not brushing ones teeth, and **having metal drills slowly boring into them**. Just explain that the human head is very much like an orange… ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/34 "2013-05-28T15:51:56Z")
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, [The Tooth Gremlin.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mE5aV4li4fo) And never have to ask your children to brush their teeth again. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/35 "2013-05-28T18:27:06Z")
Your kids are old enough to know right from wrong. Unless she is actively preventing your kids from brushing their teeth and taking a shower, the onus should be on them to take care of their own personal hygiene. P.S. 10 minutes to brush your teeth? That’s a really long time. Maybe that’s part of the problem! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/36 "2013-05-28T18:34:41Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > P.S. 10 minutes to brush your teeth? That’s a really long time. Maybe that’s part of the problem! The OP DID specify ten minutes total (over the period from Thursday evening through Sunday afternoon that’s six scheduled brushings over six hundred seconds, meaning 100 seconds per brushing). My Sonicare operates on a 120 second cycle, so it’s not that long a time, ISTM. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/37 "2013-05-28T18:47:47Z")
> [@GreasyJack](#): > > Just explain that the human head is very much like an orange… Congratulations, you have won the coveted Post of the Day award! Your certificate will arrive by mail. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/38 "2013-05-28T19:27:00Z")
This drives me nuts! I LIVE with my husband and if I happen to be out for an evening or (God, forbid) sleep in on the weekends, the children will: Not have brushed their teeth Not have been cleaned Not have brushed their hair, etc. FFS, how hard is it to look at your kids when they come down the stairs and know what the hell is going on! BWAH! ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/39 "2013-05-28T21:31:41Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > FFS, how hard is it to look at your kids when they come down the stairs and know what the hell is going on! BWAH! We’re in the pit, so fuckit: “Male-Pattern Blindness” Happens all the time in my house. “Honey, where’s the coffee?” “It’s in the spice cabinet.” _looks_"No it isn’t." “Yes it is. It’s on the second shelf from the bottom, on the far left, in front of the cocoa tin. It’s in the front, in a 2-4 inch tall clear round bottle with a red label and probably a red cap.” _sounds of rummaging_ “I don’t see any.” _gets ass up, walks to cabinet he’s staring into, pulls down instant coffee from the exact described spot, smiles, and smacks it on the counter_ _befuddled_ “I didn’t see it there.” :smack: “I know dear, I love you anyway.” Don’t even get me started on finding pillowcases or washcloths. You’d think I’d go easy on him and ask him to find Nessie or an Abominable Snowman instead. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481/40 "2013-05-28T21:53:06Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Your kids are old enough to know right from wrong. Unless she is actively preventing your kids from brushing their teeth and taking a shower, the onus should be on them to take care of their own personal hygiene. This was pretty funny. Have you ever actually met a 7 or 11 year old? What other “age of reason” responsibilities are theirs and theirs alone? Younger kids “forget” to do all kinds of things they’re not directed to do. Over and over again. That’s the controversial stand I’m willing to take on the topic, being the maverick I am. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-ex-wife-the-unhygenic-redneck/659481.md?page=3)