# I pit my fiances white trash dads girlfriend **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 30, 2008, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194 "2008-12-30T09:58:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/21 "2008-12-30T20:47:45Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Well, either her benefits are about to run out, or it’s something other than “welfare” that’s been providing those benefits. A Woman I breifly dated has 4 kids and recieved assistance to the tune of $3800K a month due to 3 of them being disabled by psych issues. As I understand it , it isn’t welfare per se, its part of some other state program. She was actually getting part time paid in home help as part of the deal too. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/22 "2008-12-30T20:52:13Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Best leave white trash to themselves. Wise words, in many cases these people have little to lose and plenty of free time to royally screw up your universe if they suspect you are poking holes in their meal ticket. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/23 "2008-12-30T21:04:53Z")
> [@MoodIndigo1](#): > > I thought the same, and also wondered why she was entitled to welfare if her husband works 70 hours a week. This would be impossible in our (socialist, as many of you believe) society. It’s not her husband, it’s her boyfriend. See thread title. ETA: I just realized the OP refers to him as her boyfriend in the body of the OP. Now I’m confused. ---
**Author:** ![abbeytxs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@abbeytxs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abbeytxs)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/24 "2008-12-30T21:19:32Z")
Is the fiance’s father the father of the five kids? (Hope that sentence makes sense) If not, I am curious where the father(s) of all the kids is(are). Sorry, I seem to have a parenthesis fetish today. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/25 "2008-12-30T21:52:42Z")
Kill her and take her stuff. Or burn it to the ground. The D&D Player or Atilla the Hun approach. ---
**Author:** ![jeredc1983](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed8c4c/32.png) [@jeredc1983](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeredc1983)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/26 "2008-12-30T22:35:18Z")
Her boyfriend is not the father of her kids. I have no idea where their dads are; I know that they do not all share the same father though. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/27 "2008-12-30T22:58:50Z")
Okay, I’ll say it: Can’t fiance’s father do better than a dirty 300-pound chain smoker on welfare? ---
**Author:** ![jeredc1983](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed8c4c/32.png) [@jeredc1983](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jeredc1983)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/28 "2008-12-30T23:06:07Z")
He isn’t exactly the do-better type. He is pretty white trash himself. EG: He has a tattoo of a devil on his arm grabbing himself and flipping the world off. Also to clarify: I do not think he actually gets paid for 70 hours a week of work. He works for a very small dump truck company as a mechanic. I believe he just uses this as an excuse to stay away from her and the house. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/29 "2008-12-31T00:07:15Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > Some people **can’t** help themselves. Some people get in so deep that they can’t find their own way out. Some people get paralyzed by the enormity – or even their _perception_ of the enormity of the task of making things right and don’t know how to even begin to help themselves. > > Thank G-d for people whose compassion runs stronger than to say “oh, she won’t help herself, forget her.” Especially in cases like this where there are kids involved who need and _deserve_ the adults around them to do something to make things better for them. That’s a really nice sentiment; at what point do you acknowledge that you’ve done all you can for someone and if they really want to get somewhere they’re going to have to do some of the heavy lifting for themselves? (Serious question, not snark.) **jered** , is there more that you and your fiancée are willing to do to try to help this woman and her kids? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/30 "2008-12-31T00:36:53Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Best leave white trash to themselves. True, but someone should call CPS-the whole, “they won’t do anything” is bullshit. How do you know unless you at least try? I would think living in such filth would at LEAST qualify for some sort of citation. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/31 "2008-12-31T00:41:33Z")
> [@jeredc1983](#): > > The children are not physically abused. My fiance is a juvenile officer and she would report this IMMEDIATELY if she thought this was happening. Neglect doesn’t count as abuse in your state? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/32 "2008-12-31T01:06:10Z")
One had better be certain that any “help” in fact helps, rather than creates more stress for the mother who already is obviously at loose ends. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/33 "2008-12-31T01:12:13Z")
For example, if Child Protection Services gets involved with a view to working with the mother to encourage her to clean up her act, then that would be a good thing, but if the invervention was more along the lines of cutting her kids off from funding, that would probably not be a good thing – out of the frying pan and into the fire. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/34 "2008-12-31T01:20:02Z")
Client: I’m too stressed. Intervenor: What stresses you out? Client: Your intervention stresses me out. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/35 "2008-12-31T03:52:08Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > Thank G-d for people whose compassion runs stronger than to say “oh, she won’t help herself, forget her.” Here, have a heapin’ helpin’ of :rolleyes: . Compassion is so overrated it’s pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/36 "2008-12-31T04:00:03Z")
> [@jeredc1983](#): > > I believe he just uses this as an excuse to stay away from her and the house. Or to spend 30 hours a week with another winner. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/37 "2008-12-31T06:25:50Z")
> [@](#): > > You are not handicapped, unless you count being 300 lbs handicapped. Actually, Social Security does consider some cases of obesity to be disabling. And certainly depression is. Let’s see. She has three of her children. The fathers of those five children have none of them. Yet you barely mention them. They are fully as responsible for the upkeep and welfare of those children as she is. Did you think that they weren’t? You didn’t say how old the daughters are. If they are old enough to dress like “harlots,” they are old enough to was the dishes and keep the kitchen clean. That was a regular chore for my sister and me when we were kids. We also had to clean up our own rooms, make our own beds and hang up our clothes. They sound like they are old enough to take care of the fish tank too. Where is the money from the 70 hours a week going? My dad worked 70 hours a week and still came home and mowed a large yard, took care of a garden and did repairs. My mother did her full share too. The woman and the man she lives with need to be either helped or reported. Since children hate to be taken from their parents, I think I could manage to clean her small home at least once out of simple human kindness. You have at least eaten the food there. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/38 "2008-12-31T06:32:51Z")
> [@](#): > > **mske** : And people wonder where stereotypes come from… Often people develop stereotypical thinking from reading a label, believing someone else’s description and not having much personal experience. You really don’t _know_ this woman. And she is, after all, only one woman. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/39 "2008-12-31T10:44:34Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > The woman and the man she lives with need to be either helped or reported. Since children hate to be taken from their parents, . . Are you suggesting that reporting her either could or would have her children taken from her because she is a slob? I really don’t think that that sort of intervention would be helpful. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194/40 "2008-12-31T13:20:05Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > Some people **can’t** help themselves. Some people get in so deep that they can’t find their own way out. Some people get paralyzed by the enormity – or even their _perception_ of the enormity of the task of making things right and don’t know how to even begin to help themselves. > > Thank G-d for people whose compassion runs stronger than to say “oh, she won’t help herself, forget her.” Especially in cases like this where there are kids involved who need and _deserve_ the adults around them to do something to make things better for them. Bingo. She sounds distinctly unpleasant, but also depressed. The cockroaches are disgusting, as is the smoking with kids, but smoking is still legal. I cannot imagine a spinal surgery that would make smoking a hazard: it’s enough of a hazard on its own. My guess is that the doc tried to get her to quit by telling her it would harm her kid. Well, it may well, but not because of back surgery. The sad fact of life is that at times, welfare DOES pay more than wages–to me, that’s a reflection on poor paying jobs, not the person who tallies up how her kids can get the most benefit (ie money) and does it. She’s hardly able-bodied at 300 pounds and a smoker. I deplore her fashion sense as much as you do, but dressing girls as mini-skanks is not limited to the trailer park set these days. Am I saying “oh, poor dear; you’re depressed and poor, so all your choices are ok”? NO. But I read more judgement and stereotyping in your post than I do comprehension of the vicious cycle of poverty. I pity her kids and doubt seriously that she wants her kids in this situation. If she does or if she doesn’t, chances are they will end up like her(unless some family would want to intervene for the sake of her kids). And so it goes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-fiances-white-trash-dads-girlfriend/479194.md?page=3)