# I pit my humble attempts at chivalry **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 2, 2015, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011 "2015-07-02T01:31:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BaldDudePeekskill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5e925/32.png) [@BaldDudePeekskill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaldDudePeekskill)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/1 "2015-07-02T01:31:40Z")
I was raised to always hold doors for everyone and when possible to yield to anyone whilst walking. I’m from and work in NYC and navigate three forms of transport daily, so this doesn’t always apply. But I absolutely think it’s rude when someone expects me to wait for them to finish their text message or whatever’s interesting them on their electronic shackle when I hold a door for them or am exiting a subway. Only thing worse than that are the tourists that stop dead to photograph something (usually a store …there’s nothing that interesting where I work…) and I end up bumping into them. I give up! I hereby pledge to not say ‘excuse me’ to these folks. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/2 "2015-07-02T01:49:41Z")
I’ll never forget one particular female employee I ran across a few years back. We have two buildings in our facility and I often have to use a hand-cart/dolly to transfer equipment between the two. Unfortunately the double doors aren’t automatic so I have to try to hold one door open with one hand and push the 2-wheeled cart through with the other. So I’m in the midst of going through the door and half struggling to do it when the female approaches, sees me in the doorway, we make eye contact and she picks up the pace to get to the door. I’m thinking she’ll grab the door, I’ll pass through, say thanks and we’ll both be on our way. Nope, instead she takes a big step over the cart and package to get past me and inside the building. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/3 "2015-07-02T15:23:20Z")
First off stop being sexist with your chivalry bullshit. Females want to be treated equally these days. You should let the door slam on females just like you would with a fat bald smelly dude. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/4 "2015-07-02T15:26:29Z")
I wouldn’t think that’s chivalry, that’s just plain old politeness. Definitely don’t need to apply it to anyone on their cellphone. These people don’t even notice you. Tourists - I recommend you cut them some slack on the days you feel like it and on other days slam the door on them. And I’m an upstater and saying this. 🙂 What drives me crazy is when all of the women in my SO’s office expect one of the three men there to pick up things, move things, kill bugs. Are your wrists broken? Funny how in my office, where there are no men, we manage to do everything ourselves. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/5 "2015-07-02T15:31:02Z")
Yeah, it’s a pretty dick move to be polite to tourists in NYC. They’re visiting for the experience. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/6 "2015-07-02T15:33:50Z")
Holding doors is a mug’s game. I should know, because I do it all the time (for both sexes) and I can’t help myself. If the person starts jogging to the door to be polite in return and not leave me hanging, I feel like a right cunt for evidently implicitly telling them to hurry up. If the person does not, however, I often resent them for being entitled little shits because I’m not holding this stupid fucking door for my personal enjoyment and would you \*please \*acknowledge my existence you fucking asshole ?! It’s a catch 22. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/7 "2015-07-02T15:57:04Z")
If you choose to hold a door, you don’t obligate me to change what I’m doing to get through that door. You ARE doing it for your personal enjoyment! ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/8 "2015-07-02T19:57:13Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > You ARE doing it for your personal enjoyment! And the tips!! ---
**Author:** ![BaldDudePeekskill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5e925/32.png) [@BaldDudePeekskill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaldDudePeekskill)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2015, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/9 "2015-07-03T01:40:41Z")
Can not one be chivalrous to both sexes? Perhaps courteous would have been more appropriate? ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2015, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/10 "2015-07-03T02:06:12Z")
Recent phenomenon: People coming out of a set of double doors holding the exit door open…for the guy outside to use to go in. But wait: that makes him go in the “out” door – it makes him take the door on the left, where he’d normally use the door on the right. So do you accept the intended courtesy, and go in the wrong door…or do you use the proper door, but risk appearing rude by spurning the hospitable intent? In practice, this usually happens when there aren’t other people also wanting to exit, so that entering would cause a head-to-head jam. But it just feels awkward, either way. ---
**Author:** ![Tiktaalik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@Tiktaalik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiktaalik)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2015, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/11 "2015-07-03T03:45:48Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > Yeah, it’s a pretty dick move to be polite to tourists in NYC. They’re visiting for the experience. Lived in NYC for several years. Had to laugh at that. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2015, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/12 "2015-07-03T04:37:16Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > If you choose to hold a door, you don’t obligate me to change what I’m doing to get through that door. You ARE doing it for your personal enjoyment! This. If the other person is very close to the door, it might make sense to hold it open, and there would be no cause for the other person to walk faster or slower or do anything different. (But if other person then stops to peer into this cell phone, just let the door slam.) If the other person is far enough away that the other person must either hurry up or keep you waiting, then you don’t need to be holding the door for them. And you don’t OWE anybody any politeness, etiquette, chivalry or whatever you call it. If you get your own personal enjoyment doing so, fine. Otherwise, you’re just being a chump. ---
**Author:** ![Steken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Steken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steken)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2015, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/13 "2015-07-03T10:34:14Z")
Once held a door open for a random young woman here in Copenhagen. She broke into a huge smile, and, with an unmistakable American accent, half-shouted “Chivalry in _Denmark_!? Yay!!!” ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2015, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/14 "2015-07-03T11:37:55Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > If you choose to hold a door, you don’t obligate me to change what I’m doing to get through that door. You ARE doing it for your personal enjoyment! No, you’re doing it to be nice, which is usually because you would like them to be nice back to you. Yeah, if you thank me I might get some enjoyment, but not everyone does. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2015, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/15 "2015-07-03T13:30:18Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > If the person starts jogging to the door to be polite in return and not leave me hanging, I feel like a right cunt for evidently implicitly telling them to hurry up. This is what pisses me off about some door-holders. Do not, if I am still 75 feet away from the door, hold it open and expect me to rush over to avoid delaying _you_. If I’m right behind you, go ahead and be chivalrous. Otherwise just let the goddamned door go and I’ll suffer through the exertion of reopening it. And on a distantly related chivalry note, I fart in the general direction of the TSA agent who recently made a snide remark about my not returning an empty basket to the empty basket pile after my belongings had gone through the scanner. Either put up a sign requesting passengers stack baskets for you or STFU. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2015, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/16 "2015-07-04T10:06:06Z")
My opinion on door holding is that if the person is close enough to toss them the door, toss it to them instead of letting it swing shut. Otherwise, assume they’ll somehow be able to figure it out. If there’s someone coming who is carrying something heavy looking, on crutches, very elderly, or otherwise looks like they might need help, then help them. I hate it when people hold doors and want me to walk through in front of them. You’re in my way, and you’re slowing us both down (most of time, sometimes the person can stand completely out of the way, in which case it’s fine, if totally unnecessary). ---
**Author:** ![Plumpudding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Plumpudding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plumpudding)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2015, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/17 "2015-07-05T14:36:42Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > My opinion on door holding is that if the person is close enough to toss them the door, toss it to them instead of letting it swing shut. Otherwise, assume they’ll somehow be able to figure it out. > > If there’s someone coming who is carrying something heavy looking, on crutches, very elderly, or otherwise looks like they might need help, then help them. > > I hate it when people hold doors and want me to walk through in front of them. You’re in my way, and you’re slowing us both down (most of time, sometimes the person can stand completely out of the way, in which case it’s fine, if totally unnecessary). I agree on the first two points. Being a scandie, I try to be polite out of not wanting to have to deal with people any more than necessary. I hold it If people need the doorway more than me, I give them that. On the third point, if someone appears to be more busy than me, I allow them to pass first, but I’m not gonna wait. I also make an exception for friends and give them a first pass through the door unless I’m carrying something heavy. What annoys me is strangers _stopping_ me on the other side to thank me. Just walk and talk or give a nod and a smile or something. There’s no need to stop me. When it comes to public transport, unless they are old, disabled in some way or pregnant, I don’t care, but that’s mostly because no one here in the netherlands seem too. I actually find the society I live in quite rude… ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2015, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/18 "2015-07-05T15:22:47Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > Yeah, it’s a pretty dick move to be polite to tourists in NYC. They’re visiting for the experience. I LOLed. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2015, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/19 "2015-07-05T15:31:04Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > This. If the other person is very close to the door, it might make sense to hold it open, and there would be no cause for the other person to walk faster or slower or do anything different. (But if other person then stops to peer into this cell phone, just let the door slam.) > > If the other person is far enough away that the other person must either hurry up or keep you waiting, then you don’t need to be holding the door for them. > > And you don’t OWE anybody any politeness, etiquette, chivalry or whatever you call it. If you get your own personal enjoyment doing so, fine. Otherwise, you’re just being a chump. Or a little politeness, like a little gentle hypocrisy, is the grease on the grinding cogs of society, and it all goes more smoothly if we all give and take a little. We all owe, and we are all owed. Collecting, on either side of the interaction, admittedly gets a little tricky. So it’s good that some people are more generous and don’t keep strict accounting. The next asshole who cuts me off in traffic, however… ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2015, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011/20 "2015-07-05T20:22:18Z")
Live your life as YOU see fit. People don’t like it? Fuck 'em. Drive fast if you want, but don’t complain when you get a ticket. Open a door if you want or walk faster and cut in front of that same person. If the person starts bitching in either case, you can stand there and listen or you can walk away and move on to something more important to you. Its your life; live it already. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-humble-attempts-at-chivalry/724011.md?page=2)