# I pit my husband for throwing household items out **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 18, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-husband-for-throwing-household-items-out/481855 "2009-01-18T14:44:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2009, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-husband-for-throwing-household-items-out/481855/141 "2009-01-22T06:06:48Z")
> [@Algorithm](#): > > What? Who here is expressing a double standard? **Yeticus Rex** was in this particular case, IMHO. I agree with **Yodi** , there is a double standard. What is more, I don’t really see a counterpart. A woman is expected to do as well on her job as a man is. Perhaps the area with the complementary double standard for women used to be the handywork around the house: most men will be tolerant of a woman saying she is utterly clueless about plumbing or electricity or how to reconfigure her computer. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2009, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-husband-for-throwing-household-items-out/481855/142 "2009-01-22T07:06:56Z")
> [@Jodi](#): > > Far be it from me to detract from the attempt to paint all this testimony as merely a meeting of the “She-Woman Man-Haters’ Club,” but I must report that the reason my sister has a cleaning lady once a week – which she and her husband each pay half for – is that she was seriously thinking the alternative was a divorce. He is apparently congenitally unable to finish a cleaning or home improvement task. For examle, he will sweep the kitchen floor, by sweeping all the detritus into a little pile in the corner and leaving it there, leaning the broom against the wall next to it. When asked, he says he’s going to get back to it. But of course he never does, and the crap gets spread all over the floor again, same as before except now the broom is out as well. And the third time my sister asks she’s “nagging” and he sure as hell isn’t going to do it when she’s nagging him, he won’t give her the satisfaction. And _she’s_ not going to do it because it’s his goddam job and would it kill him to finish it, and the next thing you know the argument is not about sweeping, the argument (whether this is said or not) is about consideration and respect, or a lack thereof. What _he_ saw as her saying he wasn’t doing it “the right way,” or soon enough, _she_ saw as him not doing it _at all_. I’m not kidding: I really think they would have eventually ended up in divorce court if they hadn’t just decided to spend the money to have many of those chores done by a third party. Oh man. This sounds all too familiar. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Daerlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Daerlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daerlyn)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2009, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-husband-for-throwing-household-items-out/481855/143 "2009-01-22T12:01:18Z")
> [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > Oh man. This sounds all too familiar. ☹ Agreed. And I will cheerfully (well, maybe not _cheerfully_, but with no waffling whatsoever) admit that I am really bitter about this. For a number of reasons we were not able to afford having someone come in to clean the house, although I did look into it at a few points. I had the “it really pisses me off when you say you will do X and then I have to nag at you for six weeks because I really hate being a shrew” conversation with my husband roughly every three months over the entire course of our marriage. And he would try harder to remember to do things for a while, and then he’d slack off again. It wasn’t the main factor in our divorce, but became something I could not live with in addition to all our other problems. He was not able to come up with any strategies to remind himself, or help me remind him without being a harpy, and eventually told me that he was probably unable to change in this regard. Sadly, that didn’t work for me. On the upside, we’re getting out now while we still like each other, and have not become one of those couples who scream at each other in public. /hijack ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2009, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-husband-for-throwing-household-items-out/481855/144 "2009-01-22T14:09:38Z")
God yes. What I hated most about it all was how my husband’s behavior changed me from a fun, easy going woman into a nagging bitter harpy. I was becoming a parody of myself, a type of woman I used to laugh about in sit coms and always vowed I would never become. Currently we’re okay. We’ve got a cleaning lady. My main responsibility is the house and the food. His main responsibility is our baby. He gets to be relaxed and playful with the baby because I clean up after them and hand him warm bottles of formula. But it is his job to go and comfort the baby in the middle of the night. It works for us. I sometimes wonder if my husbands fanatism about sound quality is a good analogy to his lack of interest in a clean orderly home. For him, all our speakers have to be aligned just right or the surround sound is faulty. Me, I spent half my time in college with a stereo set where one set of speakers didn’t work, and I never even noticed. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2009, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-husband-for-throwing-household-items-out/481855/145 "2009-01-22T18:06:35Z")
A few thoughts: A) This thread is a perfect example of why people should live together before getting married. B) I’m sure as hell glad I’m in a marriage where we both just do the shit that needs to get done, not that there are never differences in priority;). For full disclosure, we both work but no kids…so that probably helps. Plus (and this is key), I think it’s just more motivating to do things as a team. A cluttered garage can seem like a daunting task for one person and pictures are a pain in the ass to hang by yourself. But crank up the radio and each crack a beer and it will be done in no time. Then it’s onto the laundry or whatever else needs to be done…together. When you do stuff together, neither of you can brush it aside. C) A bag of bathroom trash spilled on the floor for over 4 months:eek:…there’s bigger issues here. D) Obviously some of the stories in this thread come from people of older generations…probably no fixing those guys. But for the sake of future generations, please don’t let gender determine what you teach your kids. Do you really want your kid to be the laughing stock because he can’t cook a can of beans or iron a shirt. Frankly, when I meet people guys my age (30) who can’t do that stuff, I just think they’re pathetic. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-husband-for-throwing-household-items-out/481855.md?page=7)