# I pit my life.... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 29, 2009, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707 "2009-04-29T05:56:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![PeacePlease](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/71c47a/32.png) [@PeacePlease](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeacePlease)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/21 "2009-04-29T15:48:29Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > **Peace** , I understand what you’re saying, but I’m really not going for pity myself. I was sincere in my advice … get up every morning and give life a shot. More often than not lately (for me anyway) it seems like an uphill battle, but I don’t plan on chucking it in either. I should have quoted **Sir T-Cups** , actually. I’m on his train! ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/22 "2009-04-29T16:01:59Z")
Sir T-Cups 1. you just had a breakup [thread=515664](according to Skald’s ‘to whom would you give a liver’ thread’) [/thread] everything looks dark. Give it time. Reinvent your life if it sucks so bad. Get new friends, volunteer, walk across Australia (bring a hat, and some water and sunscreen). 2. Things could be a lot worse. You are not starving, you are not, I presume, in prison. When I was a kid, I met a guy who had spent 6 years in a Vietnamese prison camp. Ever since then, I’ve told myself “hey, could be worse, I’m not in a Vietnamese prison camp”. Gitmo may work for you. Nor were you just run over by a ship, terminating your epic Kon-Tiki-like voyage one day short of it’s victorious conclusion. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/23 "2009-04-29T16:48:25Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > It will never get better, and I have so much more to live… I have a hard time reading something like this and not responding. However, I realize that I am less than expert when it comes to the communication patterns of _homo sapiens_. If I am misinterpretting your post please just ignore me. I have several ideas that may be helpful. I encourage you to look at the quoted statement above and ask yourself if you are not trying to take your entire life at one gulp. If you tried to imagine all of the food that you will eat for the rest of your life, it would probably fill serveral restaurant refrigerators. All the meat and bread and juice and milk and veggies and fruit… it would daunting to imagine eating it all. This isn’t a novel idea, but I hope you can see that trying to take the entirety of your life at one glance is a distortion. One day at a time, as they say. Also, look back on the life you’ve had so far. Has it been all the same? Have there been high points and low points? Improvements and setbacks? Do you have any rational reason to believe that things will always be the same in the future or would you reasonably conclude that there will be changes? If there will be changes, then it would seem reasonable to conclude that some things will get better and some things may get worse. It is not rational to conclude that things will always be the way they are, that they cannot get better and that the rest of your life will be an endurance test. That’s not to say that it’s going to be a carnival. Sorry if I have missed the point of this thread. Feel free to e-mail me if you would like and keep in mind that their are tools and resources available that you should use. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/24 "2009-04-29T16:48:41Z")
> [@TwistofFate](#): > > you know it’s time for you to buy an accoustic guitar, learn how to play 4 chords and head down to your local open mic night. > > It’s either that or start buying leather trousers. I did that - I still can’t make those 4 chords sound like anything remotely melodic. ---
**Author:** ![Myrrajh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/87869e/32.png) [@Myrrajh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrrajh)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/25 "2009-04-29T17:00:08Z")
The second time I ever felt like this I got a few sheets of paper and wrote down every single thing in my life that I dreaded, despised, and generally just pissed me off. It was a very long list, very detailed. Then I read through the list and, without even thinking why, I marked each item as “I can control this” and “I can’t control this.” Surprisingly, about 80% of the stuff on my list were things in my control. I wish I could accurately describe how that one little revelation affected me right then. I could CHANGE those things! It was very empowering. The other 20%, I decided, just were not worth getting upset over. So I started making surprisingly tiny little changes to clear off most of my list. That felt…amazing. Perhaps this is something you could try. I was hating my life because I felt like such a victim and that I had no control over anything. Turns out I really did. Hope this helps. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/26 "2009-04-29T18:24:21Z")
**Myrrajh** , that’s awesome. ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2009, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/27 "2009-04-29T18:49:36Z")
I usually just yell this kind of thing at the mirror when I’m alone, but if venting on a message board works for you, by all means… If the feelings persist, please get therapy. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2009, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/28 "2009-04-30T00:50:31Z")
I suggest indulging a violent hobby, like target shooting or picking bar fights. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2009, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/29 "2009-04-30T01:46:41Z")
If you don’t want advice, feel free to skip this, but: You should adopt a mantra. Something to distract you from your most obnoxious, frightening, and depressing thoughts. It doesn’t have to be complex. Mine’s ‘5’. ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2009, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/30 "2009-04-30T04:14:35Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > 1. Things could be a lot worse. You are not starving, you are not, I presume, in prison. When I was a kid, I met a guy who had spent 6 years in a Vietnamese prison camp. Ever since then, I’ve told myself “hey, could be worse, I’m not in a Vietnamese prison camp”. Gitmo may work for you. Nor were you just run over by a ship, terminating your epic Kon-Tiki-like voyage one day short of it’s victorious conclusion. I always just remind myself that no matter how bad things are, getting kicked in the nuts would still make them worse. ---
**Author:** ![RedRosesForMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/91b2a8/32.png) [@RedRosesForMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedRosesForMe)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2009, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/31 "2009-04-30T05:16:33Z")
I would second the advice to get evaluated for depression, if the feelings persist and they’re always accompanied by the belief that nothing will ever get better. Also, may I recommend starting a journal? It may seem very junior high, but having a safe place to vent your frustrations is very nice, and being honest with yourself will help in so many ways. I’ve found that whenever I start a self-pity entry, it will continue on for several pages until I get all my frustrations out, then it’s like a switch flips and I start addressing each individual problem and creating a plan of attack. Looking back through my various journals, I don’t always follow my own advice, but just the act of venting and then planning ways to improve always gives me the push I need to actually get out of bed in the morning. And when you’re feeling better, it’s a great way to give yourself a pat on the back which only encourages you to make more improvements. Even if you’re just bragging that you ran 3 miles today or finished your entire week’s homework in time to veg out and watch a Law and Order marathon, it’s still a nice way to tell yourself “Good job.” Because Og only knows that if you call up your friends or interrupt your coworkers to brag that you finally stopped procrastinating and scrubbed your whole apartment, they’d think you were nuts. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2009, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/32 "2009-04-30T10:10:36Z")
> [@simster](#): > > I did that - I still can’t make those 4 chords sound like anything remotely melodic. Neither can most people at open mic nights. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2009, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/33 "2009-05-01T03:41:13Z")
For making a thread I knew I would regret (I don’t get me wrong, I very much do), and really had no intention of ever looking at it again (because…it would remind me I made it ya know), and overall doing something I _never_ do (open myself up to something like this), I am quite surprised by the amount of attention it has gotten. Needed and heeded advice, people relating, even someone who recognized me from another thread (it’s this reason by the way I don’t do things like this ever, a great fear of alienating myself and being “that guy”). Certainly **glee** hit a note that I do actually use to keep myself going when things are at their worst (like, say, when I made the thread…) and that is: If nothing else, I can lose myself in obscurity on the SDMB!" Which brings me to another small point I kinda mentioned earlier, and definitely a point of surprise/pleasentness. **Attack…Dimention** pointed out something I said in another thread…and…it’s weird to think that someone _noticed_ me. This is such a large and diverse message board, and I am quite new here, and while I do post relatively often I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that someone would actually remember or give a shit about something I said in another thread. I have seen examples of other posters mentioning usernames, but I just attributed this to longevity on the site…quite normal in my mind, but me? No way. Is this a small example? Probably. Could I be finding light gray linings in clouds and convincing myself they’re silver? Why the hell not; but it is a very weird thing for me to think that I was actually noticed here. So yeah…more random thoughts from me… ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2009, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/34 "2009-05-01T04:15:00Z")
> [@Alastair\_Moonsong](#): > > I giggled at that. > > I think virtually everyone has hate-my-life moments. Lord knows I do - and they seem to increase exponentially in the days before tests or the last few weeks before the end of the semester. And I sure as hell have a lot of questions I need to answer, plans I need to make, and responsibilities I need to take on. It can be overwhelming, almost crushing - so many people expect you to do so many things, and do them well, and consistently, and in a timely manner. It’s not hard to reach the point where you feel like the rest of the world is micromanaging your life and you’ve become impotent, a means to the end for those around you. I come from a family that, going back three generations, are ALL college-educated, postgraduates, with Masters or PhD’s in highly technical fields - parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, you name it. Graduates from Cronell, Oxford, Harvard, etc. I frequently feel like I only exist to live up to their expectations of yet another Magna Cum Laude (or better) engineering major, and boy, does that SUCK. > > And of course that’s only one aspect of hate-my-life syndrome. You mentioned dealing wit your decisions, and yeah, that’s another big one. The coulda-shoulda-woulda’s. Maybe you have romantic problems, wondering if you missed a golden opportunity with a possible significant other at some point in your past, or if you settled for someone who you don’t really care for because it was “better than nothing”. Maybe you have friend troubles - backstabbing turncoats who will manipulate and exploit you for their own benefit, or who mock you behind your back, or who simply aren’t close enough to you to give a shit when you’re going through a rough spot. Maybe you have parent issues, for whatever reason. Maybe you regret the major you chose in college, or maybe you regret going to college, or not going. Who knows. Maybe you did go, but regret not working hard enough, getting bad grades and hurting your career prospects. Maybe you hate your job - maybe it’s dull and tedious, a steady stream of repetative bullshit for which you recieve neither credit nor appreciation except in the form of a too-small paycheck. Maybe your boss is a colossal dick, or your coworkers are ignorant, lazy SOB’s who make you do all of their work. Maybe, just maybe, you feel like you’ve done the whole “life” thing wrong - fucked up your education, got a shitty job, fell into unsatisfying relationships, and are going nowhere and doing nothing. > > But you know what? YOU control all of the above. YOU control who you associate with outside of work. YOU control who your friends are, who you date/marry. YOU can choose to go back to school, if the issue lies there - online classes if your life is a busy one. YOU control where you work - you can find a new job, and YOU can choose what field you work in. YOU, above all else, control which situations you choose to place yourself in. If they’re not making you happy, put yourself in different situations. It can be hard to see at times, but YOU have significantly more power to affect your own happiness than most people realize - so take advantage of that! Try new things! meet new people! Find stuff that makes you happy, and incorporate what you find into your life! If nothing else, finding some stuff - people, hobbies, food, whatever - that you enjoy, will help make the difficult-to-impossible-to-change parts of your life more bearable. Maybe you can’t leave your shitty job because the economy is fucked six ways to Sunday, but if you’ve got something to look foreward to when the salt mines close for the day, it becomes just a bit more bearable. > > Personally? I like to assert my control over my own life in small, silly ways. I like to dress in rediculous outfits, because I can. I sometimes wear a costume tail around campus, and every Tuesday I wear a different silly hat to class, and I dress in eccentric getups on a daily basis, because I can. I hang out with all the strange people on campus, because they’re interesting and funny and because they’re not the people I’m SUPPOSED to hang out with. I go out with my friends and plaster Academic Row with chalk drawings, because I can. We painted “Hammer Time!” on all the stopsigns on campus, because we could. Nothing earth-shattering, but it helps me to remember that I do have some power over my own life, and that’s enough to get me by. > > Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to panicking about exams. You’re just an insensitive dickhead. You didn’t lay out enough scenarios to be believable at ALL. ---
**Author:** ![Fetchund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b2d939/32.png) [@Fetchund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fetchund)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2009, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/35 "2009-05-01T11:30:03Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > . Could I be finding light gray linings in clouds and convincing myself they’re silver? Why the hell not; So yeah…more random thoughts from me… Have you ever noticed how pretty shades of grey in the clouds can be? And silver is a bitch to keep polished anyhow. Woking at it along with you, **Sir T**! ---
**Author:** ![pantheon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@pantheon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pantheon)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2009, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/36 "2009-05-01T13:38:59Z")
> [@Myrrajh](#): > > Then I read through the list and, without even thinking why, I marked each item as “I can control this” and “I can’t control this.” Surprisingly, about 80% of the stuff on my list were things in my control. I wish I could accurately describe how that one little revelation affected me right then. I could CHANGE those things! It was very empowering. > > The other 20%, I decided, just were not worth getting upset over. I’ve always felt the Serenity Prayer (short version) was kinda bass-ackwards. My freedom began exactly like you chronicled…FIRST I learned the Wisdom to know the difference between things I could change (namely me), and things I couldn’t change (other people), that helped me to get the Courage to start changing the things I could (my attitudes, activities, environment, choices, etc.), and these together led me to the Serenity to accept the things I could not change (rest of the world, fuck 'em). ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2009, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/37 "2009-05-01T13:55:25Z")
If everything in your life totally sucks, then there’s nowhere to go but up, right? 🙂 If you have nothing, you have nothing to lose! So run away and join the circus, join the army, join a cult, join a choir. Go off and live in the wilderness, like Grizzly Adams or the Dances With Wolves guy. Get a puppy, get a bicycle, get a kazoo. Read something corny and uplifting, like _The Power of Positive Thinking_ or _Chicken Soup for the Soul_ or a joke book. Walk around and smile at every cute girl you see, and see how many smile back. Adopt a new persona: go through the day pretending you’re James Bond or Jack Sparrow or Curly Howard. There’s always things you can do different, and when life sucks, different is good. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707/38 "2009-05-02T22:20:48Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Walk around and smile at every cute girl you see, and see how many smile back. Adopt a new persona: go through the day pretending you’re James Bond or Jack Sparrow or Curly Howard. There’s always things you can do different, and when life sucks, different is good. My personal method is Dirk Pitt. The ladies just love it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-life/494707.md?page=1)