# I pit my mom. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 25, 2009, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379 "2009-02-25T16:32:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/21 "2009-02-26T00:29:45Z")
> [@Omegaman](#): > > Well at this point I am sorry I posted it. I did not intend to draw attention to myself. > > The fact remains that **hfw** has a mother who judges him and until she stops that both he and her are going to have a problem that could interfere with their relationship until one or the other dies. That’s really the important portion of the op. Shrug, I’ve said my piece, go for it dude. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/22 "2009-02-26T00:55:34Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > SNIP > So my questions don’t matter? The fact that you, and everyone else, can’t seem to answer them doesn’t matter? You expect me to believe this fairy tale that you can’t explain or even tell me why you believe it? I’m supposed to just shut my brain off and not question because you told me it was true as a child? You told me about Santa Claus, and at the time, told me he was real. But then, no, he’s not real, but this other guy who also watches you all the time and also knows if you’re good or bad and who you also talk to and ask things of in a special way and also has ceremonies involving food and drink, well he’s real. Right. That’s it? That’s the best you can do? And you sit there being sad over the fact that I don’t buy this hook line and sinker? > SNIP I have to say, the SC/lying connection to today’s loss of faith can’t possibly be true, can it? It would explain so much about gen x… I had never made the connection before. Sympathies- I was raised by a recovering catholic pagan and an atheist- I just muddle through… ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/23 "2009-02-26T01:05:48Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > Shrug, I’ve said my piece, go for it dude. I hope you’ll think about saying your “peace” to your mom. Every time I see or talk to my mom I think it might be my last. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/24 "2009-02-26T02:22:22Z")
Apparently your mom is my dad. This is very disturbing. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/25 "2009-02-26T02:27:50Z")
> [@Omegaman](#): > > I hope you’ll think about saying your “peace” to your mom. Every time I see or talk to my mom I think it might be my last. I feel for you, but I’m not certain you can expect to interject with a comment about your admittedly sad, but…crazy? situation without being asked to elaborate on it, hijack or no. You put that out there, and if **HTW** doesn’t have any objections, hijack away if you want to talk about it. Even though this is the Pit, I am sure you’ll find people that are willing to support you if you feel a need. If not, of course disregard, what do I know, I’m a noob. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/26 "2009-02-26T04:12:41Z")
> [@gurujulp](#): > > I have to say, the SC/lying connection to today’s loss of faith can’t possibly be true, can it? It would explain so much about gen x… I had never made the connection before. I don’t think Santa Claus is why people are losing faith. Changing your world view takes more than that. It wouldn’t surprise me, however, if it was one of the steps on the path sometimes. The parallel between god and Santa Claus is way too big to just brush it off. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/27 "2009-02-26T04:17:27Z")
> [@Omegaman](#): > > I hope you’ll think about saying your “peace” to your mom. Every time I see or talk to my mom I think it might be my last. I talk to my mom quite regularly, most of the time without this happening. My parents are getting older, and I occasionally do wonder what it’s going to be like without them. I’ve tried laying this out before, but she really doesn’t listen. It always comes back to her bemoaning my loss of faith. Until something changes her outlook, there really isn’t anything I can do. If you’re ok with it, you can satisfy people’s curiosity about what you said earlier. Like I said, I’m just bitching. I already know what I need to do. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/28 "2009-02-26T04:18:22Z")
I’m sorry to say, don’t expect to ever resolve this. Like kaylasdad said, just get off the phone, or if you’re feeling extra charitable, try to change the subject once or twice. Don’t invest a lot of wasted energy on anything else. I’m 50, and it never changed for me. Both my parents are dead now, and as saddened as I sometimes am by that, at least I don’t have to deal with that bullshit anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/29 "2009-02-26T15:09:00Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > a 35 year old adult that actually knows more about what you’re talking about than you do. Lose this attitude. Your mom is probably picking up on it, and saying or implying stuff like that is a good way to offend people and make them not want to listen to what you have to say. There are probably things she knows more about than you do, or that she does better than you do. If you still want to talk to your mom, she must have some good qualities (or else a lot of money you are hoping to inherit one day). Try to focus on those things, rather than on her irrational beliefs. Just accept the irrational beliefs as something you can’t change, and as one of those things that happen because nobody’s perfect. Just like you might accept someone else’s horrible taste in food or TV, or tendency to tell the same stories over and over again at family gatherings. > [@hotflungwok](#): > > Until something changes her outlook, there really isn’t anything I can do. Yes, there is. You can start politely refusing to engage her in religious discussions. You won’t get a mom who agrees with you on religion or who says that your views on the subject are equal or superior to hers, if that’s what you’re looking for, but at least you will get less moaning about you losing your faith. That’s about the best you can hope for in this situation, but it probably will be better than what you’ve got now. ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/30 "2009-02-26T15:44:47Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > Lose this attitude. Your mom is probably picking up on it, and saying or implying stuff like that is a good way to offend people and make them not want to listen to what you have to say. There are probably things she knows more about than you do, or that she does better than you do. I don’t tell her to her face that I know more than her. I try to get her to talk about the whole thing, but she won’t. It’s like her thing with the bible: she’s never read much of it, she gets everything she needs from the priest at church. And she’s _proud_ of it. She tries to assert knowledge of what we’re talking about, and then denies any knowledge of the subject when I start asking questions. She’s proud of her ignorance, but still wants to be able say she’s right. > [@](#): > > If you still want to talk to your mom, she must have some good qualities (or else a lot of money you are hoping to inherit one day). Try to focus on those things, rather than on her irrational beliefs. Just accept the irrational beliefs as something you can’t change, and as one of those things that happen because nobody’s perfect. Just like you might accept someone else’s horrible taste in food or TV, or tendency to tell the same stories over and over again at family gatherings. I do. Like I said, this doesn’t happen very often. But it’s quite irritating when it does. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/31 "2009-02-26T16:20:51Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > . I try to get her to talk about the whole thing, but she won’t. It’s like her thing with the bible: she’s never read much of it, she gets everything she needs from the priest at church. And she’s _proud_ of it. She tries to assert knowledge of what we’re talking about, and then denies any knowledge of the subject when I start asking questions. She’s proud of her ignorance, but still wants to be able say she’s right. Just like she’s refusing to accept you as an adult who can choose his own faith you are refusing to accept her as an adult who can choose her own faith. Don’t ask questions, don’t try to get her to talk about the whole thing. You’ll never convince her to think differently and she won’t convince you to so just stop talking about it. Refuse to talk about. Change the subject or just say “I would rather not talk about it now, mom.” ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/32 "2009-02-26T19:56:46Z")
> [@SP2263](#): > > Just like she’s refusing to accept you as an adult who can choose his own faith you are refusing to accept her as an adult who can choose her own faith. Don’t ask questions, don’t try to get her to talk about the whole thing. You’ll never convince her to think differently and she won’t convince you to so just stop talking about it. Refuse to talk about. Change the subject or just say “I would rather not talk about it now, mom.” The only thing I’m refusing to accept is her pushing her faith on me. I don’t care what she believes. But when she tells me over and over that I should believe the same thing, but can’t even give me a reason why, then I’m not going to accept it. I’m not trying to change her belief, I’m just trying to show her mine. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/33 "2009-02-26T20:26:43Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > The only thing I’m refusing to accept is her pushing her faith on me. I don’t care what she believes. But when she tells me over and over that I should believe the same thing, but can’t even give me a reason why, then I’m not going to accept it. I’m not trying to change her belief, I’m just trying to show her mine. When you talk to her about religion yet again, you give her false hope that she might be able to convince you. Just stop talking to her about it. You’ll both be happier for it. She has a different temperament than you do, and can be satisfied by a religion that can’t satisfy you. Because she’s looking for something different in religion than you are, she probably won’t be able to fully understand why you found it unsatisfactory. Agreeing to disagree and not discussing it any more is about the best you can hope for. It would be nice if we lived in a world where our loved ones always understood and supported all the major life decisions we make, but the fact is that we don’t live in a world like that. ---
**Author:** ![Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Long_Time_First_Time)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/34 "2009-02-26T20:58:57Z")
I say the best defense is a good offense. Join the most extreme evangelical Christian church you can find. Preferably one that follows the teachings of John Hagee. Whenever you talk, bemoan the fact that she’s surely going to hell for not being a true Christian. Tell her you pray for her, and hope that at some point she’ll take Jesus into her life in the Hagee-approved manner. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/35 "2009-02-26T21:22:41Z")
My grandmother is very religious, I’m not, and we fought for years over it, getting nowhere. Eventually I realized that she’s a lot more emotionally involved in this topic than I am. I love her, and she doesn’t have an infinite number of years left here, so I’m not squabbling about it any more. I subtly change the subject whenever we start getting into dangerous waters. I’m sure that someday when she’s lying on her deathbed, she’ll try to lay one more guilt trip or wring one more promise out of me about opening my heart to Jesus, because that’s the kind of sneaky, dirty-trick-playing grandma she is ;), and on that day I plan to say anything she wants to hear. Yes! I will lie, lie, and lie some more. I love being an atheist. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/36 "2009-02-27T01:12:57Z")
> [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](#): > > I just don’t get how a True Believer could buy into superstition. Aren’t you protected by the Supreme Almighty? Do you really think he’s got a problem with knives and will smite you if you don’t include a penny? Is there a Commandment about walking under ladders or breaking mirrors? > > How do you reconcile an omnipotent, loving and protective god with ‘if I step on a crack, bad things will happen’? It’s almost like having two competing ‘religions’ going on simultaneously. I realise it’s bad form to quote oneself, but this was a real question - I really want to know the rationale for this weird religious/superstitious schizophrenia, and so far nobody’s responded. Is it worth starting a new thread? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/37 "2009-02-27T03:11:10Z")
> [@Long\_Time\_First\_Time](#): > > I say the best defense is a good offense. > > Join the most extreme evangelical Christian church you can find. Preferably one that follows the teachings of John Hagee. > > Whenever you talk, bemoan the fact that she’s surely going to hell for not being a true Christian. Tell her you pray for her, and hope that at some point she’ll take Jesus into her life in the Hagee-approved manner. Or, if Mom’s a Catholic, start giving her Chick Tracts. **Omegaman** , I am so, so very very sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/38 "2009-02-27T05:56:24Z")
> [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](#): > > I realise it’s bad form to quote oneself, but this was a real question - I really want to know the rationale for this weird religious/superstitious schizophrenia, and so far nobody’s responded. Is it worth starting a new thread? The Cliff’s notes version, IMHO, when you already believe in invisible beings with positive powers over your life, it’s not that much of a stretch to believe in another host of invisible creatures intent on doing you harm. The little superstitious mannerisms are to protect you from them. They obviously work, too. People bless me when I sneeze and I’ve never had my soul stolen by a demon, QED. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/39 "2009-02-27T17:13:34Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > My grandmother is very religious, I’m not, and we fought for years over it, getting nowhere. Eventually I realized that she’s a lot more emotionally involved in this topic than I am. I love her, and she doesn’t have an infinite number of years left here, so I’m not squabbling about it any more. I subtly change the subject whenever we start getting into dangerous waters. I had a similar epiphany about 15 years back, when my father and I routinely got into screaming matches about reigion. I realized suddenly that if I answered his questions about faith, he would get annoyed and I would get annoyed. If I simply refused to talk to him about it, he would still get annoyed. Since there was no course of action available to me that did not lead to his getting annoyed, I chose to embrace one that was best for my calm. ---
**Author:** ![Bamboo\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Bamboo\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bamboo_Boy)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-mom/487379/40 "2009-02-28T22:39:27Z")
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