# I pit my obsessive-parent neighbor **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 28, 2013, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396 "2013-08-28T13:02:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/81 "2013-08-28T21:47:01Z")
Yeah, so my first thought when I read the OP was “Maybe Tiffany wants to stay in the car.” We might wonder what kind of demented teenager would rather stay in the car with mom than slapfight with her peers at the bus stop, but that doesn’t seem far-fetched to me. Maybe Tiffany would rather sit down than stand up. Maybe girl and mom are smack-talking the other kids. Who knows? I don’t see why the assumption is that mom is hovering. But she should probably turn off the engine. > [@April\_R](#): > > That’s what I don’t understand. If she really wants her kid to be in a car instead waiting for the bus why doesn’t she just drive her kids to school everyday? I thought the whole point of having to use the bus was because the parent had to work or something in the morning and can’t get the kids to school at the right time. That’s why I drive my kids to school, because I have a job where I can choose when I start and when I end my day and I have the ability to drive them to school. Otherwise they would have to use the bus and it would be out of necessity and I wouldn’t have the ability to sit in a car and watch them at the bus. If I was that woman’s daughter I would think my mom didn’t trust me to stand at the bus stop and not get lost. Okay, how do you know what her schedule is like? And since when did wanting to spend some time chatting with her kid in the car mean she has to go all or nothing? “Drive your kid all the way to school or GTFO.” Ridiculous. Also, you don’t know that that’s the _reason_ the kid in the car, but I already covered that. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/82 "2013-08-28T21:57:26Z")
> [@FuriousGeorge](#): > > I used to do that for my kids occasionally. It was a good time to get a few minutes of one on one conversation and make sure any last minute items were sorted before I headed off to work. > > I signed many forgotten parent consent forms, wrote many checks for school supplies, handed cash for lunch and helped with last minute homework problem in the half hour before their bus arrived. It was a good way to just get time without running around the house in the hectic confusion of everyone getting ready for their day. I like my kids. I enjoyed the few minutes of relative peace and calm and bonding. > > Shrug. Judge me if you must. You said you did this occasionally so I don’t see why you’re taking the OP so personally. He’s talking about someone who does this every single day. I also think that fact that she is also picked up after school is a huge clue. At least in the morning there is the excuse of the 1-on-1 time while they wait. In the afternoon Mom is waiting alone until the bus arrives, then they are in the car for the 20-second ride home. The mom could easily walk down to meet the bus and then talk on the walk home if that was really the reason. Then at least the driving aspect would be removed, which at least for me, is about 75% of the annoyance of these types of people. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/83 "2013-08-28T21:58:24Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > Suburbia tends to bring out the lunacy in certain people. You could substitute any human ecosphere for that first word. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/84 "2013-08-28T22:00:33Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > My oldest would probably be too old for yours. My last two would be jail-bait. The three in the middle… maybe we could find a match. > No, I mean that her whole day is planned for her. She probably doesn’t have \*time \*to walk a whole 200 feet without a coach or a referee timing her, or a medal on the line. > > As for all the other critiques - we \*know \*this family. Not well, but they’re not strangers, either. Our kids are connected to her in school. She’s a nice kid. If there is the slightest needs/health/real issue involved, they’ve managed to hide it for three years. > > I maintain that driving your teenager 200-250 feet every single school day and waiting with them in the car until the bus comes is somewhere between peculiar and obsessive. Five kids, huh. I guess that explains it; spread yourself a little too thin 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/85 "2013-08-28T22:06:39Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Five kids, huh. I guess that explains it; spread yourself a little too thin 😛 Count again, Worty. One oldest; two youngest; three in the middle. That makes…\* um, two, four, carry the one…\* six. 🙂 I could up the count by either two or three more if the definition was loosened to “kids I significantly helped raise.” The oldest of those has kids in high school. Very much a case of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stranger.” I mean, stronger. BTW, if I knew any likely reason for “Tiffany’s” chauffeurage, or couldn’t exclude most possible reasons, I never would have posted this in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/86 "2013-08-28T22:17:23Z")
The bus picks up my daughter in front of the next-door neighbor’s house. If it was any further I might her drive too. Mostly because I’m a lazy fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/87 "2013-08-28T22:56:24Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > This is not sensible, or defensible, behavior. However, Mrs. B. was sufficiently intrigued that she’s going to find a way to ask TiffMom about it next time they’re chatting at work. Thank god Mrs. B is there to goad her into trying to defend her personal choices so she can learn how indefensible they are. Whatever would anyone else in your neighborhood do if they didn’t have _perfection_ walking in their midst to learn from? ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/88 "2013-08-28T23:29:55Z")
> [@Lord\_Feldon](#): > > Thank god Mrs. B is there to goad her into trying to defend her personal choices so she can learn how indefensible they are. Whatever would anyone else in your neighborhood do if they didn’t have _perfection_ walking in their midst to learn from? going to ask her about it = goading her into defending her personal choices so she can see how indefensible they are??? How much glue do you sniff in an average day, and did you exceed that before posting? ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/89 "2013-08-28T23:38:51Z")
Well, you abrasive knuckle-draggers would certainly piss someone off asking such a question. I have every confidence that Mrs. B. can ask [a neighbor she knows moderately well and works closely with] an artfully indirect question that leaves TiffMom pleased she asked. It’s her interest. I didn’t tell/ask/suggest it. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2013, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/90 "2013-08-28T23:41:16Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > The bus picks up my daughter in front of the next-door neighbor’s house. If it was any further I might her drive too. > > Mostly because I’m a lazy fuck. YOU are a lazy fuck… so you’d drive your daughter a block to a bus stop instead of having her walk. Okayyy. Fascinating nature-v-nurture case. Keep us posted. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/91 "2013-08-29T00:30:21Z")
Maybe they’re stay at home moms who start the car every day so it doesn’t run down between weekly trips to the grocery store? Who cares, not your kid. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/92 "2013-08-29T02:14:24Z")
> [@storyteller0910](#): > > I think this “helicopter parent” thing has become an obstacle to useful discussion. It certainly exists: parents who control every aspect of their child’s life, refusing to allow their kids any measure of independence or responsibility. But people are so obsessed with “not being a helicopter parent” that they assign that label to things that don’t qualify by a thousand miles. There is helicopter parenting in this world. But spending ten minutes in the car with your kid before school is not equivalent to helicopter parenting, any more than not spending those ten minutes with your kid is equivalent to neglect. It gets damn close. To do it every school day, for such a short distance is either extremely lazy or paranoid. There really can’t be any other reason. And leaving the car on is just rude, as is blocking the road. > [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > I used to walk 20 miles to the bus stop, uphill each way, alone. You forgot “in the snow”! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![storyteller0910](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@storyteller0910](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/storyteller0910)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/93 "2013-08-29T02:21:04Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > It gets damn close. To do it every school day, for such a short distance is either extremely lazy or paranoid. There really can’t be any other reason. Throughout this thread I and others have discussed a possible “other reason:” that those few minutes in the car represent an opportunity for private conversation, discussion of the days plans, and just general undistracted one-on-one parent-child time that isn’t always easy to find. I noted that my own parents specifically drove me to school every day for exactly this reason. Did you not see those posts, or do you reject this reason? If the latter, why? ---
**Author:** ![chizzuk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e36b37/32.png) [@chizzuk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chizzuk)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/94 "2013-08-29T03:03:23Z")
I was driven to high school in the mornings because it was on my dad’s way to work and let me sleep later than the bus arrival time, but during the Beltway sniper shootings, my mom left work a few minutes early every day to make sure she was at the bus stop with the car when the bus arrived in the afternoons to drive me 1.5 blocks home. Some of the shootings were nearby (like 2-3 miles) and the shooting at the middle school was the last straw for her, and many other parents. Lots of parents were showing up to get their teenagers at the bus stop, and dropping off other kids on the way. Once they were caught, we all went back to walking. That was a bit of a weird circumstance, but one of my brother’s friends was driven to school every day despite living around the corner because his mother was afraid he’d be abducted or molested by someone in the bushes at the park. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/95 "2013-08-29T03:24:23Z")
I think many perfectly functioning families have the one thing (or two…) that they indulge their kids in. Maybe it’s too much TV on the weekends, or soda with dinner that your family would never do. Us? My kids slept with us whenever they wanted to and they never cried it out as babies. Other parents may have thought we were nuts, or “coddling” the kids but that was the thing I indulged my kids in. Sounds like the girl is a busy, involved kid with lots of activities going on. This may be the thing her family indulges in, for whatever reason that makes sense to them. Meh. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/96 "2013-08-29T03:32:21Z")
I drive my kid because she’s skeeved out by the guy who lives across the street from the bus stop. He’s there in his window every morning wearing nothing but a pair of polka dot boxer shorts and a horned viking helm like some kind of low rent Conan. Just standing there watching the kids and eating a hot pocket. I don’t think the guy even has a job - nothing professional, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/97 "2013-08-29T03:33:37Z")
Or it could be that the mom had a horrible experience at a bus stop as a child and refuses to let the same thing happen to her kid. When I was a kid I took the bus to and from school every day from 6th grade to 11th grade when I got my license and a car. On the bus I got hit, spit on, and forced to share seats with people who were incredibly mean to me. I got to overhear conversations about people doing drugs and how they were going to rape that girl from their english class after school. It was horrible. In 10th grade we got a new bus driver and I made it my mission to befriend him (he was a ROTC teacher at the school) so that I could get him to assign me a seat directly behind him. My husband’s experiences on the bus weren’t quite that bad but they were still pretty sucky. We’ve already discussed it and decided that out daughter will NEVER ride the bus to school a single day in her life. We have family and friends that have told us we’re nuts and that she will be missing out on a very important part of childhood but they can blow me. Any neighbors who complain about my daughter getting driven to school every day will be invited to mind their own damn business. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/98 "2013-08-29T04:19:59Z")
> [@storyteller0910](#): > > Throughout this thread I and others have discussed a possible “other reason:” that those few minutes in the car represent an opportunity for private conversation, discussion of the days plans, and just general undistracted one-on-one parent-child time that isn’t always easy to find. I noted that my own parents specifically drove me to school every day for exactly this reason. > > Did you not see those posts, or do you reject this reason? If the latter, why? Others have already reject those reasons. It’s one thing to drive a kid to school to get one-on-one time and it’s another to drive to a bus stop one can see from the house and then sitting there running the car. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/99 "2013-08-29T11:18:13Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > Others have already reject those reasons. It’s one thing to drive a kid to school to get one-on-one time and it’s another to drive to a bus stop one can see from the house and then sitting there running the car. In your vast parenting experience? If a parent says that’s what they’ve done, it’s pretty ludicrous to say no parent has ever done that. As a parent, whose kids’ bus stop was two houses over, this explanation seems perfectly credible. I’d drive my kids on cold or really rainy days and really enjoyed the time in the car chatting or signing to the radio. While that’s not why I drove them, I could see another parent choosing to carve out a bit of time together that way. The child might think its stupid, and it may not be the best idea, but I could absolutely envision a parent doing it. Just because someone in this thread “rejects” that explanation doesn’t magically make it impossible. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2013, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396/100 "2013-08-29T11:51:40Z")
> [@storyteller0910](#): > > Throughout this thread I and others have discussed a possible “other reason:” that those few minutes in the car represent an opportunity for private conversation, discussion of the days plans, and just general undistracted one-on-one parent-child time that isn’t always easy to find. I noted that my own parents specifically drove me to school every day for exactly this reason. > > Did you not see those posts, or do you reject this reason? If the latter, why? I believe the return trip is evidence enough to reject this reason. The mom sits for XX minutes in the car alone, and spends YY seconds driving the child back home. If the purpose is to spend time with the kid, the return pickup would be unnecessary. If it were raining or something, maybe I could see a pickup to spare the child a walk through the rain. Otherwise, it’s simply an indication that the parent doesn’t trust that the child can make it all the way to the bus stop and back by herself. There may be a good reason, bullying would be a prime candidate, but of course, you’re still letting the kid on the bus with the bully, so maybe that’s not such great reasoning. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-obsessive-parent-neighbor/667396.md?page=6)