# I pit my own heterosexuality. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 4, 2004, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148 "2004-09-04T22:15:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/21 "2004-09-05T14:41:37Z")
> [@Agent Foxtrot](#): > > I thought **lissener** meant that I was inexperienced in general. I get it now. :eek: > > Adam Why do I see this thread inexorably moving towards the “TMI” category? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/22 "2004-09-05T14:52:41Z")
This one time, in band camp ---
**Author:** ![Estilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2004, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/23 "2004-09-05T17:00:00Z")
> [@moriah](#): > > Now, if you were gay, you’d have the social skill and the emotional sensitivity to pick up on a woman’s subtle hints. So, all you’d have to do to get women is become gay. > > Simple. Catch 22 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/24 "2004-09-06T03:28:14Z")
Don’t worry, **Agent Foxtrot**. My husband used to help his uncle DJ at a local gay and lesbian bar, and he had lots of guys try to pick him up all the time. His luck with girls? about the same as yours. He hadn’t seen anyone for 3 years before he met me. Let me guess, are you built kind of lean? Not skinny, but lean with some muscle? My husband’s like that, and for some reason a lot of gay guys find that build _irresitsible_ . But chin up - a lot of girls do, too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/25 "2004-09-06T04:22:41Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > BINGO! > > That’s how I’m reading it, too. Also, just to be sure nobody reads anything into this: I’M NOT GAY! Do I _need_ to remind you of the Johnny Depp/Brad Pitt sammich thing? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/26 "2004-09-06T04:29:16Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > Do I _need_ to remind you of the Johnny Depp/Brad Pitt sammich thing? 😉 It’s too damn sultry in here, God damn it! I’ll just reach down, between my legs… ease the seat back. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/27 "2004-09-06T13:18:32Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > You are obviously, like me and many other culturally and culinarily capable men, one of the Lost Crane Brothers\*. Join us. How many are in the club now then? ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/28 "2004-09-06T13:35:31Z")
> [@Agent Foxtrot](#): > > Thank you for the link, **dreamer** , but it led to little more than a teaser for a “get the girl immediately” scheme as well as links to penis enlargement materials. In any event, I appreciate your search. > > Adam It’s one thing to not get a hint, but you apparently miss things when they are told to you directly and simply – your problem may be more extensive than you imagine. I visited that link too. Along with the ads you cite, it specifically said, “This is how to tell if a girl likes you … when standing next to her, slowly and subtly invade her personal space. If she is relaxed and welcoming about it, she likes and trusts you, if she backs away or leaves she isn’t.” You may or may not think this method works … I strongly suspect it does … but argue the method, not the ads on the page. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/29 "2004-09-06T13:55:09Z")
“I can’t understand why more people aren’t bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.” - Woody Allen ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/30 "2004-09-06T15:04:24Z")
Agent Foxtrot, what you need is one of those “how to flirt” things. That way you’ll know if someone is flirting with you, and how to respond properly. I doubt you’re not getting interest, I just think you don’t know when you are! For some people flirting is as natural as breathing, for others it’s more of a painting-by-numbers, tried and tested approach. The trick is to go nice and slowly. Start with looks and smiles, if they’re returned move on to conversation. Something like “I love (or hate, depending on how bored she looks) this place/band/song, don’t you?” or “Can I buy you one of whatever you’re drinking?” works better than the cheesier lines. If the conversation goes well, mirror her movements, move closer, and turn the conversation to more personal topics. Then you could either ask her to dance, make another date, or take her home, depending on circumstances. Worst case scenario, you have a brief conversation, and find one more person in the world who is not your soulmate. Best case scenario, you find someone who is. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/31 "2004-09-06T15:43:11Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > How many are in the club now then? Me and **jjimm** thus far, but there are more of us out there – I can sense it… ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/32 "2004-09-06T16:09:24Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Me and **jjimm** thus far, but there are more of us out there – I can sense it… You’d be right. I’d have to add my other half to your list as well. ---
**Author:** ![akwally1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/akwally1/32/3220_2.png) [@akwally1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akwally1)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/33 "2004-09-06T18:09:36Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Me and **jjimm** thus far, but there are more of us out there – I can sense it… I wonder if I could qualify. My wife’s best friend (gay) commented to her after our first meeting, “Wow, he’s pretty sensitive for a straight guy.” One of the nicest compliments I’ve ever had. I also do all of the cooking at home. Hell, maybe I am gay. Sorry honey. 🙂 Wally ---
**Author:** ![MelCthefirst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@MelCthefirst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MelCthefirst)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/34 "2004-09-06T21:46:05Z")
Instead of trying to work out who is flirting with you (remember some girls flirt all the time and it doesn’t mean they are attracted to you), look around and decide who you’d like to talk to, then approach them. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/35 "2004-09-06T22:13:38Z")
Here is another thing to try… Don’t try. Maybe you are trying to hard, and it puts people off? A lot of things happen when you are not looking. Just go out, relax, have a good time. You will be more comfortable, and that makes the people around you more comfortable and approachable. As for me, I hooked up only after I quit trying, and now we’ve been together over 20 years. Oh, yeah, we are both “culinary capable” so to speak 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2004, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148/36 "2004-09-06T22:30:19Z")
From freshman year of high school until I turned 30, my best friend was a lesbian. (I’m pretty sure she’s _still_ a lesbian, she’s just not my best friend anymore. 😃 ) Anyway, she was never comfortable in straight bars but I had no problem with gay bars, so that’s where I spent a good deal of my 20s. What I noticed was that the women who hit on me were generally _much_ better-looking than the men in straight bars who would hit on me. My friend and I could never figure that out: it’s like with women, I was in a whole other league or something. It was a little frustrating (“_please_ tell me that you have a straight twin brother with the same taste in women…”), but mostly fun. Because I spent so much time in the community, I got used to bars being places where I would go to drink, hang out with friends, maybe shoot some pool, and dance. So when I’d go to straight bars with other straight women, they were almost always ‘on the make’ and I’d get real bored real fast. I’m still that way with bars, actually: I go to drink and talk with my friends, not to hook up. Not that I don’t enjoy meeting new people, it’s just not why I’m there. I kinda miss the community, actually. ☹ What with moving out of state 6 years ago and breaking up with that best friend 3 years ago, I find myself with no gay friends for the first time since grade school. There were times in my life when the community _was_ my life, so it’s kinda weird to suddenly have no natural connection to it anymore. Oh well… _{shrug}_ Oh, and I agree with **MelCthefirst** ’s advice. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-own-heterosexuality/263148.md?page=1)