# I pit my petty, passive-aggressive, occasionally confrontational, bigoted satanspawn of a roommate. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 29, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741 "2010-12-29T20:02:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/81 "2010-12-30T16:05:38Z")
> [@Starving\_Artist](#): > > Sounds to me like a territory thing. You have use of the rooms in her house but not the right to decorate them. She probably feels you are encroaching on what is rightfully her territory, and by taking the photo down and putting it in your room she is trying to tell you that. > > And frankly, I can see her point of view. If I were to rent a room in my house with the understanding that the tenant could use the kitchen, the den, whatever, I would in no way feel I was giving him or her permission to hang up pictures, display photos, put out flowers, move or add to the furnishings, etc. > > You seem to think your lease agreement puts you on an equal 50/50 footing with the woman who owns the house, and it doesn’t. It simply gives you a room to call your own plus use of the bath and kitchen facilities, etc. I think you owe this woman an apology and assurances that you will respect the fact that the house belongs to her, and that henceforth you will treat her home outside your room as though you were a guest - which is likely what she expected to begin with and what I think most reasonable people would expect also. > > Plus, you might find that by doing this and then asking her permission should you want to place a personal item somewhere outside your room, you will find her more amenable to the idea. People can be much more agreeable when they are asked for permission first, and truly it is her house and her rightful place to decide what permission to give (or withhold). I don’t get to say this often, but I 100% agree with **Starving Artist**. Here, man - have a sandwich, you’re skin and bones. Just … don’t eat it in your own bedroom, kthxbye. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/82 "2010-12-30T16:06:42Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Well, yeah. That is the type of response you give to people aren’t really trying to help and just wanted to get a cheap shot in. It aggravates them. It’s fun to aggravate the trolls. > > And it’s not like you generally know how to work out problems: you like to hold grudges even when people apologize. And the grudge can be about their actual personality, and nothing they actually did to you. > > You constantly make a big deal out of little things. Heck, apparently Rachel’s existence on this board causes you ire. Save your cute little flames for yourself. Oh Jaysus, **BigTard**. Taking advice from you about ANYTHING other than how to stay at home with your parents and get overly invested in a messageboard is worthless beyond measure so you’ll pardon me if I don’t give a shit what you think. Constantly make a big deal out of little things? Rachel’s existence causes me ire? Holding grudges? I rarely post in the Pit so I’m going to assume this is something mental with you (shocking!) and let you work that out on your own. But here’s a free tip: THIS IS THE PIT. As much as you like to hang out here and cry that people are MEAN MEAN MEAN, when someone posts something ridiculous and pretends to be the righteous victim sometimes they get called on it. The OP has posted a shit-ton of her problems on this board (no wonder you’re a kindred spirit) and then makes a huge deal about this? She’s broke, has a job that doesn’t pay her enough to live, health issues, can’t pay her student loans for her education she didn’t finish, is contemplating calling out her father for being an evil fucktard to her, and has terrible credit on her way into her late 20s and _this_ is the battle she won’t give up on? Why, she’d rather die! Still, with all of the other people telling her to give it up and get over it I am honored you decided to point your butter-knife-dull wit my way and honor me with one of your whiny comments. Now, piss off. > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Where the fuck do you live that you have “application fees”? _Japan?_ To be fair, both cities I have lived in (different parts of the country) have had application fees for apartments. Now, I haven’t lived in an apartment for several years now so it could have changed. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/83 "2010-12-30T16:07:07Z")
Those fees are very common in Southern California. They call them everything from app fees to credit check fees. In reality Rachel, they are looking for people with unlawful detainer actions and suits from landlords, etc. They could care less if you’re a little late on your wireless bill. ---
**Author:** ![Fiveroptic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiveroptic/32/8257_2.png) [@Fiveroptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiveroptic)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/84 "2010-12-30T16:13:41Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Where the fuck do you live that you have “application fees”? _Japan?_ Detroit area for me. When I was looking for an apartment last summer, nearly every place that advertised required an application fee. The thing is, you know whether or not you want to rent a place after looking at it, and you’ve also talked to the management company about income requirements or other things which would disallow you from renting from them. So yes, application fees are very real, but usually a formality after you already know that you’ll be signing a lease. And even then the fee is deducted from the security deposit. It’s a non-issue. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/85 "2010-12-30T16:38:20Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > When you keep hiding the picture (4 times to date) without saying a word, that is textbook passive-aggression. And then you removed the picture from the fridge and threw it into my room. This is the point at which I would have said to myself, “Huh. This is pretty passive-aggressive. She might also have a problem with Sis being a lesbian. I don’t want to live with someone like that; guess I’ll start looking for someplace to move in April.” Then I would have dropped the matter entirely and quietly started apartment-shopping. > [@rachelellogram](#): > > Oh, hell no. It’s back on the fridge and it’s going to stay there. But you chose to draw a line in the sand and I can’t picture it ending well for you. > [@rachelellogram](#): > > You will not win this fight. Depends. How do you define “win” here? Will you win by putting the photo on the fridge one more time than she takes it down (and getting pissed off all over again every time)? Okay, congratulations, but that’s kind of a hollow victory, don’t you think? You need to face the fact that you’re living in someone else’s house. And if that someone says “I don’t want you putting stuff on the fridge,” whether it’s in writing or not, I don’t see the point in making waves over it. It does sound like the fridge battle is a symptom of some larger issues. Trying to out-bitch each other is not productive in the short or long run. You’ll “win” by making the next four months as tolerable as possible, finding new living arrangements, and telling your landlord – calmly and factually – why you didn’t renew your lease as you walk out the door for the last time. **rach** , I’ve grown to like you since you’ve been here. You’re intelligent and have an interesting way of expressing yourself (except for the uncharacteristic use of some text-speak (umad?) in this thread). But – and I say this out of kindness, I hope you realize – you can stand to grow up a bit. Living on your own, even if a cheap, crappy apartment is all you can afford, might help you do that. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/86 "2010-12-30T16:47:03Z")
You have to find out if the roommate is a bigot for certain. Put up a picture of a straight couple, or of a single person, and see if she takes action on that picture as well. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/87 "2010-12-30T16:55:39Z")
> [@marshmallow](#): > > Why are you having a drama filled meltdown over a picture? Am I missing something? Yes. What you’re missing is rachel is retarded. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/88 "2010-12-30T17:11:57Z")
She’s also worried about being laid off, and presumably losing her income, and one might expect, her ability to continue paying rent, thus potentially forcing her to make a choice to move back in with family members… OP, in post #13, you mention a third person in the home, also renting. Does this person have anything hanging on the refrigerator? Also: have you spoken with this third person about the issue, and gotten her take on it (as someone who’s actually there, she might be in a better position than we are to comment on “the big picture,” as it were). ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/89 "2010-12-30T17:20:02Z")
**rachelellogram** , if you were renting out part of your house to someone else and she put up a picture on your fridge without asking, you might find it presumtuous and annoying. Maybe you’d do a better job of dealing with it than she has (like just asking her not to, or saying she should ask next time), but it’s not your house and you don’t have some kind of right to treat it like it is. I’d be annoyed if my roommate/landlady didn’t communicate with me about something like this, but it doesn’t invalidate the issue, and the fact that you’ve jumped to these extraneous conclusions about her is not going to help you resolve this conflict. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/90 "2010-12-30T17:27:42Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Those fees are very common in Southern California. They call them everything from app fees to credit check fees. > [@Fiveroptic](#): > > Detroit area for me. When I was looking for an apartment last summer, nearly every place that advertised required an application fee. Now that I think about it, I’m not so sure I haven’t had them in the past, too. But it’s always some really negligible amount, and like others have said, by the time you’re paying the fee for the credit check or whathaveyou, you’re pretty much a lock for the apartment unless it turns out you have, in fact, been lying about (or at least covering up) your past renting history. > [@Wheelz](#): > > (except for the uncharacteristic use of some text-speak (umad?) in this thread) I wouldn’t call that text-speak. “lolumadbro” is pretty classic internet/gamer mocking. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yes. What you’re missing is rachel is retarded. On the plus side, I think I’m finally convinced that she’s not a \*\*Morella \*\*sock. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/91 "2010-12-30T17:34:33Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yes. What you’re missing is rachel is retarded. I just snorted hot tea out my nose. I hope you’re happy. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/92 "2010-12-30T17:58:57Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > I’m not sure what third world country you’re referring to, but America doesn’t work this way. Throwing my shit out of the house and changing the locks would be a straight ticket to the courthouse, with damages and penalties for breaking the lease early and making me homeless (and losing me my job, et fucking cetera). As someone who very recently went through a lot of taking a landlord to court drama I can tell you there is a good chance you won’t get shit from a judge. Or you might win a case but it will probably take a year or so of your time to deal with and probably isn’t worth it. Read my threads about my landlord issues before you decide yours is so horrible and you might find that a simple picture on the fridge issue is not that big of a deal. While it surely sucks that she doesn’t want you to put up a picture it could be much, much, much, much worse. [Going to Court](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=569429&highlight=landlord) [Mosquito Problem](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=565378&highlight=landlord) ---
**Author:** ![Walmarticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Walmarticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walmarticus)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/93 "2010-12-30T18:06:42Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yes. What you’re missing is rachel is retarded. What if Jerry Lewis heard you talking like that? ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/94 "2010-12-30T18:12:24Z")
> [@Walmarticus](#): > > What if Jerry Lewis heard you talking like that? **MeanOldLaaaaaaaady**!! ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/95 "2010-12-30T18:14:41Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > I just snorted hot tea out my nose. > > I hope you’re happy. Yes. > [@Walmarticus](#): > > What if Jerry Lewis heard you talking like that? You’re right; I should have referred to her as “fucking retarded,” but I thought that might have been offensive, or too harsh. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/96 "2010-12-30T18:18:20Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Yes. What you’re missing is rachel is retarded. utard? ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/97 "2010-12-30T18:20:18Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > **MeanOldLaaaaaaaady**!! Win. So full of win. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/98 "2010-12-30T18:23:14Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > utard? Um, yes? itardbro? No, wait. No. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/99 "2010-12-30T18:31:41Z")
> [@Walmarticus](#): > > What if Jerry Lewis heard you talking like that? Then it would be on like tron? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/100 "2010-12-30T18:35:25Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > itardbro? Coming Spring 2011 from Apple. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741.md?page=6)