# I pit my petty, passive-aggressive, occasionally confrontational, bigoted satanspawn of a roommate. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 29, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741 "2010-12-29T20:02:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/101 "2010-12-30T18:35:35Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > Read the whole thread. This is not the case. I have written her a note and sent her an email without getting a response. I am not negligent in expressing my desire for her to stop the bullshit. > …snip… > > She has not had a problem in the past bringing up when even something relatively minor is bothering her. That is what leads me to believe she has a nefarious reason for saying nothing now. I am uncomfortable with verbal confrontation, but she has not been afaik. What I said was you haven’t _ **communicated.** _, not that she hasn’t verbally told you things. As to why she’s silent on this thing, when she’s been verbal with other complaints, I don’t know. It is possible that she’s simply gotten to the point where she’s not wanting to bring it up in person any longer. I don’t know her, but it sounds as if you are assuming an awful lot based upon her silence. There is an obvious personality clash or underlying issue here. If she was that snotty about little things in the past, then this is just a continuation of that. It doesn’t sound as if you two have ever really talked. And I don’t mean her saying “close the shower curtain”. I mean deep down talked about the real issue, or issues between you two. You’re totally within your rights to hate her and hate this situation of course, but you are making an assumption that her actions are because she’s bigoted. Who knows, she may be, but it’s just as possible that she had you sign the lease, and then realized “hey, wait a minute, I’m not really all that fond of this person, I’m uncomfortable with them here” and she’s just too immature to figure out how to get out of it in an intelligent way. Hence the need to actually have a real clearing of the air. That’s what I meant by communicate. The point it, making this a huge battle may or may not be the right thing to do, but it’s not going to be the logical or intelligent thing to do, and it could end badly for you. Hopefully this weekend you can both sit down and hash things out. Best of luck. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/102 "2010-12-30T18:39:14Z")
Huh. I rent out rooms in my house and I am very clear in the lease that they are renting a ROOM. They have access and usage to the rest of the house (obviously), but everything is explicity stated that they are renting _rooms_, not my whole house. And that’s the thing: I have great relationships with my roommates and everything is lovely (I have a very low turn over of folks, too, so it can’t be that bad), but I would be pissed off if they went around messing with my shit in the rest of the house that isn’t theirs. Yes, use the kitchen, but don’t fuck with my shit. Well, that sounds more harsh than I intend-- by all means, use some stuff in the kitchen I have that you don’t, watch the big living room TV, play my Wii- that’s fine, just leave my shit how you found it. That’s bomb for you that you’ve got Christmas cards, but they go in your room, not in the rest of my house. Just like you wouldn’t like if I went and decorated _your room_ with my Christmas cards, I don’t appreciate you decorating _my rooms_ with your Christmas cards. That’s the key: you have one room and it is yours, the rest are hers. That’s why you’re renting a room and not a house. If you acted like a big ol’ bitch and kept dirtying up my house with your crap, we would have a problem indeed. Granted, I wouldn’t do shit like cover your sister’s face, but I’d probably mention it to you politely once (“Oh, hey! You seem to have left your cards downstairs! I’d hate for the house keeper to accidentally toss them, so here you go!”) , but yeah. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/103 "2010-12-30T18:42:04Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > I had to make a decision in less than a week when I moved out of my last place so I couldn’t afford to be choosy. Which incidentally is the last time I’ll ever do a verbal lease agreement. I want my 30 days legally required notice in the state of IL, please. THAT guy I could have taken to court (he was trying to jack up rent with a weeks’ notice) but I was already unhappy enough that I preferred to just get the hell out of dodge. And this place is even cheaper than I was paying there. > > It is hella cheap. It’s also fairly inconvenient. But my credit is not in the best shape, so I don’t know if I want to apply to rent from a company. They usually charge an application fee and I’d hate to waste it just to get turned down. Not that I know whether I would or would not. But approval would not be guaranteed. Heh…my credit is dreadful thanks to the fact that I’m a homeowner, have a car payment and some credit cards, and it’s got my debt to income (or income to debt, whatever) in a pretty bad spot percentage wise. I don’t think they expect a stellar credit rating at apartment complexes, because when I moved from Alaska and had to find a place, they rented to me sight unseen based on my credit check. Sometimes, no low or no credit is looked at as worse than a fair or middling credit rating. A way to find out is to apply for credit somewhere, you get a free credit check. Or you can do the [freecrditreport.com](http://freecrditreport.com) thing, but keep a SHARP eye on it, they automatically sign you up and charge you 15 bucks a month after your free 3 months or whatever, and it’s like pulling hens’ teeth to get out of too. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/104 "2010-12-30T18:44:40Z")
That’s why you shouldn’t use that service. There’s a real one that doesn’t pull you into that crap. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/105 "2010-12-30T18:51:00Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > …but I would be pissed off if they went around messing with my shit in the rest of the house > > …Yes, use the kitchen, but don’t fuck with my shit. > > … just leave my shit how you found it. > > …If you acted like a big ol’ bitch and kept dirtying up my house with your crap, we would have a problem indeed. /snip,snip,snip… I’ll bet you keep the windows open all year. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/106 "2010-12-30T18:55:00Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > I’ll bet you keep the windows open all year. 😉 I have a lot of plants around. IDK how else I’m supposed to keep them fertilized, but if you’ve got some idea, I’m happy to hear it ;). jk. Like I can keep a plant alive. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/107 "2010-12-30T18:57:52Z")
I’m out of ideas. Other than a shitfest, but you’ve covered that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/108 "2010-12-30T19:00:00Z")
To eleventyfirst most of the advice here it’s probably best to ignore it and sounds like a veritable straw/camel deal. That said I am absolutely a horrible person as the complaints and drama arising out of failure to take this advice makes me smile. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/109 "2010-12-30T19:02:23Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > It’s not a very good lease. She’s not a property manager. Just a page long of agreements. There is no instant kick-out clause (wtf are you smoking?). Even if I did something to violate the lease contract, the only way to remove me is to provide me with a month of written notice. And vice versa on me providing it to her. > lmao, are you fucking serious? It’s a binding legal contract, not a piece of toilet paper. > I’m not sure what third world country you’re referring to, but America doesn’t work this way. Throwing my shit out of the house and changing the locks would be a straight ticket to the courthouse, with damages and penalties for breaking the lease early and making me homeless (and losing me my job, et fucking cetera). > > boi, u crazay **rachelellogram** , I think you have a misguided sense of entitlement. The world is not fair. The house belongs to your landlord. I don’t care if your lease was etched in granite by the Almighty Himself… she’s going to get her way in the end because it’s her house. Yes, she _can_ throw your stuff out on the street and change the locks. Yes you can take her to court, but can you afford to give up that time and money? Lawyers fees and court costs will probably amount to more than your aggregate rent until April. How would you feel if she posted a picture of herself naked on the fridge? Would you be okay with it? Pick your battles. This is one you won’t win. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/110 "2010-12-30T19:04:02Z")
I keep thinking that just maybe its one of those situations where the slippery picture can’t quite be held up properly by the crappy fridge magnet and the damn thing keeps falling off. So, the homeowner keeps putting it back up carelessly and finally just innocently tosses it the OP’s room because she is tired of it constantly falling off… ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/111 "2010-12-30T19:18:32Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > That’s why you shouldn’t use that service. There’s a real one that doesn’t pull you into that crap. Yes, lessons learned. To clarify a bit, they didn’t try to be sneaky or deny my right to stop service like I’ve heard some others complain about other types of services here, and they do provide an actual service, but the phone call was ridiculously long and annoying. And whiny on their part too! “but whyyyeeee don’t you want us anymore…but what if we offer this? or That? you’ll be sooorreeeeeeeeee” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/112 "2010-12-30T19:19:22Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > How would you feel if she posted a picture of herself naked on the fridge? Would you be okay with it? > > Pick your battles. This is one you won’t win. That’s not even analogous. It’s more like: how would you feel if she went into your bedroom and stuck a picture of her family up? You’d just leave it, because after all, that’s what good roomies do, yes? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/113 "2010-12-30T19:27:09Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > **rachelellogram** , I think you have a misguided sense of entitlement. The world is not fair. The house belongs to your landlord. I don’t care if your lease was etched in granite by the Almighty Himself… she’s going to get her way in the end because it’s her house. > > Yes, she _can_ throw your stuff out on the street and change the locks. Yes you can take her to court, but can you afford to give up that time and money? Lawyers fees and court costs will probably amount to more than your aggregate rent until April. > > How would you feel if she posted a picture of herself naked on the fridge? Would you be okay with it? > > Pick your battles. This is one you won’t win. I’m glad I’m not the only one that was thinking this. I also think you might be a touch naive Rachel, if you think the laws of your jurisdiction will protect you from petty vindictiveness. Really - if your landlady decides to take the picture and shred it what are you going to do? If you start messing with her stuff she can probably get you out in 72 hours and then Bye-bye cheap rent, hello Living with mom. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/114 "2010-12-30T19:35:16Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > That’s not even analogous. It’s more like: how would you feel if she went into your bedroom and stuck a picture of her family up? You’d just leave it, because after all, that’s what good roomies do, yes? Sure it’s analogous. The OP was implying that her roommate/landlord doesn’t like the picture because she’s homophobic. Barring some misunderstanding like **billfish678** suggested, the picture is obviously offensive to her roommate/landlord. I was just trying to put the OP in her shoes. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/115 "2010-12-30T19:36:14Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > Sure it’s analogous. The OP was implying that her roommate/landlord doesn’t like the picture because she’s homophobic. Barring some misunderstanding like **billfish678** suggested, the picture is obviously offensive to her roommate/landlord. I was just trying to put the OP in her shoes. I don’t know if it’s obviously the case that the content of the photo was offensive to the landlord- like I said, for me, the mere existence of it in my portion of the home would be bothersome (idk if I’d go so far as to say offensive, though). ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/116 "2010-12-30T19:47:39Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > . . . . but I would be pissed off if they went around messing with my shit in the rest of the house that isn’t theirs. Yes, use the kitchen, but don’t fuck with my shit. Well, that sounds more harsh than I intend-- by all means, use some stuff in the kitchen I have that you don’t, watch the big living room TV, play my Wii- that’s fine, just leave my shit how you found it. That’s bomb for you that you’ve got Christmas cards, but they go in your room, not in the rest of my house. Just like you wouldn’t like if I went and decorated _your room_ with my Christmas cards, I don’t appreciate you decorating _my rooms_ with your Christmas cards. but how would you feel if they moved your cinderblock? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/117 "2010-12-30T19:49:04Z")
> [@descamisado](#): > > but how would you feel if they moved your cinderblock? Well, if they do that, then the trailer is just going to fall over and none of us will have anywhere to live. That’d be super dumb. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/118 "2010-12-30T19:56:02Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I don’t get to say this often, but I 100% agree with **Starving Artist**. Here, man - have a sandwich, you’re skin and bones. Just … don’t eat it in your own bedroom, kthxbye. Thanks. 🙂 Mmm…turkey! ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/119 "2010-12-30T19:57:11Z")
You wanna know how to get your roomate? She pulls a knife, you pull a gun. She sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of hers to the morgue. That’s the roomate way. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741/120 "2010-12-30T21:07:04Z")
You know what I can’t believe? That’s you’re paying fucking [$450/month](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13199114&postcount=21) for this place. Either cost of living truly is obscene wherever you are ([somewhere around Chicago](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13081071&postcount=8), it sounds like), or you are truly \*terrible \*at apartment-hunting. I know you’re theoretically stuck in the current place until April, but I would suggest that you start asking around the board to see if anybody can suggest a better option: neighborhoods, companies, even specific buildings. We have a \*lot \*of Chicago-area Dopers, so I bet there would be plenty of people who can suggest areas that are cheap but still pretty safe. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-petty-passive-aggressive-occasionally-confrontational-bigoted-satanspawn-of-a-roommate/565741.md?page=7)