# I pit my religious upbringing for the sexual damage it's caused **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 14, 2012, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981 "2012-12-14T01:18:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/21 "2012-12-14T04:18:45Z")
To repeat: > [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > I have an _sneering_ sense of _overwhelming_ superiority. > [@Kolga](#): > > Christ jesus on a fucking pogo stick, people around here suck assholes sometimes in their attempts to be so goddamned Asperger’s that they give Sheldon Cooper a run for his money. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/22 "2012-12-14T04:21:35Z")
Aha, a Blitzer! Watch it Bandit. She’s going to stick to you till you lose it completely and before you know it, poof! Instaban. ---
**Author:** ![pikey\_pete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pikey\_pete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pikey_pete)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/23 "2012-12-14T04:30:02Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > Christ jesus on a fucking pogo stick, people around here suck assholes sometimes in their attempts to be so goddamned Asperger’s that they give Sheldon Cooper a run for his money. according to the DSM-V…there is no such thing as Asperger’s. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/24 "2012-12-14T04:32:13Z")
> [@pikey\_pete](#): > > according to the DSM-V…there is no such thing as Asperger’s. Since that’s not out yet, I’m choosing to rely on what’s currently available. ---
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/25 "2012-12-14T04:38:49Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > Thank you for feeling the need to post such strutting male privilege in this thread in order to determine your lack of giving a fuck. It’s obvious to me that some (maybe not all) of the haters in this thread have a religious background of their own that they are feeling defensive about, and that’s what’s really motivating them. I’ve seen that kind of reaction before on topics like this. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/26 "2012-12-14T05:36:46Z")
I can only offer this: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/fn4i8bAfnMY/hqdefault.jpg "Marvin Gaye - Sexual Healing - Extended Version") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn4i8bAfnMY) Abstinence is to sexual education what anorexia is to diet education. ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/27 "2012-12-14T06:09:03Z")
When you find the right guy (if that’s what you’re after), the condition of your vagina will not be an issue for him. It may even be a bonus. Once you find a guy you may want to stay with, get to know him REALLY well. If you’ve done a good job of vetting your man, your physical and emotional issues about sex and/or your vagina may already be resolved. Any guy worth your time will be understanding, and will help you along the path to what makes you happy. Don’t settle for less. ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/28 "2012-12-14T06:34:27Z")
> [@Darth\_Panda](#): > > I can only offer this: > > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn4i8bAfnMY](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn4i8bAfnMY) > > Abstinence is to sexual education what anorexia is to diet education. This may not be worded right (and is confusing the OP.) There’s a difference between sex education and sex training 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/29 "2012-12-14T07:41:17Z")
> [@the\_diego](#): > > This may not be worded right (and is confusing the OP.) There’s a difference between sex education and sex training 😃 Is there any chance at all that you’ll finally shut the fuck up and go away soon? ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/30 "2012-12-14T08:09:12Z")
> [@dnooman](#): > > When you find the right guy (if that’s what you’re after), the condition of your vagina will not be an issue for him. It may even be a bonus. > > Once you find a guy you may want to stay with, get to know him REALLY well. If you’ve done a good job of vetting your man, your physical and emotional issues about sex and/or your vagina may already be resolved. > > Any guy worth your time will be understanding, and will help you along the path to what makes you happy. Don’t settle for less. So you think that a good boyfriend is all she needs to straighten her head out… …And it will be a bonus for him that her vagina hurts during sex? 😕 yeah i am not so sure about this advice ---
**Author:** ![the\_diego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/31 "2012-12-14T08:22:56Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Is there any chance at all that you’ll finally shut the fuck up and go away soon? Why anything you say! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/32 "2012-12-14T08:38:32Z")
Just coming in here with sympathy for the OP - would muscle relaxants (aka booze) in the right relaxing atmosphere (music, soft lighting, rose petals, an attractive considerate lover) help? If so, I can help with the booze 😉 And this reminded me of you: [They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you.](http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/178055) Best wishes for the future, now that you know what you’re dealing with, you can hopefully find a solution. ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/33 "2012-12-14T10:22:23Z")
> [@dnooman](#): > > When you find the right guy (if that’s what you’re after), the condition of your vagina will not be an issue for him. It may even be a bonus. > [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#): > > Just coming in here with sympathy for the OP - would muscle relaxants (aka booze) in the right relaxing atmosphere (music, soft lighting, rose petals, an attractive considerate lover) help? If so, I can help with the booze 😉 As someone that has been together with someone with this condition (I hadn’t heard about it until she told me) … no. She’s on the right track with exercises and the dilation kits, but therapy is also recommended. As her male partner all I could do is be understanding and supportive. And wait. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/34 "2012-12-14T11:17:07Z")
I’m pitting religion with you, OP! Can we also pit your moronic gynaecologist who didn’t pick up on anything unusual when they saw you were in pain? WTF? I’ve heard of vaginismus, someone who specialises in vaginas hasn’t?! ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/35 "2012-12-14T12:02:28Z")
Wow, I’m kind of surprised by the response this has gotten. I’m grateful for all the support, but I really expected more assholes and threadshitting. At least, that’s what I was bracing myself for, because you can’t really post a topic in the pit and not expect a few assholes to drop in. Anyways, since many of you have asked about my boyfriend: I have an amazing boyfriend who appreciates me in all ways, including sexually. We waited nearly two months into our relationship to have sex, and he appreciated the wait because he’s not a fan of casual sex. He also even appreciates my discomfort to a small extent, because he views it as a challenge and likes a challenge. And in his defense, he has given me the best sex of my life, and while it is still sometimes uncomfortable, it is at other times mind-blowingly wonderful. We have run into some problems with him being frustrated at how he can’t figure out how to turn me on, or he can’t figure out why I don’t seem to be enjoying it. He’ll moan, “The exact same thing that got you screaming last week won’t even elicit a response this week. I don’t get it! What am I doing wrong?” We’ve had to have a few conversations about how he shouldn’t blame himself if I’m not enjoying it, and in fact, when he gets too hard in himself it makes things worse, because I tense up with the added pressure to perform. He’s very kind when I indicate to stop, that it’s not feeling good, but I can tell there’s a part of him that still blames himself. (Although he also gets to claim the distinction of turning me on better than any previous man has.) When I read about this condition last night, I immediately called him, because it really pains me to see him blame himself for something that I don’t think is even slightly his fault. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/36 "2012-12-14T12:46:10Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > We have run into some problems with him being frustrated at how he can’t figure out how to turn me on, or he can’t figure out why I don’t seem to be enjoying it. He’ll moan, “The exact same thing that got you screaming last week won’t even elicit a response this week. I don’t get it! What am I doing wrong?” This certainly isn’t an unusual problem, even with woman without the issues you face. It wouldn’t be a challenge if things worked the same every time. And, to paraphrase previous posts, hie thee to a sympathetic gynecologist. Vaginismus can have physical aspects which may need to be addressed in addition to possible psychological causes. Si ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/37 "2012-12-14T13:03:59Z")
> [@si\_blakely](#): > > This certainly isn’t an unusual problem, even with woman without the issues you face. It wouldn’t be a challenge if things worked the same every time. Seconded. Tori Amos [sings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ekt2QadVIDo#t=2m14s) “so you can make me come, that doesn’t make you Jesus” and every time I hear it I think: actually, if there is anything that makes anybody Jesus, that is probably it. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/38 "2012-12-14T13:58:44Z")
**Wind,** [this](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyspareunia) may help, I don’t really know IANAMD. This article says as many as 1 out of 5 suffer the same. I hope you resolve this. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/39 "2012-12-14T14:05:00Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > **Wind,** [this](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyspareunia) may help, I don’t really know IANAMD. This article says as many as 1 out of 5 suffer the same. > I hope you resolve this. Thanks **Morgenstern** , that’s very interesting and perhaps more appropriate as well. Some of what I read about vaginismus seemed to indicate that the condition made penetration nearly impossible, which sounded more severe and dramatic than what I’ve experienced. This looks like it could be a more accurate armchair diagnosis. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/40 "2012-12-14T14:11:25Z")
I have had similar problems with my parents, though thankfully not to the extent you did. I just wanted to post and let you know you are not alone out there. In my case I couldn’t relax enough to orgasm. When I was a teen I thought those little flutters I was getting were orgasms, but in my twenties I got a magic wand and I found I’d been very very wrong. I do recommend the magic wand. People are always uttering bullshit about how it’ll make you not want your partner. It did exactly the opposite for me - it relaxed me enough that I could orgasm, and then since I did, I wanted to have sex more, and eventually was even able to orgasm during sex. Now I know we’re not supposed to have helpful constructive advice in the Pit, so I’ll just say: bite me, **the\_diego**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981.md?page=3)