# I pit my religious upbringing for the sexual damage it's caused **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 14, 2012, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981 "2012-12-14T01:18:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/41 "2012-12-14T14:19:55Z")
Just make sure you see a doctor for a correct diagnosis. There are a lot of things that could cause this, not only vaginismus. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/42 "2012-12-14T14:21:50Z")
**Wind** : It sounds like you haven’t seen a gynecologist about this yet. If not, make an appointment today. Internet cures are interesting, but there’s nothing like an honest to God doctor, pardon the pun. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/43 "2012-12-14T15:15:15Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Odd how religion seems to make girls’ vaginas tighter and boys’ anuses looser. I think you’re right about the vaginas, but as far as boys, I think that the boys who actually stay in the religion of their childhood are more likely to be gay than the ones who leave. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/44 "2012-12-14T15:27:26Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Just make sure you see a doctor for a correct diagnosis. There are a lot of things that could cause this, not only vaginismus. Word. It could be something as mechanically simple as a really tough hymen which hasn’t broken open all the way yet. Wouldn’t it suck to spend all this time and energy worrying about it (not to mention how the worry adds to the stress adds to the problem) only to find out 3 seconds with a pair of sterile scissors in a trained doctor/midwife/nurse practitioner’s hands could have taken care of it? Professional help. It’s not just for cars and cashews. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/45 "2012-12-14T16:03:51Z")
Back in college when I started being sexually active, I had a real problem with pain around the vaginal opening, even from just probing with a finger. Fortunately, the gynecologist at the student health center was able to identify it as being due to some abnormal cell growth in the area, and some topical treatments in the office and a hormone cream prescription took care of it completely. So it might not be vaginismus, or it might, or maybe it’s that plus something else. Get a sympathetic gynecologist to work with you. ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/46 "2012-12-14T16:51:58Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Just make sure you see a doctor for a correct diagnosis. There are a lot of things that could cause this, not only vaginismus. I know a number of other people have said this, but yes, go ask a good gynecologist. Endometriosis is a common cause of painful intercourse, and has totally different treatments than vaginismus. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/47 "2012-12-14T17:29:28Z")
After the gynocologist visit, consider finding a sex therapist. That would be infinitely more helpful than some of the advice in this thread. I’m so sorry that some guys just can’t help but be assholes. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/48 "2012-12-14T17:31:27Z")
Yeah, seems like finding a better gynie would be a more productive use of your time than blaming your religious upbringing, but hey. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/49 "2012-12-14T17:33:19Z")
> [@al27052](#): > > I think you’re right about the vaginas, but as far as boys, I think that the boys who actually stay in the religion of their childhood are more likely to be gay than the ones who leave. Congratulations. In my quest for finding the stupidest thing anyone has said on the SDMB your post has made the finalist list. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/50 "2012-12-14T17:35:58Z")
For what it’s worth, I briefly considered mentioning that I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/51 "2012-12-14T17:38:17Z")
According to Dan Savage, if one feels more comfortable during masturbation than sex, then it may help to start by masturbating in front of one’s partner, then gradually involving them to a greater degree. He also advocates oral IIRC (not sure if he mentioned pat for harder vs. pull for softer). Not directly related to OP, but Dan Savage’s advice has come in handy in the bedroom. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/52 "2012-12-14T17:40:27Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Yeah, seems like finding a better gynie would be a more productive use of your time than blaming your religious upbringing, but hey. Well, finding the gyno will result in an accurate diagnosis, in theory. Finding a therapy will help sort out if the problem does in fact stem from the religious upbringing. The same problem is also seen in rape victims. Either way, a therapist would be able to sort out whatever the reasons are, because this is usually an in-your-head problem, not a physiological one that a pill might cure. ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/53 "2012-12-14T17:41:04Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > Congratulations. In my quest for finding the stupidest thing anyone has said on the SDMB your post has made the finalist list. Gay much? Dude, how many prominent anti-gay pastors/politicians/activists are going to have to get caught fucking men before you will recognize some basic facts? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/54 "2012-12-14T17:48:20Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Well, finding the gyno will result in an accurate diagnosis, in theory. Finding a therapy will help sort out if the problem does in fact stem from the religious upbringing. The same problem is also seen in rape victims. Either way, a therapist would be able to sort out whatever the reasons are, because this is usually an in-your-head problem, not a physiological one that a pill might cure. Yep, that all sounds about right. The thing is that you might as well talk to a therapist or a gynie rather than make up your own mind that it’s your religious upbringing that makes you, ahem, uptight. …And frankly if it was typical for women who’d been brought up to believe that a good girl didn’t have sex before marriage to end up with vaginismus, a sizeable chunk of the western world would historically have been extremely underpopulated. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/55 "2012-12-14T18:30:52Z")
> [@al27052](#): > > Gay much? Oh no! The greatest insult of my life. Some schmuck called me gay! :rolleyes: > [@](#): > > Dude, how many prominent anti-gay pastors/politicians/activists are going to have to get caught fucking men before you will recognize some basic facts? And this statement has only a very slim connection to your previous idiotic theory. You’re saying that out of the millions of people keeping or losing their religions ( a pool of EVERYBODY) the ones who stay with their religion have a higher percentage of gays than the group of people who switch religion) Shit I’m arguing with a fool again. Just gotta learn to resist that temptation ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/56 "2012-12-14T19:00:03Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > Shit I’m arguing with a fool again. Just gotta learn to resist that temptation You know what they say: even if you win, … ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/57 "2012-12-14T19:04:10Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Yep, that all sounds about right. The thing is that you might as well talk to a therapist or a gynie rather than make up your own mind that it’s your religious upbringing that makes you, ahem, uptight. > > …And frankly if it was typical for women who’d been brought up to believe that a good girl didn’t have sex before marriage to end up with vaginismus, a sizeable chunk of the western world would historically have been extremely underpopulated. Uptight is one thing and vaginismus is a whole other critter. Same thing with being brought up “a good girl” in your average run-of-the-mill religion (say, Catholicism) vs. being brought up in a highly controlling fundamentalist cult that teaches women are abominable whores and men are pathetic helpless creatures who cannot control their own impulses so if you have sex, it’s all your fault that you’re both going straight to hell, handbasket not included. The OP is talking about Post-Traumatic Stress and you are talking about Things That Upset People a Little bit. I think you are minimizing her problem a little bit because you have not had the experience of having your sexuality controlled for you while you are still developing/discovering it for yourself. I wouldn’t recommend professional help for the latter but for the former? A good therapist with experience deprogramming people from cults might be especially useful. The OP doesn’t specify which religion she comes from, but I have my guesses. I have personal experience with cults that call themselves religion and within those cults I’ve seen some really damaging doctrine. That damage is more than just being uptight and feeling a bit of guilt about “sin.” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2012, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/58 "2012-12-14T22:43:34Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Uptight is one thing and vaginismus is a whole other critter. Same thing with being brought up “a good girl” in your average run-of-the-mill religion (say, Catholicism) vs. being brought up in a highly controlling fundamentalist cult that teaches women are abominable whores and men are pathetic helpless creatures who cannot control their own impulses so if you have sex, it’s all your fault that you’re both going straight to hell, handbasket not included. OP did not say so, but if you want to imagine some circumstances that would mean you were right and then decide that’s what must have happened, go right ahead. > [@Dogzilla](#): > > The OP is talking about Post-Traumatic Stress and you are talking about Things That Upset People a Little bit. I think you are minimizing her problem a little bit because you have not had the experience of having your sexuality controlled for you while you are still developing/discovering it for yourself. Ha, okay, and while you’re reading my mind, what’s my favourite whisky? > [@Dogzilla](#): > > I wouldn’t recommend professional help for the latter but for the former? A good therapist with experience deprogramming people from cults might be especially useful. The OP doesn’t specify which religion she comes from, but I have my guesses. I have personal experience with cults that call themselves religion and within those cults I’ve seen some really damaging doctrine. That damage is more than just being uptight and feeling a bit of guilt about “sin.” Eh, obviously my rather poor pun on “uptight” didn’t quite work, but what’s the correlation between being brought up in a religious cult and suffering from vaginismus? Can we see some statistics or can we just decide we’re obviously right? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/59 "2012-12-15T01:27:01Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Ha, okay, and while you’re reading my mind, what’s my favourite whisky? Wild Turkey. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/60 "2012-12-15T02:00:24Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Yep, that all sounds about right. The thing is that you might as well talk to a therapist or a gynie rather than make up your own mind that it’s your religious upbringing that makes you, ahem, uptight. > > …And frankly if it was typical for women who’d been brought up to believe that a good girl didn’t have sex before marriage to end up with vaginismus, a sizeable chunk of the western world would historically have been extremely underpopulated. Actually, I think the norm for much of the time was that both partners believed that a good girl didn’t have sex before marriage and didn’t like it afterwards, and if it was anywhere from uncomfortable to painful, that was just a sign that she had an appropriate response. With a belief system like that, the appropriate thing for a loving husband to do is to make sex as brief as possible, and the acceptable thing for an average husband is for him just not to worry about it. This doesn’t result in under population, it just results in crappy marriages and unhappy people. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981.md?page=4)