# I pit my religious upbringing for the sexual damage it's caused **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 14, 2012, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981 "2012-12-14T01:18:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/61 "2012-12-15T02:15:31Z")
Is it just me or am I the only one that thinks vaginismus sounds like a geography term, sort like penisula? Genitalia mostly surrounded by water perhaps? In any case, glad the OP has a possible handle on the problem and possible solutions. Though like many others have alread noted, there are plenty of OTHER possible explantions that should certainly be checked out by the experts. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/62 "2012-12-15T02:17:26Z")
I’m such a giant asshole. I couldn’t get past the part where a woman who grew up in a sexually repressed environment has an overly tight vagina. I think Motley Crue wrote a song about that once. Anyway, sorry OP for threadshitting. I know this is serious for you. ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/63 "2012-12-15T04:27:47Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > Oh no! The greatest insult of my life. Some schmuck called me gay! :rolleyes: > > And this statement has only a very slim connection to your previous idiotic theory. You’re saying that out of the millions of people keeping or losing their religions ( a pool of EVERYBODY) the ones who stay with their religion have a higher percentage of gays than the group of people who switch religion) > > Shit I’m arguing with a fool again. Just gotta learn to resist that temptation Well, I think a lot of gay men raised in conservative Christian churches in rural areas have 3 options: 1. move (to a large city, usually) to find a community that openly accepts gays 2. stay in their hometown, in the closet, in a religious community that they understand 3. come out of the closet, stay in their hometown, and lose their entire support structure And I think option #2 is the most commonly-chosen. it’s not quite the same for straight men. At least when they leave the church, it’s usually because they feel their life will be (often) unequivocally better. For gay men, if they leave the church without actually being able to come out of the closet, there’s still a huge area of misery in their lives that WOULDN’T get fixed by leaving…so what would be the point of leaving it? At least they keep their support structure. Plus a lot of gay men probably actually think they are bad for being gay, and stay in the church because they feel it well help them avoid/resist temptation. Straight men, OTOH, are less likely to have some frowned-upon secret desire that they feel ashamed of, and/or feel like they need to get help with. Certainly I see a suspicious amount of swishy men in these kinds of churches, and they always seem to have been raised in them. ---
**Author:** ![FlyByNight512](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/82dd89/32.png) [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/64 "2012-12-15T05:31:48Z")
Hey **The wind of my soul** , Glad to hear you’re finding out the medical end of things. There’s a LOT of things that can make penetration hurt, and most of them can be dealt with. A good gynecologist will take you seriously, be respectful, and make suggestions. If they don’t, try another. (Er, and if you haven’t tried using lube yet, do. It’s by far the easiest and most common solution. Sometimes we just don’t produce enough on our own, no matter how turned on we are.) I was also raised very sex-is-evil, and after four years of marriage to a terrific guy I’m still exorcising some of the shit I got programmed with. It takes time. It’s also well worth it. 😃 Things I have found to help: Getting a nice vibrator and experimenting in privacy, alcohol, an active fantasy life, alcohol, a partial hymenectomy that removed any pain worries on that front, alcohol, making out like teenagers with my hubby, and did I mention alcohol? Your list may vary. Read lots and try anything that sounds like fun. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/65 "2012-12-15T11:08:04Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Wild Turkey. Wrong continent. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/66 "2012-12-15T11:29:51Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Actually, I think the norm for much of the time was that both partners believed that a good girl didn’t have sex before marriage and didn’t like it afterwards, and if it was anywhere from uncomfortable to painful, that was just a sign that she had an appropriate response. With a belief system like that, the appropriate thing for a loving husband to do is to make sex as brief as possible, and the acceptable thing for an average husband is for him just not to worry about it. This doesn’t result in under population, it just results in crappy marriages and unhappy people. Except I didn’t think we were talking about women finding sex anywhere from uncomfortable to painful as a result of a religious upbringing, I thought we were talking about vaginas contracting to the size of an earhole and penetration being physically impossible even if one partner was willing to inflict pain and the other one to tolerate it out of marital duty. You seem to be making the same mistake as I was accused of a few posts ago. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/67 "2012-12-15T11:57:36Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Wrong continent. 😛 English Whisky Co. Chapter 9 peated single malt. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/68 "2012-12-15T12:39:14Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I’m such a giant asshole. I couldn’t get past the part where a woman who grew up in a sexually repressed environment has an overly tight vagina. Phrasing? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/69 "2012-12-15T13:42:59Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I’m such a giant asshole. Yeah yeah, and your neighbor is an uptight cunt. Very funny. You’ll be laughing out of a different hole one day when _you_ get vaginismus, little man. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/70 "2012-12-15T14:48:39Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > English Whisky Co. Chapter 9 peated single malt. Holy fuck! :eek: No, but that’s still spooky. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/71 "2012-12-15T16:22:29Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Yeah yeah, and your neighbor is an uptight cunt. Very funny. You’ll be laughing out of a different hole one day when _you_ get vaginismus, little man. Is this some weird beat poem I don’t get? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/72 "2012-12-15T16:23:24Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Is this some weird beat poem I don’t get? Groooovy. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2012, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/73 "2012-12-15T18:35:29Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > The OP doesn’t specify which religion she comes from, but I have my guesses. I have personal experience with cults that call themselves religion and within those cults I’ve seen some really damaging doctrine. That damage is more than just being uptight and feeling a bit of guilt about “sin.” This thread has pretty much run its course, but since I see some speculation going on in this thread I figured I’d address it. First of all, the religion is Christian Science. Believe me, I could start a whole separate thread on the damage this religion has caused. Second, for those of you who have been speculating about why my gynecologist didn’t catch it, well, first of all I haven’t developed a continuing relationship with a gynecologist because I’ve switched pretty frequently, due to graduating from college, getting different health insurance, or just plain not liking the doctor and switching. But more significantly, I think gynecologists actually have caught it, but only sort of. You see, when I get my PAP smear test I warn the doctor that I don’t react well to them sticking something inside of me, that it puts me in a lot of pain. They’ve seen me tense up (I believe two different ones noticed this), but commented that a lot of people tense up when being examined because it’s an unfamiliar person, unfamiliar setting, etc. They probably just didn’t realize that I tense up outside of that setting as well, and I probably didn’t offer the information to them because I just wanted to get out of there. To those of you who mentioned getting a specialist to look at it, I am due for my annual PAP smear in a few months, and I think this would be an excellent thing to bring up when I get that done. Although I do suspect that the problem is that I tense my muscles, because honestly, it _feels_ like I’m tensing my muscles. Lastly, **Anaamika** , your advice is really interesting. It certainly sounds more fun than using a dilator, and getting used to putting something in there in the privacy of my own bedroom, with no pressure to perform for anyone else, could be an effective solution. Thanks for all the support and advice, everyone! And sorry to water down the pit by including a constructive, supportive thread. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/74 "2012-12-16T00:47:14Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/75 "2012-12-16T07:23:36Z")
Oh, Christian Science. My cousin’s joined them, not sure when, I saw a shit-ton of stuff on Facebook about it, up to an anecdote about someone falling into a lake and lying at the bottom for hours but deciding they weren’t going to die, with gushing comments such as “wonderfully Scientific in its detail” I kid you not. :smack: Didn’t know they were particularly renowned for sexual repression though. Anyway, all hijacking aside, good luck with the ladyparts - I hear the success rate for reprogramming them is quite high and with care and patience they will perform superbly well. I certainly hope so. But yeah, touchy-feely-snuggly threads belong in MPSIMS. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/76 "2012-12-16T09:41:44Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I couldn’t get past the part where a woman who grew up in a sexually repressed environment has an overly tight vagina. I think Motley Crue wrote a song about that once. What song? ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/77 "2012-12-16T11:09:26Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > What song? Kickstart My Vagina. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/78 "2012-12-16T12:10:43Z")
**Wind** , about 1/3 of women from Spain (numbers vary depending on which stat you look at, but they come up to 20-50%) masturbate without getting anywhere close to “touching ourselves”. I’d been doing it like that consciously for about 10 years before I found out that “that” was masturbation… and had been masturbating without getting my hands anywhere near my diapers, well, back when I wore them. If your techniques work, then to hell with everybody else’s. For the rest, yeah, maybe therapy or a gyno will help, but practice is also important. I’ve had sex with guys who hurt me a lot and with others who didn’t, and the basic difference was that the second ones were having sex with _me_ whereas the first ones were in bed with Standard Woman Number Something Or Other. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/79 "2012-12-16T13:25:37Z")
If they were hurting you a lot why did you not stop the sex immediately??😕 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981/80 "2012-12-16T15:55:15Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > **Wind** , about 1/3 of women from Spain (numbers vary depending on which stat you look at, but they come up to 20-50%) masturbate without getting anywhere close to “touching ourselves”. Hmm. So what are these millions of Spanish women doing to masturbate? Sitting on clothes dryers? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-religious-upbringing-for-the-sexual-damage-its-caused/643981.md?page=5)