# I Pit My Roommate-With-Benefits, or; Please Give Me Relationship Advice **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 8, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481 "2007-09-08T18:35:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/81 "2007-09-10T17:38:44Z")
[QUOTE=Malthus] I do not quite agree that all that is necessary is honest, successful communication, or rather I suspect that communication can only be truly honest and successful on this particular point when people have emotional control beyond the ordinary - thus "free of issues’, such as jealousy, that the ordinary person typically has. [/QUOTE] And I think (based on being one myself, and a lot of discussion with other poly folks) that this is a myth. We DO feel jealousy. It just means something different to us because we tell ourselves different stories about it. When a monogamous person feels jealousy, they tell themselves a story like, “I’m not good enough, or he’d only love me.” or “I deserve better than to be treated like this!” or “If he fucks her, it means he’ll leave me.” When a poly person feels jealousy, the story is more likely to be, “I’m feeling ownership of something that’s not mine.” or “I wonder what needs of mine aren’t getting met right now and why I’m not speaking up about it.” or “I hope he still loves me, too.” I used to be monogamous, and the jealousy I felt then was the exact same jealousy I feel now - it feels dark and my ears buzz and my chest clenches and I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I start to tear up at the idea of him with someone else. It’s the words that go through my head when I feel like that which have changed. And it’s the communication about that feeling, and about the issue it raises (getting my needs met, making sure he still loves me, too, etc.) that \*makes \*the jealousy go away. So yes, I think the communication is what’s key. This might be hijacky enough for another thread, though. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/82 "2007-09-10T17:45:48Z")
[QUOTE=Diomedes] Or they might have been drunk, and her lady juices weren’t flowing so well. There! Now you don’t have to worry about him popping her sweet anal cherry, nor do you have to worry about trying to follow up a fire hose. [/QUOTE] Or maybe she was fucking him. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/83 "2007-09-10T17:49:35Z")
Here’s what you should do: 1. Without letting her know that you are doing so, find other lodgings. 2. Bit by bit, move your belongings there. 3. Meanwhile, nag and cajole her for anal sex until she gives in. 4. Spend that entire night plumbing the depths of her back passage. Get viagra before hand, to ensure a long performance you can savor. 5. The next morning, ideally while she is still asleep, gather your remaining belongings and go to your new digs. Leave no note or forwarding address. Glad I could be of help. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/84 "2007-09-10T18:15:46Z")
[QUOTE=pepperlandgirl] Or maybe she was fucking him. [/QUOTE] ?? Isn’t that a given? It was the nature of the fucking we are discussing. _snaps fingers in front of face_ Follow along now. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/85 "2007-09-10T18:28:02Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] ?? Isn’t that a given? It was the nature of the fucking we are discussing. _snaps fingers in front of face_ Follow along now. 😉 [/QUOTE] How can I put this subtly? There’s giving and receiving. **pepperlandgirl** was speculating on who was doing the giving and who was doing the receiving. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/86 "2007-09-10T18:39:29Z")
[QUOTE=rayh] How can I put this subtly? There’s giving and receiving. **pepperlandgirl** was speculating on who was doing the giving and who was doing the receiving. [/QUOTE] I did _not_ need that image in my head. :eek: Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/87 "2007-09-10T18:47:27Z")
[QUOTE=rayh] How can I put this subtly? There’s giving and receiving. **pepperlandgirl** was speculating on who was doing the giving and who was doing the receiving. [/QUOTE] :eek: ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/88 "2007-09-10T20:16:49Z")
[QUOTE=rayh] How can I put this subtly? There’s giving and receiving. **pepperlandgirl** was speculating on who was doing the giving and who was doing the receiving. [/QUOTE] Let’s settle this one–hey **Smapti!** Is “Dee’s” real name actually Peggy? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/89 "2007-09-10T20:21:19Z")
Good. Apparently I’m not the only one who laughed at the “anal sex” bit. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/90 "2007-09-10T20:25:47Z")
[QUOTE=Scumpup] Here’s what you should do: 1. Without letting her know that you are doing so, find other lodgings. 2. Bit by bit, move your belongings there. 3. Meanwhile, nag and cajole her for anal sex until she gives in. 4. Spend that entire night plumbing the depths of her back passage. Get viagra before hand, to ensure a long performance you can savor. 5. The next morning, ideally while she is still asleep, gather your remaining belongings and go to your new digs. Leave no note or forwarding address. Glad I could be of help. [/QUOTE] 1. Make that cocaine and Viagra. I see no reason why you should ease up on her after the eight-hour mark, do you? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/91 "2007-09-10T21:35:38Z")
This thread is making my butt hurt. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/92 "2007-09-10T21:44:37Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] 4. Make that cocaine and Viagra. I see no reason why you should ease up on her after the eight-hour mark, do you? [/QUOTE] Not that I think you’re serious, but just in case someone gets ideas… DON’T! This combination can be very, very bad. Seizures and ER bad. ---
**Author:** ![Tenebras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@Tenebras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenebras)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/93 "2007-09-10T22:45:39Z")
Seizures? Why didn’t anybody tell me about the seizures? Are you kidding, man, that’s like, buttfucking gold you’re talking about. Rock hard for hours and vibrating, to boot. Dude, new plan of action: 1. Cocaine and Viagra and strobe lights, ftw! ---
**Author:** ![lobstermobster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobstermobster/32/10033_2.png) [@lobstermobster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobstermobster)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/94 "2007-09-10T22:59:01Z")
I wish I had known sooner as well. I can’t start my day without cocaine and a handfull of viagra. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2007, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/95 "2007-09-10T23:06:46Z")
[QUOTE=Epimetheus] :eek: [/QUOTE] I can’t believe my innocent comment garnered not one but two eek faces on the SDMB of all places. Allow me a moment to wax nostalgic about the old days-- this was the place I learned about felching and munging. Now you guys are a getting squeamish over a little strap-on action? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2007, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/96 "2007-09-11T00:22:00Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] Ah, yes. Acoutical foam panels, so that nobody hears him beat the backdoor lovers to death with a bottle of Jack. You’re a devious one, **TP**. [/QUOTE] Good god no! The acoustical foam panels are when inserting the bottle of Jack, back end in the back end. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2007, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/97 "2007-09-11T01:00:32Z")
[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer] Good god no! The acoustical foam panels are when inserting the bottle of Jack, back end in the back end. [/QUOTE] Meh. You _would_ be a lover, not a fighter. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2007, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/98 "2007-09-11T01:02:36Z")
[QUOTE=Tenebras] 4. Cocaine and Viagra and strobe lights, ftw! [/QUOTE] I think I developed a facial tic just reading this. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2007, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/99 "2007-09-11T15:05:51Z")
I’d consider the cocaine optional, though I’d not look down on those who choose to use it. The thing is that she’ll probably want you to share it with her, and that’ll make the key point of the exercise\_her waking up the next day with an aching asshole and you gone\_more difficult. If you are going to share it, insist that she use it Stevie Nicks-style. It’ll fit in better with your theme for the evening. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2007, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481/100 "2007-09-11T15:27:13Z")
[QUOTE=pepperlandgirl] Or maybe she was fucking him. [/QUOTE] See, a couple days ago when I saw this thread the first time, I was very close to posting the following: “So, she was pegging some dude she’d just met, you’re jealous, and you want your back passage included in your benefits package? Dude, all you have to do is ask.” But I figured the OP didn’t need that particular advice at the time. I’m glad someone said it though. 🙂 Enjoy, Steven [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-roommate-with-benefits-or-please-give-me-relationship-advice/418481.md?page=6)