# I Pit My Sperm **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 20, 2004, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310 "2004-06-20T16:27:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kings\_Gambit1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kings\_Gambit1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kings_Gambit1)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/1 "2004-06-20T16:27:03Z")
Fuck you sperm! Fuck you and your Aquaman-like swimming ability! My wife and I just found out that we are “expecting”…again! This will be our third child. We didn’t want any more children. The odds of this happening are so fucking small, I can’t believe it happened. How did it happen? Condom, err, malfunction on Day 9 of my wife’s cycle. Preven (Morning after pill) was taking the next day as an extra precaution. Still, pregnancy = positive! WTF!? Day 9 (not the opitmum day for getting pregnant), condom, morning after pill, and we are still “expecting”!!?? That’s just not right! Our previous two kids were conceived with very little effort. 1st try…BAM! Pregnant. Second kid, two tries…BAM! Pregnant. Fuck you sperm!! I know, I know…We should have had the operation. I was scheduled to see my doctor about the 'ol “snip-snip” in two weeks! We still havn’t gotten over the shock. We are going to be outnumbered!! Fuck you sperm!! ---
**Author:** ![usar\_jag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f0a364/32.png) [@usar\_jag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usar_jag)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/2 "2004-06-20T16:55:23Z")
> [@Kings\_Gambit1](#): > > Our previous two kids were conceived with very little effort. 1st try…BAM! Pregnant. Second kid, two tries…BAM! Pregnant. That sounds exactly like me, although it was two attempts for the first, one attempt for the second. (I even know the dates of conception.) However, two wild kids led to total abstinance for us, so you should be proud of your resilience. > [@Kings\_Gambit1](#): > > We still havn’t gotten over the shock. We are going to be outnumbered!! Easy Answer: You just need to abandon the man-to-man defense and switch to a zone defense. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/3 "2004-06-20T17:24:22Z")
Would it be bad timing to wish you a happy Father’s Day? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/5 "2004-06-20T18:40:22Z")
> [@YooHooRoo](#): > > Ooooooohh! Save this for your baby! Print it out and put it in the baby album. Even better, print out the pic of you next to a screen with the SDMB thread showing for the front page! I’m sure s/he will be so happy their father was so malcontent with its conception that he posted a thread about it in the BBQ Pit! YAY! > > Shut it - For all of the parents trying desperately to conceive and you’ve got your third, shut it. > > Your life must be wonderful that another baby on the way is something to bitch about. > > And by the way, congratulations. Asshole. Soooo, you’re saying that he has to be happy about a pregnancy he did all he could to prevent because other people are trying to have babies and can’t? What in the hell does one have to do with the other? ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/6 "2004-06-20T18:45:03Z")
Agreed. If someone comes and kicks me in the kneecaps, must I be silent, lest I offend those with no legs? ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/7 "2004-06-20T18:47:43Z")
I think comparing your sperm to the Submariner would be much more appropriate. Aquaman is such a wuss. ---
**Author:** ![Kings\_Gambit1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kings\_Gambit1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kings_Gambit1)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/9 "2004-06-20T18:58:41Z")
**YooHooRoo** We love our kids more than life itself. We will love this new child the same. It’s just that, well, under the circumstances, **we didn’t expect it to happen**! :eek: We didn’ plan for it at all, and this changes everything! The differance between two kids and three kids is huge! HUGE! Room issues (someones going to have to double-up now), monetary concerns, logistics to be worked out. My wife was getting ready to go back to work soon. Well not any more! We just can’t believe it happened. Condom…Day 9 in the cycle…Morning after pill…And we still conceive? What are the odds? And you know what else. I usually wear two condoms. I didn’t this time, and I don’t know why. Fuck! As I said, we will love this child just as much as our other two kids. **I just can’t believe it happened!!** ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/10 "2004-06-20T19:07:51Z")
Given that it’s mostly likely to be five years at a minimum before the prospective kid can read, and more before he or she could be reasonably expected to comprehend the OP, and the kid would have to identify the poster as his or her parent to make the connection that the thread is about him or her, it’s unreasonably alarmist to suggest that this thread is a bad idea because the kid might some day find out about it. It’s likely to be binary dust before the kid is ever old enough to know about it. On the whole, writing it down in a diary and keeping that is a higher risk, on account of sooner or later kids get into everything! Congratulations on the impending third time fatherhood, **Kings\_Gambit1** , and commiserations on the surprise conception. Apparently I was conceived in spite of 3 types of contraception, (knowing which has not traumatised me, just by the way 😉 ) so I’m sure my parents would empathize with the shock of it all. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/11 "2004-06-20T19:54:36Z")
2 condoms? I’m impressed. ---
**Author:** ![Necro\_Romancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/50afbb/32.png) [@Necro\_Romancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necro_Romancer)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/12 "2004-06-20T20:05:32Z")
> [@Kings\_Gambit1](#): > > And you know what else. I usually wear two condoms. I didn’t this time, and I don’t know why. I was under the impression that doubling up wears out the condoms quicker? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/13 "2004-06-20T21:12:18Z")
As my dear mum said to me, when I went crying to her after finding out I was pregnant with my fourth kid, “It’s the one that you least expect or want who turns out to be the biggest blessing”. I don’t know if he quite qualifies as a ‘blessing’ just yet (he’s 15…nobody is a blessing at 15 😃 ) but I can’t imagine our family with him not in it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/14 "2004-06-20T21:25:36Z")
Yep, same thing happened to us. Condom malfunction. We already had two and had considered having a third, but I suspect that if that didn’t happen, we wouldn’t have ended up trying. In the end, I’m glad it happened. Worse things could have happened. I do believe, now, that the failure rate for condoms is much higher than what we’ve been told. ---
**Author:** ![Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kel_Varnsen_Latex_Division)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2004, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/15 "2004-06-20T21:26:09Z")
> [@](#): > > And you know what else. I usually wear two condoms. I didn’t this time, and I don’t know why. Fuck! Don’t wear two condoms. It can cause ripping. If you didn’t want kids why were condoms your choice for birth control? There are many much more effective methods out there. > **[Birth Control Methods & Options | Types of Birth Control](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control)** > > Birth control is how to prevent pregnancy before it begins. There are lots of different methods and options that work really well and are easy to use. > [@](#): > > Effectiveness > Of 100 women whose partners use condoms, about 15 will become pregnant during the first year of typical use.\* Only two women will become pregnant with perfect use.\*\* More protection against pregnancy is possible if condoms are used with a spermicide foam, cream, jelly, suppository, or film. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/16 "2004-06-21T00:52:40Z")
You have my sympathy. You’re outnumbered, but you do still have more hands than kids. That’s the critical bit. And the time to complain is both now and where the two you have can’t hear or see it. So go to it, if it helps. ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/17 "2004-06-21T04:04:19Z")
> [@Snooooopy](#): > > I think comparing your sperm to the Submariner would be much more appropriate. Aquaman is such a wuss. What about Seaman? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kings\_Gambit1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@Kings\_Gambit1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kings_Gambit1)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/18 "2004-06-21T05:08:17Z")
> [@usar\_jag](#): > > Easy Answer: You just need to abandon the man-to-man defense and switch to a zone defense. 😃 LOL! That’s hilarious! 3-2 zone, or a box-and-one? 😉 > [@Kel Varnsen- Latex Division](#): > > Don’t wear two condoms. It can cause ripping. I’m not necessarily doubting you, but do you happen to have a cite? > [@Kel Varnsen- Latex Division](#): > > If you didn’t want kids why were condoms your choice for birth control? There are many much more effective methods out there. Well, I’ve (we) never had any problems with condoms before. Other birth control options did not appeal to us, for a variety of reasons. I was going to get the “snip-snip”. I just didn’t do it soon enough, apparently. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kel_Varnsen_Latex_Division)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/19 "2004-06-21T14:29:50Z")
This what I get for followng the directions: > [@](#): > > I read your answer on using two condoms: "Some people try to add a couple of percentage points to these stats by wearing two condoms – and yes, doing so might do just that, although Alice doesn’t know of any scientific studies. > In every package of Durex condoms, they have “10 basic tips on good condom use”, and number 3 says: (translated from dutch) “NEVER use two condoms at once. Due to the friction between the two condoms, they might tear or slip off.” > So, according to them, it’s not such a good idea… > > snip > > Thanks for your responses! Alice is glad you wrote to her with your concerns. She pursued this question further with two authors of Contraceptive Technology (the bible of contraception), who are experts in the field. Basically, they were in agreement with Alice’s response. > > As far as these contraception experts know, no scientific studies have been conducted with the purpose of looking at the differences in sexually transmitted disease (STD) and pregnancy prevention, as well as breakage risk, between wearing two (or more) condoms at once versus wearing only a single condom. However, strong anecdotal evidence is available. According to an article in the November 1995 issue of the American Journal of Public Health (pp. 1514 - 1520) entitled, “Condom use among female commercial sex workers in Nevada’s legal brothels” (by A.E. Albert, D.L. Warner, R.A. Hatcher, J. Trussell, and C. Bennett), the participants were asked, during a standardized interview, about strategies they used to prevent condom breakage during the previous year. More than half of these women reported using the “double-up” strategy. This “double-bagging” approach did not appear to result in condom breakage for them. To reduce friction and the possibility of condom breakage risk even further, these women also reported adding extra lube between the two condoms. > > For now, until hard science presents otherwise, the main issue here seems to be more about a state of mind. If you remain concerned, or unconvinced, about breakage risks from wearing multiple condoms at once, stick with wearing a single condom. On the other hand, if you remain concerned that single condoms do not provide enough protection against STDs and pregnancy, then “double-up” if this will ease your mind. In general, protective efficacy and breakage risks seem to be similar for single as well as multiple condoms, particularly if sex is vigorous or prolonged [i.e., using the same condom(s) for sex lasting more than 1-1/2 to 2 hours]. In that case, use a new condom (or condoms). [http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1153.html](http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1153.html) ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/20 "2004-06-21T14:43:34Z")
I know that I was an unplanned pregnancy. I know that my parents weren’t really wanting a child at the time - hell they weren’t even married yet. But that knowledge didn’t scar me. Despite being unplanned, my parents didn’t make me feel unwanted as a child, so I think the banned poster’s, and any other unstated fears, on that concern are unfounded. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/21 "2004-06-21T17:40:41Z")
> [@Kings\_Gambit1](#): > > Well, I’ve (we) never had any problems with condoms before. Other birth control options did not appeal to us, for a variety of reasons. I was going to get the “snip-snip”. I just didn’t do it soon enough, apparently. 😉 Well apparently the “other birth control options” were less appealing than the thought of another child. Birth control pills? The birth control patch? Norplant? Depo-Provera? An IUD? A diaphragm? A tubal ligation? A vasectomy? If you were really serious about not wanting another kid, any or all of the above would have been advisable. But of course hindsight is 20-20. A condom alone certainly isn’t going to be enough if you are really serious about not wanting more kids. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2004, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310/22 "2004-06-21T18:00:02Z")
Congrats and best wishes. I kind of know how you feel. Brainiac4 and I tried for three years to get pregnant. Deciding it was unlikely (though not impossible) we set out to adopt. No more than our bundle of joy arrived home from Korea, than his sister decided to annouce her arrival. They are thirteen months apart, and arrived six months apart. Love them both, but that pregnancy was a shocker! I would have never chosen to have two kids only a year apart. I’d never have chosen to have my first pregnancy while being a first time mom to a baby. Plans needed to be changed - including scrapping the idea of another adoption. You make plans and picture your family one way - and then life throws you a curve ball. At no time between our marriage and discovering our pregnancy did I ever picture our family as it exists, and it can take a little while to adjust your expectations to the reality. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-pit-my-sperm/251310.md?page=2)